A Life Worth Living
by Beth Pryor
Summary: Kevin faces his past and begins to forge a future that he can be proud of. Not the way we saw it, but the way it might have been... COMPLETE
1. Chapter 1

A/N: This is my first time doing anything of this sort, and of course, like always, I don't own anything or anyone but would appreciate hearing from you.

Chapter 1

"Kevin?" He heard his name and the familiar voice, but it couldn't be her, could it? He turned to look back. She was standing in the aisle, hands on hips, head slightly tilted to the right. She was smiling. It was definitely her.

"Kevin Girardi, I never thought . . . ," she paused, "It's been a long time."

He could barely breathe as he continued to stare up at her. The hair was shorter, and definitely a different color, she had been working out, too. She looked good, damn good. All he could say was "Hi, Beth." What was he going to do now? He had just wanted to go to a game. That had been hard enough by itself, but to run into her-unbelievable. He couldn't just leave. He'd have to talk to her. He had imagined this moment for more than two years. He had planned exactly what he would say, yet his mind was suddenly blank. He could find no words.

Seeming to sense this, she began, "So how have you been?" She could tell he was uncomfortable, but she had been so excited to see him. She couldn't let them cross paths for the first time in two years one month and seventeen days go without at least saying hello. However, she knew that much more than "hello" needed to be said.

He was so rattled he hadn't noticed that she was twisting her sunglasses in her hands and then she toed the ground with her left shoe. She was as uneasy talking to him as he was to her. But she had guts. You'd have to give her that. She could have just walked away, left things as they were, yet she had called his name. Maybe it was a reflex, an impulse, but now they were talking. Sort of. She was staring at him now. Of course she was staring. She hadn't seen him like this. Well, maybe she should take a picture, because it would last longer.

"Kev, are you ok?"

He snapped quickly back at the sound of her voice. She had been talking, and he had completely spaced out. "What?" he replied. "Oh, yeah, I'm fine, just a little surprised to see you. What are you doing here?"

"Well, I was in the area and thought I'd catch the game. A friend of mine was just called up by the Mariners, and I wanted to be here in case today was his debut, but he didn't get to play."

"Yeah, well it was a really great day for a game, huh?" He had to get out of there, now. "It was really nice to see you again, but I should be going." He turned to head in the opposite direction.

"Kevin, please don't run away from me." She was almost pleading.

His back was still turned toward her but he had not moved forward when he answered, almost inaudibly, "Why shouldn't I? That's exactly what you did." The crowd around them had begun to thin. He eyed the exit sign, and tried to move in that direction.

She was in front of him now, and she placed her hands on the chair's armrests, blocking his way. "We have to talk, you know that we do. I didn't mean for this to happen here, but I didn't mean for any of this to happen." On the second "this" her right hand made a sweeping motion over him from left to right. She stood to her full height, not that it was much more than five feet, but she seemed to tower over him. "Would you please have dinner with me?" She looked hopefully at him.

The last thing he wanted was to sit down with her and bring up the past. It was behind him, right? He'd spent all this time not thinking about her, them, and how perfect life should be. Obviously she needed to deal with what had happened. He told himself he was fine. Clearly. That's why his hands were shaking so badly that he had to place them in his lap so she wouldn't see.

"I really have to be getting back home, but maybe another time," he looked away from her face as he tried to convince himself that was the answer he wanted to choose.

"Kevin, you know there won't be another time if we don't air this out right now. You _know_ we have to talk."

"Then why haven't you called in over two years? Why haven't I seen you or heard from you, not even a goddamned get-well card?" he spat.

The few who remained from the crowd were starting to stare. "Please," she asked, "Let's not do this here. Let's go somewhere else. My hotel?"

Before he could answer, she stuffed a piece of paper in his shirt pocket. "That's the hotel and room number. Meet me in half an hour." With that she turned and faded into the crowd filing out of the ballpark. His mind was racing. He picked up his phone and pressed a number.

"Hey, I'm going to stay in the city for a few more hours, maybe for a while. I just realized that there is something I have to do." He stopped for the voice on the other end of the line to reply. "Everything is fine," he lied.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

He entered the lobby and looked at the card in his hand. The bellman asked him if he needed assistance. So did the concierge. He finally made it to the elevator without any more distractions. There was no one in the elevator to offer him help, typical. Stretching, he pressed the button for the 12th floor. He felt the floor jump as the car began to lift him toward her room, or was that his stomach in his throat?

She paced the floor. She sat on the bed, then she stood. She walked across the room and opened the drapes, then she closed them. She passed the dresser and glanced at the mirror. She brushed her bangs out of her face and tugged on her earring. She looked at her reflection a little more carefully. Was she wearing too much makeup? She wiped the lipstick off with a tissue. There, that was better. But it didn't matter. What they had to deal with was much more important than lipstick.

He stopped in front of room 1204. He had come this far, so why not just go through with it. He had to admit that he wanted to hear her side of the story. He wanted to know why she hadn't even tried to get in touch with him for so long. Yeah, he really needed to know, even if it her reason was what he thought it was, he wanted to hear her say it. He knocked on the door with three quick raps.

She dropped the tissue. He had actually come. She had assumed that he would. She had hoped that he would. She crossed the room and opened the door. She tried to smile as she invited him in. Her initial happiness in seeing him had sense been replaced with apprehension. She had missed him so much. She hadn't wanted things to end up so badly. She couldn't have known. It wasn't her fault. She kept telling herself that, but as she stared at him again, she didn't think she could make herself believe it.

He knew she would stare, but hadn't she gotten over it by now? "So, am I not what you remembered," he smirked. He really couldn't believe that he was here. She actually looked apologetic. He suddenly felt bad about his remark. "Sorry," he said, "I didn't mean to be an ass. That's not really the way we should start off the evening, huh?" He pushed the wheelchair into the hotel room. He'd had two years to deal with how things were. She'd had less than an hour.

"Kevin, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to stare, I just . . . I'm so sorry. About everything."

"No, don't worry about it, I mean, I used to be a little taller, but everything is cool. I don't even need a bicycle if I want to participate in sports requiring wheels."

"That's not funny," she said. "You shouldn't be sitting there. You should have been on that field today, or some field somewhere. And it's all my fault."

He stopped mid roll and his head jerked up to face her eyes. "What are you talking about? This isn't your fault, you aren't the one who made a really stupid choice and screwed up his own life. You didn't make me get in that car. You weren't even there."

"Yes I was." She didn't imagine that it would be time to tell all so soon, but if she didn't tell him now, she knew she probably never would. "I was home on break. You came up to me after the game and asked me to go out with you guys. I drove you there, Kevin. Don't you remember that?"

His eyes widened. He had relived that night a million times. Every detail was so sharp in his mind. She couldn't be telling him the truth, could she?

"You told me about the scholarship. I was surprised at your choice of school, but you said we should be close to one another. You said that we needed to figure out "us"and that it would be much easier if we were in the same state. Florida State and Texas were better choices for you, but you said that Tucson was much closer to Phoenix, and that's where you needed to be."

He tried desperately to remember. He could almost relive each pitch of the game. He'd pitched a complete game shutout, his best game of the season. Andy had hit the game-winning home run. For the last out he had struck out the opposing team's best hitter on three straight fastballs. He'd just blown them by the guy. Someone said he made it up to 92 mph on the last pitch. Not bad for the last inning of the game. She had been there. He had heard her cheering in the stands. Andy said he should ask her to come out with them. He had been dating someone else, a junior, but they were far from in love. "Bethie's waiting out there. She's just standing by the bleachers. I'll distract the flavor of the month and you go talk to the woman of your dreams," Andy had said to him. Kevin had eagerly agreed and waited for Andy's signal. As Kevin exited the clubhouse, he saw Andy with his arm around Kevin's date leading her to the parking lot. Kevin smiled. Good old Andy knew what he wanted. He sucked in air as he approached her. God, she was beautiful. She was smiling and happy to see him, thankfully. "Good game, Slugger," she said playfully, using one of his dad's nicknames for him. He shook his head as he continued to move closer to her. He was directly in front of her and he placed his forearms on her shoulders. She ducked under his embrace. "Not so fast, mister. I don't want these people to think I'm a floozy," she said. He laughed and then he asked her to come with them to the usual spot by the river where the party had most likely already started. She agreed to come. She said she'd go pull her car around and wait while he got his stuff together. "Great," he said, "I'll meet you by the back clubhouse entrance." The memories were coming more quickly now. He ran back inside and grabbed his bag, told the other guys where everyone was headed, opened the back door, and hopped in Beth's car.

"Oh, shit, that's right. I rode with you . . . " he suddenly realized. "Then, why . . . why didn't I ride home with you? Did you leave me there?"

"Yes, I did leave you. I told you, everything that happened is my fault."


	3. Chapter 3

A/N: At the risk of sounding like Eminem, this is the part where the story breaks down. I know that Kevin was supposedly sober the night of the accident, but every "Kevin" I've ever known would not have been. Some of you won't like it, I understand that, but I felt this was a little more true to the "in crowd" I knew. It makes the rest of the story different, too (i.e. no lawsuit).  Oh yeah, I wrote this part last spring, so I didn't know about that yet, anyway :-)

Chapter 3

Kevin could barely believe what he was hearing. He HAD gone to the party with her, but he certainly had not left with her. What had happened? What had he not been able to remember and why? With a confused and hurt look, he continued to stare at her. Finally he spoke. "I need to know everything, absolutely everything," he whispered.

"On the ride out we talked. That's when you told me about school. You were so excited to tell me. I reminded you that we had broken up months before, and I reminded you why we had broken up. You kept apologizing for being with her. I told you what I had told you before, you lied and you cheated. It was going to take more time. You suggested that maybe we'd have that time now that we would be able to see each other more often. I said we'd just have to wait and see. I couldn't promise anything." She looked at him before she continued the story. "We got there and you were the life of the party. Everyone was talking about the game and about how many scouts were talking about you. Someone asked if you had decided what you were going to do the next year. Someone else handed you a cup. You chugged the drink and announced that you would be playing baseball for the University of Arizona. You put your arm around me. Everyone stared. The girl who had come with Andy ran back toward the cars, away from the bonfire."

"Jenna McKay. Her name was Jenna McKay. We were supposed to go to prom that year," he said as he leaned forward, resting his chin in his hands.

"Anyway, Jenna McKay ran away from us and Andy followed her. You kept drinking. More than I'd ever seen you drink before. Every once in a while you'd come over to me and put your arm around me. You kissed me more than once. You just kept telling everyone that we were back together. You tried to get me to come into the woods with you. I told you that I didn't want to go. You couldn't understand why I didn't want to be with you. Finally I told you that I was seeing someone else. You asked how long I had been cheating on you. You started to yell that I was a liar and a whore."

"I called you a whore?"

"Yeah, you did. Then you grabbed my arm and pushed me against a tree. You were so strong and you held me so tightly. You had pulled me toward the woods, and we were away from everyone else. I was starting to get scared. You were so drunk and so angry. You kept getting more heated and you kept saying more terrible things. I don't even want to repeat them. I tried to wiggle out of your grip, but you just held me tighter. Then you slapped me across the cheek. I was really getting scared."

Somewhere during the story Kevin's chin dropped from his hands and he held his forehead instead. Certainly she wouldn't be lying to him about this, would she? Of course she wouldn't. He was beginning to understand what had happened.

"Finally, Andy came upon us. He pulled you away from me and held you back. You were still yelling. He was drunk, too, almost as badly as you. I ran toward the rest of the group. I guess I must have been crying. Kate Jensen asked me if I was ok. I told her that I was leaving. She asked if she could get a ride back to town with me. She and I left. You left with Andy about two hours later. On the way to my house, he lost control of his car and you . . . "

"I know that part."

"So you see, I left you, you were looking for me. It was my fault, and after I found out later that you had been hurt, I didn't know what to say, how to face you, so I just didn't."

Kevin ran his hand through his hair and then he looked at her. He placed his hands on the wheels and moved toward her. He grabbed her hand and pulled her toward him. She fell into his lap. He turned her face toward his, tilted her chin upward, and kissed her. He wrapped his arms around her and held her close to him. She pushed back and stood.

"Kevin, what are you doing? I just told you that I am the reason you are sitting there. It was my fault."

"No, you aren't. I never even thought to blame you. At first I blamed Andy, I guess everyone did, but then I started to think about it. How many times had we been so dumb and driven around after we had been drinking? How many times had I been driving Andy? It was a terrible accident. It was my fault for making a really bad decision. It's taken me a really long time to admit that, maybe that was the first time I've ever said it to anyone." He led her to the bed. "I ruined the life I had planned. I think about it about a million times every day. Especially today. You're right, I should be playing ball. You should have been in the stands watching me. We should be living the dreams we had, the life we planned. But we aren't. And that is no one's fault but mine."

"Kevin," she tried to protest through the tears that had started falling.

"No, Beth, let me finish. I'm trying to make sense of my life now, and I think I'm doing ok. I thought I was doing ok. Most days I wake up from dreaming I'm running track or playing quarterback, or pitching, or simply taking a walk to what is now my reality. I pull myself into this chair, get ready for work in a bathroom with a special toilet, a special shower, a special sink, and special cabinets. I'm so damned tired of being special. Then, I spend my day doing a job that I do pretty well, but that I have no real qualifications to be doing. They hired me because they wouldn't have to pay me much and would even get a tax break for hiring a cripple. I'm basically a smartass to everyone I talk to, and then I go to physical therapy with a bunch of guys who, like me, are tying to get it all together. Then, I come home. Maybe I have dinner with my family; maybe I don't. Until recently I was dating someone, but it's not the same. Nothing is the same and it won't ever be again. It makes me so mad, so I act sulky and antisocial, but if I wanted to be social, there would probably be ten flights of stairs in my way. I see how it affects my family, how my dad can barely talk to me without this burning look of pity. I hear my mom cry when she thinks no one is around. There are never-ending medical bills and bills for "special" things. I've completely neglected Joan. Hell, I even stole paint from a hobby shop one day with Luke. Beth, I know I was no saint before the accident. I did a lot of things to hurt people I loved because I didn't think I had to be accountable for my actions, that I would ever have to pay a price for the shitty stuff I'd done. Sometimes I think that I have a chance to start over, to be a new person, but I can't help looking back and wishing I'd done things differently, better. I don't know whether or not I should just try to accept this is my life or if I should hope that there could be something else, something better. I'm just afraid that if I hope for more . . . I'm just afraid to plan for the future again. Look how it turned out the first time."

He wiped tears from his own eyes and looked at her. She was crying even harder now. Damn it, she was not supposed to come back into his life. He was seriously just starting to get his shit together. Hell, he even thought he was getting some feeling back in his abdomen. He could not think about what had happened, about what she had told him. He told her he didn't blame her, and that was true. He had long ago realized that he and he alone had put himself in the situation leading up to the accident. Andy had paid the price, bourne the guilt, but so had Beth. She hadn't gone to jail or had her name in the newspapers or endured the stares and whispers, but in her heart she had been just as guilty.

"Bethie, I'm so sorry. I had no idea. You've been living with this for so long., and it's not your fault. I swear it is not your fault." So many different emotions were rushing over him. Mainly he was angry at himself. This had all started with him. He had cheated on her. She was away and he was only human, wasn't he. They weren't really together anyway after she went to school. He had suspected that she had been seeing someone out there, a football player. He was old news to her. But it had pissed him off, and that other girl had a really cute ass. As soon as it had been done, he was sorry, and then Beth found the panties in his jacket pocket. He spent the entire semester trying to prove to her that it was nothing, that it meant nothing, that she meant everything. He had pushed the coach to recruit him out west. Arizona State was his first choice, that's where Beth was, of course. They had finally come to a really nice agreement with the University of Arizona. Then she came home that night, and he had been so happy to see her. He remembered the car ride now. He wanted to show her how they could finally start over, try again in a new place. Then he got drunk and he blew it. No wonder she didn't call. How could she have faced him after what he had done to her? And he didn't even know that he had done it. He'd quit drinking after the accident, a lot of good that did now. He wanted a drink now, actually, he needed one. He wanted to grab her, pick her up and swing her around like before. But he couldn't do that now, not anymore.

She sat quietly. She just watched him process the information she had given him. Finally, he looked at her. "Kev, I wanted to be there for you. You can't imagine how many times I picked up the phone to dial your number. I even drove to the rehab center one weekend and sat in the parking lot. I saw your mother in the courtyard. I couldn't even get out of the car. I just couldn't do it. I'm so sorry. You needed a friend and I wasn't there for you. And Andy, well, he didn't feel that he'd be welcome. He didn't want to upset people, especially you."

His perked up a bit and asked, "Andy wanted to see me?"

"Of course he did. You were his best friend, and he was driving the car. He was a mess. Did you know that he even went to jail for three months? He started using drugs, lost his scholarship, didn't even go to college. He's doing better now, but well, let's just say your life wasn't the only one that was ruined."

"I didn't know." Kevin hadn't ever thought about how the accident had affected Andy. He had been away during all of the legal proceedings. All he knew was that Andy had been charged and went to jail for a while. He had heard that when he got home, but people didn't say much to him about the accident and no one said anything to him about Andy. Sure, there were days when he had wanted to talk to Andy more than anyone, when he wanted to tell his best friend about the first time he noticed a girl looking at him with a look other than pity. But mainly, Kevin was thinking of himself, not his friend. He was shocked by his own selfishness.

"Andy would really like to hear from you. I mean, it's your call, but maybe it's something you should think about. It would mean a lot to him."

"I just didn't know," he repeated. He glanced at the clock on the night stand. "Man, it's really getting late, I should probably let you get some dinner or sleep or something."

She smiled at him and lowered her eyes. "I thought we were going to dinner together."

"Yeah, I think that's a really good idea. There are some things I've been thinking about. I haven't told anyone, but I think you'd understand what I want to do."

"Can we talk about it downstairs? I'm starving!"

"Sure, as long as you're buying. I'm but a starving artist, well, reporter anyway." They both laughed, and Kevin decided that he rather liked making jokes that didn't involve biting sarcasm.


	4. Chapter 4

A/N:  Just in case you forgot or didn't know- I don't own anything and am about to go majorly in debt for med school, so please don't sue me :-)

Chapter 4

A few moments later they were seated for dinner. He glanced across the table at her for the first time in so long. She definitely was beautiful. He knew she had been a high school girlfriend, and that was that, at least that's how she had felt when she left for college. She had decided to go so far away from him and he had been more than a little jealous when she would rush away from his calls to do other things with other people, maybe even other guys. By Thanksgiving he had been sure of it. She had become even more brief and less feeling during their phone conversations. He hadn't known Jeanie for very long, but she was cute and she gave him a look that made his skin crawl. Jeanie had transferred into the school that year, and she was so different from the other girls he'd liked or dated. She wasn't "Susie High School" like Beth had been, she was striking, but not beautiful, but she was different. Following the State Championship Game, she had met him outside the school after everyone else had left. It was such a forward move he hadn't expected, but the decision to break up with Beth had already been made. That was the night that resulted in Beth finding another girl's panties in his jacket pocket. Maybe he had left them there unconsciously so he wouldn't have to tell her the truth. Her reaction had been dramatic to say the least. She'd called him an irresponsible child. She told him it was over. Suddenly, he had a revelation about their relationship. Beth was not simply a high school girlfriend. She was smart, independent, the type of girl you spend your life with. They had talked about such things in a joking manner before, but he realized there was no joking anymore. He had driven her out of his life.

"So what were you wanting to tell me," she asked after they had ordered drinks.

He smiled at her a little, that half grin thing he always did when he was nervous. "I've been thinking about going to college."

"Kev, that's great! I really think you should do it. You won't regret it one bit."

"Before, I thought I'd go to college to play ball and then you could support us while I moved up through the minors, and then you could raise the kids and do whatever you wanted when I made it to the Majors."

She laughed out loud. "You really had all that planned out? Did you ever think of consulting me?"

"I guess it was just a thought I had in my head, not really anything that I really expected, except that I did."

She grabbed his hand and squeezed it. How she wished that his plan could actually come true, but wishing about things that could never happen didn't do anyone any good. "Oh, Kev, you're going to find your thing, and going to school is just the first step."

"My thing was you."

"Kevin, pathetic does NOT become you. You couldn't even be faithful to me when I was away from you for three months!"

"I've changed, I've grown up, I swear."

"Oh yeah? You mentioned earlier that you had been dating someone recently. What happened, Kevin? Why aren't you together now?"

"I, uh, I was interviewing this girl for a human-interest story for the paper and she invited me to dinner, and we ended up kissing. Rebecca got mad and said getting involved with me was a mistake."

She glared at him with an "I told you so" look. "And this is different from pre accident Kevin Girardi in what way?"

"I realized that she was right. I had trusted her in a way I wasn't sure I could ever trust anyone ever again, and at the first chance I had to show her she could trust me, I blew it."

His admission shocked her quite a bit. "The two of you? How can you? I mean . . ."

"Yeah, I can and we did. She was the first, the only, since the accident, and it was definitely a learning experience, except we didn't have much of a chance to learn anything because I was too busy messing things up between us."

"Why do you think that happened?"

"I was so flattered when the other girl saw me as an eligible, vital, kissable guy and not just some poor schmuck to feel sorry for." He tried to rationalize further, "And maybe I was a little afraid of being with Rebecca."

"What was there to be afraid of?"

"She's so strong and seems to know what she wants, what she needs in life, and I don't see how I could be the man she expects, the man I expected to be to a woman. Being with her was so amazing, but it just reminded me once again, as does everything, that I can't be that guy."

"Well, just for the record, you weren't such a great lay before." She broke the tension with her remark, and they both laughed genuinely.

"WOW, not what I was expecting to hear at a civilized dinner with you," he shot back. She never failed to put him in his place, and maybe that's why he had liked her so much before and maybe even now again. He wanted her. He wanted to show her that he had changed.

"So, let's get back to you and college and leave the Rebecca issue for a while, or forever."

"Yes, college. That's the goal now. I really do like working for the paper, and they're actually letting me get a byline here and there. I'm a good writer. Who would have ever thought that? I always had you write my papers in high school."

"I know, but I'm really excited for you, that you've found something that makes you happy. Do you think you'd like to stay in journalism or try something else like English or Communications?"

He shook his head and smiled at her. "You sure have planned this out, haven't you? And you didn't even know when or if you would see me again."

"Kevin, what I knew, and what I've always known, is that you are going to make something of your life, something very good. And I honestly hoped that I would get to see it, even after everything that we did wrong."

"I hoped that you would be a major part of it."

"You're making it really hard for me to walk away from here. Kevin, you are the first person I ever kissed, I ever loved, and that I ever made love with. You have such a large place in my heart, in my past, but I'm just not sure that it's wise to make you a part of my future. I wanted to see you to tell you that I was sorry about the night of the accident and afterward, but I didn't come here to get back together. I'm seeing someone else now."

Kevin's smile froze and then melted from his face. How could he have been dumb enough to open himself up to letting her hurt him again? But she was right. It was incredibly presumptuous of him to not even consider what had happened in her life over the past two years. Yeah, things had changed in every possible way, but he was beginning to realize that this was simply the way life goes. He had spent the past two years dwelling on what he had lost, his goals, his dreams, Beth, his independence, and so much more. But he was beginning to see the slightest glimpse of light ahead. He had faced one huge demon from his past, and he knew the next move he had to make to get his life back on course. "Beth, could you give me Andy's number? I think it's time we had a long talk. It's time to let go of the past."

She squeezed his hand again. "Yes, Kevin. I can definitely do that. Where's the waiter? I'm starving!"


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

She looked across the table at him as they finished their dessert. He was still a sucker for chocolate ice cream she could see. He was finishing her dish when he looked up and caught her looking at him.

"What? Do I have ice cream on my face or something?" He was smiling.

"Nope, I'm just still a little in shock. I can't believe your reaction to seeing me. I was certain you wouldn't even want to talk to me."

"I thought I would, too, to be honest. But then I saw you and I wanted to hear what you had to say. I just wanted to put it all behind me. I've imagined this evening about a million times, and every time I said all these terribly witty, terribly hurtful things to you and just left, but that's not how I felt. I was angry, don't get me wrong, but I missed you more than I was mad at you."

"So, we've talked and we had dinner. What do we do now? Where do we go from here?"

"I don't know, but I want you back in my life. I really need your friendship. I haven't felt connected to anyone, other than family, and Rebecca, for a long time. I feel like I'm going to explode if I don't have someone to talk to."

She glanced at her watch. "Oh wow, it's really getting late. Are you going to drive home tonight?"

"Uh, yeah, I didn't plan to be here this long, but I should be going."

"Are you sure you won't fall asleep or anything?"

"Are you trying to ask me to stay?"

"Are you wanting to?"

"Are you forgetting about your significant other?"

"Are you aware that I was lying to you?"

"Excuse me?"

"Well, haven't you heard of an out plan?"

"You had an out plan for dinner with me? Did you think I was going to try to rape you from my wheelchair?"

"Kevin, don't be ridiculous, I was just unsure of how this would go, so I had an elaborate story for you, but we just didn't get that far."

"Honesty is the best policy, eh?

"Now you're Canadian? Did they implant an "I think I'm a lot funnier than I really am" chip in your brain during surgery?"

"Harsh, but well-deserved."

"So are you coming up or not?"

"Is this a sexual invitation?"

"Probably not, but we could make out a little, see if you've learned anything new."

"Beth, I'd really like to, but I can't just . . . It's complicated."

"Oh, well, the room is accessible, the bathroom and everything, I mean. You can have as much privacy as you need, or whatever you need, just tell me."

"Well, I have everything I need with me, but I might need some help."

"Sure, anything."

"Can I borrow your toothbrush?"

She rolled her eyes, walked over to him and wrapped her arms around his neck from behind and kissed his cheek. "Yes, you may definitely borrow my toothbrush, but I'm fairly certain we can get you one at the front desk."

"I'll get it."

"Nah, we'll just call down for one later, let's go up."

He was a little apprehensive about staying. She could tell, but she felt they had to go through with this night. She didn't think they should sleep together, well, actually she did. Not sex, just cuddling, getting to know one another again. She was a little jealous of his being with Rebecca before her. She knew that was stupid, they hadn't been together for years, and she had certainly slept with Jake. They had been engaged to be married, but she hadn't even imagined that he would have been with someone else. But who was she that he would wait for her. I mean, he'd definitely slept with Jeanie while they were dating, so what was to stop him when they weren't even talking. She chastised herself silently. She was being totally unreasonable. Now he was watching her have this little conversation with herself and that made her apprehensive.

"You ok?" he asked.

"Yeah, just thinking." She pressed the elevator button for the 12th floor. There was no turning back now. He wasn't sure if he wanted to go through with this; he wasn't even sure what she was expecting. He hoped it wasn't much, he still didn't know exactly what worked in what way. But it wasn't like he and Beth had never been together before. She hadn't been his first, but she had definitely been his best. She had been the only one he'd ever loved, that was definite. Suddenly it hit him. He and Beth had a connection, a chemistry that was undeniable. Who better than her to trust with the unknown aspects of his body? She would understand him, move with him, make him feel comfortable. Hell, she was like an old pair of tennis shoes or a favorite worn-in sweatshirt, but slightly better looking. He decided not to tell her that, but his face must have lightened a bit because she took his hand and rubbed it slightly. The elevator door opened, and she walked beside him to the room.

She opened the door with the key card and held it for him. He looked up at her, "You don't have to do that," he said.

"Oh, so I should have slammed it in your face instead?"

"No, I'm just saying I'll let you know if I need help."

"Kevin, I just pushed open the door. I couldn't remember if it had a spring or not and I didn't want it to hit you. I'm not doing anything I wouldn't do with anyone else. I'm not trying to treat you differently, so please stop accusing me."

"I'm sorry, I'm just a little edgy all of a sudden."

"Kevin, do you trust me?"

"I don't know."

"Oh Kevin. I trusted you with my virginity, my reputation, everything. We know each other better than anyone else in this world. I won't ever do anything to make you feel uncomfortable or embarrassed. I love you. I'm sorry I wasn't there for you and that you had to turn to Rebecca. I wish it had been me, but I'm here now. I want to give you whatever it is you need."


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6

He couldn't even respond. He had missed this relationship, this depth, these emotions. She loved him, just because, not because he had been good at sports or because he was popular or because of anything he did or didn't do. She genuinely loved who he was. But what would she say when she found out that he wasn't that guy, wasn't even who that guy would have become? He couldn't avoid one thing much longer. He was going to have to use the bathroom, and she was going to have to help. He guessed he see how much she loved who he was now.

She was closing the drapes when she realized he had barely moved from the doorway. She walked back toward him and knelt in front of him. "Kevin, what's wrong?" she asked.

"Well, here goes the evening," he thought. "I need to use the restroom." There, he'd finally said it.

"It's there on the left, light is on the right and the toilet is through the second door." She noticed he didn't move. "Is there anything you need? Do you need me to do anything? Sorry, I know you said you'd tell me if you needed help."

"Actually," he began, "I do need your help, and I didn't know how to ask, so maybe I should just shut up and quit trying to control the situation."

She rolled her eyes and followed him into the bath suite. He explained everything he was doing and exactly what he needed her to do. The sink and toilet were in two different rooms. He hadn't encountered that yet. He basically tried to avoid public restrooms if at all possible, keep to the regular schedule, cath at home. She didn't bat an eye as he dealt with the catheter. She just followed his instructions as though he was telling her how to throw a spiral with the football. She was amazing. When he finished he glanced up at her. She appeared to be no worse for the experience. He told her they were done. They both washed up and headed back to the bedroom.

This presented yet another obstacle for him. One king sized bed, slightly higher than the chair, with no sort of bar or anything to help him into it. She was on the phone, requesting extra towels, toothbrush, razor, even pyjamas. She remembered his size, too. When she hung up the phone he reached for her hand and pulled her onto his lap. He kissed her more passionately than he could ever remember kissing anyone. He didn't ever imagine that he could feel this comfortable with anyone ever again, but it was Beth, she was his home. She motioned toward the bed, he nodded, and together they moved on top of the covers and pillows. She just seemed to know exactly how she needed to help him without being overbearing. She was right, they knew each other better than anyone in the world. She whispered in his ear sending chills throughout his body, much like before, but then she grazed his side with her arm, and his entire body seemed awakened in a way he had never felt before, even with her. The Bear had told him about this. They continued their exploration of each other until there was a knock on the door.

Beth jumped up, smoothed her clothing and her hair and walked to the door to retrieve the requested objects. She didn't come right back to him, but instead went into the bathroom. She returned with the toothbrush, a glob of toothpaste on top and two cups. One was full of water and the other was made of paper. He looked a bit perplexed. She explained, "I thought it would be easier for you to brush here instead of going back into the bathroom. You can spit in this cup and rinse with the water." He laughed out loud, but agreed that her idea was very convenient. She pulled the pillows behind him as he pushed himself into a sitting position. He felt a little juvenile as she held the cup for him to spit in, but she just laughed. No one else in the world was quite like her. She left him the pyjamas from the hotel shop, and she moved back into the bathroom to get herself ready for bed.

She stared at her reflection in the mirror. This day had been unbelievable. The very act of running into Kevin was enough in itself, and then he had actually been happy to see her. He'd agreed to spend the evening and now the night with her. She ran her hand through her hair. She was ready for bed, but going back into the bedroom was a big step-for both of them.

He was thankful that she was giving him so much time to get ready. He didn't know if she had any idea how long it would take for him to change, and he really didn't either. As he struggled into the pyjamas, he was thinking about the events of the evening, as well. When the paper's sports editor had asked him if he wanted a ticket to the game, he had wanted to go but had been afraid of his own emotions. He hadn't been to a game above the high school level since the accident, and that was not really his choice to go. He had hoped that his dad would be able to come, too, but he had been called in to work. Kevin had debated whether or not he was going to go alone, yet his sister had insisted. The entire way to Baltimore he had second-guessed himself. He almost turned around about five different times. Finally, he made it to the ballpark.

He parked the car, found his entrance, and followed the usher to his section. It wasn't like when he was growing up, summer days in the bleachers at Shea, but the peanut man was there, and the guy with the hot dogs. The organ music began to play from the scoreboard, and the crowd came to life. For a split second he imagined he was running onto the field, jumping the white third base line, heading to the mound or even second base. He could feel the rosin rag in his hand, smell the leather of his glove as he looked up at the tens of thousands of fans in the stands. He was pulling his cap off his head and wiped his brow with his shirt sleeve. His catcher signaled and the umpire yelled, "PLAY BALL!" And suddenly he was back in the stands, back in reality. He didn't have much time to be depressed, though. The Mariners' lead-off man hit a home run and the intensity of the game never died. He had really enjoyed himself, although he was beginning to feel just a bit sorry for himself as in the ninth as the fans rose to their feet to cheer on the closer. By the time the final out had been played, he was rather pleased with himself for sticking out an emotionally tough situation. Then he heard his name. And here he was now.

She didn't hear any noise from the bedroom, so she assumed he was ready. She walked into the room and toward him now sitting, dressed in the pj's, on the corner of the bed. She smiled. "Hello there," she said huskily. She continued toward him as his phone began to ring. She turned, picked it up from the dresser and handed it to him.

He glanced at the screen, smiled in recognition of the number, flipped it open, and answered it. "Hi, mom. Yes, I know what time it is. No, I'm actually not coming home tonight. Baltimore. I didn't realize I had to inform you of my every move. No, I just ran into a friend and they asked me to hang out, and then to stay, so I'm going to. I'll see you tomorrow sometime. Everything is fine." And this time he wasn't lying at all.

"Problems?" she asked. He assured her that everything was under control. She crawled into bed beside him and he moved back from the edge. She pulled the covers over them and inched slowly into his embrace. Her face rested against his chest, feeling very much at home. "How are things with your family?" she asked. He wrapped his arms around her and answered.

"Well, it's been an eventful few months. We moved to Arcadia because of dad's job, right? The Chief of Police. It turns out there was a lot more going on in the city government than the mayor or the DA wanted anyone to know about, and my dad just happened to be the guy who uncovered it all. The governor dissolved the municipal government, along with the police force. Dad eventually ended up being a detective again, but it's been hard on him, all the changes and stress. I think he's finally starting to enjoy his job again, you know, putting bad guys in jail and all. Mom is teaching art at the high school. She's actually painting again herself. She hadn't really done that since before the accident. She's had pieces in several shows, and her students really seem to connect with her. Plus she gets to spend a lot of time with Joan and Luke, and even though those two would never admit it, but it's good for all three of them. Joan will be a junior next year. She had been acting even more strange than is normal for Joan lately. We noticed, but just assumed it was growing up stuff, but it turns out she had been bitten by a tick and developed Lyme Disease. She got sick at school and ended up in the hospital for a few days. She's physically ok now, but she's different, more subdued, distant. Mom is pretty worried about her right now, which kinda makes her lay off me a little, but not much. Plus, she has a boyfriend. A kid from one of mom's art classes. Fairly good guy, from what I can tell. She's just trying to have a normal summer, one of the last of her "childhood" I guess. And Luke, well, he's pretty much the same as always. He's already gotten a scholarship to college by winning some math contest. Then he and Joan's friend Grace, whom Luke has the world's biggest crush on, won the science fair, so things are going well with him, I guess. He's headed to Space Camp in a few weeks. That's pretty much about all that's going on with us."

They had already discussed her family and what was going on in her life over dinner, so that was over, but she felt she needed to respond. Other than the bit about Rebecca, she hadn't heard much about his social life, and Kevin had always been a very social person. She was worried over his admission that he needed someone to talk to. "Kev, who is your best friend here? If you had two of something, who would you give the other one to?"

He wasn't expecting such a question from her. He thought she'd tell him something about school or her folks, or something in response to his dissertation about the family. He was thinking hard to give her a satisfactory answer. "Uh, I guess one of the guys from my basketball league."

"What's his name?"

She'd called his bluff. "Bear, Barry Caldwell. My dad introduced me to him. He's older than me, but he's been helpful, a friend, I guess."

"You guys hang out a lot?"

"We play ball together once a week or so. The whole team usually goes out after games or practices or whatever."

"But you don't feel like you can talk to him?"

"He knows what I'm going through. He gives me advice on how to deal with things I'm not sure about. He helps keep my emotions in check. He just seems to know when I'm frustrated enough to just give up. And then I run into him on the street and he kicks my ass, so to speak. He doesn't put up with me feeling sorry for myself, so that's good. And Rebecca, she never let me do that either. But we don't really talk too much anymore. She moved me to another department of the paper. I'm actually a reporter, sort of, so I'm not in the office much at all."

"I'm worried about you."

"No, don't be, I'm ok. Really I am. Things are different, but not unbearable. I have a few friends. It's not easy to start over in a new place. But this has been a good place to get my life back together. I got my license, a car, a job, a little bit of a social life, working on the girl, but you know, not all good, but not nearly all bad either. I'm ok. Not great, but definitely ok."

"I'm going back with you tomorrow."

"I, uh, are you sure that's a good idea?"

"It's what I need to do. I need to see you there and make sure that you are really ok."

"You smell differently than you used to."

"Don't change the subject."

"But you do."

"You smell exactly the same, minus the sweat, but I am still coming with you."

"Should we warn the family?"

"Sometimes it's easier to ask for forgiveness than it is to request permission."

"Ok, we'll do it your way."

"Good night, Kevin. I'm so glad I'm here with you."

"Me too."

He reached to his right and turned off the light. He held her a little tighter, kissed the top of her head and before he knew it, she was breathing rhythmically, asleep. He was tired, but he couldn't seem to sleep. Her hand was on his chest, so was her face. Her skin was so soft and the scent of her hair filled the room. He wanted her beside him forever. But forever was a long time away. He could hear the click of the alarm clock, but he couldn't quite see the numbers. He imagined that only a few minutes had passed, but it felt like hours. He thought he had a Valium in his bag, but there was no way he could reach it, not without disturbing her. His chair was inconveniently out of reach. He felt quite helpless, but if he needed something, he could wake her. He could ask her for help. That was still the most difficult pill for him to swallow. He decided not to disturb her. He closed his eyes, lay back on the pillow, and tried desperately to sleep. He saw the two of them, dancing. Her dress was long, tight fitting and white, and he was wearing a black suit. Her hair was long and piled high upon her head. She looked up at him and smiled. He leaned down and kissed her. The floor was like water, and suddenly they were falling. He woke with a start and found himself sitting up in the bed. The sun was streaming in through the opened drapes, his chair was beside the bed and he could hear the water running in the shower.

A/N: There's still so much more that's already been written. I've decided to post it all. Even if you don't like it or agree with it, I had to write it down because it wouldn't get out of my head.


	7. Chapter 7

I still own nothing. Sad, isn't it?

Chapter 7

He looked around the room a little disoriented, but then he remembered the day before and the night that had led to him being in this strange bed in this strange hotel room. The dream had been so lifelike. He was holding her in his arms and they were dancing. She was wearing a white dress, perhaps a wedding dress? He shook his head. This kind of thinking did him no good at all. He glanced at the clock noting it was only 7:30. He wondered what time they needed to check out by and if she was still planning on accompanying him home. As he was running the day's plan through his mind he realized that the running water had stopped. He looked up and saw her standing in the bathroom doorway wrapped in the plush robe, short spikey wet hair framing her angelic face like a halo.

She was the first to speak, "Good morning, Slugger. Ready to face the day?"

"I don't like being called that anymore," he said. He was beginning to doubt the wisdom of his decisions the previous day.

"Oh, Kevin, I'm sorry. I didn't know." She didn't dwell on the fact or ask for any sort of explanation. She simply began selecting an outfit from her suitcases as she dried her hair with a towel. She glanced back at him and asked, "Did you want to take a shower?"

He wasn't even sure that he was awake, but he knew that water cascading over him would feel great and would definitely awaken his senses. He transferred to the chair and reached behind to get his bag. He always carried a change of clothes and extra necessities, just in case. He started toward the bathroom door as she looked up.

"Do you need anything?"

He thought about his answer for a moment and replied, "I don't need a thing, but I would love it if you would join me."

She dropped the jeans she had been holding and walked slowly toward him. As she did so, she untied the belt of her robe and let it slip silently to the floor. She took his hand and motioned him through the bathroom door. She approached the shower and began running the water as he stopped at the sink, found his toothbrush and glanced at his reflection. He was a bit worn-out looking, but that didn't seem to stop her. She returned to him and began to unbutton his shirt. He glanced toward the toilet, not wanting to spoil the mood, but she just nodded. They finished there and continued toward the shower. As they entered together, she leaned down and kissed him gently on the mouth. She ran her hands through his hair and down his back. The water flowed down over them. He placed his hands on her waist and lowered her to the bench beside him. She sat but then changed positions and crawled onto his lap. She wrapped her arms around him and placed her head on his shoulder, kissing him softly on the neck and collarbone. She felt his body begin to shake with sobs.

"Kev, what's wrong?"

He couldn't control his crying even long enough to answer her. He just held her so tightly as the tears mingled with the flow of the faucet. Finally he composed himself to the point where he was able to speak. "I have never been more sorry for the mistakes of my life as I am at this moment. Being with you is so amazing. I want to hold you forever, I want to give you the world, or at least a wonderful life, and for a minute I imagine that I can. And then I remember that I can't. I can't ever go back. I can't change what happened. I can't control anything. I feel so helpless. So unbelievably helpless. I dreamed last night that we were dancing. I was holding you and we were spinning across a floor that looked like glass, but it was really water, and then we fell through the floor and I lost you. I woke up and you were gone. I mean, I know where you were, but all that I had for that brief minute was gone. And now I'm rambling on like an Allman Brother, but every time I start to think I'm going to be ok, that my life is going to be worth living, I get a glimpse of what is could have been, what it should have been and it makes me so depressed all over again."

"Kevin, I didn't mean to upset you."

"No. It's not your fault. I have to face this. I have to deal with what happened and get on with my life. I can't keep looking back. I have to accept that this is my life."

"Being here with me makes you look back. I didn't even think about it. I was only thinking of how much I wanted to see you. Please forgive me for not considering your feelings."

His hands traced the line of her neck and shoulders as he began to speak. "Beth, I don't blame you for anything. I wanted to see you, too. I wouldn't have stayed if I didn't. I've been making steps, so to speak, but it's time to really move on."

She reached for the shampoo and began to lather his hair. He took the bottle from her hand and returned the favor. They continued to wash each other until every inch of their bodies was squeaky clean. She finally stood to turn off the water and grabbed two towels from the rack. She threw one at him, pulled his chair beside the shower, and began to dry herself.

"Do you want me to bring your bag in here?"

"Please."

Fifteen minutes later, he emerged from the bathroom as the bellman was loading her luggage onto a cart. She turned to ask him if he needed anything from downstairs before they ate breakfast. She moved to the left revealing a tray sitting on the table. He wheeled toward her, took her hand and kissed it. She tugged on his hand and kept it in hers as they continued to the table. She lifted the silver dome from the tray in front of him to reveal a huge stack of blueberry pancakes and whipped cream. "If I remember correctly, these are your favorite."

He looked across at her and smiled. "Definitely," he grinned as he dug into his breakfast. She worked on her omelette as she watched him savor the meal. "I think that these are the best pancakes ever," he commented when he noticed her eyes on him. She laughed and took a drink of her juice.


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter 8

In just a few moments, they were in his car headed toward Arcadia. He noticed after a very short time that the conversation had become one-sided. She was staring silently out of the window.

"What are you thinking about?"

"Your family."

"They like you."

She sighed. "They used to like me, but they can't be too happy about my behavior following the accident as well as the fact that I was the one who was supposed to be giving you a ride that night."

He signaled and pulled the car to the side of the road. After doing so, he turned to her and began to speak, "Beth, look at me. I promise you that what happened wasn't your fault. There's no need for my family to know, and even if they do, there's no way they can blame you. I won't let them." He pulled back onto the road without waiting for her to reply. She remained silent beside him.

A little while later, Kevin pulled the car up to the curb in front of the Girardi house. His younger sister Joan was sitting on the front steps and she jumped up to meet them as he turned off the motor. "Beth!" Joan yelled, "I'm so glad you made it."

He glanced from his sister to her and back. "What are you two not telling me?" he asked, feeling as though there were some inside joke that he had been completely left out of.

Joan opened the back door and pulled out the wheelchair, setting it beside Kevin's open door. "Just come inside and we'll talk it over." She grinned, turned, grabbed Beth's arm and led her inside.

By the time Kevin had made it into the house, Joan and his mother had gathered the family in the living room where tea and snacks had been set out. Helen Girardi was already engaging Beth in deep conversation while Will, Luke and Joan were finding places to sit. As Kevin entered the room, his mother looked up and motioned for him to come and join them. Everyone had a cup and plate in front of them when Joan looked around and said, "I know some people may be wondering what's going on here, so I'm going to tell you right now. This was all my doing."

Kevin glanced at Beth who didn't return his look but kept her eyes, like everyone else, on Joan. She continued, "I think we can all agree that things have been a little crazy around here for the past few months, mainly because of me, but a couple of weeks ago I decided to stop thinking about myself and my own problems and do something nice for someone else. Kevin has been getting involved in a lot of new things, his job, basketball, dating, but it occurred to me that while Luke and I have Grace, Adam, Glynis and Friedman, he doesn't really have anyone to really confide in, a really close friend. We all know how hard that can be, I mean, Mom and Dad, you all don't really hang out with any other couples here since Dad arrested the Fire Chief. Anyway, I was trying to think of something nice that I could do for Kevin when I ran into Beth at the mall. It was so great to see her and the first words out of her mouth were about Kevin. We talked for a while and exchanged numbers, but she said she didn't think that Kev would want to see her. I didn't know how he felt about it either. So I did a little sleuthing. To make a long story short, situations seemed to indicate that they needed to see one another, and I called Beth to set up this whole event, the tickets, the game, the causal meeting, everything. Well, except what happened after they saw each other, that was all them."

Kevin and Beth both blushed as Joan finished her speech. No one in the room really knew one small but important fact that Joan had not revealed to them. It was on the urging of God that she had arranged the little meeting. She and Adam, her boyfriend of recent months, had been walking in the park when Adam left her to buy lemonade from a nearby stand. As she was waiting, a jogger with long blonde hair approached her. Remembering the fiasco with Adam's sculpture the last time she had listened to this particular incarnation, Joan tried to hide herself behind a tree. The jogger kept coming. She finally stopped in front of a crouching Joan and said simply, "Do what you need to do to help him. You'll see what it is." Joan hadn't been receiving assignments since being hospitalized at the end of the school year, so perhaps this woman was just a regular in the park who passed along helpful information? Adam returned and the two of them left the park. Joan tried to get the woman out of her head, but that evening her mom asked her to get Kevin's laundry from his room. His laptop was open on his desk. His email was open and he had begun a message. She didn't recognize the name to whom it was addressed, but the body of the message was pretty depressing. She felt a little bad about reading his personal stuff, but it was obvious from the message that no matter what Kevin was telling the family, things weren't completely ok. He had written that something was missing in his life and he needed to make some changes. He continued that he wanted to tell someone, but that he just didn't know anyone here who would understand what he needed to do. She glanced at the address again with sudden recognition, "notwhoiwas" was Kevin himself. He had no outlet for his frustrations, so he was sending himself an email. She had heard that woman on the Today Show talking about how people could write themselves letters to help them deal with difficult situations or when they had no one else to talk to, but this was just sad. She thought she heard someone coming and jumped up from the desk. As she did so she hit her knee and a paper fell to the floor. She reached to pick it up to shove it back into the drawer. It was a worn note from Beth in Arizona and a photo of her standing in front of a huge cactus. She was shocked as Kevin hadn't uttered a word concerning Beth for over two years. Then, she definitely heard Kevin approaching his room. She put the note in the center drawer and started picking up clothes as he entered. "Mom wants me to bring your stuff down, she's getting ready to do a load. Is there anything you especially need or that is especially dirty?" she covered. He pointed to a few articles of clothing. She grabbed them and left the room with a plan forming in her head.

The story she told the family had been almost true. Beth, of course, knew the real story (minus the God part), but agreed that calling their meeting "chance" seemed to be the best way to present their plan to Kevin and the rest of the crew. Joan had called Beth and gotten her caught up on life in Arcadia, everything that was going on with everyone, and had mentioned that she thought Kevin needed to talk to someone from the past. Preferably someone that he had been very close to. Beth had been apprehensive but finally agreed when Joan assured her that they would make the meeting look completely unplanned until Beth was able to read Kevin's feelings toward her. Thankfully, Beth had agreed.

The family sat and listened as Joan, Kevin, and Beth spoke. Kevin told the family about his plans to go to college, adding that he had already applied to the journalism program at the University of Maryland. He had been told that he would be able to take most of the general requirements for the program at the local community college so he could continue with his job at the paper. Rebecca had asked him the week before if he would be interested in reporting on local sports. He had worked out his class schedule with her and was enrolled for the second summer session as well as the fall semester. Will shook his head in pride and satisfaction as he smiled at his elder son. Helen walked over to Kevin and kissed him on the top of the head. Neither was able to speak, as they were afraid words would betray their strong emotions of joy, relief, and pride.

Kevin further explained that he and Beth were going to give their relationship another try. At this point, Beth interjected. She told Kevin that if they were to really do that, the family needed to hear the truth about her involvement the night of the accident. With a deep breath, she began her story. The entire time Kevin held her hand and lightly rubbed her forearm. Will, Helen, Luke, and even Joan sat in silence and shock as Beth explained how Kevin had been with her, how they had fought, and how she had left him. She left out the parts that were unbecoming to Kevin's character and placed the blame solely on herself. As she attempted to do this Kevin stopped her.

"No. Mom, Dad, this isn't right. Beth feels very strongly that she caused the accident, but the truth is that I was drinking too. We did get into a fight, but it was my fault. I said and did things that I'm too ashamed to even admit, and if I had been Beth I would have left me there, too. There's no way she could have known what would happen. I think we just need to end all this right now, put it behind us, and start over."

Will was the first to speak after a moment of silence. "Beth, thank you for your honesty. I understand that you must be feeling tremendous guilt, but Kevin is right. You aren't to blame. A lot of bad decisions were made that night, and there is no way this can be pinned on one person." The entire room seemed to breathe as tears fell silently from Beth's cheeks.

Helen nodded in agreement and added, "Will is right. We're just so glad that you're here and that you and Kevin have been able to have another chance. Let's just have a nice visit now. Tell us what you've been doing for the past few years." With that, the conversation and mood turned much lighter. Beth told them about her experiences in Arizona, her new job in D.C., and everything going on at the moment. After she finished the Girardis took their turns telling Beth all that they had been doing in the past few months. Finally, Beth realized how late the hour had gotten and said that she really must be getting to the bus station. Kevin agreed to drive her, and she said her goodbyes to the family after making plans to get together very soon.

At the station, Kevin accompanied Beth to the platform as she waited for her bus to board. She promised to call as soon as she got home and to be on hand for his basketball game the next weekend. The PA system announced boarding for her bus and she bent to kiss him goodbye. She gathered her luggage and began to mount the steps. She had nearly reached the top when Kevin yelled for her. She turned and smiled. He was smiling broadly and waving. She found her seat and looked out the window at him. As the bus pulled away from the station he mouthed the words, "Thank you. I love you." She smiled and waved in return. A tremendous weight had finally been lifted and she felt that she could finally breathe again.


	9. Chapter 9

A/N: I debated ending things with Chapter 8 even though the rest had been written following the break-up. But then I decided to go ahead and post the rest. This is the longest chapter and the one I have agonized over the most. The idea came from a 20/20 or Dateline documentary I saw years ago as a kid. Hopefully, I'm able to get the idea across. 

Disclaimer: I own nothing associated with Joan of Arcadia, nor am I associated with the Olympics, Paralympics or any TV network.

Chapter 9 A Few Years Later

"Kevin, I told you to get a haircut. That looks ridiculous," Beth chastised.

"It's a mortarboard and tassel, my dear. Its only function is to make its wearer look utterly ridiculous," Kevin countered.

Beth grabbed the mirror from his hand, threw it on the couch and attempted to adjust the cap and Kevin's overgrowth of hair. She reached for a few hairpins she had left on the coffee table, and Kevin unlocked the wheelchair's brakes to move away from her outstretched hands.

He gasped as she stood, poised with pin in hand, "What do you think you're going to do with those? They aren't coming near me, I'll tell you that right now."

"You're supposed to pin the hat on your head so it won't blow off during the ceremony. That would be even more ridiculous. Plus, the top has to be flat, you can't slant it like that."

Kevin was getting a little agitated as the hideous polyester gown was already pulling at his collar. He didn't think he could handle Beth's apparent super knowledge of graduation procedures. "Beth, I don't want any pins in my head."

"Don't be stupid, they aren't going to be IN your head, they're on it." She cornered him and anchored the hat to his head. "Perfect!" she exclaimed. "Now get with it or we're going to be late, and there will be nowhere to park anyway."

"Uh, I think we'll be able to get a parking space, probably a really good one."

"Oh yeah, why do I always forget that?"

"I'm not sure but it's one of the only perks of being attached to me." He smiled at her and headed toward the door. "Get your shoes and your purse already, we're gonna be late."

When they arrived on campus, Kevin joined his fellow graduates as Beth searched the crowd for sight of the Girardi family. They had spotted her first, and as she scanned the rows, she noticed a sea of waving hands. Helen had somehow secured tickets for half the state of New York it seemed, even though each graduate had been allotted only four. Grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, Joan, Luke, Adam, Grace, everyone was there! Beth climbed the bleachers to the seat they had saved her between Joan and Grace, Luke's long-time girlfriend, just as "Pomp and Circumstance" began to play. The entire family anxiously and almost impatiently endured the graduation speech given by someone famous as they waited for Kevin's big moment. Finally the time arrived. Of course, the number of graduates was far to great to call each person individually, but they were still about to watch him fulfill a major milestone in life, graduation from college.

The President of the University was simply supposed to instruct all of the graduates to stand and change the tassels, but before he did so he began to address the crowd.

"We at the University of Maryland are a community proud of our students' achievements today. In general, we praise them and offer sincere congratulations on the commitments that they have fulfilled today as they receive their diplomas. These commitments are of course academic goals, social, political, athletic, and familial promises. However, the most important goals a person can strive to achieve are ones of personal betterment and advancement, whatever they may be. Today, I am inviting one of our graduates to join me on stage as a representation of these goals that have been reached by these fine men and women and in honor of the goals they hold in life yet to be realized. This young man, like many of today's graduates, faced unique hardships that derailed his educational goals and threatened to keep him from living, in his opinion, a fulfilled life. Today he comes before you in recognition of everyone here who had reached that educational goal, but also to make you aware of another important personal goal that he is in the process of realizing. Ladies and gentlemen please welcome Kevin Girardi, graduating today with a Bachelor of Arts degree in Journalism."

The family looked at one another with shocked glances that indicated complete ignorance of the entire event. The crowd murmured as Kevin approached the ramp set up on the left side of the stage. Behind him were two classmates Beth recognized as Jerrod Knightly and Jack Cunningham, regular study group members for many of Kevin's journalism classes and Kevin's closest friends. Kevin stopped beside the lectern, set the brake on the wheelchair, and Jack moved in front to place Kevin's feet on the floor. After this was finished, Jack moved to Kevin's right side and Jerrod to the left. The three of them locked arms tightly as the President began to speak once again.

"Would those who have completed the requirements for the degree of Bachelor of Arts or Sciences please stand at this time?"

As he finished speaking, none of the graduates had risen from their seats. The crowd noises intensified as neighbors shrugged their shoulders, not understanding. Suddenly a gasp from the front of the crowd silenced the entire gathering. With the help of his two friends, Kevin was struggling to stand. Slowly, he rose unsteadily to his feet as the two guys supported him on each side. When he was standing, the remainder of the graduates also stood. The President then finished this part of the ceremony. "Inasmuch as you have completed necessary course work and all assignments in a satisfactory manner and that you have presented yourselves here today in front of this assembly, the University of Maryland has given me the honor and the privilege to declare that you are now graduated and may signify so by switching your tassels. Congratulations to all of you."

Beth was utterly in shock. The entire crowd was completely noiseless as Kevin stood in front of them. Then they erupted in thunderous applause. The entire family was crying, even Will, but she sat silently, hand on her throat, mouth open, dumbfounded. Kevin sat, switched his tassel, and the rest of the class followed suit. Jack and Jerrod were mobbing him now with handshakes, laughter and hugs. The President left the lectern to shake his hand as did all of the honorees on the podium. Now all the family members were hugging and smiling as well, but still, Beth didn't participate. She was so amazed by what she had just seen that she didn't even notice Joan and Helen shaking her. Before they had a chance to speak, however, the President spoke once again.

"I have one final message to everyone here today. Goals are only dreams until you begin working to achieve them. Similarly, they are still only goals until they have been reached. At that point they become accomplishments. So to all of you who have dreams, do something about them and to those of you who are working to reach goals, keep going." He was looking directly at Kevin now, "They may seem impossible at time, but keep going and don't ever give up. You just might surprise yourself with the degree of internal fortitude you actually do possess. That being said, I officially close today's ceremonies and invite everyone to please attend the respective departmental receptions being offered throughout campus. Congratulations to all of our graduates today on a job very well done. We are all proud of you. Thank you and have a wonderful evening."

The recessional began as Kevin, Jerrod, and Jack joined the rest of the graduates. The three of them fell into line and exited the field to wait for friends and family. Kevin had been so nervous on stage that he had completely forgotten to look for the family. He tried to look around the stadium, but it was impossible to distinguish anyone in the sea of faces. His heart was still racing, and he was shaking so badly he didn't know if he'd be able to make it down the aisle. Jack seemed to notice and clapped Kevin on the shoulder asking, "Do you mind?" Kevin shook his head no as Jack began to push the wheelchair for him.

When they had made it outside the gates, Kevin felt a little more calm. He turned to Jack. "Thanks man, I think I'm cooled off enough to take it from here." Jack laughed and hugged his friend again. Jerrod and Kevin shook hands and pulled into yet another hug. Kevin was so thankful for the strong friendship that had formed between the three of them over the past two years. It was with the two of them that Kevin had come up with the idea for graduation day. PT had been going amazingly well. The therapist had said he was surprisingly pleased with Kevin's continued progress. Usually after two years or so, patients had regained nearly all the function and feeling that they ever would, yet Kevin was still showing gradual improvement. They had cautioned him, though, that there were no guarantees that he would continue to get any better, but the first day he had been able to stand in the therapy pool convinced him that he would prove everyone wrong. That had been almost six months ago, so in addition to finishing the projects and assignments required for graduation, the three of them had been working hard to achieve Kevin's goal.

A few moments later while Kevin was talking to classmates who were surrounding him, the crowd suddenly parted and his parents were standing in front of him. They both grabbed him and all three of them were crying. Kevin looked up to see Joan and even Luke with tears in their eyes. Beside Joan, Adam offered his hand and the two men shook. Grace gave him a thumbs up gesture and joked that she would kiss him but Luke might get jealous. Everyone laughed, and Kevin noticed that Beth was missing. He wheeled through the crowd of family members searching for her. Then he saw her standing alone beside the stadium gate. He approached her, but her back was turned to him. She could hear him coming, yet she didn't turn around until he grabbed her hand. She turned to face him. He noticed that she was very pale and still silent. He pulled her onto his lap. She lay her head against his shoulder and began to cry, her arms wrapping around him.

"Beth, it's ok. Don't cry. This is a good thing." He didn't understand what was happening.

She continued to cry for a few seconds more before she whispered in his ear, "I love you."

He was a little confused, but her response had been a good one. He kissed her and soon she was smiling and laughing like the rest of the family. He asked her about her reaction and she responded that she thought she may have gone into shock to which he replied that he would shock her every day for the rest of her life if she would say those words to him every time she came out of it. She rolled her eyes and said that she was sure he could find a better way to make her profess her love for him every day. The family had gathered around the two and after a little time of mingling and greeting the out of town family members, the group decided to stop for a little while at the department's reception.

Kevin, Beth, Jack, Jerrod and their girlfriends Annika and Jocelyn covered the two blocks deep in conversation about apartments and cars and job offers while the rest of the family trailed behind. Joan was attending college in Baltimore at Loyola College. She was completing programs in Psychology and Theology. She was planning to move to New York where Adam was continuing to study art once she had finished. Luke had two years left at MIT before he began working on his Ph.D. He was thinking about biomedical engineering but wasn't sure which institution would be best for his research. Kevin had suggested the mental institution, and while Luke didn't find this one bit amusing, everyone else did. Grace's semester at Brandeis University just outside Boston had ended the day before and had delayed the arrival of those two, who had made it home just in time to leave for Kevin's event.

The group arrived at the reception. Kevin, Jack and Jerrod mingled with professors and other classmates, introducing them to the various members of the Girardi family. After they had been there for about fifteen minutes, Kevin's favorite professor, Dr. Tim Dylan, walked over to speak to the family. He expressed how much he had enjoyed having Kevin in the program for the past few years and how he was sure that Kevin would have a great career reporting the news. He shook hands with Will and then asked to speak to Kevin privately.

The two broke away from the group, and Dr. Dylan pulled an envelope from his jacket pocket. His eyes were gleaming with excitement. "Kev, do you know what I have in here?" he asked waving the piece of paper in front of Kevin's face. Kevin shook his head. Dylan continued. "This is the ticket to your future! This is a job offer from ESPN for an on-air reporter working this summer at the games in China."

Kevin could barely believe his ears. "The Olympics?" he nearly yelled in disbelief.

"Well, not exactly. It's the Paralympics. They have never been broadcast in this magnitude before, and they're looking for new faces with credibility to try to maximize the number of viewers."

Kevin looked a little unsure. "I'm not sure, Tim. That sounds a little like exploitation."

"I thought you might think that, so when I spoke with the network guys I asked them how much of their decision was going to be based on this need for 'credibility.' They said they like to employ former athletes who know what it's like to be on the field, in the game. You may get mad at me for this, but I sent them your demo, as well as demos from a couple other guys in the program. I simply said that one of the three was disabled, but I wasn't saying who. Long story short, they picked you."

"I've never been too gung-ho about this stuff, Tim. I don't want to get typecast. I've been fighting that for years." Kevin countered.

"I understand completely. I mean, Kelsey Grammer may as well change his name to Frasier Crane. But I asked them about this. They said if things go well, they are fully prepared to offer you a full-time on air position reporting on all sports. There's always the chance that you would become the Peter Gammons of wheelchair basketball, but let's not get carried away."

Kevin smiled at his mentor and friend. "You're right. This is the opportunity of a lifetime, and I'm not going to be too dense to at least check it out."

"Great, I'll call them and let them know you're coming up for the interview. It's Friday in a week. Better bring the little lady so she can pick out a Connecticut mansion. Have you proposed yet, by the way?"

Kevin ducked his head. "I, uh, I'm planning to do it really soon. I just want to do it the right way. Maybe while we're up there after I'm sure the job is locked up."

Tim laughed. "She has a lot more patience with you than I would have by now. How long have the two of you been together now?"

"Well, we had a 'time-out' that lasted about three years, but other than that, we've been together since I was a sophomore in high school, so that's like six years together out of the last nine. Oh man, I'm a bum."

Tim doubled over with laughter. "I agree. You'd better get with it. Do you at least have a ring?"

"No, but I know the one she wants and there's no way I can afford it." Kevin rationalized.

"Well, if this helps your decision making process any, I'm sure there's quite a signing bonus." Tim winked.

"Have you been talking to her? She makes way more than me at the Embassy, and she's been saving like crazy. Probably in order to leave me."

"What exactly does she do? Will that job travel?" Tim inquired.

"She's director of events and public relations at the French Embassy's La Maison Française. I don't know that they have consulates in New England, but she's been talking about going somewhere new after I finished up here."

"So she's at least planning a future with you. That's a good sign. But you'd better get with it my man, she's too cute to wait forever."

"You're right, Tim. I know I need to get with it." Kevin resolved.

Tim handed Kevin the envelope. "Look that stuff over and give me a call on Monday. If that itinerary doesn't work, I'm sure we can take care of that. You have a couple decent suits, right? If not, you'd better get two. Black with a bright blue shirt and then a lighter one, maybe brown with yellow."

"Tim. That's all taken care of, but I'll call you Monday. I may still have questions and I'll definitely want to go over the interview."

"Hey, I didn't mean to keep you from everyone for so long."

"That's not a problem Tim. Thanks so much for everything. I never would have made it without you."

"Nah, you would have made it. I knew it the first time I saw you in front of a camera in your first TV class. You were born to do this." Tim extended his hand and Kevin shook it.

They rejoined the group and Kevin, Tim, and the Girardis talked a bit more. Joan, Luke, Adam and Grace were nowhere to be found, though. Beth glanced at her watch, whispered something in Helen's ear and faded out of the crowd. Tim also excused himself after a few more minutes. He passed Luke, Grace, and Adam returning from getting punch. He also headed toward the refreshment table and saw Joan standing alone. He approached and spoke to her. "You did a good job, Joan."

She looked confused and asked, "Have we met?"

"Really, Joan, are we going to have to go through this every single time?"

"It's you? No way, you were just talking to Kevin. Does he know who you are?"

"Let's just say I've been directing his paths, heading him in a new direction," was the reply Joan got. "Go celebrate. This is an important time for your family. It was touchy there for a while after the accident, but you've all made it, and you've been a wonderful help to your family."

Joan wanted more answers. "This sounds a little like goodbye. Are you trying to tell me something?"

He touched her shoulder and smiled. "I'm always trying to tell you something. Go to your family, and don't let Kevin in on the secret just yet, that's my job." He turned to leave.

"Wait!" she called. "When will I see you again?"

He raised his right hand as he walked away. "Soon, Joan. Soon."

Everyone had finally gathered into one group around Kevin, Helen, and Will. Helen suggested that they all head back to Beth's. It was at this time that Kevin noticed that she wasn't with the rest of them. Helen said that Beth had to take care of something at the apartment. Kevin replied that she should just break down and buy the curling iron that shuts off by itself after a few hours. They all laughed as they headed to their cars. Will and Helen rode with Kevin, as Beth had taken their car. The drive from College Park to Silver Spring was around 15 minutes, during which Helen and Will did nothing but pepper Kevin with questions about the graduation exhibition. Kevin promised to tell everyone the story at one time so he didn't have to repeat it 40 different times. His parents agreed that this was a fair deal.

His mom asked if he would take them through town so they could see where he and Beth had been living. Kevin turned right at the next stoplight and showed them the main part of the town. After about fifteen more minutes, Kevin declared that they had seen just about all there was to see in the town of Silver Spring. He headed home, but as he turned down the street where he and Beth lived, he was surprised to see his family members and friends standing outside the front door under a huge banner that said "Congratulations Kevin, We Are Proud of You!"

Kevin parked the car and the threesome joined the crowd. Everyone moved to the fenced-in back yard where a full out party had been set up. Beth had rented video equipment that was now playing a slide show of Kevin's life from childhood all the way up to that very afternoon. There were photos and memorabilia set up at various stations around the yard so that everyone could re-experience Kevin's past. A buffet table held all of Kevin's favorite foods, which was basically anything edible. Everyone began eating and mingling with the crowd and the photos until Beth called for everyone to gather around the video screen. Jack and Jerrod joined her in front of the crowd.

"Thank you all so much for being here today. As you probably know, finishing college is a tremendous accomplishment that takes a ton of hard work and a very strong commitment to yourself. We're here to honor Kevin, but I also want to congratulate Jack, Jerrod, Annika and Jocelyn for reaching this milestone. Congratulations! Today, Kevin gave us all another reason to keep hope alive even when we think things can't possibly get any better. I'm not going to tell you that I knew what was going on, because I didn't and actually think I went into shock as he stood on that stage. However, his good friends knew about today and they used Kevin's quest as their documentary project. They have graciously agreed to share that with us here today. Jack, Jerrod, the floor is all yours."

Jack spoke for the pair. "Thanks Beth. Isn't this a great set-up? Leave it to the PR professional to throw the best parties. Jerrod and I are fledgling film makers, and when Kevin came to us over Christmas and told us about his plan, we asked him if he would mind being the subject of our film. You are all Kev's close friends and family, so you may as well know that he loves to be in front of a camera. He's a little vain, as well. No, don't laugh. I'm serious. Anyway, I'd like to present to you the world premiere of our documentary "All Rise." If you don't like it, blame Kevin. It's his life."

The audience laughed again as the screen jumped to life. The film began with a clip of Kevin playing quarterback in high school. He eluded at least three would-be tacklers as he attempted to find an open receiver down field. He then crossed the line of scrimmage, tucked the ball and ran nearly 70 yards for the touchdown. The shot cut from Kevin celebrating in the endzone to the crowd. The audio clip of the crowd continued as the picture faded out and back in to show the smashed car from the accident. The sound faded to silence, and the opening credits began to the Counting Crows song "A Long December." Following the credits, Kevin appeared on the screen. "It was one moment in my life and suddenly everything was over. I was a stupid kid and I was fairly certain I was Superman. I guess a big-ass car accident is just kryptonite in its most concentrated form," he began.

For the next hour, the crowd sat transfixed as they watched Kevin's story unfold. There was footage from the hospital from Will's own personal home movie collection as well as family gathering and holiday film, Kevin's first therapy sessions from so many years ago, the day just a few months earlier when he stood unassisted in the pool, his explanation to Jerrod and Jack that he would stand in front of the class on graduation day, and that one day, even if it was years down the road, he would walk. They then covered the last few months of intense therapy, imperative school work, the imminent job search, and finally his relationship with Beth. As the film drew to a close, Jack asked Kevin what he felt the most important message they could leave with the audience. Kevin thought for a moment and answered, "This life is so unpredictable. We may not have tomorrow to tell the important people in our lives how much we appreciate them, how much we love them. I still forget that from time to time as I get caught up in the day-to-day rush. I guess what I've learned most about myself throughout everything is that we're not alone and sometimes we have to ask these loved ones for help, no matter how out of character that may be. I'm still learning that everyday. I'm still working on a lot of stuff. I'm not where I want to be yet, but I'm moving in that direction. Don't count me out, and don't ever say I can't because I will." The screen faded to black and Bob Dylan's "Like A Rolling Stone" played during the ending credits and additional photos of Kevin, Beth, and the family.

The audience applauded loudly and some members even whistled. Jack and Jerrod stood and took a bow in front of the crowd. Beth moved back to the front of the screen to address the crowd again. Jack stood at Kevin's side. He leaned and handed Kevin a small box. He whispered in Kevin's ear, "Open it discretely." Kevin did so to reveal a beautiful diamond ring exactly like Beth had indicated she would like. Jack continued, "Take it and ask her to marry you. Jer and I sold the film for a ton of money, twenty times what that ring cost, so don't object. It's your cut. She needs you to make this commitment to her since you've made it very clear that you can make commitments." Kevin tried to protest, but Jack just pushed him in front of the crowd. The conversation had ended because the crowd was now calling for Kevin to speak.

He raised his hand to indicate that he would do so. "Thank you all again for being here. I'm so glad that Jack and Jerrod convinced me to do that if for no other reason than I don't have to tell each and every one of you what's been going on around here for the past six months or so. No, seriously, I want to thank these guys for all they've meant to me. Jack just told me that they sold the film to a distributor. That's an amazing accomplishment for documentary makers, and I couldn't be more excited for them. Now I actually have a little news on the job search front myself. Today after the ceremony, one of our professors pulled me aside and told me that he had slyly sent my demo tape to a network after he heard they had an opening this summer for a sportscaster. I was a little shocked at the news, but ESPN liked what they saw and has invited me to interview in Bristol next week. I know this is big news, pun intended, and I haven't even had a chance to discuss it with Beth yet, but it seems like I haven't gotten around to discussing something even more important with her, so I'm going to do it right now."

The women in the crowd began to squeal and Joan even jumped up and down. Jack brought a chair for Beth to sit facing Kevin as he began to speak again. "Beth, I love you with everything I am and everything I want to be. I keep telling myself that it just hasn't been the right time or the right place, but I could wait forever for the perfect conditions and miss out how perfect you are. I can't imagine my life without you. Actually, I experienced it and it was terrible. You keep sticking with me even when I'm awful to be around, so you must like me at least a little bit. I want to spend my life with you. I want to support you in all that you do and be there for you when you need a shoulder to cry on. I've seen our unborn children in your eyes, and I want to see them in your arms. I don't have all the answers, and I don't even know where to find them, but I'm asking you to take a chance on me, on us. Beth Reinhart, will you marry me?" He pulled the ring box from his pocket and held it out to her. Before she opened it, she sat on his lap and kissed him passionately. She whispered something in his ear and hugged him. Kevin looked up and asked her if she was going to inform the crowd of her decision. Beth smiled, opened the box, gasped, and Kevin placed the ring on her left ring finger.

"I told him it was about damned time!" She exclaimed to the group. Everyone laughed.

After words of congratulations, the crowd dispersed to their hotels and homes. Kevin and Jack embraced as Beth and Annika planned to go wedding dress shopping very soon. Jerrod and Jocelyn said their goodbyes as well and the three couples promised to get together for dinner one day in the next week. Finally only the Girardis, Adam and Grace remained.

The apartment had three bedrooms, one of which was on the second floor and was seldom used since Beth's former roommate had moved out in December. Beth had prepared it for Joan and Grace. She had made up her room for Will and Helen and planned to bunk with Kevin for the night. Luke and Adam were left with their choices of pullout sofas and an air mattress on the living room floor. Beth didn't know what time it was but by the time everything had been moved from the back yard into the garage, she was exhausted. She was emotionally tired as well. So much had happened in one day. She saw that all her guests had everything they needed to prepare for bed, and then she retired to Kevin's room. She fell asleep as soon as she hit the pillow but woke up when Kevin got in bed. She snuggled close to him and he kissed the top of her head. "You're amazing. Did you know that?" he asked her. "Thank you so much for today, for everything you planned. It was more than I could have ever dreamed of. I do love you."

"You're welcome, Kevin. I love you, too. I can't wait to spend the rest of my life with you. Good night." She reached over and turned off the light on the bedside table, kissed him, and fell asleep.

The next morning, Helen had already made breakfast when Beth came into the kitchen. "I hope you don't mind me doing this. You worked so hard yesterday. I thought I could do something nice for you. And don't worry about the dishes. Joan and Grace are taking care of them. Adam, Luke, Kevin and Will are cleaning up out back and in the garage. Why don't you sit down and have a cup of coffee and something to eat, and we can talk?"

Beth smiled. "You don't have to do all of this. I'll just make Kevin clean it up later, I promise." Helen laughed and said that as guests it was the least they could do. Beth thanked her for her help and the two women sat at the table to chat.

"Did you talk to Kevin last night?" Helen asked.

Beth blushed. "No, we didn't do anything. I was asleep when he came in and I only woke up long enough to say good night."

"I just wondered how you were dealing with everything that happened yesterday. It was quite eventful. Kevin, the job offer, the proposal, the party and the film, all very emotional stuff. I just wanted to make sure that the two of you were talking," continued Helen.

"We haven't yet, but we will. Other than yesterday, he's usually not too bad about telling me what's going on with him. We've talked about what we would do when he finished school. I like working at the Embassy, but I'm definitely willing to relocate, try something new."

"Have you heard from your parents lately? Where are they traveling now?" Helen asked.

"The last time I talked to them they were going to India and then sub-Saharan Africa with the WHO. My dad was really excited when my mom gave up the real estate business to volunteer with the Organization. They're supposed to be back in July, but those dates are usually flexible." Beth explained. Her father had been a family doctor while she was growing up, but once she and her sister had left for college, he began volunteering overseas in medically under served areas. Only a year ago he had accepted an advisory position with the World Health Organization. It required a great deal of travel, but her mother had decided to go with him and the decision was made to close the practice. Her father and Kevin had developed a close relationship over the past few years, and she was certain that her parents would be pleased with the engagement.

The two heard a racket in the garage and the rest of the gang entered the kitchen to get breakfast. Kevin and his dad were laughing about Joan's attempt to build a boat when she was in high school, and Joan was trying to convince them all that she had a perfectly good reason for all of her strange actions while she was growing up. Luke, Kevin and Will all exchanged glances, but Adam put his arm around Joan's waist and kissed her cheek. Helen told them all to stop picking on Joan before the waffles got cold. They all grabbed plates and soon were sitting throughout the kitchen and living room. Joan and Grace joined Beth and Helen at the table. The guys gathered around the TV to watch Sportscenter. The ladies began talking about wedding plans as Kevin and Will could be heard arguing about the Orioles' starting pitching rotation.

Grace asked Beth if she had any ideas about what type of wedding she wanted to have. Beth replied that while she had dreamed of a huge church wedding as a little girl, but with her parents being gone so much and Kevin possibly traveling to China in August, she didn't know if that would be feasible. Helen told her that she didn't have to make any decisions right away. Joan offered to help with any details since she wouldn't be too busy until she started school in the Fall. Beth sat at the table and looked at the family surrounding her. She had grown up in a stable and loving home, but they had never been as close or dependent on each other as the Girardi family. She was glad that she was going to be a part of this family as well as her own.

Kevin came back into the kitchen to refill his plate. Beth warned him that ESPN had already hired John Kruk as an analyst, thus meeting their obesity quota. He looked a bit dejected, but Beth ran over to give him kisses while the rest of the family laughed in agreement. Will told the kids to come in and clean up the kitchen, bathrooms, and bedrooms so that Beth wouldn't have so much to do when they all left. Joan and Adam went upstairs to take care of those rooms. Luke and Grace worked on the kitchen while Will and Helen went back to Beth's room and the downstairs bathroom. Helen suggested that Beth and Kevin take a walk while the others were cleaning up. Beth tried to protest, but Will basically pushed both of them out the door.

They started down the sidewalk and had made it about a block when they reached the park. Children were running and playing on the toys while their mothers, fathers, and nannies observed from benches surrounding the area. Kevin led Beth to an empty bench near the swings. She sat and he came around to face her. "So let's talk a little."

"Ok." was all she said in response.

"Tim gave me the plane tickets and travel itinerary for the trip to Connecticut. The interview is next Friday. He says they told him the job is mine if I want it. This 'interview' is mainly to discuss the details of the job. At this point I don't have any better offers, and I'm not sure when they'd want me to start. If at all possible, I think you should come, too. That way you'll see and hear everything and we can decide together what will be best for us. There are stations in Baltimore and D.C., so if you want to stay here that's what we'll do. I can still do this Paralympics thing and then turn down the full-time job if it won't work out for us."

"You came up with all of that in one night?"she asked.

"I've been thinking about it since Tim told me about the job yesterday. I was up most of the night trying to figure it out in my head, and that's the best I could come up with in just a few hours. What do you think?" He wanted to know.

"What you have proposed is very fair. I feel that I should go with you, too. It shouldn't be a problem to get time off. We don't have anything big going on right now. I think we should reserve judgment on the position until we talk to them and see what they have to offer," was her reply.

"Yeah, I agree. This may just be too good to be true. We have to keep level heads about this and not get too excited."

"Right, you're about ready to float out of that chair. I'm sure you'll not be too excited at all."

He grabbed her hands and squeezed them. "I know, I'm so excited about this. I would have never even dreamed that I could get a job like this. Not without any real TV experience anyway. But enough about that, do you have any wedding ideas yet? Should we set a date? A location? A dress?"

"Stop! I think the first thing we should check out the job situation and then we'll decide about the wedding. Let's head back to the house, your parents are planning to leave by noon, and I want to visit with them a little more." She rose from the bench, wrapped her arms around his shoulders and kissed his neck. The two of them turned from the park and covered the block back to the house in just a few minutes. When they got back to the house, Adam and Luke were loading Joan's car. Will carried suitcases to the front walk and tossed his keys to Luke who began placing them in his parents' car as well. Joan and Grace were inside finishing the dishes as Helen gathered sheets and towels for the washing machine. She filled Beth in on all the work that had been completed: sheets and towels changed, bathrooms cleaned, dishes washed, kitchen scrubbed. Beth hugged Helen and thanked her and the rest of the family for all of their help. A few minutes later they were all out front as everyone said goodbyes. They hugged each other and piled into the cars. Adam and Will drove away as Beth and Kevin waved from the sidewalk. When they were out of sight, the couple turned to go back inside. Kevin closed the door and followed Beth into the bedroom. They finally had some time alone.


	10. Chapter 10

Chapter 10

"Kevin, Beth, it was wonderful to meet both of you. We're really excited about this opportunity, and we knew right away that you were our guy, even more so after talking with you. We'll cover all your moving expenses, and if you need any help finding a place let us know. One of the guys in the control booth, his wife is in real estate. We'll expect you on the 21st of July, and then we'll head for Beijing around the first week of August. Our team will be working with the NBC Olympic team, using their set-ups at the venues, so we need to be there to get used to the time change and the area and everything. Our actual job starts with opening ceremonies on September fifth. That will be ten days on air in China before we get back to the States. Then, as we discussed, we'll get you started with ESPN News during the NFL season and see where it goes from there." The producers had laid it all out for them.

"Thank you for meeting with us. You offer is amazingly generous, but Beth and I are going to need to talk it over tonight. Would it be acceptable to let you know first thing in the morning?" Kevin asked.

The producer nodded his head. "Absolutely. Take a look around the town, look at the real estate, talk it over, whatever you need to do, and just let us know. If you're interested, we can give you a list of PR firms around here, including the one we use, for Beth to check about jobs. Also, we can cover her travel in China before we start broadcasting, so that's about three weeks. Any or all of it that she would like to join you."

He and Kevin shook hands as they parted in the hallway. Kevin and Beth said goodbye and headed out front to their rental car. Beth slid behind the wheel before Kevin had a chance to protest. She switched the car from hand controls as Kevin got in the passenger seat. She stated pretty matter-of-factly, "I guess we'll keep looking."

Kevin jerked to look at her. When he did so, he realized that she was joking. Her eyes were dancing with excitement. "Let's go find a house," was all he said, his expression equally as excited as hers.

Two hours later they stood with the relator in front of a gorgeous home. The siding was a light yellow color with bright crimson trim. The lawn was sprawling and perfectly manicured. Inside, there were four bedrooms, three bathrooms, a three car garage, full basement, library, exquisite dining room, and a spacious family room area. Beth and Kevin tried to not appear excited, but as the list price was discussed, they realized it was very much in their price range. They townhouse they shared in Silver Spring had been a graduation gift from Beth's father, and the sale of it added to Kevin's sign on bonus at ESPN and a monetary wedding gift from both of their parents would make a down payment of more than half of the price of the new home. They looked at one another and then the relator and Beth cried, "We'll take it!"

The relator laughed uncertainly about financing since this couple looked so young and inexperienced. Beth told the down payment they would be making, and he quickly changed his tune. "You're sure this is your first real job?" he asked, thinking they both must be trust fund kids.

Kevin explained, "This is my first job, but she's been working and saving for about five years now, plus we just sold our townhouse right outside D.C." The relator nodded in understanding and suggested they return to the office to work out the necessary paperwork for the sale and the mortgage. On the way back he asked them to make a formal offer. Kevin said they would like to pay around $25,000 less than the list price since certain adaptations would have to be made for the house to be totally accessible. The relator felt this would not be a problem, as the previous owners were quite anxious to sell having just built a much larger home in another part of town. When they arrived at the office, the payment was figured to be a rate that they could afford even if Beth wasn't working. They could hardly believe how well this was turning out.

The next morning, Kevin called ESPN to formally accept the job. The producers welcomed him warmly and promised to send him all the necessary paperwork, job listings for Beth, and lists of local attractions including the contact name and number for a local wheelchair basketball league. Kevin thanked them for all their help and said he was looking forward to seeing them again in July. They implored him to let the network know if there was anything they needed in the moving process. He asked them about finding a contractor to make the necessary adjustments to the house, widen doorways, install a shower bench, stairway motorized lift and ramps out front. They said they would include a few names in the forthcoming packet. With that, they said their goodbyes and Kevin and Beth prepared to leave for the airport.


	11. Chapter 11

Chapter 11

"Beth, maybe we should wait until I get back to get married." Kevin spoke up during dinner a few days after they returned from New England. Beth looked up from her plate and questioned him with her eyes.

"Why do you think that?" she asked.

"We probably aren't going to be able to move into the house until sometime in September anyway, and I'm going to be working in China. You can still come for the first couple of weeks, but you won't have to worry about moving by yourself. Besides, I know you've always wanted to get married at Christmas, so why don't we just wait until then. By that time we'll have our routine down; we'll be settled." Kevin seemed to have thought this through.

Beth sighed. "I guess that would be ok. It would give me a little more time to prepare and then all the moving would be over with. That would definitely make the wedding less stressful. I don't know, Kevin. It sounds like a reasonable idea. I want to marry you now, but I suppose we can wait." She smiled and tried to convince him that she liked the idea.

Kevin took his plate to the sink as Beth cleared the rest of the table. Kevin knew that she was upset, but he just needed a little more time. She would understand in the end, and she wouldn't be angry or sad. He smiled at the thought of spending the rest of his life with her, but knew he still had so much work to do before that would happen. He called back to her that he was going over to Jack's for a few hours and asked if she needed him to pick up anything while he was gone. She said no but walked over to give him a kiss before he left. He squeezed her hand, wanting to explain but not allowing himself to say a word. He turned and headed out the door.

"I don't know if I can do it, Jack," Kevin heard himself saying. "I love her more than my own life, but I still feel that she's sacrificing for me. She's always had so many hopes and dreams. I can't believe that I'm going to be enough for her, that I ever could have been. I can't marry her now."

Jack sat beside his friend and attempted to reason with him. "Oh come on, Kevin. You know that isn't true. Beth loves you and her biggest hope is to spend the rest of her life with you. What is this really about?" As soon as Jack asked the question he knew the answer. "You cannot believe some babble a _psychic_ told you like five years ago. Please tell me this is not about what she told you."

Kevin avoided Jack's gaze. He couldn't answer, and his silence was enough of an answer for Jack. Of course that woman's words were constantly in his head. He heard them in his sleep, especially now that the wedding was definitely going to happen. His father had discredited the woman even before he knew what she had told Kevin, yet Will had been very interested in the exchanged that had occurred between his elder son and the self-professed psychic. Kevin had finally told his family what she had said, that he would dance at his wedding. There was, however, one important detail that he had omitted. Not only had she predicted that Kevin would dance at his wedding, she had said specifically that he would dance at his wedding to Beth.

He hadn't told his family. He and Beth hadn't spoken for nearly two years at the time, so how did the woman know Beth's name? There was no way to deny that this woman had some sort of powers or something. If she had been vague, general, or even trite, Kevin could have put it out of his mind, but she wasn't. He explained all of this to Jack and was met with a shocked sigh.

"Shit." Jack whispered. "Why didn't you tell me this sooner?"

"I don't know. I've been trying to get it out of my head, but all I do is think about it. The first night Beth and I were together again, I dreamed we were dancing. She was wearing a long white dress. Very wedding-like."

"Man, I don't know what to tell you. You've made a lot of progress in the past few months even after the doctors said you may not, but there's no guarantee it will continue. Do you really want to put your life on hold for something that may or may not happen?" Jack asked.

"I don't know. I just don't know what to do."

"Kevin, I can't tell you want to do, but whatever you decide I'll be here." Jack decided. Then he added, "Just don't be a jackass."

Kevin smiled and extended his hand. "Thanks, man. I'd better get out of here. We're definitely gonna have to talk. I just don't know what I'm going to say yet. Thanks for hearing me out."

"Anytime. I'll see you tomorrow for lunch at the pub?" Jack stood to walk Kevin to the door.

"Yeah, I'll be there. We won't have too many more of these, you know. Anyway, let's not think about that now. See you later." Jack closed the door behind him, and Kevin drove the long way home. He was passing the park just a block or so from home when his cell phone rang. He recognized the number as Joan's, so he pulled to the curb. Maybe she would have some insight for him.

"Hello."

"How's my favorite brother?" She asked.

"Don't know. Haven't talked to Luke today." Kevin joked in return. "What's up?"

"Nothing, just thought you might need to talk."

"Perfect timing, little sis. As a matter of fact I do." Kevin related the events of the evening to Joan starting with the dinner conversation, his admission to Jack, and his own indecision about how to proceed with Beth.

"Well, Kev, you two just bought a house. She's going to quit her job and move hundreds of miles away with you. She's been waiting around for almost five years now." Joan began.

"I know, and I don't want her to think I don't want to marry her, because I do, more than anything. It's just, how could that woman have known about Beth?" Kevin implored.

"I think you're missing the point here. That lady told you that you would dance at your wedding to Beth. The important part of that sentence is 'wedding to Beth.' I've seen you two dancing hundreds of times. Mom cried the first time she saw the two of you at that family picnic a few summers ago, of course, so we're over it. Kevin, you may or may not walk again, but that doesn't define who you are. Beth loves you. She wants to be your wife, have your babies, share your life. If you can't see that when you look into her eyes, then you're completely delusional. And that has quite a bit of meaning coming from me."

Kevin laughed. "Seriously, Joan. I thought you owned the patent on delusional."

"Don't change the subject, Kevin. I can't talk much longer, but let me leave you with this: If you marry Beth, you will most certainly dance with her at your wedding. If you don't marry her then nothing comes true."

"Wait, are you telling me you believe this woman? She said you have a special connection with the universe!"

"Again, I am not the topic of this conversation, you and Beth are. If you don't want to lose her, and I do mean for good this time, you'd better go home to her, tell her you're sorry for being a jerk and send out the invitations."

"Wow Joan, you didn't mince any words there, did you?"

"Kevin, stop joking around. I'm serious. If you want to throw your marriage away before it even starts, that's up to you, but you're going to regret it. I don't know if you forget how miserable you were when the two of you weren't together, but I remember. You can't go through that again. Beth gave you back your life, don't take hers away." Joan was fairly harsh now.

Kevin didn't have a comeback this time. He was quiet for a minute. "You're right, Joan. I love Beth, and I want to marry her. It's just these old insecurities coming back again, and that's no excuse. Joan, I have to go. I have to talk to her, tell her I'm sorry. Thanks for yelling at me."

Without waiting for Joan's reply, he hung up the phone. He pulled the car back onto the road. It only took a minute or two for him to make it home. When he unlocked the door and wheeled into the front room, he saw Beth, who had fallen asleep reading on the couch. He came over to her and stroked her hair. She woke up and smiled at him.

"Hi, Bethie. I love you." He kissed her forehead. "Are you awake? I need to talk to you."

She sat up on the couch and motioned for him to join her. He transferred to the couch beside her, and she snuggled against his chest. "You smell so good," she said. "What's up? What do you need to talk to me about?"

For the third time that night, and the first time to Beth, he explained why he was trying to postpone the wedding. He told her how Joan had put him in his place, and then he apologized for not coming to her with his apprehensions. Finally, he promised to try to talk to her about things that were bothering him in their relationship.

"Oh Kevin. That's amazing. How could you not be freaked out about this? That woman really said that we would be married even when we hadn't spoken to one another for over a year? She said we would dance? Of course we will. I understand if you want to wait, if you want to see what will happen, but please believe me when I tell you that I want to marry you. I know how excited and hopeful you felt after graduation day, but if you never walk again, I will still love you and I will still be proud to be your wife."

"I know that, Beth. I would never doubt you, but I doubt myself all the time. You could be with anyone in the world. Why me? I'm not anything I expected to be when we first met. I'm not. . ." he began.

Beth interrupted. "Before we met that day at the game, I had been engaged to marry Jake. He was moving to Denver and asked me to come with him. I was finishing school, and we had been together the whole time I'd been there. I agreed to marry him and move to Denver, but I never did either of those things. I was packing up my apartment and I found a letter that you had written me before I left home. I didn't realize that I still had it, but you said you would never stop loving me no matter how far apart we were. You said you knew that we were too young to make any decisions about life, yet you knew we needed to be in each other's life until we were ready to decide. I couldn't throw it away, pretend I hadn't seen it. I had been apprehensive about moving already, and hearing your voice through that letter made my past come back to me, and I couldn't go. Jake said if I didn't want to be in Denver, then I didn't want to be with him. So that was that. It was only a couple of weeks later that I talked to Joan and came to meet you. I didn't know what I was getting myself into, but I do know what I decided to leave and I knew I had cared very deeply for you before. I chose you. I still do. There was no magical formula or special selection process. I just followed my heart, and it keeps leading me to you."

"That is perhaps the nicest thing you've ever said to me." Kevin replied when Beth had finished speaking. "I just want you to be proud of me."

"I'm so proud of you, of everything that you've accomplished by plain old hard work. And now we're getting ready to start a new life together, far away from everything familiar. It's going to be so exciting, Kevin. We have everything in front of us. Jobs, the house, babies, minivans, soccer games, everything. I can barely wait. That's why I wanted to get married before we left. If you want to wait, I understand that and we can, but I'm just feeling impatient." She felt like she had spoken her mind finally.

Kevin realized how silly his reasoning now sounded. "No, Beth, we're not going to wait. We'll get married as soon as your parents get home. Can you plan that quickly? Maybe Bastille Day or something?"

"That sounds perfect. The Ambassador has already offered La Maison for us to use, the catering staff and everything. I wasn't sure what we were doing, but how about the 12th? The Bastille Day celebration will be that next week, the 14th, or we could do the week before, the 5th. I'm not sure which will work best. I'll have to wear off the rack with such short notice, but that will be ok. I saw something downtown last weekend that will be perfect. Let's do the 5th, that way the staff isn't too pressed for time the next weekend. We can't have the ceremony there, of course, just the reception, so where are we going to get married? Someone had mentioned the Naval Academy Chapel, but that's too far away. The monuments would be nice, but it's going to be Independence Day in D.C., so maybe we should go with the next weekend. Oh, sorry. I'm babbling. Let's go to bed. I have to call my sister in the morning to get this thing planned. That's only seven weeks!"

Seeing her excitement made Kevin certain that they had made the right decision. They would be husband and wife as soon as possible. Beth would plan an exquisite day, and they would share it with friends and family and everyone who loved them and had supported them over the years. She was already headed to the bedroom, and Kevin hurried to follow her.


	12. Chapter 12

Chapter 12

"Beth! You look absolutely gorgeous. Where in the world did you find that dress?"

Beth twirled around at the sound of her mother's voice. She wasn't expecting her parents back for another week, but they were standing in her bedroom watching her as she admired herself in the mirror. "Mom, Daddy, what are you two doing here? I can't believe it! Oh gosh, is Kevin here? He can't see me in this dress." She rushed to shut the door.

Her father laughed. "No, Annie let us in. She said you would be in here, that you haven't taken that gown off since you brought it home yesterday." He walked over to kiss his daughter. "We cut our trip short when we got your email. We wanted to be here in case you needed anything. Plus, your mother couldn't let you plan this wedding without her."

Beth gathered them both in a hug. "I'm so glad you're here. Can you believe this is actually happening. I've dreamed about this day for so long, and it's finally happening in just one week. One week! I have so much to do! Thank goodness they gave me the week off, although I can't imagine that I'll be able to stay away from all the planning anyway." She picked up the veil and handed it to her mother. "Will you help me with this?" Her mother placed the pearly headpiece on her head and straightened the lacy tulle train.

"You look like an angel, Beth, truly you do," her mother exclaimed as she wiped a tear from the corner of her eye. Quickly she switched into planning mode. "Let's get down to business. We only have seven days until the rehearsal dinner and eight until the wedding. What is top priority?"

Beth reached for the white satin binder on the bed and opened it. "The embassy has the entire reception covered. I went over everything with the staff this week. They'll let me know if there's anything they need from me, but for the most part, I'm letting them do their jobs. We'll need to pick up the decorations and favors on Monday to put everything together so we can decorate the chapel on Friday." Beth continued to show her mother the necessary details that needed attention over the next week. "All the attendants will be here by Thursday. We've figured where everyone will be. Annie will stay here with me, you, Helen, Joan, Grace, Annika, and Jocelyn. Daddy and the boys - Kevin, his dad, Luke, Adam, Jack, Jerrod will be at Jack and Annika's place. Extra family members will be at Jerrod and Jocelyn's, which is between here and there. There are rooms at a hotel in town that a few of the guests were able to get. I'm not sure exactly where everyone is, but the wedding party is covered."

Her mother looked up. "What about Sonia?" she asked, referring to Beth's college roommate. "Is she coming?"

Beth sifted through the papers on the bed. "I haven't spoken to her since the summer after we graduated. She called me to say she was getting married. To Jake."

Mrs. Reinhart gasped. "You never told me that. Why didn't you say something before now?"

"I don't know. I was so surprised, but then again I wasn't. It just showed me what kind of people they were. We hadn't been broken up for three months, and they were engaged. I think she actually wanted me to be happy for her," Beth explained. "I'm going to get changed. Kevin has a game in half an hour. You all coming?"

Her parents agreed they would. Annie had already taken their luggage upstairs. They said they weren't hungry, having eaten on the plane. They went upstairs to freshen up as Annie helped Beth out of the wedding gown. About ten minutes later, the four of them piled into Beth's car to go watch Kevin play basketball.

A couple of hours later, they waited outside the locker room for Kevin to emerge. His team had won and Kevin, true to form, had been the star of the game scoring 25 points. As they waited, Beth introduced her family to the family members of the other players. Somewhere during the exchange, Beth realized that this would be one of the last times they would spend their Thursday evenings with these people who had become close friends. Beth looked around, each family had a story much like hers and Kevin's. Some had dealt with disability better than others, but they all had relied on each other to get through the hard days. Kevin still tried to pretend that he didn't need anyone or anything, but sometimes he definitely did need someone to talk to. He'd been pretty good about going to Jack, but there were times when he needed someone who understood what he was going through in a more personal way. That's when he called his teammate Kerry. Formerly a cadet at the Air Force Academy, Kerry O'Donnell had been preparing for a career as a fighter pilot when he was injured in a rock climbing accident just weeks before receiving his first commission. The two had quickly become friends when Kevin joined the league, and Kerry would be a groomsman in the wedding. Beth walked over to Kerry's wife Lily who was holding their brand new baby daughter Aurora. Lily was stressing about how she was going to look in a dress only eight weeks after Aurora had been born. Beth assured her she would look lovely. The two were discussing wedding plans with Beth's mother and sister when the guys finally emerged from the locker room.

Kevin was as excited as Beth had been to see the Reinharts. He and Kerry approached the group, and he introduced Kerry to Beth's father and mother. Aurora began to cry, so the O'Donnells excused themselves but promised to get together next week when Kerry's mother would be in town to keep the baby during the wedding festivities. Dr. Reinhart congratulated Kevin on a well-played game. The two of them headed toward the door still discussing basketball. Beth called ahead to ask Kevin if he was hungry. He pivoted the chair around and looked at her. "Of course I'm hungry. I'm always hungry," he shot back. They all laughed and Kevin said he and Dr. Reinhart would go in his car and that Beth should bring the girls. Beth didn't have to ask him where he was going, he always chose the same place.

She pulled into the parking lot of the little Italian restaurant a few minutes behind him, but by that time Kevin and her father had already gotten a table. Kevin was waiting at the door to show them the table, and Dr. Reinhart had already ordered a bottle of wine. When they all arrived, Dr. Reinhart proposed a toast to Beth and Kevin's continued happiness. They all raised their glasses and drank. They ordered and Kevin began the conversation. "I guess it's a little late, but Dr. and Mrs. Reinhart, I'd like to ask for your permission to marry your daughter."

Beth's father turned to Kevin and smiled. "Kevin, I know that the past few years have been extremely trying for you, but I want you to know how proud we all are of how you've stuck with it, finishing school and starting out with this new job. We've known you and your family for a long time, and over that time you've become more and more a part of our life and Beth's. She has never been happier than she is when she's with you, and it's obvious that you love her as much as she loves you. All that being said, I'm very pleased to give you my blessing for this marriage."

Mrs. Reinhart added to her husband's speech, "You have mine, too, but I guess you already knew that."

Kevin held Beth's hand and gently kissed it. He looked up at his future in-laws and smiled. "Thank you so much for always being there for me, for us. Because of your generosity, we'll be able to sell the townhouse and use that as a down payment on the new house. I do love Beth, more than anything else in the world. I don't pretend to know do be a husband to Beth, but I'm going to do the best I can to listen to her needs."

Dr. Reinhart extended his hand to Kevin. "I know that you will, Kevin. I know that you will do everything in your power to make Beth happy."

Their orders arrived, and the conversation switched to Kevin's game, the wedding, and the new house. Kevin glanced around the table as Beth and Annie talked about childhood memories in the house they grew up in. Dr. and Mrs. Reinhart added their own anecdotes while Kevin stored as many of the stories in his mind as possible. He already felt like he was a part of Beth's family. They were so kind and welcoming. This never ceased to amaze him, considering the past that he and Beth shared. Finally, the family finished eating and piled back into the cars for the ride home.

When they arrived at the house, Beth laid out the next day's plans. It was Independence Day, the Fourth of July, and the whole nation would pour into the capital city for the festivities. The family would drive into the city early the next morning. Beth had prepared maps and schedules for everyone listing the exact time and location of each of the day's main events. Kevin chuckled as he folded his and placed it in his pocket. It was so much like Beth to do this, and it was a quality he admired in some ways, but he knew he'd be spending the day with her. She'd definitely make sure that he was where he was supposed to be when he was supposed to be there.

Beth declared that they all needed their sleep since there would be so much to do the next day. She shooed her parents off to their room, sent Kevin to his and retired to her own with her sister, citing they had a lot of catching up to do. Kevin knocked on the door and entered to kiss Beth goodnight. Annie rolled their eyes saying they were being way too dramatic. They would see each other in the morning. Beth stuck out her tongue at her younger sister and turned back to Kevin. He pulled her onto his lap, kissed her on the lips, and then released her and left the room.

Beth climbed into bed with her sister. The two giggled like schoolgirls about how cute Kevin was and how well he had played in the game that night. Beth admitted that she couldn't believe that they were actually going to be married. It had been almost ten years ago that she had first gone out with Kevin. He had been the star of the school, she had been a cheerleader, and it seemed perfectly natural that the two of them would be together. Kevin was a year behind her in school, almost two years younger in age, but they became friends and eventually more. They both had written off the relationship as just a teenage thing, especially after Beth left for college. Then they officially broke up, the accident happened, and things just got more complicated between them. She was so thankful that Joan had gotten them back together. Annie agreed. Kevin and Beth absolutely belonged together. The two girls said goodnight to each other and tired to sleep. Beth wasn't sure she'd be able to do so, but after a few minutes her thoughts turned into dreams. Before she knew it, the alarm was sounding, beckoning her to start the day.

No one else was awake, not even her sister, so she crept silently into Kevin's room and crawled into bed with him. He turned toward her to reveal that he was really awake. She softly kissed his neck and collarbone. She wanted to continue, but he pulled her away. "Your parents are upstairs."

"I know that. No one is awake yet. We're safe. Besides, I just want to be with you for a minute. Are you ok? You look a little pale?" she asked.

"I'm not sure. I had a really weird dream, and it kinda freaked me out. I don't exactly remember what happened, but I have the feeling that it wasn't good." He tried to shake the dark cloud that seemed to have settled over him, but that was easier said than done. He shifted slightly in the bed to wrap his arms around her. He tried to change the subject. "Are you excited for today?"

She turned to look him in the eye, then she ran her fingers through his hair. "Sweetie, are you really ok? Can you tell me anything about it? Maybe that will make you feel better."

"Beth, I don't remember it, only that I felt really crappy after I woke up. Today's a big day, and I'm not going let a bad dream ruin it." He was beginning to get a little impatient with her patronizing tone. "Why don't you go get ready before everyone else gets up. I'll go make some coffee." He reached for his chair and left her alone in the bed.

She watched him leave the room and head toward the bathroom. When he finished, he continued to the kitchen. She got out of bed a few minutes later and walked into the bathroom. Under the shower's cleansing flow, she thought about the argument they had just had. Was it even considered an argument? She just wanted to make sure he was ok. She loved him so much. The knock on the door interrupted her thoughts. Her sister entered the bathroom and called for her to hurry. She snapped back to reality and told Annie she'd be finished in just a moment.

By the time Beth had finished dressing, the rest of the family was eating the breakfast Kevin had apparently prepared. She looked around the house for him until she heard the shower running. Her mother walked behind her and reached down to hug her. "Did you spat?" she asked. Beth just shrugged her shoulders because she really wasn't sure. "I'm sure everything will be fine," her mother assured. Beth took another bite of her cereal and looked unconvincingly at her mother.

A few moments later, Kevin joined the Reinharts in the kitchen. Mrs. Reinhart asked if he wanted anything else to eat. He declined, so everyone exited the house to load the car. Kevin drove his car with Dr. Reinhart in the front seat and the three women in the back. Kevin seemed to be in a decent mood, Beth decided, although he hadn't really spoken to her since the bedroom. He was talking to her father about something, she really wasn't paying attention, until she heard her mother's voice asking, "What do you think about that, Beth?" She looked around, having no idea of the topic of conversation.

"What was the question?" she asked, turning from the window.

Kevin looked at her in the rear view mirror. "I thought we could show your folks the church before we go to park at your work."

"Oh, yeah, that's fine. There shouldn't be too much traffic there now. Most people will take the Metro in later," she replied. In response, Kevin turned down the next street and pulled to the curb in front of a small chapel. Beth, Annie, and Mrs. Reinhart ran in to look at the interior while Kevin and Dr. Reinhart continued their conversation. The girls were only gone for about ten minutes following which, the group continued to La Maison Française.

Kevin parked the car in the spot marked with Beth's name and the family began their trek across the city. The day was growing increasingly hotter while the crowd thickened. They all took spaces on the sidewalk as the parade began. Red, white, and blue balloons, streamers, tinsel, and every sort of decoration blew by them. Bands blared brass blasts, and beauty queens of every persuasion waved from cars and floats. The afternoon passed with the family exploring the monuments and faded into evening. Beth suggested that they get a firework-watching space soon so that they would be sure to see and hear everything.

The pyrotechnic montage was breathtakingly gorgeous but was over way too soon, in Beth's opinion. She sat on the lawn beside her sister and Kevin waiting for the crowd to thin a bit before they made the journey back to his car. He reached his hand down and motioned for her to sit with him. She climbed into his lap. He wrapped his arms around her and whispered in her ear. "I'm sorry I was grumpy this morning. I didn't mean to put a damper on your day. Will you forgive me? I keep thinking about how silly it is to be upset about a dream, so I'm a big dork. But I hope you love me anyway." He kissed her neck and his hand grazed her shoulder blade. She shivered, but he only held her closer.

"I forgive you."

About an hour later they were all on their way back to the car. Suddenly a tall, thin, shabby-looking man appeared in front of them. Kevin pushed Beth behind him for protection. The figure laughed, or smirked, actually. "What's the problem, Kev? Afraid of your old pal?"

Kevin stared through the darkness when an overhead streetlight relit above them. However, it was Beth who answered the stranger. "Andy, what in the hell are you doing here?"

Kevin stared back in shock. Andy Baker was much thinner than he remembered. His hair was long and needed washed. So did his clothes. He watched his former best friend in disbelief and waited for his reply to Beth's question.

"Well, I didn't want to miss out on the family outing. Looks like I'm just in time." He turned to Beth's parents, "Dr. and Mrs. Reinhart, how nice to see you again. You're both looking well."

Dr. Reinhart answered, "Thank you Andy, although I wish I could say the same for you. How long have you been here?"

"Here as in the District? Two days, sleeping in my car. I assumed you would all be here for the 4th, and well, parking at Beth's job wasn't hard to figure out. I've just been waiting."

Kevin glared at Andy, "Waiting for what?"

"To see you. To see what I did to you. You think I screwed up your life that night? Your family moved away. Mine didn't. My little brother was shunned at school, my dad lost his job. Everyone whispered and stared at the 'kid who almost killed Kevin Girardi.' It was enough to drive a person crazy. You think your life stopped that night, well, so did mine."

Beth walked toward Andy, but Kevin grabbed her arm and pulled her back. He looked at his friend standing in front of him, noticing the rounded shoulders and gaunt angles of his mouth. This wasn't the Andy he had grown up with, not at all. Finally he spoke. "What do you want from me?"

Andy's anger melted into sadness. "I only wanted the chance to tell you how sorry I was, how sorry I am. When they arrested me and I went to jail, I begged my parents not to fight it. I deserved whatever punishment they wanted to give me for what had happened to you. I thought that would help my feelings of guilt, but it just made them worse. When I got home, you were back in town, but everyone said I shouldn't talk to you. My mom was afraid your dad would sue us. I didn't care if they took everything I had, I just wanted you to know. I started using. That made things even worse. I guess Beth told you I had been in rehab. I've been clean and sober for five years. Getting high was the only time I ever forgot about that night. So, it was the hardest thing in the world for me to give it up. I still hear the screeching tires, smell the burning plastic, and see you lying on the ground not moving, covered in blood. It's what I dream every night and what I wake up to every day. I know it doesn't compare to what you've lost, but I just wanted you to know that I didn't walk away from that crash unharmed. I know you tried to call me a few years back. I didn't recognize the number and redialed it, but I hung up when I got your machine. I've wanted to see you and talk to you for so long, and when I read that you and Beth were getting married, I hoped it would be at home so I could at least know you were ok. I don't expect you to forgive me, but I do want to tell you how sorry I am for what happened to you, for what I did."

Kevin slowly approached Andy. "I got in that car with you knowing full well that you had been drinking. I was out of control, and what happened that night was a terrible accident. I'm not going to say that I didn't blame you, because I did. But I accept your apology and I do forgive you, Andy. I thought my life was over, but there have been a lot of special people who haven't let me stop living or start feeling sorry for myself. I'm sorry I couldn't be there for you on the days when you thought it wasn't worth getting out of bed. I know we've both had those. I'm sorry I didn't call, but I didn't know what to say. I'm sorry about my dad. He's still pretty riled up about the accident, actually. I don't know if he'll ever fully get over it. I don't think I will either. It changed everything about me, but I'm doing ok. No, I'm doing better than ok. Things are good. I'm sorry that I've been a lousy friend. Will you forgive me?" Kevin extended his hand to Andy.

Andy started at Kevin, unsure of his next move. He couldn't believe the words his friend had just spoken. Kevin had forgiven him and actually asked Andy to forgive him for letting the friendship die. Andy didn't understand. "Why are you doing this? Are you trying to make me feel more guilty?"

"No, man. I just decided a while back that being angry doesn't get me anywhere. So I'm trying my hardest not to get bent out of shape over stuff I can't do anything about. But we can fix this, you know. We can try to make things better between us. I'm serious about that. I forgive you, Andy."

Andy ran his hand through his too-long hair. "Yeah, ok. I would like that."

Kevin smiled. "You look like you could use a shower and a hot meal. Why don't you come over to our place and get cleaned up? We have an extra couch, too."

Andy nodded and the group continued back to the car. Beth's family had hung back while the two friends talked things over, but they had heard the gist of the conversation. Beth's father offered to ride with Andy since there wasn't room for everyone in Kevin's car, and Andy didn't know the way to the house. A few minutes later they were on their way.

Beth had climbed into the front seat beside Kevin. She asked him if he wanted her to drive. He was shaking, but he said that he didn't. She wanted to hold his hand but realized that he needed it to drive. All she could do was sit quietly and wait. The car was completely silent, so Kevin turned on the radio. Patriotic music cut through the heaviness that had descended on the evening. A little under an hour later, they pulled into the garage. Andy pulled in right beside him.

The cars emptied. Beth, Mrs. Reinhart, and Annie led Andy into the house for a shower and some dinner. Dr. Reinhart stayed back to check on Kevin.

"You ok, bud?" Dr. Reinhart asked his future son-in-law who was still sitting in his car.

Kevin's held his head in his hands and leaned on the steering wheel. "I don't know." He looked up at Beth's father. "I made two mistakes in my life. Two. People screw up a lot more than that and it barely fazes them. Why do these two stupid choices that I made keep my life in such turmoil? Beth and I worked things out, and I would never do anything to hurt her again. But Andy and that situation, I don't understand it. I face the decision I made to get in that car every damned day, every second of every day. I've done everything right since then. Why can't it ever just be over? Why can't I just live my life as it is now? That's all I want. Sometimes I dream about miracles, but I know what reality is, and for the most part I live in it. So why can't I just go forward without looking back every other minute?"

Dr. Reinhart slid into the passenger seat, "Kevin, I can't answer your questions. I'm very sorry that you've had to deal with so much in your life. It's not fair, and yet you've handled adversity with so much class. If there were any way that I could make things easier on you, I would do it, as would your parents, Beth, and everyone who cares about you. All you can do is keep going. That's what you've been doing for the past few years, and you can't stop now. You and Beth deserve a happy, easy life. I'm her dad, I'm supposed to be there to tell her that everything will work out, and I'm telling you the same thing. You're going to be ok. You'll deal with Andy, and then maybe the past really will be behind you once and for all."

Kevin sighed and shook his head. "I wish I could believe you. I'm trying to, I really am."

"I know it's hard Kevin, but you can do this. Just like you got out of bed every day when you thought it wasn't worth it, and over time life became worth living again. Live, Kevin. Live every day because you have it. I was at the accident scene. You should have died right there. You say you are looking for a miracle? You already got yours."

"I know, Dr. Reinhart. I just get so frustrated. I'm sorry to act like this. I need to be a friend to Andy. We were closer than brothers, and I owe it to him to show him that I'm ok, that he can be, too. Can you get my chair from the trunk? I forgot all about it until now. I could have been stuck out here all night!"

Beth's father retrieved the chair and placed it beside Kevin's open door. Kevin moved from the car into the chair. Dr. Reinhart placed his hand on Kevin's shoulder and patted it lightly. Kevin closed his eyes and dropped his head briefly. Then, he looked up and led the way into the house. Mrs. Reinhart met them at the door and shot Kevin a look of support and concern. Dr. Reinhart guided her into the living room leaving Beth and Kevin alone in the kitchen."Where is he?" Kevin asked her.

"He's in the upstairs bathroom. Mom washed the clothes in his bag, so I gave him some of your stuff to wear tonight. I made some sandwiches and soup if you want anything." Beth traversed the kitchen, cleaning up dishes and empty containers.

"Did you have something to do with this?" Kevin asked quietly.

Beth stopped in her tracks and turned to face him. "No, why would you even ask that?"

"He knew where you worked and where to find us. You were really anxious for us to get together before, too. I just thought you might have talked to him recently."

"No. I hadn't talked to Andy since the last time I was home, and only for a few minutes then. He reads the newspaper, and my grandmother is always putting things about me in it. You know how she used to do that. Our wedding announcement had my job listed, too. I didn't have anything to do with it." Beth answered. She didn't seem angry, and for that Kevin was grateful. He realized that he had sounded accusing, but he didn't really mean to.

"Yeah, I guess so. I'm just still a little shocked, you know?"

She was quiet for a minute before she answered him. "I told you to talk to him years ago. Maybe it's just finally time."

He knew she was right. She hadn't nagged him about it, but she had made the suggestion more than once that he and Andy should try to work things out. He had thought about it a few times but just let the opportunities pass. He had even been home visiting family. He had driven past Andy's house, past the high school, and then finally by the scene of the accident. Kevin had wanted to see Andy, but being there was just too much for him to deal with at one time.

During his reminiscence Kevin noticed that the water had stopped running. Andy was descending the stairs but stopped when he saw Beth and Kevin in the kitchen. He missed his friends. He and Beth had been "boyfriend and girlfriend" in elementary school. They had met Kevin in middle school. The three were fast friends. Beth and Andy's love affair didn't last past seventh grade, yet it was several years later that Kevin and Beth became more than just friends. Kevin had been a little apprehensive about a relationship with Beth, but Andy had assured him that it was ok. Andy had always been Kevin's gracious second-the fullback to Kevin's tailback, the second baseman to Kevin's shortstop, the two guard to Kevin's point, the third leg to Kevin's anchor, but it didn't matter to him. He was a talented athlete, and anywhere else would probably have been the shining star; however, his high school years had been fun, happy, fulfilled. Until that fateful April night, that is. He wanted so desperately to put the past behind him.

Beth noticed Andy on the steps and invited him to sit with them at the table. She knew that he and Kevin needed to talk privately, but first the three of them needed to spend some time together. Andy sat at the end of the table with Beth and Kevin on either side. Kevin was the first to speak.

"Maybe this can finally be over."

Andy faced him with a pained look on his face. "God, I hope so. I'm so sorry, Kevin. I wish it had been me."

Kevin shook his head. "It shouldn't have been either of us. We were stupid, Andy, and that's something we have to live with. But we can't let it continue to destroy us, keep us apart. We were like brothers. I'm ok now. Beth is, too. I want to make sure that you are now. What can I do for you?"

Andy sighed with relief. "You've already done it. I just wanted you to know how sorry I truly am. I didn't think you could ever forgive me. It's like a huge weight off of me to know that your life wasn't completely ruined."

Kevin smiled toward Beth. "No, my life isn't completely ruined."

Beth felt that things were going well, so she excused herself. She went into the living room to send her family to bed. Her parents were headed upstairs. She and her sister went into her bedroom. Kevin and Andy stayed at the kitchen table talking. Beth was so tired. She fell asleep almost immediately. As it was Saturday night and very late, she didn't even set her alarm.

She woke the next morning with the sun streaming in her window. The clock showed only seven o'clock. It was very early for a Sunday morning, but she got up to use the bathroom. As she opened the door into the darkened hallway, she heard voices and soft laughter from the living room. After going through the kitchen into the bathroom, she headed toward the voices. She found Kevin and Andy, each in a recliner, watching old high school football film. She crossed her arms and shook her head. The boys looked back at her and grinned mischievously. She walked over to Kevin and climbed into his lap. His eyes were heavy with sleep. So were Andy's, but it was obvious that the two of them had taken care of things the night before. The laughter had died down and the tape had come to the end. Andy raised the remote to shut off the tv. He and Kevin both raised the footrests on the recliners. Beth remained on Kevin's lap, and the three of them fell asleep again.

It was a little after noon when the rest of the house stirred. Annie found the trio in the living room, and her mother came in with the camera. The flash woke Beth who shooed her mother away so the boys could get some more sleep. In another hour Kevin moved underneath her. He kissed her neck and whispered in her ear. She giggled thinking of how exciting it would be to wake up with him every morning. She hopped up so he could get up, as well. Andy sat up in his chair, his long hair sticking out wildly. Kevin laughed out loud. He promised his friend that they would find him a good barber as soon as possible. Besides, he added, Beth wouldn't let him in the door at the wedding looking like that. Andy looked back at them with wide eyes. Beth assured him that they couldn't have a wedding without him there.

The rest of Beth's family was lounging throughout the house since Beth, Kevin, and Andy had been sleeping in the living room. Kevin headed for the shower downstairs and Andy for the upstairs one. Beth's eyes trailed Kevin longingly, and her mother saw. She reminded Beth that in a week she would be free to shower with Kevin whenever she wanted, but that for the next six days she'd just have to wait. Beth blushed at her mother's comment, but she didn't attempt to deny it. Her mother laughed.

Everyone wanted to know what had happened the night before. Beth said she honestly didn't know. Kevin and Andy had apparently made up, but she really didn't know any details. Dr. Reinhart listened silently from across the room. As much as he liked Kevin, and as sure as he was that Kevin would be a good husband for his daughter, he was still worried that the unsettled rift between Kevin and Andy would never leave Kevin's mind until it was resolved. Now he breathed easier as well. His only reservation about the impending wedding had been erased.

When Kevin finally emerged from the bathroom, he found his mother standing in the kitchen along with the rest of the Reinhart crew and Andy. He could tell that someone had explained everything to her, and she seemed happy to see Andy. Kevin was glad.

"Ma, what are you doing here?" Kevin asked sleepily.

"I couldn't let Beth and Mrs. Reinhart slave away this last week while I was at home doing practically nothing, now could I?"

Kevin noticed that Beth had produced the white satin binder. He knew he was in for it now. He hadn't actually been allowed to see the contents of the binder, but he instinctively knew that it meant trouble. Beth had tried to convince him that it was perfectly normal to have a "wedding folder," but hers looked more like a full set of encyclopedias than a folder. Dr. Reinhart could tell that the women would soon be engrossed in planning and suggested that the guys go out to get some lunch. Kevin and Andy quickly agreed.

Dr. Reinhart knew both of the boys well and had to keep himself from thinking of them as just that, boys. They were men now, and one of them was going to marry his daughter.


	13. Chapter 13

Chapter 13

The week had flown by, and before anyone knew it, the entire wedding party had descended on the three homes in Silver Spring. Beth was running around crazily and Kevin watched with admiration and amusement. The rehearsal was set to begin in less than an hour. She was on the phone with her mother, sister, and Helen who were already at the church finishing up decorations. Kevin and the men were packing their things to return to Jack's house after the dinner that night. Joan and Grace were preparing rooms for the bridesmaids who were straggling in at various intervals. Kevin wanted to pick on Beth a little to lighten the mood, but he knew better than to do so at this moment. Finally, mostly everyone was ready to go. Kevin messed with his tie; he detested wearing one. Beth was wearing a flowered sun dress and dangerously high heels. He was amazed at how gracefully she moved in spite of this. Beth directed the traffic to the cars, shouting last minute instructions to everyone, including her mother on the other end of the phone. Kevin got in the front seat of Jack's car with Jerrod, Luke, and Adam in the back. Annika drove Beth, Jocelyn, Joan and Grace while both fathers followed in Will's car.

They all arrived at the church in plenty of time, much to Beth's pleasure. The minister greeted the couple, parents, and wedding party members. The musicians for the ceremony were students at a local college. The group included a harmonica player, Kevin's gift to Beth, knowing she was a sucker for anything that sounded remotely like Bob Dylan. The incorporation of the unique sound in the classical feel of the songs the couple had chosen added an air to the ceremony that was so quintessentially them. The musicians were just finishing their practice when the party entered the sanctuary, and Beth, hearing the sound of the harmonica, pivoted to face Kevin who nearly ran over her as she stopped directly in front of him.

"It was supposed to be a surprise," he admitted.

She smiled. "It's ok, maybe it will keep me from crying too terribly tomorrow when I hear it then."

The minister walked everyone through the entire ceremony, placing the groomsmen on the right side of the sanctuary and the bridesmaids on the left. They ran through the processional twice and they would have done it two more times if Beth had been in complete control, but her mother stepped in to remind her of the dinner reservation. She blushed a bit, thanked the minister for his help, and agreed that they were ready for the next day. Kevin remained silent, deciding wisely to pick his battles with her, especially before the marriage actually began. As they were leaving for the dinner, Annie pulled Kevin aside and told him that Beth wanted to have some time alone with him before everyone went home. He promised to give her whatever she needed.

The dinner put everyone at ease. Laughter and stories about the two resounded through the restaurant's banquet hall. Will and Helen, parents of the groom, had been responsible for the reservations and were extremely pleased at how well the evening had turned out. Will rose from his seat to address the crowd. He thanked everyone for sharing in the upcoming event in the lives of Kevin and Beth as they made the decision to pursue a life together. He continued to recognize the family members present as well as the rest of the wedding party. Finally, he turned the floor over to Kevin and Beth who prepared to present gifts to their attendants.

Beth began first. She asked her maids to stand. She began with Annie. "This is my sister Annie. I've known her since she was born. I'm so wonderfully excited that she's been here with me this week helping get everything ready. We've shared secrets, a bedroom, clothes, even boyfriends, but she's here to share the biggest moment in my life. Annie, this is for you. Thank you so much for everything." She handed her sister a wrapped package and turned to Annika and Jocelyn. "These two girls came into my life very recently thanks to Kevin, actually. I met Jocelyn and Annika first as Jerrod and Jack's girlfriends. Very soon afterward, we had ditched the guys pretty much altogether for our own 'dates.' They are two of the most supportive friends I could have ever imagined, and I'm dreading leaving them." Beth reached for two more boxes and handed them to Annika and Jocelyn. Finally she turned to Joan. "Joan is the singular reason that we're even here tonight. As most of you know, Kevin and I broke up in high school for what I thought was for good. However, around four years ago, Joan called me, totally out of the blue, and asked if I would be interested in seeing Kevin again. I said, why not. And just four short years later, here we are. Joan believed in us when no one else even considered us a possibility. For that, and everything else she's been and done for Kevin and me, I am forever grateful." She handed Joan the final package.

Kevin took center stage next. He began with Jack, his best man. "After we moved to Arcadia, I felt pretty lost. I had the same friends my entire life, and then they were gone. I was gone. It was really hard to try to fit in there. After Beth and I got back together and I started school in College Park, I met Jack in my first class on campus. He came over to me, introduced himself and some of the other people in the class. That made such an impression on me, as did the way he was sure to include me in everything that was going on. One night after we had been hanging out for a few months, he asked me about the accident. I realized then that I hadn't put myself out there to actually connect with anyone. Jack just listened, and he's been doing that for me ever since that day. I only hope that I can attempt to be as good a friend to him as he's been to me. Thanks, man." Kevin handed Jack his package and turned to Jerrod. "One of the guys that Jack introduced me to that first day was his best friend and partner. Jerrod and I have shared some pretty great memories in the relatively short time we've known each other. I'm really glad that he was able to be here with us today and all along the way. He just told me a few minutes ago that he and Jocelyn got engaged last weekend, so I want to wish the two of them the very best, as well." The two shook hands, and Kevin gave out his second box. Next in Kevin's line was Kerry O'Donnell. Kevin explained their connection through the basketball league and handed out his next present. Finally, he made it to his younger brother Luke. "Like Beth and Annie, I've known Luke since he was born. I always prided myself in being the perfect big brother, but in fact, I really wasn't. Sometimes I was downright immature and ironically it was Luke who called me on it mostly every time. He's a good man, and he's made me a better man than I should have become. I'm so proud of everything he's done and am looking forward to seeing all the great things he's going to do. I know there will be a lot of them. Luke, I don't tell you this nearly enough, but I love you." Luke approached Kevin and embraced him in an unusual show of emotion. Kevin handed him the final package on the table.

It wasn't much later that the party began to disperse. Annika and Annie were instantly at Kevin's side. They told him he should leave with Beth. He didn't really understand but didn't feel that he should question the girls. Beth was already outside in the car, and Helen sent Kevin after her when he tried to stay and be helpful. She assured him that his parents could handle everything. He kissed his mother goodbye and joined Beth in the car.

"Is this legal?" he asked her. "I thought I wasn't supposed to see you before the wedding."

"You saw me like five minutes ago," Beth answered. "I just wanted us to have a little time to see each other before the craziness tomorrow." Beth pulled the car out of the parking lot. She drove the car to the park near their home that had become their special meeting place over that past few years, even before Kevin had moved to Silver Spring. She parked on the side of the road and led him to the swing set.

As a child, she had loved the swings more than any other playground toy. She sat on a swing and kicked off her shoes. Kevin came up behind her and gave her a gentle push. On the back swing; however, he caught her waist and held her close. He pulled her back through the swing onto his lap. This was their most intimate position, one that they were often in. Beth sat with her head resting on his chest, listening to his heartbeat. She broke the silence of the night.

"Kevin, do you believe in God?"

He was shocked by the question, as the two of them had never really discussed religious matters. He knew that her parents attended church regularly and that his parents had both been raised in the Roman Catholic church, but they had never insisted that Kevin attend. Beth hadn't really gone regularly since she finished high school. He wasn't sure what her point was going to be, but he wasn't sure he was going to like it.

"I don't think that I do, Beth. Why are you asking me this?"

"My dad and I were talking earlier, and he told me about the accident. You know he was there, right?"

Kevin nodded.

"He's seen people hurt really badly in his career. He said he thought that you were dead. The paramedics couldn't get vital signs. He was ready to pronounce it, but something happened. He was so upset that he didn't know what to do or say. Andy was hysterical. They were trying to hold him back from where you were. My dad just said 'Oh God, please.' He turned back to you and they found your pulse. He said he told you that you got your miracle that night. I know he didn't elaborate before, but he believes that something supernatural happened there. I believe him. I've known him all my life and he doesn't exaggerate."

Kevin swallowed. He didn't know how to answer her. He knew about Joan's 'God experiences' or whatever. His mom had tried to get them all to go to church for a while, but Kevin wasn't sure he could celebrate a God who would allow his hopes and dreams to end, especially if He had the power to heal Kevin's injuries. The bitterness was just too great. He had refused his mother's request and had barely thought about God since then. Everything he had done in his life he had accomplished with his own hard work. He hadn't ever asked God for anything. His mother and Joan had, he was sure of that, but he himself had not. Now Beth was telling him that Dr. Reinhart believed that Kevin had miraculously survived the accident. Did that mean he wasn't entitled to walking? Was there a limit of one miracle per person? This was a subject he didn't know anything about at all. He didn't know how to answer Beth. It wasn't that he hadn't tried to believe before, even when Joan had been sick. He just didn't know who God was, if He really did even exist.

"I'm not doubting what your father says, Beth, but I can't tell you that I believe in something that I'm just not sure that I do. I'm willing to listen, to learn, but I'm skeptical."

Beth seemed satisfied with this answer. She had been so amazed when her father had pulled her aside earlier in the week. She had been raised to believe in God and the miraculous powers that were in His nature. Religion had never been an issue between herself and Kevin, but she was pleased to hear that Kevin was open to at least learning more. He had agreed to a church wedding for her family's benefit and had gone through counseling sessions with the minister. Yet, nothing had piqued his interest before hearing her father's account of the accident. It wasn't enough to convince him, but it was enough to get him started. She was instantly glad that she had insisted upon this conversation.

"I know you are Kevin, and I'm not trying to give you answers or insinuate that I have them, but I think this is something that we should explore together. If we don't like it or think it's bogus then we don't have to continue."

"Ok. I can live with that. We'll find a place where we fit in and where we can learn more about this whole thing."

She glanced at her watch, unaware of how long they had been sitting under the stars. She showed him the face and he wheeled the two of them back to the car. Beth slid behind the wheel as Kevin placed himself in the passenger seat. She drove him to Jack's house where the men were staying for the night. She leaned across to kiss him goodnight before he exited the car and left her sight. When he closed the front door, she pulled away and drove the six blocks to her own house.

Jack, Jerrod, Luke, Dr. Reinhart, and Will were sitting in the living room watching the end of an Orioles' game when Kevin entered the house. They all turned when they heard the door slam. Grinning, Jack asked slyly, "Well, well, well. Where have you two been? Oh, sorry D.R. (Jack's nickname for Beth's father) Didn't mean to make you think about your little princess and this guy doing anything scandalous." Everyone in the room laughed as Jack's ears turned a bright shade of pink.

Kevin grinned at his friend from behind tired eyes. "We were just talking over some last minute details. Don't worry, I don't think either of us is ready to bolt. But now I'm exhausted, so I'm going to turn in. What time is tee time in the morning?"

Jack confirmed that the foursome was to begin at 8:30. Kevin said goodnight and left for the spare bedroom where he would be sleeping. A few minutes later he had gotten into bed when he heard a knock on the door. Will pushed open the door and came in.

"Hey, dad. What's up?'

Will crossed to the bed and sat on the edge facing Kevin. "Can we talk for a minute?"

"Sure."

"I, uh, I know that we don't talk as much as we used to, so I wanted to take some time for both of us tonight before you marry Beth and move away. I hope you know that I love you, that I would do anything for you. And I'm proud of you, son. I'm so very proud of you. I didn't know what to do after your accident. I know I held you back, but I couldn't believe that this was real. I still don't. I remember the day you were born like it was five minutes ago, and I remember that night. Every time the phone rings, even now, I get this horrible feeling in the pit of my stomach. My first instinct was just to hold onto you so tightly that you would never be out of my sight again, so that I could protect you. But you were amazing. You just never quit. I know you wanted to. I can't imagine what you've gone through and how you've gotten through it all. Kevin, you are my hero. I can't believe that you're my son, that I could have had even some small part in who you have become."

At this point Kevin interrupted his father. "Dad, no. I only wanted to be like you. I only wanted to be the type of man that you are. Now I just hope that I can be even a fraction of the husband and father that you've always been for us. I'm so scared that I'm going to let Beth down. She's so perfect and I love her so much, and I've hurt her before. I can't believe she wants to spend her life with me. Yeah, I'm pretty much scared shitless, but I have the best example that I can imagine to follow. Thank you for everything you've done and been. And you're wrong about one thing. I would have never have made it without you."

Will placed his hand on Kevin's leg and continued. "You're going to be a great husband. The main thing you have to do is listen to her and tell her how you're feeling, too. Don't keep things inside. She loves you, too. Anyone can see it in the way she looks at you when she thinks nobody else sees. Take it easy on babies, though. Spend some time enjoying each other. You have plenty of time. Well, it's getting late and you have a horribly big day ahead of you tomorrow. Get some sleep, Slugger."

Kevin winced, "Dad."

"Sorry, old habit." Will turned to go out the door when Kevin called out.

"Beth asked me if I believed in God."

Kevin's father stopped in the doorway and turned around. "When did she ask you that?"

"That's what we talked about tonight. Apparently her dad told her that when he got to the scene of the accident, he thought I was dead. Then he prayed or something and then the paramedics got a pulse. He told Beth that it was a miracle that I lived. You know how they feel about church and God and everything. And I know about mom and Joan, and the stuff they believe, but I just wanted to know what you think."

Will frowned. "Kev, I'm not the person to ask about this. I'm pretty much neutral about God. I know that we were very lucky to have you still here with us, but I don't know about miracles. Every day I have with you I consider a little bit miraculous, so maybe I do believe in something."

Kevin sighed. "That's kinda what I thought, too. I'm going to bed. I can't really think about this anymore."

"Good night, Kevin." With that Will closed the door. Kevin turned off the lamp on the night stand.

A/N: Next up, the wedding. But I'm doing some revisions on it. I've been a little busy lately, but it should be coming soon. After that, the next 10 chapters or so are already ready.


	14. Chapter 14

Chapter 14

"Beth, hun, what do you want for breakfast? We have to be at the salon by noon, so you'll need to hurry now." Mrs. Reinhart stood at the foot of the bed and tried to rouse her daughter.

Beth moaned. She wanted to sleep a little longer, then she realized what this day was. She sat up straight in her bed. "I'm getting married today!" she yelled. Her mother laughed and threw her bathrobe at her. She left the room, telling Beth once again to get out of bed.

Beth jumped out of her bed and ran into the kitchen. All of her bridesmaids, Helen Girardi, her mother and Grace Polk were gathered around the table placing various items into a tackle box. Beth scrunched her nose and asked if they were preparing for a fishing trip. Annie tossed a package of pantyhose at her and explained that they were assembling the emergency wedding kit. Everything they could possibly need in case of a minor crisis could be found inside.

She looked around and noticed that everyone was already ready to leave the house. Her mother told her to hurry up and get a shower before they were all late for her wedding. Beth dashed into the bathroom. She took her time in the shower, though. She wanted to be relaxed and prepared for the day. Finally, Beth felt that she was clean and refreshed. She shut off the water and grabbed a towel.

Meanwhile, Kevin, Jack, Jerrod and Kerry were just about to finish their nine holes of golf for the morning. Kevin, normally quite a controlled golfer, was hitting the ball all over the place. Jack had been chasing his shots gone awry for nearly three hours. At last, Jack decided that he wasn't going into the trees anymore. Kevin could just buy more golf balls later. By they time they arrived back at the clubhouse, Kerry had tallied the scores. Kevin finished third behind Kerry and Jerrod. Jack fumed a little, stating that his score didn't really count since Kevin had played so poorly. Kevin agreed. The two of them challenged their friends to a rematch on a day when they had less on their minds. The guys returned their carts and got back into the car. They met Luke, Adam and the fathers back at Jack's house for lunch a few minutes later.

The girls had arrived at the salon a little while earlier and were now being served hors d'oeuvres as they had their hair and nails perfectly coiffed and manicured. Beth exclaimed that she was too excited to eat, but her mother insisted that she at least try a little something. She took a bite of a tiny sandwich, leaving the rest on the plate. The thoughts running through her head were so varied. Thinking of her life with Kevin always made her smile. As she stared at her reflection in the mirror she realized that she was beaming. Annie walked up behind her. Placing her hands on Beth's shoulders, Annie smiled, too. The two sisters giggled and whispered together while the other girls were finishing up. A few minutes later, everyone was done and it was time to leave for the church.

"Dad, how does this thing work?" Kevin asked holding up an indeterminable piece of his tuxedo. Will turned, glanced at the piece of fabric a fully-dressed Kevin was brandishing in front of him.

"Are your clothes falling off without it?" Will wondered.

"I don't think so. Do you see anything falling off?"

Laughing at his son who was furiously attempting to examine his outfit for missing pieces, Will joined the search. "No, buddy, I don't see anywhere that looks naked."

Kevin wasn't convinced. "I'm going to take it with me and ask mom. I don't want to have something missing because Beth will know and then I'll look stupid." He wanted this day to go as smoothly as possible. Nervousness coursed through his body, mingling with excitement. He had never imagined that this day would happen like this, with Beth. Old cynical, sarcastic Kevin had faded away and a thankful, ambitious Kevin was quickly replacing him. Beth had helped that happen. Living up to who he wanted to be for her wouldn't be easy, but it would definitely be a goal that he was anxious to try to attain.

The groomsmen assembled in the living room while Kevin was still contemplating too many things to keep straight. Jerrod worked out transportation assignments. Luke and Kevin would be going together in Kevin's car with the other dispersing among Jack, Jerrod and Will's cars. The two brothers climbed into the vehicle, Kevin in the driver's seat and Luke the passenger. Luke noticed that Kevin was unusually quiet, but he was glad. There were a few things he wanted to say to his older brother.

"Kev?"

"Huh," Kevin answered a few seconds later.

"You ready to do this? You look a little nervous."

"Yeah, definitely, on both parts." Kevin smiled over at his little brother.

Luke wasn't sure how to broach the subject. "I was just jealous," he blurted.

"Excuse me?"

Luke struggled to continue his thought, trying to make Kevin understand. "That day in the car when I told you I was happy about you not being able to walk, I don't think I really meant it. I just felt that it put us a little more on even footing. I always wanted to be like you, but I couldn't. You got all the attention, girls, dad. I wanted that, too, and I thought it would go away because it was attached to the things you did. But as I've watched you over the past few years I've come to realize that it's because of who you are. I'm still a little jealous, but I'm really sorry that I . . ."

Kevin cut him off. "I know, Luke. While I was shocked at first, I told you that I agreed with you. I had been an ass. You've always kept me grounded on that. I've been trying to be a better person, less self-centered. It's been so much harder that I thought it would be. Let's both face it now, I'm fairly awesome." Kevin grinned widely at Luke who shook his head but was smiling as well.

"We don't need to hug or anything do we?" Luke asked uncomfortably.

"Nah, I'll just punch you in the shoulder or something." At this, both brothers laughed out loud. The conversation switched to living in New England, something about which Luke was quite knowledgeable, and before they both realized it, they were in front of the church.

Groomsmen photos were first, followed by bridesmaids and family. Basically everything except the bride and groom together was being done before the ceremony. Finally, after what seemed like a million years and flash bulbs later, the wedding coordinator hustled everyone into place. The music began in the sanctuary as Luke and Jerrod seated the arriving guests. The minister walked into the classroom where the men were waiting. He told them that it was time to go. Kevin and the groomsmen filed into the room as the vocalist began his selection, "To Make You Feel My Love." When he had finished the doors opened and the bridesmaids started down the aisle. The musicians escorted the ladies with a medley of Beatles songs including "Here, There, and Everywhere," "And I Love Her," and "In My Life." Jocelyn, Annika, and Joan wore light purple strapless gowns with a dark violet ribbon around the waist. In contrast, Annie's gown was dark violet and her ribbon was light purple. Kevin smiled as the girls approached. They all did look lovely, but they weren't who he had been waiting to see.

The doors opened slowly, and Kevin stretched to see Beth standing beside her father. The medley of Beatles tunes continued with the song "Something." At this point, the vocalist began to sing the words as Beth's mother stood. The bride and Dr. Reinhart began slowly down the aisle.

Beth reached the front of the chapel, and Kevin had finally had the chance to take her in fully. She had decided against the veil, and instead was wearing her hair swept back off of her face and gathered at the nape of her neck with a delicate purple flower tucked into the base of the gathered hair on the left side. Dangling diamonds dripped from her ears, but her neck was bare. Her skin glowed, and the outline of her collarbone provided an air of sexy elegance. Kevin barely made it to the gown, he was so enthralled by her beauty, but when he finally did see the rest of her he was not disappointed. The monotony of the strapless A-line dress was broken by two embellished panels on either side of Beth, just above the waist. The two triangles accentuated her shapely frame, yet the most surprising aspect of the dress was that these sections and the entire train of the dress were dark violet. Silver thread had been embroidered into an ornate pattern in the front and on the outline of the back while a trail of white buttons descended Beth's back the entire length of the sizeable train. It was the most unique and exquisite dress Kevin had ever seen, not that he had seen too many wedding gowns, but he was quite sure that Beth was the most beautiful bride ever. She was standing a few steps back from the altar now, one step down beside her father. All he could do was gaze lovingly at her.

The minister's voice broke his concentration as he began the ceremony. "Ladies and gentlemen, we have come here today to join Kevin Ray Girardi and Sarah Beth Reinhart in the holy covenant of marriage." Beth's father gave her away, kissed her cheek and she joined Kevin on the podium in front of the minister. The reverend invited Grace Polk to speak. Beth had asked Grace to share and Old Testament reading from the Song of Solomon. Grace stood and began to read from the second and sixth chapters of this book.

"Song of Solomon, the second chapter verses eight through seventeen: The voice of my beloved! Look, he comes, leaping upon the mountains, bounding over the hills. My beloved is like a gazelle or a young stag. Look, there he stands behind our wall, gazing in at the windows, looking through the lattice. My beloved speaks and says to me: 'Arise my love, my fair one, and come away; for now the winter is past, the rain is over and gone. The flowers appear on the earth; the time of singing has come, and the voice of the turtledove is heard in our land. The fig tree puts forth its figs, and the vines are in blossom; they give forth fragrance. Arise, my love, my fair one, and come away. O my dove, in the clefts of the rock, in the covert of the cliff, let me see your face, let me hear your voice; for your voice is sweet, and your face is lovely. Catch us the foxes, the little foxes, that ruin the vineyards-for our vineyard are in blossom.' My beloved is mine and I am his; he pastures his flock among the lilies. Until the day breathes and the shadows flee, turn, my beloved, be like a gazelle or a young stag on the cleft mountains."

She finished and returned to her seat beside the Girardi family, and the minister turned to Kevin and Beth. "These two have written their own vows, so now they will present them to each other."

Beth began first, her voice strong, though tears were forming in her eyes. "My dearest Kevin, I love you more than any single thing in my life. I wake up every morning and I'm so fortunate, so thankful that you're there, and that you'll always be there. I promise to love and support you in all your endeavors. I promise to listen when you talk, to be a shoulder for you to cry on, to be faithful to you. I promise to greet each new day with you and to be beside you each night. There are not words to express how much I care for you and how excited I am about beginning a new life together with you, and I will love you until death parts us."

Kevin wiped his own eyes as he began the words he had prepared. "I had this terrible dream one night that my life had fallen apart. Then I realized that I was awake, and it wasn't a dream and I didn't know if my life could ever be good again. Everything I knew was gone. But over time things were better, yet I still felt so alone until one day I went to a baseball game. I saw you and then I knew things were going to be ok. Bethie, you are the sun in my sky. I don't ever want to live in a world without you. I promise to do what I can to make you happy, to keep you smiling. I promise to provide for you. I promise to listen to what you say. I promise to love you with everything that is in me and to be faithful to only you until the day I die."

Rings were exchanged and the minister pronounced them husband and wife. Once again Jack and Jerrod were at Kevin's side helping him stand to kiss his beautiful bride. Beth gazed lovingly up into Kevin's eyes for the first time since the night of the accident. Seeing him standing there in front of her was more emotion than she could bare. She broke into sobs and reached for him. He wrapped his arms around her and whispered in her ear, something private between the two of them only. Then, he turned his face to hers, leaned down and kissed her passionately. He released her and eased himself back into the chair. They turned together to face the crowd and the minister presented Mr. and Mrs. Kevin Girardi. Applause erupted as Kevin placed Beth squarely on his lap and the two of them descended the aisle. The musicians broke into a Bob Dylan medley including I Want You, I'll Be Your Baby Tonight, and Just Like A Woman.

The Town Car waiting outside the church transported the couple to the reception site. Beth had thought a limo would be tacky. In the back seat, Kevin pulled Beth close to him and kissed her. "You look amazing."

She smiled a little smile and kissed him back. "I can't believe we're married. I love you so much."

The rest of the ride passed in silence until they arrived at the reception. Everyone was already there, milling around the banquet hall, listening to the band's cocktail hour music. The photographer met Kevin and Beth at the door and whisked them away for more pictures before they had the chance to enter the room. Finally, after what seemed like an eternity, the DJ was ready to announce the wedding party. Kevin and Beth waited for each group to be called until they heard their names being called, "And now, everybody get on your feet and welcome the couple of the hour Mr. and Mrs. Kevin Girardi!"

They burst into the room to thunderous applause. They headed to the front of the room to the head table. The waiters rushed around the room pouring champagne as Jack stood in front of the crowd to propose the Best Man's toast.

"Hi everyone. I'm Jack, also known as the Best Man. I met Kevin two years ago in our TV class with Dr. Dylan. It was Kevin's first class on campus, and most of us in the class already knew each other. Kevin looked a little lost, so I went over to introduce myself and some of the other class members. We started hanging out and during that time I met Beth as well. I knew right away that the two of them would be here today. They are perfect complements to each other. I'm so proud to be here today with them. Beth, Kevin, you are wonderful people and I wish you both the best in everything that you do. Let's all raise our glasses to the happy couple and wish them a long, happy, and healthy life together. Salut!"

Glasses raised all across the hall and clinked together. Dinner was served immediately afterward, but Beth was too excited to eat. She kept glancing over at Kevin, who was laughing and talking with the groomsmen to his left. All too soon, it was time for the first dance.

The DJ called them to the floor as the music began to play in the background. Kevin took his place in the middle of the dance floor and Beth sat in his lap. They danced as though no one were watching as the words and music echoed throughout the auditorium.

When the song finished, Kevin and Beth were startled from their personal moment by the cheers and catcalls from the crowd. Kevin's mom was crying, so was Beth's. Kevin and Beth themselves were laughing. They invited their guests to join them on the dance floor. Together with their friends, they danced the night away. Finally, after what seemed like an eternity to Beth and Kevin, it was time to leave.

Beth was ready to fall asleep on her feet. Kevin hadn't told her where they were staying, although he had promised to take care of reservations for the night. He asked her if she was ready to go. She said that she was, so the crowd lined up outside with sparklers lit as they exited the hall. They got into the waiting Town Car and traveled across town until they stopped in front of the Ritz. Beth could barely believe her eyes.

"Kevin, how did you manage this?" she asked in excited disbelief.

Kevin smiled as he revealed his secret. "We have three nights here, compliments of Joan, Luke, Adam and Grace."

"That's unbelievable! What an incredible gift!" Beth nearly screamed.

The driver unloaded the car as Kevin went to the front desk to check in. The bellman then led them to their suite. He closed the door behind him as he left, and the couple began to settle in for the night. Only a few minutes later, there was a knock on the door. Beth answered, still in her gown, to find a room service waiter with a tray of champagne and two pieces of their wedding cake. Beth thanked him, took the tray, and turned back to Kevin. He had lain her bag on the bed and motioned for her to go change in the bathroom. She lowered her eyes, grabbed her bag and ran into the bath suite, leaving her shoes behind her.

She had enough self-control to hang her dress on the bathroom door before she slipped into her white silk nightgown. She had purchased it long before the wedding gown, and it had never been worn either. She had been saving it for this exact occasion. She knew he was waiting for her, so she sauntered into the bedroom. Her husband was waiting for her.

Kevin had stripped down to his boxers and was now sitting on the bed with pillows propped behind him and the bottle of champagne in his hand. He was patiently anticipating her arrival. He heard her footsteps coming lightly toward him. He waited for her to come through the doorway so he could see her. She had let her hair down. It cascaded in a dark waterfall onto her shoulders. She had wiped off some of her makeup from the day, but her face was glowing. He eyed her body greedily, knowing that now it was truly his domain. She knew it too. Her pace quickened toward him, and she grabbed the bottle from his hand, placed it back in the bucket and jumped on top of him.

She startled him a bit. He had expected a slightly more sophisticated and ladylike move coming from her, but he was not disappointed. He reached to her shoulders to slip the straps of her nightgown down over her body. She stood on the bed over top of him and slithered out of the silken sheath. He pulled her body down on top of him. She grabbed for his shorts and pulled them off. His mouth covered hers. Finally, they could be completely together. One flesh.

They spent the next two days moving mainly from the bed to the bathroom and back. Kevin loved the sunken tub, even though it took all of both of their strength to get him in and out of it. He told her he wanted to install one in their new house, and she just rolled her eyes. All too soon, it was time for them to check out. Luke had dropped off Kevin's car the night of the wedding, so they loaded up and headed back to the house.

By the time the got there, most of the house had been packed up for the big move. Beth's parents were working in the kitchen, Kevin's were in the garage, and friends and other family members were in every other room, labeling boxes and wrapping breakable objects. The moving company was due to arrive in the morning, and they were determined to have everything packed and ready to go. Kevin and Beth took care of their own rooms, respectively. They each also took their cars to be tuned up before the big trip. By the time they made it back to the house, the mothers had made dinner from leftovers in the fridge. When everyone left only a few boxes, a bed and an overnight bag remained in the house with them.

That night, they were in their own bed in their own house for the first and last time. The next morning, they were leaving their home and families for a brand new life together. As they lay in the bed, memories of time spent here came back to them. It was bittersweet, leaving the place that had been their home. But they knew it was time to go. They fell asleep holding each other. Beth snuggled closer to Kevin until the alarm woke them the next morning.


	15. Chapter 15

Chapter 15 One Month Later

Beth held a red silk fan and a rice paper hanging in her hands. Waving them in front of her, she was trying to catch the attention of the shopkeeper. Even if she did, she wasn't sure she could make herself understood. Frustrated, she sat the merchandise back on the table and walked out of the shop. The Beijing air was so hazy that she couldn't see the August sun, but she could definitely feel it. She wiped the beads of sweat from her brow and shielded her eyes with her hand as she looked up and down the clogged street trying to decide in which direction to proceed. Kevin had told her that they would have time for dinner together that night, but the next day was the opening ceremonies of the Olympic Games. Everyone from the network was rushing around to help out the folks from NBC. She understood that the trip was his work, but she hadn't seen him too much during the last week.

When he had made it back to the hotel in the evenings, or early in the mornings, he was exhausted but happy. Seeing him enjoying his job so thoroughly made her lonely afternoons worthwhile. There were tons of people around. She was sure that she would soon find someone to spend the days with, and Kevin would be free as soon as NBC was up and running. His actual on-air time wouldn't even start until she left for the States in almost two weeks. He had also scored her press passes to the opening ceremonies and gymnastics. She was really excited about that. Today and tomorrow would really be the worst days. She had decided to stay far from the Village and Command Center, so she was spending the day sightseeing and shopping. There wasn't really anything specific she wanted to see or do, just being in China was enough for her. She realized that it was getting late, so she headed back toward the hotel, debating on whether or not to wait for Kevin to eat dinner if he wasn't back in the room when she got there.

Beth was pleasantly surprised to find her husband waiting for her in the room when she opened the door. His hair was pretty messed up and his eyes were tired, but he smiled wearily at her as she closed the door behind her. She gasped in mock surprise and crossed the room to sit on his lap. He nibbled softly on her ear and whispered that he loved her. She turned to wrap her arms around him. His eyes were closed, and at that moment she realized how completely exhausted he was.

"Kev, why don't you go to bed. I'll give you a massage if you want."

He opened his eyes and nodded. He didn't say a word as he bent over to take off his shoes, but she beat him to it, having already untied them and slipped them off his feet. That still freaked him out a little, even after more than five years, being touched and not knowing it. Yet, he was so tired and sore. He'd been rushing around all over for nearly a week with only about three or four hours of sleep each night. He knew he couldn't keep up like that, but there had just been so much to do. Beth was already on the bed waiting for him. He transferred himself over there with her, but his arms were so fatigued that they buckled under the weight of his body. Beth grabbed him before he could slide off the bed. He felt a little silly as she helped him pulled himself back up beside her.

"Sweetie, why didn't you let me know you were so exhausted?" Beth asked.

"I didn't know that I was. I just about took a dive there, though, huh?" He smiled at her.

He flipped onto his stomach and placed his head on the pillow. He felt the bed move as she climbed on top of him. He felt her hands on his shoulders and upper back, but he assumed she was sitting on his butt, since he couldn't really feel the rest of her. He knew he must be really tense. She moved to the center of his back, moving carefully around the ugly scars on either side of his spine. She traced them with her fingers unconsciously. She didn't know it, but every time she gave him a massage, she did this. He realized it even though she didn't. She kept going lower. He wouldn't be able to feel her hands much longer. Instead, she moved up to his shoulders and his arms, rippled with muscles from so much everyday use, but still quite sore and tired. She lay down across his back with her face between his shoulder blades. She began kissing him there softly as she continued to massage his arms. A few minutes later, she heard him start to snore lightly. When this happened, she stopped on his arms and moved to his legs. He had been away from his therapists for more than a week. He had planned for small-scale workouts, but she knew that if the rest of his body was that tense, his legs would be as well since they hadn't been worked out since they left Connecticut. She began to work on his hamstrings, calves, and then ankles and feet. She wanted to roll him over and work on his quadriceps, too, but she didn't want to disturb him.

Beth decided to take a shower before she got into bed with him. She had been a little hungry, but now she was just as tired as Kevin had been. She undressed and stepped into the shower. She quickly finished washing herself and dried her hair before she went back to the bed. Kevin was still lying on his stomach, shirtless, with his arms folded under his head. She climbed in behind him, and he stirred for a minute and turned toward her. She snuggled up against his chest as he placed his arm around her and held her extremely close to him. He started to say something to her, but fell back asleep before the words even escaped his mouth. She smiled and closed her eyes, as well.

Three hours later, Kevin woke due to a cramp in his left arm. It happened from time to time, and he knew exactly what to do to get rid of it. He tried not to wake Beth as he worked it out, but she stirred beside him anyway.

"What's wrong, Kev?" she asked, still a bit sleepy.

He was lying flat on his back working out the cramp. "Just a cramp. I didn't mean to wake you."

"Need me to get anything for you?"

"Uh, no. It's better now. Go back to sleep if you're still tired."

"Well, it's like 7:30, so I'm getting hungry and I don't want to sleep too much longer or I won't sleep tonight."

"Want to order from downstairs?" Kevin asked, not really wanting to leave the room.

"Perfect idea. What do you want?" she asked, although she was pretty sure of what his answer would be.

"I don't know. Is there any way we can get some cheeseburgers?"

She smiled knowing that would be his request. "I could run down to the Village and get something if you want."

"No, I don't want you to leave me. How about pizza? They can't really make that weird, can they?"

"I'll check it out, there are some food brochures here, so I'll see what they have." She walked over to the desk and picked up the papers and then the phone to order. She crawled back into bed with Kevin to wait for their dinner.He was now sitting up in the bed, his well-developed chest inviting her. She straddled him, still enjoying the newness of their marriage. He asked her how her day had been. She told him about her rather uneventful day and asked about his. He explained that mostly everything was finally ready for the next evening's festivities, so the ESPN team was allowed to go early and didn't have to come in until noon the next day. He wasn't sure if he'd be able to watch with her or if he'd be needed during the taping, but he told her he would get in touch with her as soon as she knew. She told him not to worry about her, that she would be fine no matter what he needed to do. He leaned forward to kiss her. As he did so, there was a knock on the door. Beth jumped up and grabbed Kevin's wallet from the bedside table to get their pizza.

By the time she came back into the room, he was back in his chair ready to get drinks from the vending machine, but Beth had ordered them already. They were actually cold, as well. Kevin raised his eyebrows, impressed at her ability to provide dinner. She placed the box on the bed and turned on the television. They laughed together at the variety of Chinese channels they found. They looked at the movies available to watch, but couldn't decide on anything. Kevin turned off the television at that point and grabbed a slice of pizza. She took one, too, yet she didn't feel as hungry as she had a few minutes earlier. Kevin, on the other hand, just now realized that he was starving. He had about four more slices before he decided he was finished.

It was only 9:45, but Kevin's eyes were starting to droop again. Beth hated to admit it, but she was getting sleepy again as well. Kevin headed into the bathroom to shower and get ready for bed. She followed him to brush her teeth. When she was finished, she gathered up their laundry to send down to the hotel's service the next morning. Kevin was out of the shower a short time later, and they met once again in the bed. The time they had spent together on this day had been the most of the entire trip so far. Kevin set the alarm for the next morning, turned off the light on the bedside stand, and the two of them fell asleep quite quickly.

In the morning, Beth was awake before Kevin, so she decided to order breakfast for when he woke up. She also went downstairs for a swim. She left him a note, kissed his forehead, and headed to the elevator. She swam fifty laps before she felt truly awake or realized she had been gone for about an hour. It was 9:00, so she thought Kevin may be awake by now. She rinsed off in the locker room before going back upstairs. She had always loved the smell of chlorine from the pool, but it made Kevin think of the first days in the therapy pool. Those memories weren't especially pleasant ones for him. He liked the water better now, but the intense odor of an enclosed pool sometimes would make him nauseated. She hoped he wouldn't have to cover the swimming venues.

Kevin woke up alone in the bed. Beth's note was beside him on the table, and there was a light breakfast waiting there, too. He pulled some paperwork out of his case to look over the finishing touches for the day's activities. There were a few nervous butterflies in his stomach thinking about how important this evening would be. He had been doing whatever he had been told, and he thought he was doing ok. Obviously, he wasn't able to do some of the legwork that would normally be expected of the new guy, but they seemed to be able to find plenty of work for him. After all, he wasn't some junior cameraman, he was an anchor. He was a little nervous about being on air in front of the whole world, but this was going to be his career. The guys he was working with were really helpful and incredibly professional. They would take care of him. They had told him so. His main duties would be covering wheelchair basketball, and he thought he could handle that pretty well. He was going to wait for Beth to come back before he ate, but his stomach started grumbling. To get his mind off of everything, he decided to take a shower and change his clothes. He always felt better when he was clean, and perhaps Beth would join him when she got back.

Kevin had already settled himself on the shower bench when he heard the phone ringing. Knowing there was no earthly way he could make it back to the bedroom in time to answer it, he let the machine pick it up. The water was running, and he hoped that the call wasn't too terribly important. He heard Beth call out to him as she came into the room. She entered the bathroom, and he asked her to check the message on the phone. She skipped into the room and punched in the access code for the voicemail. Her eyes widened as she heard the message and a smile spread across her face. She hung up the phone, stripped off her wet suit, and walked naked into the bathroom to join her husband in the shower.

Kevin smiled up at her as she stepped in and sat beside him on the bench. She brushed his wet hair out of his face and ran her hands over his glistening body. His shoulders felt a little less tense than last night, but she still felt a few knots. He scooted forward a little and she slipped in to sit behind him. She put her head over his shoulder and kissed his neck, shoulder, and ear.

"Guess what the message said?" she whispered in his ear.

He shrugged and turned his face toward hers to return her kisses.

"You don't have to come in today or tomorrow or the next day. They said they'll see you Monday at seven thirty at the Command Center. Cool, huh?"

Kevin smiled. "Yeah, that's very cool. So what do you want to do today?"

She lowered her eyes and her voice as she answered, "You."

He shook his head, knowing that she was serious. He thought she had a great idea. She moved from behind him, grabbed the bar of soap, washcloth, shampoo, and shaving supplies. She washed his back and hair as he began to lather his face. She took the razor from him, and he told her she could shave his face if he could shave her legs in return. She crinkled her nose but agreed. They finished up in the shower with only one small cut on her left ankle, but his face was soft and smooth.

They spent the day around the Olympic Village and tourist attractions even though the crowds were crazy. Kevin was a wonderfully cheesy tourist. They had their pictures taken at various points around the city. After lunch at McDonald's (Kevin had literally begged her), they moved away from the Village to explore a little more of the city. About twelve blocks east of their hotel, they came upon a building that in any other city would have most likely been a church. They were very interested about its use when they saw several young girls playing in a small playground on the lot. Beth and Kevin approached the fence and looked into the yard. They didn't know if they should go in, but they wanted to find out what it was and why there were so many little girls there. Kevin noted the location and promised Beth to ask someone when he got back to work. They headed back to the hotel after a full afternoon to prepare for the Opening Ceremonies.

Kevin grabbed two small American flags off the desk and handed them to Beth as he changed the batteries and disc in his camera. He wanted to be sure he'd get everything on film. They left the hotel together and walked the six blocks to the stadium excitedly. Neither of them had ever been to the Olympic Games, and they were both looking forward to the experience. They found their seats in the press section. Beth could see everything. The music began and Beth felt a stirring in her stomach. The sea of faces below her was a rainbow of colors. Flash bulbs twinkled like stars even though the sun was just beginning to set. She sat beside Kevin, her hand in his. The two of them were mesmerized by the parade of nations and the Chinese-inspired pageantry. Beth moved closer to Kevin. He wrapped his arm around her, and held her as they watched the torch being lit. Afterward, they just waited in the stands as the athletes and spectators continued to take photos and drink in the entire scene. Once the crowd had cleared out a bit, the Girardis moved toward the exit. Kevin took Beth onto his lap and cleared a path for the two of them.

The newlyweds were actually able to spend time together over the next week. Kevin took Beth to the gymnastics events where she cheered on the American teams. They saw swimming competitions, basketball games, and even a baseball game before it was time for Kevin to head to work full time. Beth decided to leave a few days earlier than she had originally planned. She was anxious to get home and work on the house, and she didn't look forward to spending her days without Kevin. She wasn't interested in watching track and field, either. She packed up her bags and helped him with his as well. Once she left, he would be moving in with the broadcast team closer to the athletes. He went with her only as far as the front desk and the airport shuttle. He pulled her down onto his lap, like he normally did. They embraced and he kissed her passionately.

"I miss you already," he breathed in her ear.

"I'll be watching you every night, so don't mess up your lines, ok?"

He stroked her hair and let her move toward the van. She handed her bags to the driver and glanced back at him with a smile. He waved good bye and she climbed into the back seat. As they drove away, she could see him mouth the words, "I love you." She hated to leave him, but she knew very much that he had a job to do. She didn't want to distract him even though she was thankful for the honeymoon.

Kevin watched the shuttle take his wife away from him. He really did miss her already. With her beside him, he felt normal, whole, capable. He really had dealt with his disability pretty well over the past few years. It had been hard at first, especially the first two years or so. He had remained extremely bitter and unsettled until Beth came back into his life. She had made him see that his life was still ahead of him. He could still be successful, happy. He had believed her without question. She was the reason he had this job, and he was going to do it to the best of his abilities.


	16. Chapter 16

Chapter 16

"Helen! I'm so glad to see you. But what are you doing here and how did you know I'd be back today?" Beth exclaimed as Kevin's mother met her at the gate.

"Kevin called me," she admitted. "I wanted to spend some time with you, and I knew you still had quite a bit to do in the house. I have some time before school starts, so I decided to come for a little unannounced visit. Don't worry, I won't make this a habit, though." Helen smiled and grabbed one of Beth's bags from her. "How was your trip?"

"It was great, just really wonderful. Kevin had to work a good bit, but we did have most of last week to spend together. The opening ceremonies were breathtaking. I just keep thinking about what wonderful memories we'll share of our honeymoon. Oh, Helen, I love him so much. I could see apprehension in his eyes as I left him there." Beth felt the tears well up in her own.

Helen placed her arm around Beth's shoulders. "I know, Beth."

Beth really couldn't say anything else because she was afraid she would really start to cry. The two women walked out the sliding doors into the bright sun. Helen directed Beth to the lot where her car was parked, and the two began the drive home. Beth had been on an airplane for almost 18 hours, so she was feeling quite grimy and extremely exhausted, as she hadn't really been able to sleep. She dozed in the front seat as Helen drove them home, waking with a start when the car pulled into the garage. Helen smiled across the seat at her daughter-in-law.

"Why don't you go on in and get in the tub. You look like you could use a good long soak. I'll bring this stuff in and get the laundry going. Then you can nap or whatever you'd like." Helen reached her hand toward Beth who grabbed it. "I know you worry about Kevin. We all do, but he'll be just fine. It's still hard for him. It breaks my heart to think about the struggles he still faces, but he's strong. He loves you, too, sweetie, and more than anything he wants you to be proud of him."

"I am," Beth sighed. She smiled back at Helen and opened the car door. A bath sounded like a marvelous idea. Beth barely made it up to their bathroom, she was suddenly so exhausted. She ran the water, undressed, and eased herself into the warmth. She let her head slip under the water for a few seconds. Wishing Kevin were there as well, Beth resurfaced and quickly washed her body. Using her toe to pull the plug, she watched the water swirl around the drain. Finally she got out of the tub and pulled on her robe. She toweled her hair dry and collapsed on the bed, thankful that Kevin had insisted they put it together first. She was asleep in a matter of minutes.

Helen realized how terribly tired Beth had appeared to be earlier in the car. She hoped the younger woman would be able to get some rest. Helen remembered being a very newlywed. Will was already on the force, and she worried for his safety. She knew how much Beth loved her son and how much she worried about him. There would be tough times ahead for this couple, that's just they way life goes, but Helen believed in the basis of their marriage. They loved one another, and she believed that they would put in the work necessary to make a strong and lasting union.

As Beth was sleeping, Helen continued cleaning and unpacking in the kitchen, living room, and Kevin's office. She really did love the house that Kevin and Beth had chosen. It was definitely bigger than the two of them needed, but she knew that they were hoping to begin filling the place with babies in the near future. She was carefully stacking Beth's wedding china in the cupboard when she heard footsteps on the stairs. Helen reached for two mugs, suspecting that Beth would enjoy a cup of tea.

Beth came in the kitchen and gasped at the progress Helen had made in such a short time. Helen handed her the cup, and the two of them sat down at the kitchen table. Beth was still looking around at the now spotless, organized shelves, drawers, and cabinets.

"Oh! Helen, this place is perfect. I can't believe you did all of this. It looks great," Beth gushed.

"I knew you'd get around to it eventually, but it's such a daunting task to get started. I wanted to help you out a little, besides, once school starts I won't be able to visit much."

"Thank you, Helen. I really appreciate all your help. I was so relieved to see you at the airport. I had no idea how tired I would be," Beth explained.

Helen picked up her mug and suggested that they move into the living room. Beth agreed and joined her. They settled on the overstuffed couch facing the window seat. Beth had barely had time to look over her new home before they had left for China. She glanced quickly around the room but stopped to stare out the window. She gazed at the front yard, which was perfect for playing ball. For a moment she imagined Kevin running after their children out there, but the image caused her to catch her breath. That wouldn't happen. As she turned to Helen, a pained look marred her face.

"Helen, would you tell me about the accident? I only know what I've heard from people at home, and Kevin still doesn't remember much from right afterward. We've talked about it before, but I thought you could help me understand." Beth felt like she was babbling, "I mean, if you don't want to, that's ok, but I need to know."

Helen was silent for a minute. Every day since the accident, she had been praying that when she woke up in the morning it would all have been a terrible nightmare. Yet every morning her son was sitting across the breakfast table in a wheelchair. While Kevin had finally moved forward with his life and accepted what had happened, it had been such a slow process for Helen. She didn't want to revisit those memories, yet Kevin's wife did have the right to know what had happened. She knew that Kevin and Beth had discussed this topic before, but Beth was asking for Helen's memories, things that Kevin didn't remember or know. Oh, God, how she didn't want to do this again, but Beth did need to know. Helen nodded and began.

"You know about the party because you were there. I was getting ready for bed, Will wasgoing tothe shower, Joan was watching TV withLuke. Will and Kevin had argued earlier in the day, but later hehad told Kevin that he could stay out until one since the game had run late. It was around midnight. We were excited about the game, so we were just starting to wind down. The doorbell rang. I grabbed my robe, unsure about who would be at the door so late. You don't ever imagine it will be something like that. There were two policemen. I didn't know their names. Will was still in the shower. The taller one began to speak. He said that Kevin had been in a car accident, and that they had come to take us to the hospital. I said, 'No, he's at a party. He called us, he always calls.' They explained that his condition was extremely critical, and that they had been instructed to bring us as quickly as possible. Joan says I screamed at some point in time there. I remember falling to the floor. By this time Will had started down the stairs. Joan and Luke came into the foyer. The officer explained to Will what they had just told me. Will said he would follow them in our car. Joan ran upstairs and got my clothes. The ride was very quiet until Joan asked why they were there. Luke answered her so quietly that we could barely hear him, 'Because they think he might die.' None of us could tell him he was wrong."

Helen stood and walked wordlessly into Kevin's office. She returned a few seconds later with a large envelope. She placed it on Beth's lap and continued her story.

"It took us quite a while before we were able to see him, and when we could, that is what we saw." She motioned to the envelope. Beth opened it to reveal photos of Kevin from immediately after the accident. His spine had been stabilized and he had been placed in a Stryker frame. It looked like he'd been strapped into some type of space-looking thing, and it looked uncomfortable. His feet dangled from the edge of the cot-like portion. Dried blood from a nasty cut on his head, now bandaged, was smeared on his face and body. Beth knew the cut had left a scar on his forehead and was most of the reason he wore his hair long in the front. Sometimes she jokingly called him Harry Potter. The images took her breath for a moment. Kevin looked so broken. She had imagined him lying neatly on a clean white bed with perfect stitches. Her hand was covering her mouth as she looked over at Helen who had tear-streaked cheeks.

"It was awful. The only good thing they could tell us was that he was alive. He hadn't been breathing when the paramedics arrived at the scene. They didn't think his brain had been without oxygen long enough to cause damage, but they didn't know. You father was there. He explained that they would keep Kevin sedated until Dr. Slater was able to do the spinal stabilization surgery. He didn't want to give a prognosis before Dr. Slater had a chance to examine Kevin and the test results. He was there, in that thing, it seemed like forever. I sat beside him, held his hand, washed the dried blood off of him. He mumbled, like he was dreaming about something. He said your name, Andy's, Joan's, Luke's, and so many other nonsense things. Finally they decided he was ready for surgery. Dr. Slater sat down with us and explained the procedure. He cautioned us that the preliminary tests showed extensive nerve damage. Surgery wouldn't change that, it was simply necessary to repair the bones so as not to cause any more damage. We said that we understood. Your father told us that Dr. Slater was the best in the business and promised that he would take care of Kevin. The actual operation took about six hours, but it felt like days. Finally Dr. Slater came out. He said that everything had gone well but that the spinal cord had been damaged. He said we'd just have to wait and see when Kevin woke up. Will thanked him and asked if we could see Kev. He wanted to be there when Kevin was waking up. It took about an hour longer, but finally Kevin opened his eyes. He was quite groggy still, but he knew his dad. Will explained what had happened. Kevin asked how badly he had been injured. Will was crying by this time. He really didn't have to tell Kevin. He knew, and then they both cried. I watched from the window not really knowing how we'd be able to go on."

Beth could see the struggle on Helen's face as she attempted to keep her composure. She hated to ask her mother-in-law to continue, but there was so much more to the story that she wanted to hear. Helen took a deep breath and kept going.

"After another two weeks, Kevin was transferred to a rehab facility. Our insurance would only allow him to stay for six weeks. The program was four months long, but we could only afford six weeks. I stayed with him as much as I could. They gave him the Reader's Digest version of living with paraplegia, just the very basics covered as quickly as possible. He had so much to learn, and he was still in a state of shock. He was so frustrated and weak. The therapists could only show him things to do, he was only able to do the most basic of the rehab exercises by himself. He couldn't transfer from the chair to the bed or anything. It was so difficult to watch him in his frustration. There was a counselor that he talked to a few times a week, but he was slipping into depression anyway. The doctor wanted to prescribe and antidepressant, but he was already taking so much medication. I thought he just needed to get home and get into a routine. Dr. Slater agreed. We took him home. That first night he asked me if he would ever feel normal again. I told him that of course he would. It would just take time, but deep inside I wasn't sure myself. He needed help to get in and out of bed, go to the bathroom, take a shower, get dressed. It was so humiliating for him to ask for help, but he knew he couldn't do these things by himself. We had to rely on each other. Kevin needed us. Then, all of a sudden, he had to think about school. Arizona wasn't able to keep his scholarship. We told him he could do whatever he wanted, but he decided not to go at all, anywhere. We tried to get back to our lives at home for the next year, but it could never be the same. Will was offered the job in Arcadia and we all decided that it was time for a change. It still took Kevin a while longer to believe that he could live a full life. He never told us what happened that night between the two of you, if he even remembered until you told him. He tried not to look back, but the loss of your friendship was a void I didn't know if he could ever fill. He dated Rebecca for a little while, but that was just something he had to do to get back into the swing of things. It wasn't until he ran into you, or Joan set you two up, that he began to have dreams again."

Beth and Helen hugged tightly. Beth was wiping tears from her eyes. She thanked Helen for sharing with her this part of her family's life. Helen reminded Beth that it was her family now, too. Beth nodded knowing this was true. She was continually thankful for the Girardi family and their role in her life. Her stomach growled with hunger causing her and Helen to laugh, interrupting the moment.

"I haven't eaten anything since the night before I flew out. I don't even know how long ago that was," Beth admitted. Helen suggested some options, but none of them really seemed appetizing to her. She decided on a bowl of cereal to hold her over until the morning. She selected a box, bowl and milk before sitting down at the table. She was still exhausted. Helen sent her off to bed.

Beth woke the next morning in her own bed. It took her a moment to remember where she was. Suddenly, a wave of nausea swept over her, and she barely made it to the toilet before the scant contents of her stomach came rushing up. Twice more she vomited before she was able to pull herself off of the floor. She rinsed her mouth and grabbed her toothbrush. She rationalized that she must have eaten something that disagreed with her, ignoring the fact that she was three weeks late. She had convinced herself that with the stress of the wedding, move, and trip her schedule had just been thrown off a little. Besides, they had been told that it was virtually impossible for the two of them to conceive without outside help. She had stopped taking the pill then. Oh shit! The pieces were all adding up, and Beth wasn't sure what she was going to do.

Helen had heard Beth in the bathroom adjoining her room. She wanted to check on her but stopped herself. Beth would come to her if she needed help. Instead, Helen went to the kitchen to make some tea. Perhaps it would help settle Beth's stomach. She was just finishing when she heard Beth clear her throat behind her. She turned to face the younger woman.

"Helen, I think I'm pregnant."


	17. Chapter 17

Chapter 17

Helen's eyes were wide with surprise. That was impossible. She had heard all the same medical reports that Beth had.

"Beth, that can't be. I mean, Kevin can't, well, the doctors said..."

"I know what they said and I know that I'm three weeks late and I've been sick for the past six mornings. All it takes is one little persistent sperm."

"Have you taken a test?"

"No. I was just about to go get one."

Helen couldn't believe her ears. "Wait, Beth. You stay here in case you get sick again. I'll go to the drugstore and pick up one. I'll be back in 15 minutes."

Beth nodded and walked wordlessly to the couch. She didn't need a test. She knew deep inside her what the results would be. She also knew that they weren't ready for a baby. She tried to work things out in her head. They had only been married a little over six weeks. She was still sitting on the couch, thoughts milling in her head, when Helen returned. She handed Beth the box and watched as the shocked girl walked into the bathroom. Ten minutes later Beth emerged with the little stick in her hand. A blue plus sign was visible near the end. Tears were visible on her cheeks.

"What do I do?" she asked quietly.

Helen realized how alone Beth must feel. Even though she had been "in the real world" for almost five years, she and Kevin had been together. Now, her parents had left for South America and Kevin was in China. She walked over to Beth and held her. A few seconds later, Beth let go of Helen, wiped her eyes, and began to look for a phone book.

"I need to see a doctor, I'm guessing. They'll need to do bloodwork and probably an ultrasound. I haven't been taking any prenatal vitamins or anything, and I know I've had alcohol in the past month. I should have been more careful. We just didn't even think it was possible."

"Beth, sweetie, don't chastise yourself over this. I'm sure everything will be just fine."

Beth had found the book and was dialing the number of the first office she saw advertised in the physician section under "gynecologist." The receptionist informed her that there had been a cancellation in half an hour. Beth thanked her and said she would be at the office as soon as possible. She ran to the shower to get ready. Helen was left with the stick, the phone, and shock.

Beth asked Helen to come with her to see the doctor. Helen gladly agreed and climbed into the passenger seat of Beth's car. In five minutes, they turned into the parking lot. Beth signed in at the desk, filled out the necessary forms and waited for the nurse to call her name. She motioned for Helen to come with her. The two women followed the nurse into the examination room. The nurse took her vitals, a urine sample and two vials of blood. Beth waited in a paper dress until the doctor arrived.

Dr. Melanie Selzic was a small blonde woman with kind eyes. She instantly recognized the fear on Beth's face. She said they would start with the exam. Dr. Selzic was very gentle, but when she depressed Beth's right Fallopian tub, Beth flinched in pain. The doctor frowned but continued the exam. She finished soon afterward and asked Beth to get dressed and meet her in her office.

A few minutes later, she arrived with Beth's chart in her hand. She wrinkle her brow as she read the results.

"Beth, the qualitative and quantitative tests both indicate that you are pregnant. However, by your estimation, you should be around six weeks along, yet the quantitative results place you at only three. This could indicate a serious problem. I don't want to frighten you prematurely, but we're going to need to take an ultrasound."

Beth looked mortified but nodded and followed Dr. Selzic into a different examination room. She pulled off her shirt and sat back on the table. Dr. Selzic warmed the jelly in her hands before she squeezed it onto Beth's stomach, but Beth shivered from the remaining coolness. The doctor switched on the monitor and moved the wand back and forth across Beth's abdomen. She stopped on one location and sighed heavily.

"Beth, I'm so sorry to have to tell you this, but all indications show that you are experiencing an ectopic pregnancy. It appears that the embryo is lodged here, in your right Fallopian tube,"she said while pointing to the screen. "The pregnancy isn't viable and will have to be terminated. Do you understand?"

Beth nodded her head, visibly in shock. Helen held Beth's left hand.

Dr. Selzic continued, "There are a couple of options, but I think the best one for you is an injection of a drug called methotrexate. It's used to treat cancerous growths by inhibiting cell division. We've also found that it stops embryo cells from dividing as well. The placenta will stop growing and your body will simply absorb the cells just like an early-term miscarriage. You'll bleed vaginally for a week or so as your body sheds the uterine lining. This is the least invasive method and would be the easiest for you since you are so early in the pregnancy. It also offers the best option for future pregnancies by causing the least damage to the tubes. We can do it here in the office."

Beth stared straight ahead. She didn't know what to do or say.

"Could I wait until my husband gets back so I could at least tell him first?" she asked.

"When will that be?" Dr. Selzic inquired.

"Not for two more weeks."

"I'm sorry, Beth, but that may be too late. I know it isn't optimal, but could you discuss it with him on the phone and come back tomorrow or the next day?"

"I, uh, I guess I could try to get a hold of him."

"I'm terribly sorry to throw all of this at you so suddenly Beth, but I'm just attempting to protect your fertility."

"I know, I just can't believe this is happening. We weren't even supposed to be able to have babies."

"Beth, I'm going to schedule you for tomorrow afternoon. Go home, talk to your husband, and I'll see you tomorrow. If you need anything, please call me."

Beth used the towel Dr. Selzic handed her to wipe her stomach. Then, she pulled her shirt over her head. Helen helped her from the table and walked her to the receptionist window to schedule her appointment for tomorrow. Helen took the keys from Beth and helped her into the passenger seat. Slowly and sadly, they made their way back home.

Helen helped Beth back into the house. She seemed to be walking in a fog, unable to comprehend anything around here. They walked up the stairs to Beth and Kevin's room and Helen tucked Beth into her bed. She asked if there was anything Beth needed but she said no. Helen kissed her on the forehead and walked to the door. Beth suddenly called after her.

"Helen, could you bring my phone, please. I'm going to call Kevin now."

Helen nodded and went downstairs to retrieve Beth's phone as well as the list of numbers for Kevin that was hanging on the fridge. She brought them back to Beth and exited the room, closing the door so they could have the privacy they needed. She felt so horrible for Beth. She hadn't even had time to adjust to the idea of being pregnant before she learned that she would never carry the baby to term. Helen knew that their young marriage would face trials, but she could have never expected on this devastating to come at the so soon.

Beth didn't even stop to calculate the time difference. She knew she had to talk to Kevin, but how would she tell him what had happened. She dialed the number of the international cell phone give to him by the network. He picked up on the third ring.

"Hi Beth, what's up?"

"I need to talk for a minute, if you have time."

"Sure, honey, it's almost midnight. I have plenty of time. What do you need."

"Oh, Kevin. I went to the doctor today. I hadn't been feeling well, and I missed my period, so I took a test and it was positive."

"What! A baby, that's impossible." Kevin yelled from the other end.

"I know, but the doctor said it was right, I was pregnant. But she thought something was wrong with one of the test results. She did an ultrasound and the baby is in the tube, Kevin. They have to...I can't carry the baby. I have to go back so they can kill it." Beth erupted into sobs.

Kevin was silent on the other end. Finally he spoke to her. "Oh Bethie, I'm sorry baby. I'm coming home to be with you. You can't to this alone. I'll be there tomorrow."

"No, Kevin, you can't leave. This assignment is why they hired you. You have to stay. Your mother is here with me. I'll be ok. They're just going to give me a shot of something that stops the cells from dividing. They aren't going to have to do surgery or anything. I'll be ok. You have to stay and do your job. Everything will be fine. I shouldn't have called you. I didn't want to worry you, it just seemed like the right thing to do. I'll be ok." Beth knew she was rambling, but Kevin couldn't leave China.

"Beth, I can't stay here while you're going through all of this. I still have a few more days until we go on air. I'll talk to someone and I can be there as soon as I can be."

"Kevin, are you sure? I don't want you to do anything to jeopardize your career."

"Beth, you are my first priority. Nothing matters unless you are safe. I'll be there the day after tomorrow."

"Ok, I'll call the doctor and schedule for then."

"Beth, I love you. I'll see you soon."

"Thank you, Kevin. I need you."

"I know, baby. I'll be there as soon as I can. You rest now. I love you. Goodbye."

"Goodbye."

They hung up the phone and Beth called Dr. Selzic's office. The appointment was set for 3:00 pm two days later.

Helen knocked on Beth's door and opened it. She approached the bed and sat on the edge. It was unbelievable that even more tragedy had befallen her family. Beth had stayed so strong. Helen knew she was conflicted inside.

"Did you talk to Kevin?"

Beth smiled wearily, her love for Helen's son showing, "He's coming here to be with me. Just for a day or so and then he's going back to do his job." Beth's face broke and the tears began to fall. "Helen, this can't be happening to us."

Helen pulled the girl closer to her. She didn't have any platitudes for Beth. She knew about loss and the empty words people could offer. She held Beth who cried for herself and for Kevin and for the tiny little baby growing inside her that would never have a chance to experience the world. Beth fell asleep in Helen's arms. Helen lowered her to the bed and left the room.

Meanwhile in China, Kevin spoke with his producer to explain the situation. He asked if he could fly back home for two days to be with Beth during the procedure. Thomas Hoyt, Kevin's boss, was quite sympathetic. Kevin had worked hard for him during the past six weeks, and he understood the difficulties involved in making a marriage work. Tom and his wife Kellie had three children of their own. He couldn't imagine his life without one of them. Kevin was only slated to broadcast wheelchair basketball during the second week of the Paralymic Games. Tom looked at the schedule and told Kevin to catch the next plane out. He said he would expect him back by the beginning of the basketball semifinals eight days later. Kevin couldn't believe his ears. He thanked Tom profusely, and turned to leave the office. Tom called after him and handed him a company credit card to cover his expenses. Kevintried to protest, butTom placed his hand on Kevin's shoulder and looked him in the eye. "Kevin, take as much time as Beth needs. We're here for you. We want you to think of us as family. If there's anything that you or Beth need, please let us know."

Kevin promised to do so. He rushed to the airport. When he made it onto the plane, he phoned his mother to let her know when he would be arriving. She planned to meet him the next evening at the airport. They disconnected and Kevin sat back in his seat hoping his bladder would be able to take the entire flight without being emptied. Beth had helped him on the way over and there was no way he was asking a flight attendant for help, unless he really had to. He checked his watch when the flight map showed that they were nearly over the continental U.S. It had been almost ten hours since he had cathed last. Mostly everyone on the plane was asleep, so he thought would be able to ask for help. He pressed the call button and a few moments later was greeted by Marta, his section's attendant.

"Hi, Kevin," she smiled, "How may I help you?" He had met the flight staff earlier when boarding the plane. They had expressed their desire to assist him in any way during the flight.

"I need to use the restroom, please," he replied, not quite looking her in the eye.

"Sure, Kevin. Let me get the chair and we'll get you right in there, ok?"

He nodded. She returned in less than a minute with a transport chair. He placed his toiletry bag on his lap and transferred himself into the chair. She pushed him toward the very front of the plane just behind the cockpit. He looked back at her as to inquire where they were going. She smiled and told him that there was an additional restroom for the crew at the front where he would have more privacy. Kevin thanked her as she pushed open the door and he pulled himself inside. He found that there was enough room for himself and the chair. He took care of everything and pushed the door back open. Marta was waiting for him, a smile on her face.

"All set?" she asked.

"Yeah, thanks," Kevin answered as she began to help him back to his seat. There were only five hours left in the flight. Kevin attempted to sleep a little while but found that he was too worried about Beth to rest. He had finally stopped trying to sleep when the captain announced their descent into Hartford. Marta came to explain his exiting procedure just before the fasten seatbelt sign was illuminated. The plane landed and the passengers moved around him to the doors. After the way had cleared, Marta met him with the transport chair. He grabbed his carry-on bag and she directed him to the tunnel where his own chair was waiting for him. Relieved to be in control again, Kevin thanked the crew for their help and moved to exit the gate and find his mother. Since he was only staying for a few days, he had not checked any luggage, so he dialed her cell number to find out where she was. She told him her location and they met up in a matter of minutes.

Helen hugged her son who was looking equally as tired as Beth had coming from the plane. The first words out of his mouth were "How is she?" His mother directed him out the door to the car where she explained Beth's state of mind and all that Dr. Selzic had told them regarding the pregnancy and how they would terminate it. Kevin sat silently in the front seat with his head in his hands. His mother tried to comfort him but knew that he needed time to deal with his own emotions. She also knew how volatile Beth's emotions were as well. She hoped that the two of them would be able to spend some quality time together before they had to go to the doctor's office the next day.


	18. Chapter 18

Chapter 18

The motorized lift moved so slowly that Kevin felt he would die before he made it to the top of the steps. Finally, he was at the door to their bedroom. He opened it and proceeded quietly, seeing Beth's sleeping form on the bed in front of him. Carefully, he moved beside of her and gathered her into his arms. Silent tears fell from his eyes as he held his sleeping wife. She looked pained even in her slumber. He wanted to hold her here in their bed forever and not let her go and not ever leave her. She stirred a bit and looked up at him with red puffy eyes.

"Are you real or a dream?" she asked sleepily.

"I'm very real."

He kissed her forehead and struggled to sit up behind her in the bed. She lay back on his chest as his strong arms covered her. She stayed strong for about a minute until sobs shook her body. He didn't try to say anything, he simply held her and stroked her hair. Finally, she was quiet and Kevin spoke.

"What can I do?"

"Just do what you're doing right now." She paused. "I didn't even know that I was pregnant until yesterday. How could I not have even known? How horrible is that?"

"Beth, you can't beat yourself up over that. There's no way you could have imagined that we would be able to conceive a baby like this. Even if there were signs, it would have been really impractical to think that. Everyone would have told you that you were crazy." Kevin didn't know how to have this conversation with her. He didn't know anything anymore. This was getting so old. Kevin was so tired of tragedy. Couldn't he and Beth just finally be happy? He wanted to make her life easy. Why did these things keep happening to them?

Kevin turned to Beth knowing this next part had to take place. "Is there anything you want to do before tomorrow?"

"Um, I've been thinking about it while I waited for you. I know it's way too early to tell whether the baby is a boy or a girl, but I think we should give it a name."

Kevin's breath caught in his throat. "Ok, sweetheart. I think that's a good idea. Did you have one picked out?"

"Bailey. That could be for a boy or a girl, and I think it's a good name."

Kevin nodded his head. "Yeah, Beth. That is a good name." He didn't want to change the subject, but he really needed a shower. "Bethie, I'm going to go clean up. Did you want to come with me?" She nodded and the two of them headed for their bathroom. Kevin carefully undressed Beth as she ran the water, checking the temperature with her hand and then her toes. When they were both ready, Beth helped Kevin move into the tub. She climbed in on top of him and pressed the button to start the jets. He rubbed her back lightly. She curled into a ball on his lap. They soaked more than they washed for the next half hour.

When they finished they dressed and went downstairs where Helen had prepared dinner. Beth admitted that she was a bit hungry and Kevin was starving. They ate soup and sandwiches at the kitchen table. Helen moved to clean up while the couple finished. Kevin stopped her, telling her that he would take care of it in a little while. He invited his mother to sit with them.

"Mom, we're so thankful that you were here. I don't know what Beth would have done without you these past few days. I know I'm going to have to go back to China soon, but I can be here with Beth for the rest of the week. We know that you have things to do at home to get ready for school. My boss's wife has volunteered to check in on Beth until I get back for good. She has a couple of friends from the gym who will be here if she needs them, too. We love you, but we can't expect you to take care of us. Beth and I have to deal with this."

Helen nodded in understanding. "I know you do. I just wanted to make sure that you were going to be all right. It's a hard thing to know when your kids can take care of themselves, but I'm learning to let go. I'm already packed. I was just waiting for you to tell me when."

Kevin reached for his mother's hand. Their relationship since his accident had been the most important in his life. She had endured the rehab time with him, learned everything about his new body that no one else cared to ask, and gave him a shoulder to cry on without ever letting him give up. Now, she had been there for Beth. Kevin loved the two women sitting with him more than anything else in his life. He was grateful for the relationship that they seemed to be cultivating, as well.

Kevin sent Beth back to bed as he cleaned up the kitchen. Only a few hours ago he had been at work, hanging out with the guys, feeling basically normal. Then Beth had called him. Her words had floored him. His only thought was to get home to her as soon as possible. Seeing the fear and sadness in her face had made his whirlwind trip worthwhile. His one wish was that he could made everything ok, but he knew from personal experience that this didn't usually happen. He placed the plates and bowls in the dishwasher and put the leftover sandwich meat in the fridge. Taking a look around the room, Kevin decided that the room was satisfactorily clean. He was exhausted and he missed his wife. He was almost thankful that he didn't have to walk up the steps to his bedroom. Five minutes later he was ready to climb into bed. He wrapped his arms around Beth, pulling her close to him. She was so quiet and still. He assumed she was already asleep when she took his hand and placed it carefully on her stomach. He heard her let out a tiny sigh. In response, he kissed her neck and stroked her hair. Finally, the two of them fell asleep, dreading the next day.

Beth woke up sensing Kevin's gaze on her face. He smiled as he brushed a strand of hair from her face. Her excitement at seeing him was quickly replaced by a sinking feeling in her stomach. She tried to push the bad thoughts from her mind. She stared into her husband's eyes. Her husband. She loved that thought. She loved him more. She hated that their reunion had been under such grim circumstances, but she was just so glad he was home. She couldn't do this alone.

After they had showered and dressed, Kevin suggested a walk in the development. Beth happily agreed to accompany him. They hadn't had much chance to explore their new neighborhood but hoped that they would be able to find a special spot like the playground near the College Park townhouse. Before they had a chance to leave; however, Helen met them in the front hall. She had already loaded her bags into the car. Kevin scolded her for moving out without his help. Helen ignored him and walked over to Beth, hugged her, and made both of them promise to call her if they needed anything. She leaned over to give Kevin a peck on the forehead. They both called out their thank yous as Helen turned to head for her car. They followed her to the front curb and waved as she drove away.

After she had gone, Kevin and Beth decided to continue with their walk. Turning left at the end of their front walk, the continued around the block until they reached the intersection. Beth glanced in every direction and suggested they head diagonally to what appeared to be a garden. As they drew closer, Beth realized that it was a garden, an exquisitely beautiful one with large ornately carved benches spaced sporadically along the perimeter. Beth squealed with delight. She ran ahead and selected one of the benches situated between a honeysuckle and late-blooming rose bush. By the time Kevin caught up to her, she was leaning back against the bench's side with her arms opened to him. He transferred from his chair and gently leaned back against her.

"Oh, Kev! Look at this place. It's just like Notting Hill. Isn't it lovely? This is it. This is our special place," Beth exclaimed.

Kevin didn't answer her. He simply sat in her embrace, taking in the sunshine and the aroma of the flowers and plants surrounding them. They stayed there for quite some time until he glanced at his watch. It was nearly two in the afternoon. He hated to break the silence, but they had to get going to the doctor's office. He shifted in her arms and attempted to sit up. She helped him forward. He told her that they had to go. She said ok and waited as he moved back into the chair. They moved slowly back toward the house. Beth went inside to grab her things and met Kevin in his car. He drove the five miles to Dr. Selzic's office with her hand holding tightly to his.

The nurse led Beth and Kevin to a private treatment room to wait for Dr. Selzic. Beth sat on Kevin's lap as he played with her hair and gently rubbed her back. When the doctor entered, Beth jumped up to introduce Kevin. They shook hands and exchanged pleasantries. Dr. Selzic smiled warmly and turned to Beth.

"You're right, he is gorgeous!" she joked. The women laughed while Kevin looked as though he didn't know whether to be amused or angry. He shook his head and smiled at the two women.

Beth was thankful for the distraction; it had definitely lightened the mood. But Dr. Selzic quickly settled down to business. Sitting facing Kevin and Beth, who had taken a seat beside Kevin, Melanie explained the procedure and its expected side effects. She told Beth that she would most likely feel nauseated for a few days and would definitely bleed as her body shed the uterine lining. She also explained that it would not be unusual for Beth to experience symptoms of depression. For this reason, a list of counselors and support groups would be made available with the discharge instructions. Beth nodded her understanding and Dr. Selzic asked if either of them had any questions. They said no, so she asked Beth to move up to the bed. She did so as Kevin wheeled himself next to her to hold her hand.

Dr. Selzic began, and in less than ten minutes they were finished. She asked Beth to wait for about ten more minutes before she got dressed to leave. She also asked Kevin to come with her to fill out some paperwork while Beth was waiting. He followed the doctor out of the room and into her office.

"Kevin, it really is great to meet you. I know that these are difficult circumstances, but in the short time I've known Beth, she has been on my mind. Both of you, really. I know personally how traumatic this experience can be, but this treatment is the best possible one for her. Another thing that keeps running through my mind is the fact that Beth was able to conceive. That in itself is an amazing detail that cannot be overlooked. It's a very encouraging sign to your future ability to get pregnant. I don't know if you thought about that, but you need to see the positive," Melanie began.

Kevin nodded as she continued. "I don't know your story, but I do know that she's going to need you. It may take a little while for this to hit her and when it does, you'll have to be the one who convinces her that there was nothing she could have done. I don't mean to pressure you, but you're going to have to be the strong one." Melanie checked her watch. "It's ok for Beth to go now. I'd say she'll be sick most of the evening and maybe even tomorrow. You'll be with her until then at least?"

Kevin nodded again. "I'll be here for four more days and then some friends will be able to check in or stay with her until I get back. I wanted to stay, but she won't let me. She says my job depends on me being able to broadcast those games. She's right, but I wish that I could be with her."

Dr. Selzic stood and approached Kevin. She placed her hand on his shoulder and looked him in the eye, "I can tell how much you love Beth. Just keep loving her."

"I will," Kevin promised.

Finally, the were ready to go back to Beth's room. Kevin was grateful to find that a nurse had come in behind them to wait with her while Dr. Selzic had called him into her office. He moved quickly to her and took her things, placing them in his lap. She bent down to hug him and he asked her if she was ok. She nodded and the nurse helped her finish dressing. Kevin tied her shoes and they were ready to leave. Beth made it to the car before the tears came. She leaned her head on Kevin's shoulder and cried silently until they reached the house. He put her to bed and placed a glass of water and a trash can beside her. He went downstairs to catch up on some work and place a call to his producer.

He had barely made it into the office when he heard her being sick. He headed back up the stairs. She had gotten out of bed and was doubled over the toilet. He came in to hold back her hair. He grabbed a cloth from the edge of the bathtub, ran it under the cool water, and placed it on the back of her neck. He rubbed her back as she knelt on the floor. A few minutes later she felt she was ready to get up. He pulled her onto his lap and took her to the sink where she washed her face and brushed her teeth. She said that she felt a little better, but that she was very tired. He put her in the bed and placed a DVD in the player before joining her. The opening credits to Notting Hill, Beth's all-time favorite movie,began. Kevin held her as they watched together. About halfway through, he noticed that she had dozed off. The clock on the bedside table told him that he needed to go back downstairs to grab his work and at least bring it back up to the desk in the bedroom. He tried to move without disturbing her, and amazingly enough he was able to do so. As he exited the room, he gazed lovingly at his wife. Even puking on the bathroom floor, she was the most beautiful woman he had ever known.

The next morning, Kevin woke in his office. He had apparently fallen asleep at his desk and was feeling not very rested. He started a pot of coffee before mounting the steps to check on Beth. She was still sleeping, thankfully. He thought she looked a little pale, and the dark circles under her eyes were still visible. She stirred slightly without opening her eyes. Kevin wanted to join her in bed. Instead he went into the bathroom to clean up.

The mirror revealed that his face was equally worn-out looking as Beth's. He started the shower water as he brushed his teeth and used the bathroom. He checked the water temperature before he slid into the shower. He reached for his shaving basket, lathered his face while he checked himself in the shaving mirror. When he finished shaving, he washed his hair and the rest of his body. As he rinsed, he pushed his hair back from his forehead and traced the jagged scar with his index finger. Then he gazed down at the lower half of his body. Normally this would have depressed him terribly, but today he had another thought. He and Beth had made a baby. It frightened him to think that in just a few months they would have been responsible for a child. He found that he couldn't sort his feelings. From the moment Beth had called him, his sadness had been for her. Bailey was his baby, too. With that thought, he finished his shower and returned to the bedroom where Beth was just beginning to wake.

"I don't feel like I'm going to be sick now. I think I'm going to take a shower, and then I have to get out of this house. I've been moping in bed for four days. That's enough to make anyone crazy! Let's drive around and find out what there is to do for fun around here."

Kevin agreed with Beth's idea and turned to get dressed. As he did so, he heard her humming over the noise of the shower. He was so thankful to hear that sound. Her mood seemed to have improved overnight. He hoped it would last, but he knew about acceptance and it didn't happen instantly. He ran his hand through his hair as he took one last look in the mirror. He reached for his shoes, placing each one on the correct foot. He hadn't noticed that the water had stopped until he saw Beth standing in her towel watching him. She was smiling slightly as she toweled her hair.

"Hi there, babe."

She walked toward him. He reached out his hand for her. She took it and allowed him to pull her down into a kiss. He let her go so she could finish dressing. He watched her as she bent to pull on her panties, slithered into her jeans, fastened her bra and tugged a tight t-shirt over her head. She stepped into the sandals lying beside the bed. She returned to the bathroom to finish drying her hair before joining Kevin back in the bedroom. She followed him to the stairs and then into the kitchen. She grabbed two mugs from the shelf above the sink while Kevin opened the fridge to retrieve the milk.

They met at the table. Kevin poured milk into the bottom of the mugs, and Beth filled them with the coffee. She waited a few minutes for hers to cool, but Kevin took a sip right away. He asked her exactly what she wanted to do that day. She said she wanted to check some of the shops in town for end tables for the living room as well as a new desk for his office. She held up a brochure from an antique shop that she had left on the counter. They finished their coffee and headed off to the car.

A few hours later, the two arrived back at the house with two new end tables and a few other bags in the back of the car. Kevin grabbed the bags and headed inside to grab a cart to load the tables on to bring them in the house. They weren't heavy, but their shape was a little bulky and that way they could bring both of them in at the same time. Kevin pushed the tables into the front room. Beth unloaded them and arranged them on either side of the couch. Kevin vanished but reappeared a few minutes later with a dust cloth and some wood polish. They worked on the tables until they looked new. Soon it was time for lunch. Kevin grabbed a couple of sandwiches from the fridge and packed a small picnic. He rejoined Beth in the living room and suggested they go to the garden for lunch.

Beth finished with the tables, washed her hands, grabbed her sunglasses and met Kevin on the front porch. By the time they made it to the park, several of their neighbors were already there. Two of the couples had small children who were playing at a small playground off to the side of the garden. The found an unoccupied bench to sit on, and Kevin pulled opened the lunch bag. He handed Beth a sandwich and a bottle of water. They ate quietly and she moved close to him. She retrieved a blanket from the bad on the back of Kevin's chair. As she unfolded it on the ground, Kevin looked at her uneasily.

"Not here, Beth. All these people."

She ran her hand over his shoulder, down his arm and interlaced her fingers with his.

"All I see is you and me."

He let her help him to the ground so he was sitting beside her, leaning back on the bench leg. Not satisfied with that position, he moved so he was lying on his back. She smiled and snuggled down beside him, placing her head on his stomach. He closed his eyes, imagining the lifetime they would get to spend together and thinking of tomorrow, when he would have to leave her. She wasn't asleep, he could tell by her breathing.

"Bethie."

"Hmmm," came her answer.

"I'm going back tomorrow evening."

Beth sat up and turned so she was looking at him. He pushed himself up on his elbows to an almost-sitting position.

"I thought you could stay until Monday."

"I need to go back. I have so much stuff to do before I'm ready. I'm supposed to talk to the guys on the team so I can report accurately on them and their lives. You know there will be a ton of human-interest stories. I want to stay with you, but you know that I can't."

She just nodded her head. "Let's stay here for a while longer," she suggested. "We'll walk around the rest of the neighborhood later."

He eased back and stared up at the sky. The sun had gone behind a cloud and the trees above them created an extra canopy through which the leftover sunlight streamed. It was a beautiful place that they now called their home. He wished they could stay in this garden forever, but knowing it could not be so, he closed his eyes to try to nap for a few more minutes.

She woke him about an hour later. Her cheeks had turned a bit pink from being it the sun so long. He hoped that he hadn't gotten too much himself. He glanced down at his arms, noting that they didn't appear to be red at this point. Beth pulled the chair close to them, but he decided to get in it from sitting on the bench. So, she helped him get into that position so he could place himself in the chair. It didn't take long, and they were pleasantly surprised at how well it worked. Beth gathered the blanket and the remains of their picnic as they turned to leave the garden park.

"Excuse me! You forgot this," a voice behind them called.

Beth and Kevin both turned to see a young woman coming toward them with Beth's jacket in her hand. Beth looked a bit perplexed, not having remembered bringing the jacket with her, until she noticed that Kevin's backpack was unzipped. It must have fallen from there.

Walking toward the woman, Beth smiled brightly as she took the article of clothing into her own hands. "Thank you so much, I would have been missing that very soon."

The neighbor just nodded then stuck out her hand, "I'm Selene McBride. I live two houses down from you. That little one there is my daughter Sydney." She pointed to the dark-haired toddler playing in the sandbox.

Selene continued, "My husband, Todd, works in administration for the hospital system. I noticed that you had moved it but hadn't had a chance to stop by and say hello. Please forgive me for being a terribly, terribly rude neighbor. We're normally pretty diligent about things like that here, you just moved in at the height of vacation and back-to-school seasons."

Beth explained that they had been out of town most of the time they had actually lived there and that Selene and her friends had nothing to worry about. Selene still insisted on inviting the couple for a meet and greet barbecue at her house. Kevin explained that he would be leaving the next day on business and Beth stressed that such measures really weren't necessary. Yet Selene was adamant. She promised to synchronize her schedule with Beth and Kevin's to make sure that the party took place as soon as Kevin was back in town. The Girardis thanked her as they left, although inwardly, they were both cringing.

Beth sorted Kevin's laundry and packed up his bags as he ordered dinner. Forty-five minutes later, the delivery guy dropped off their food. They took it into the front room so they could admire Beth's new tables purchased earlier in the day. Kevin switched the television to the Olympics. The last few events were playing out. The Paralympic games would open in three days, and he would begin broadcasting in five. Beth watched Kevin stiffen in his chair. She motioned for him to join her on the couch. He did so and leaned back in her lap. She began to massage his shoulders slowly and gently. He loved her touch. It was soothingly reassuring of her continued presence at his side, even when she wasn't there. Finally, she suggested the bedroom, and they left to spend their last night together for a few more weeks.

The next morning, Kevin roused Beth from her sleep stating he was going to try to make an earlier flight, so they needed to get going to the airport. He had already gathered his bags in the car when she finally made it downstairs following an abbreviated shower. She took her car, meaning she would have to pick him up from the airport when he got back. The trip passed quickly. She left him at the terminal. He only had his carry-on bag and wouldn't need any help getting to his gate, so he urged her not to park. He leaned over to kiss her, held her for a moment, and then left her for two more weeks.


	19. Chapter 19

Chapter 19 - Two Weeks Later

Beth was walking to the car when the taxi pulled up to the curb in front of the house. She went down the front lane to meet her visitor. Much to her surprise, Kevin emerged from the back seat.

"What are you doing here? I was just coming to get you. And your flight isn't due in for almost three hours!"

"I took an earlier one. I missed you too much," Kevin explained as he paid the cab driver who had just pulled the bags from the trunk. Beth began moving bags with Kevin's help toward the front porch. They pulled them inside the house and made it to the couch before they fell into each other's arms. He had missed her so much it hurt. His arms had longed for her and hers for him. After a while of just being near one another, Beth finally spoke.

"You were so great. I was so amazed at how professional you were. I mean, I knew you were good, but I didn't know you were that good!"

Kevin feigned surprise at her compliment, at least he thought it was a compliment. He had been surprised at how at ease he had been on-air. Jack and Jerrod were right, he loved being in front of the camera. He had done well in his classes and internships, but this was an entirely different rush. The red light came on and it was him in front of the world. He liked it a lot.

"So tell me about it. Everything that you can think of," she prodded as she played with his hair.

"I never could have imagined anything like it," he said, not trying to hide his excitement. "It was the most unbelievable feeling. I had met the guys, I knew their stories, and they trusted me to tell them. I played ball with them a few times. They asked me why I was reporting the games instead of playing in them. That was pretty cool. Ok, it was very cool. They offered me a try-out for the National Team."

"Oh, wow! That is really exciting. So are you going to do it?"

"Uh, I haven't really decided. I haven't been playing really regularly, and work is going to get really busy. I want to be with you some, too, you know."

She smiled. "Let's go upstairs."

"I thought you would never ask, Mrs. Girardi."

"And I thought you would leave me for a little Chinese girl."

"Never."

They spent the rest of the evening in the bedroom. Kevin was experiencing jet lag, but there hadn't been a tremendous amount of sleep the night before, anyway. He was awake a little before Beth, like usual. His favorite part of the day was becoming the time he spent watching her sleep. Every morning he woke up beside her made him even more thankful and amazed that she had actually chosen to spend her life with him. He knew who Jake was. Everyone did. That guy had so much more to offer her, but she had come back to him.

The clock told him it was time to get up. He dreaded leaving her but held onto the hope that his day would go smoothly and quickly. Beth stirred at his side, and turned to look up at him.

"Good morning, baby. I love you."

"Kev, I'm so glad you're here. I hate this bed when you aren't in it."

"How are you feeling?" Kevin asked cautiously, not sure about broaching the subject. She sat up slowly, and he watched her expression change slightly.

"I'm ok."

"Beth, you have to give me more than that. Have you talked to anyone?"

"No, I just haven't had a chance to do it yet. I'm going to go to one of the group meetings this week. Selene said she would come with me. It'll be fine."

Her voice had wavered slightly as she had spoken. He hoped she wasn't trying to hide anything from him. She got out of bed, grabbing her robe from the armchair.

"You want coffee?" she asked, dying for a subject change. She walked out the door without waiting for an answer. Kevin moved to follow her, but she was already downstairs before he even made it to the steps. He took the lift to the first floor and finally caught up with her.

"Beth, talk to me. Please don't just walk away. I know I haven't been here for you. I'm sorry, Beth. I can't help you if you don't tell me what's going on." Kevin hadn't felt so helpless in a long time.

She still wouldn't answer him as she continued to prepare the coffee. The clock on the microwave informed him that he didn't have time to work this out with her this morning. He reached for her hand and grabbed it.

"I have to get ready now. I'm on the news desk today, so I'll be home by six. There's a basketball game at 7:30 if you want to come with me. I should be back here by 9:00 at least, so whatever you want to do," he explained as he turned to go back upstairs. He didn't know how to handle the situation. He had no choice but to leave her alone for now. The shower didn't help to clear his head, but he had to get to work anyway. He hoped they'd be able to talk later.

As Kevin headed out the door, Beth handed him a lunch she had packed. She kissed him on the cheek and promised him that she really was fine. He reluctantly agreed and left her waving at the front door. He knew he was going to have to make a point of making sure that she had been telling him the truth. The drive to work was a little under an hour, just enough time for him to plan out his day. Luckily they were going to start him back into things pretty easily. On the news desk he'd only have to read copy for most of the day as it was updated.

He pulled into the parking lot and found the space marked with his name. He went up the ramp into the building and found his cubicle. He logged onto his computer and checked his email. He replied to the important ones and left the rest for later. He finally headed toward the desk around 8:30 and was ready to go by 8:45. The night crew would be finishing soon and he and Victoria Hagman would be starting their broadcast. The station broke for commercial, and the personnel switch took place. A few minutes later they were back on-air and Kevin introduced himself and Victoria to begin the day. The segment would be recorded and replayed throughout the morning, and the two anchors would work on various stories and updates until their segment was redone for the afternoon. It could sometimes be a bit boring, but it definitely meant he would be leaving on time.

Beth spent her morning cleaning and unpacking in the house before Selene called her around noon. After their meeting in the garden, Selene had come by and seen Beth working in the yard. She stopped to talk for a minute, and Beth invited her in for tea. Selene's daughter Sydney was at a play date, so they were able to spend some time together getting to know one another. Beth had told Selene a little about herself and Kevin, how they had come to Connecticut, and about the baby. Selene had listened compassionately before suggesting that they both go to one of the meetings suggested by Dr. Selzic. Beth had agreed, and now she was getting ready to go. Selene rang the doorbell. Beth called for her to come on in as she finished. A few moments later, they were on their way.

Kevin wrapped his broadcast day at 4:15 and returned to his desk to finish up any remaining loose ends. He checked his email once again, noting a message from Beth sent around noon. She seemed upbeat and wished him a great day at work. He hoped she would want to come to the game with him tonight. Her encouragement continued to be extremely important to him. Work was going well, he fit in his surroundings socially, he had a beautiful home, and his family was only a phone call away. Still, it was Beth who ultimately made him feel like a man. He didn't have to use any defense mechanism when he was with her. He loved having her at his side, holding her hand, and looking deeply into her eyes. He wanted to see their baby in her arms one day, too. This thought made him nervous as well as sad. He shook it off as he packed up his things for the drive home. On his way out, he grabbed a copy of his schedule to find where he'd be working for the rest of the week. He happily noted that he would be doing the same job as he had just finished. No traveling would be required, and he could spend his evenings with Beth.

Beth sat quietly during the group meeting. She listened to the others who spoke, and while she could identify with their feelings, she didn't feel the need to say anything herself. Sometimes she sat in her kitchen and cried, but she hadn't put together a nursery or tried for years to get pregnant or any of the other things these women were explaining. She thought that compared with them, she was doing quite well. When the meeting was over, Selene asked her if she wanted to speak with anyone individually. She said no, noting the time and that Kevin would be home soon. She just wanted to see him.

He drove up the driveway and into the garage. His day had gone fairly well, and he was hoping that Beth's had as well. When he made his way into the house, he heard the stereo playing in the front room. Beth was sitting on the couch reading a book. She looked up and saw him in the doorway. Smiling, she motioned him over to her. He approached the couch and smiled at her.

"How was your day," she asked him, closing her book.

"It was fine, nothing special. How about yours?"

"Selene and I went to the group meeting," she began.

"Oh yeah, how did that go?" he asked.

"It was good. The people seemed really nice and helpful," she continued. "Selene invited us over for dinner on Thursday. You don't have a game or anything then do you? I tried to find the schedule, but I couldn't. Is that ok with you?"

"Uh, I'm not aware of anything going on that night. It would be nice to meet your new friend, though. Their house is accessible?"

"The back door has only one step, about eight inches. I told her you could handle it."

"Yeah, sounds fine. I'm gonna get ready to go. I need to shoot around a little before the game. Are you planning on going?"

"Yes, of course I'm coming. You want me to go with you now?"

"Whatever you want. The game isn't until 7:30, and it's barely six now. I want to leave here by 6:30."

"I think I can handle that," she decided as she stood from the couch. She kissed him on the forehead, then the nose, then the lips and walked out of the room.

He followed her up the stairs and into the bedroom. He eyed the bed as she took off her clothes to change. His basketball stuff was on the bed, too. If they left by seven, they would be there in plenty of time for the game. He cleared his throat and motioned for the bed. She glanced questioningly at the clock. He nodded and threw the clothes from the bed to the floor. She climbed onto the bed and he moved to join her. She unbuttoned his shirt and pulled it down over his arms. As she did so she carefully kissed his neck shoulders and arms. She leaned back on the pillows as he caressed her.

A few minutes later, they were both in the shower, trying to hurry to be ready in time to go. Beth grabbed some jeans and a t-shirt and ran back into the bathroom to dry her hair. By the time she got back, Kevin was dressed and ready to go. She grabbed her purse and followed him down the steps. She hit the light switch on the way out and slid into the passenger seat as Kevin stowed his chair in the back. The radio displayed the time as 6:45. They would be right on time.

Beth joined the crowd on the bleachers. Kevin had been playing in this league since July, more than two months ago. Beth had met a few of the wives and girlfriends, but it had been almost a month since she had been to a game while Kevin was in China. She chose a seat about halfway up the bleachers to the left of half-court. A tall blonde took a seat a little to her right. She turned and smiled at Beth, stretched out her hand and introduced herself.

"Hi, I'm Erica Styles. I've seen you here before, but we've never met."

"I'm Beth Girardi. That's my husband Kevin," she pointed to the court where Kevin and another player were shooting around.

"What a coincidence! That's my brother Joshua. He's been playing in the league for four years."

"Kev and I moved up here in July for his job. He's been away on business, so we haven't been around much lately, but he's looking forward to getting back into the swing of things."

As they were talking, the teams took the floor. Kevin hadn't been playing with these guys for very long and had missed the last month, so he wasn't on top of his game. His team worked together well, though. They easily defeated the opponent. Kevin racked up ten points. Beth waited outside the gym for him to retrieve his things. He finally emerged talking to Joshua Styles and another player. He introduced Joshua and Charlie Fisk to Beth. She shook their hands and engaged in a bit of small talk before she caught Kevin's eye and signaled for the door. He nodded and extracted himself from the crowd of players and spectators. He and Beth both waved their goodbyes.

Beth practically ran to the car. Kevin hurried after her and actually beat her despite her head start. She didn't mind losing, she just wanted to get home. Quickly. Kevin stopped at a drive-thru window to pick up some dinner since neither of them had eaten that evening. Taking a drink of his soda, he swallowed a little blue pill. Beth took a bite of her cheeseburger and smiled over at him. It would take them about five minutes to get home, then the shower, and then they should be ready to go. She had missed him so much and could barely wait to get back home. He had been longing for her in his.

When the pulled into the garage she asked him whether he preferred a bath or a shower. He said shower and she ran upstairs to get things ready while he finished his dinner. About ten minutes later, she heard the motorized whir of the lift and waited patiently for him to meet her in the bathroom.He entered the room slowly as though he were unsure if he should proceed or not. She stood in front of him and reached her hand out. He took it and allowed her to undress him. He transferred to the shower bench easily. She straddled him and began assaulting his neck and shoulders with passionate kisses. He held tightly to her and returned her embraces. After a brief stay in the shower, they moved quickly to the bed where they remained until the morning light woke them.


	20. Chapter 20

Chapter 20 - Three Years Later

"Beth? Are you in here?" Kevin called into the darkness of his house. Beth had been working full-time for more than two years at a local advertising firm. She had never previously considered the creative field as one in which she would flourish, but she had been pleasantly surprised in her artistic abilities. Kevin's job had become more demanding in the way of travel during their second year of marriage. She had needed something to occupy her time and evenings alone. The arrangement had worked out perfectly. At first. Now, Kevin was anchoring the 4 pm show and was usually home by 6:30 or 7:00 every night. Sometimes Beth worked later. Kevin understood her need for an outlet for her energy and ideas. He just wished they could coordinate their schedules a bit better. It really wouldn't matter anyway after tonight. Finally realizing that Beth wasn't yet at home, Kevin mounted the stairs to change his clothes and start dinner.

He was setting the table with the good China when Beth blew through the door and almost fell over him.

"Oh, sorry. I'm moving too fast. Remind me that I'm at home and that I don't have to run everywhere," she apologized.

"You're at home and you have a wonderful husband who had prepared your favorite dinner and who will also do the dishes, so stop trying to run him over," Kevin answered with a smile.

She bent to kiss him on the mouth. The oven's timer sounded, separating the two, and Beth moved upstairs to change out of her suit while Kevin finished the dinner preparations. He opened the bottle of wine he had been chilling and poured it as Beth returned to the kitchen a few moments later. She glanced over the table setting, the food, and the wine and looked back at Kevin with her eyebrows raised suspiciously.

"Are you having an affair?" she asked him in a not completely joking manner, "Because if you are you'd better just head on back out the door."

Kevin laughed out loud as he wheeled toward her. "Oh come on, I can't just do a random act of kindness or whatever they talk about in those Chicken Soup books?"

"I wasn't aware that you had read any Chicken Soup books," Beth shot back, becoming more annoyed with every passing moment.

"Yeah, they made one for the Disabled Sportscaster's Soul."

"Ok, that's enough!" Beth exclaimed. "Are you going to tell me what's going on?"

"Why don't you just sit down here and have a glass of wine, maybe some chicken parmigiana and we'll talk about it, because you're right, something is up, and no, I have never read any Chicken Soup books."

Skeptically, Beth sat in the seat Kevin had pointed to a minute before. She took her glass of wine in her hand as he slipped a folder in front of her.

"What's this?" she asked shortly.

"Just open it and read it."

She turned the cover and found a stack of type-written pages staring up at her. It was a collection of essays that Kevin had written over the years. Some were articles she had never seen before, and she didn't think they had been published. She sifted through the pages, reading some of them, just looking over others.

"That's my portfolio. My author's portfolio, from when I wrote for the newspaper with other stuff added from college and after. I submitted it to the Washington Post and the Baltimore Sun a few months ago when they advertised positions. The last time we visited my parents I interviewed at both places. The editor of the Post called today. He offered me a job on the metro desk with the promise of promotion to either politics or national news in the next ten months. They'll match my current salary plus, I can freelance."

Beth stared at him dumbfounded. "What? You never said a word about this, you never said one word about being dissatisfied at work or needing a change or wanting to go back to the newspaper. What in the hell is going on?"

Kevin took a deep breath, blew it out and began. "Rebecca Askew is working the on the editorial staff at the Post. I saw her at a conference a few months ago and she told me about some openings they were going to have coming in the future. She said she had seen me on TV and that it looked like I was having fun, but didn't I want to get back to reporting news that mattered. I just laughed it off, but that conversation really struck a chord with me. I do like my job, but it doesn't really matter who hits how many home runs or has how many touchdowns. There are bigger, real issues in the world, and maybe it's time for me to grow up and realize that," he finished with a sigh and a pleading look.

"Oh, I have no doubts that the conversation with Rebecca struck a chord with you. However, I'm fairly sure that it had little to do with reporting any news." As she said this she stood from the table.

Kevin came toward her, trying to interject, "Beth, I know I should have said something sooner, but I wasn't really sure what I wanted to do. I just applied on a whim, just to see if I could get the job. I didn't want to go down this road unless it was necessary. I know that you are angry and you have a right to be, but can't we at least talk about it, make a decision that is best for us."

He did look apologetic, but Beth's ire couldn't be stopped. Kevin had always been so open and honest with her. She may have been able to forgive him if he has just done this on his own, but the addition of Rebecca Askew to the situation had put her right over the top.

She was so angry with him that she was afraid to speak. Instead, she walked toward the garage, grabbing her purse and keys on the way. Kevin moved to head her off at the door.

"Where are you going?" he questioned.

"I need to leave right now before I say something that I mean but would regret saying."

He moved out of her way, defeated. He turned away and just let her go. She slammed the door behind her and he heard her car start and pull out of the garage. He had no idea where she would go. He started to clean up the kitchen, mentally kicking himself for what had just happened. He had known that she would be surprised, maybe a little upset, but he had not imagined for one second that her reaction would be so violent. As he finished putting the dishes in the dishwasher and had wiped the table and the counters he went into the office and tried to finish some work. He tried to concentrate on the figures and scores on the pages in front of him, but they had lost their importance. Finally he picked up the phone and dialed her cell phone. The voicemail picked up automatically. He left a brief message apologizing again, but didn't stay on the line long. He hung up and dialed another number.

"Hello?" the voice on the other end of the line answered.

"Hi. I need some advice."

"Oh Kevin, you're the big brother. I'm supposed to be asking you for advice, not the other way around," Joan laughed.

"I'm serious, Joan. Beth got mad at me and she left. I don't know where she went and her phone is off."

"What did you do? It must have been pretty bad."

"I told her that I had applied for a job in Washington and they offered it to me. I made dinner and was going to tell her about it, but she suspected something was up. She started asking a bunch of questions."

Joan interrupted him here, "Why don't you just get to the point? What did you do?"

"Rebecca got me the job."

Joan was silent on her end of the line. "Wow."

Kevin continued, relating the story back to Joan. When he finished she sighed before she began.

"Oh, man, you just really screwed up. First of all, applying for a job that would move you all five hours away from the home you bought, where you've set up your lives without even telling her that you were even thinking about it, that is bad enough. But the fact that Rebecca had anything whatsoever to do with it, especially if she made it happen, well, that's just marital suicide, brother. No one wants their spouse's old lover back in the picture in any way."

Kevin tried to defend himself, "Rebecca and I worked together after Beth and I started dating again. I know Beth doesn't like her, but our working relationship was strictly professional. We slept together once."

"She was your first after the accident. Beth knows that. Bringing Rebecca back into your lives is incredibly threatening for her. Just imagine if she were going to do PR for Jake. How would you feel about that?"

"Jake is different. They were engaged, had planned a wedding. Rebecca and I were nowhere as serious as that. Rebecca was just a way to get this job. A way to get us closer to family."

"What are you talking about?"

"A baby. I wanted to make things easier on her so we can think about starting a family."

"Does she want a baby?"

"I don't know. We didn't get that far. All she heard was Rebecca's name and she went crazy. She just left. She's been gone for over an hour, and her phone is off. I don't know where she is or if she's ok. The job isn't that important to me, I just thought it would be better for us. I was just. . .I don't know."

"Kevin, she'll come back as soon as she calms down. She was angry and she didn't want to make things worse by yelling at you. When she does just explain to her that you're sorry for not talking to her and telling her what was going on. She'll be mad for a while, and with a perfectly good reason. But she loves you, Kev. She loves you more than anything."

As Joan was talking, Kevin heard Beth's car pull into the garage.

"Joan, she's here. I have to go. Thanks for talking, tell everyone I said hello, and we'll see you guys in a few days at the house. Bye."

"Bye Kevin."

Kevin hung up the phone and went to meet her in the kitchen. She walked into the house and found him waiting just inside the door. His head was down, a gesture of submission. She walked up to him, knelt in front of him and took his hands. He looked into her eyes, unable to speak.

"Kevin, I'm sorry that I left like that. It was an immature thing to do. I apologize for my behavior."

He stroked her hair softly. "No, I'm sorry for not telling you what was going on. I'm sorry for not telling you about Rebecca or the job or the interviews or why I was doing it. I'm sorry that I wasn't sensitive to your feelings. I love you, Beth, and I don't ever want you to not be here with me."

She stood and then sat on his lap. He held her tightly as though he would never let go. Finally he spoke again. "There's more that I need to tell you about this."

She leaned back so that she could see his face. "Ok," she conceded.

"What I did I went about in the wrong way, but I did it for a specific reason. I wanted us to move closer to our families, my parents and Joan, even Luke and Grace and the baby. That way, when we decide that it's time, having a family will be less stressful on us. We'll have built-in babysitters, and you can work at the embassy or wherever you want to or not at all."

She lowered her eyebrows into a scowl. "This is about having a baby? Oh God, Kevin, why didn't you just say so. I think it's time, too. I guess we should have just talked about it. I really am sorry about earlier."

"I know, sweetie. So you really think it's time for us to have a baby?"

Beth nodded. "Yeah, I just didn't know how you felt about it. I thought that's why we moved to this neighborhood because of the schools. The house is perfect. We're finally settled in here and with our jobs. But if you really need to do this, if you really want to write, then we'll go there. We'll go back to D.C. and start over again. All our friends are still there, Jack and Annika and Jerrod and Jocelyn and their little girl. It's like we're going home. It's a good idea, Kevin. I love you, and I'm hungry. I know I kind of spoiled the mood, but can we still have our romantic dinner?"

Kevin nodded, "As long as we use paper plates!"

Beth moved to the cabinets and retrieved them as Kevin began warming the meal. She poured the wine and handed him a glass. Kevin raised his, and Beth followed his lead.

"To our new lives and new ideas."


	21. Chapter 21

Chapter 21

"Kevin, come on! It's going to be midnight before we get there. Joan and I are supposed to go shopping this evening," Beth yelled up the stairs to her husband. He finally emerged at the top of the stairs and threw her an overnight bag.

"I need that stuff, leave it in the back seat. Are you sure you got everything?"

"Kevin, we are spending four days at your parents' house. They have everything you need. You still have clothes there. Your bathroom is still all set up. Come on before it gets dark!"

"Beth, it's seven thirty in the morning. We'll be there around noon."

"Please hurry! I want to see everyone. I want to go shopping with Joan. I still haven't gotten your gifts. So come on unless you don't want any presents."

"Ok, ok, I'm coming down."

Sevenminutes later they were finally on their way, andseven hours later they arrived in Arcadia. Kevin maneuvered the car through the streets until he came to Euclid Avenue. Beth could barely sit still as they pulled up to the curb. When Kevin stopped the car, she jumped out and ran inside. He just shook his head and started unloading the car. His father came out to help him, a smile on his face.

"Beth bailed on you?"

"She had to pee. I wouldn't stop ten miles outside of town so she could go."

"That's pretty mean, isn't it?"

"She had plenty of opportunities, and she didn't have to go, so I said she could just wait. I told her she could hold it or go on the seat. A little risky, seeing as it's my car, but I knew she wouldn't do it."

Will just shook his head. "You need some help with this stuff? Looks like you're moving in for four months instead of four days."

"That's partly my fault. I just wanted to make sure I had everything I needed, you know?"

"Let's get some of this stuff inside, it's really freezing out here!"

Kevin nodded and began piling luggage on his lap. He wheeled around to the back door to use the ramp back there rather than the lift on the front porch. Will transported bags to the front porch where they could be easily taken inside once Kevin made it in the house.

As Kevin came in the back door, Beth was emerging form the bathroom. She took the bags he was carrying and took them up the steps into Kevin's old room. When she came back down, Kevin and Will were finishing bringing the rest of the bags inside. Helen had joined them in the living room, and the four of them put away all of the luggage. Beth was explaining how Kevin had denied her a bathroom stop. Everyone laughed except for Beth who maintained that if Kevin had needed to go they would have stopped on the side of the road if necessary. He agreed and apologized for being mean. Beth kissed him on the cheek and immediately asked where Joan was.

Joan was working in town as a counselor and living with her parents while she contemplated going back to school for an advanced degree. She and Adam were on again off again in their relationship. He was working for a graphic design studio in Baltimore. They were able to see each other fairly often but were still unsure of their future as a couple.

Luke, on the other hand, had settled down to be quite the family man. He and Grace had surprised everyone last Christmas by showing up married. They now had a three month-old baby named Hadassah. Luke was working on his Ph.D. in neurology at Johns Hopkins University while Grace had been working at an economic firm in Baltimore until she had taken her maternity leave. She was scheduled to start back after the first of the year.

Will was still working in the field, much to Helen's dismay. She was teaching at Arcadia High, but had been contemplating leaving to help out with her grandchildren. They were both crazy about the baby and were looking forward to having all of the kids back in the house for the holidays. Kevin had been required to work the past two Christmases, so it was especially exciting to have him and Beth there with the rest of them.

Beth pulled out her phone to call Joan when they heard someone yell from downstairs. Joan was waiting in the living room as the four of them made their way down the stairs. She and Beth embraced tightly and began making plans for their shopping trip. Kevin cleared his throat loudly to try to get her attention. The two girls turned toward him and Joan ran to jump on his lap. She tousled his hair and gave him a kiss on the cheek. She squinted and looked at his hair a little more closely.

"Kev, is this gray? Are you going gray? You are so old!"

"No way, there is no gray hair, and I am not old. You're the one that just had a birthday. Twenty-four is ancient."

"Then what does that make you at the ripe old age of 27?"

Beth stopped them right there. "Let's not discuss ages. I'm not allowed to have another birthday, remember?"

Kevin smiled over at her. "Oh baby, you'll be the most exquisite 30-year-old ever!"

Beth's eyes got wide with horror, "I told you not to use the T-word!"

They all laughed at her as Joan collected her things and ushered Beth out the door. She called behind her that they would be at the mall and should be home by the time Luke and Grace arrived. Kevin said goodbye to his wife and sister and followed his parents into the living room. Helen and Will sat down on the couch facing their son.

Will began the conversation. "So, Son, how have you been? How is work, Beth, everything? It seems that we never get to talk to you anymore, and we just want to make sure that things are going well."

Kevin chose his words carefully in answering, "Beth is fine. She is working a lot, but she likes what she is doing. She does it well, too. My work is good, too. I'm really busy all the time. I wish I had more time to spend with her, but it just isn't possible. We're going to have to do something. We're working on it, but right now things are just crazy."

Helen walked over to her son and hugged him from behind. "Kevin, I know that marriage is difficult and your careers are important to you, but you have to make time for each other."

"I'm working on it, Mom. Really, I am. I didn't want to say anything without Beth being here, but we're thinking of moving back to the area."

Helen returned to the couch with Will who looked at his son questioningly.

"I was offered a job in D.C., and Beth and I have been talking about what we want to do, about the path we want our lives to take, when to start a family, all that stuff. We're stressed, but we love each other more than ever, and we're ready to start a family, and to do that we have to change some things about how we're living."

Will looked intently at him. "Kevin, you're ok with your finances, with the mortgage, aren't you?"

"Oh, yeah, the house will be paid off by the spring, and we're saving everything Beth makes. We're doing just fine in that department. We just can't go on like this with a baby. It won't work, and I don't want to leave Beth at home to raise a baby while I'm off in St. Louis or Seattle or San Francisco covering games on every holiday. This job has been amazing, such an unbelievable experience, but I can't do it forever and I don't want to try to raise a family like this."

Helen and Will looked at each other with a shared smile. Will spoke for the two of them. "Son, we are so proud of you and Beth and how well you two have done for yourselves. I'm sure that you will work out what you need to do for your family."

Helen added, "And we really like babies, too."

Kevin laughed. "Please don't tell Beth, she wanted to be here when we talked about it. So we're going to have to do this again later, ok?"

His parents nodded in agreement and Kevin excused himself to go upstairs to clean up and take a nap until Beth and Joan got back and Luke, Grace and the baby arrived. As the lift took Kevin up the stairs, Helen and Will hoped that he and Beth were prepared for the decisions they had made. They were still sitting on the couch when Luke opened the front door with the baby carrier in his hands. Grace followed close behind with the bags.

Will jumped up from the couch. "I thought you guys weren't coming until tonight!" He took the bags from Grace as Helen confiscated the baby from her son.

Luke explained that he had finished up his work earlier than expected and came home to an already packed Grace and Hadassah. Helen held the baby in her arms, and Grace handed her a bottle. She rocked the baby and fed her as Will asked Luke how his research was going. Luke explained a little bit about what they were working on in his lab and some of the exciting results they were finding. He didn't go into too much detail but was obviously optimistic their findings.

Will nodded his head and smiled admirably at his younger son. Grace and Helen were ignoring the conversation while having their own concerning the baby and how much sleep they were all getting. Grace yawned as she admitted that the baby was still up quite a few times during the night and Luke didn't seem to be able to hear the cries at 4 am. Helen laughed, assuring Grace that he had inherited the selective deafness from his own father. In a few minutes, the four adults were so intently engaged in conversation and laughter that they didn't hear the motorized lift bringing Kevin down the stairs.

"Can't a person get any sleep around here?" He asked coming up behind them and down the ramp in front of the landing.

Luke jumped up to embrace his brother. "I saw your car out front, but I didn't know you were in the house. These two didn't say a word," Luke explained as he shot a glance at his parents. They opened their mouths to speak, but the boys stopped them.

"No big deal, I'm just glad we're all here," Kevin insisted. "Now, I want to hold my niece. Mom, hand her over."

He approached the rocking chair and Helen placed the baby in his arms. He took the bottle and finished feeding her as well. The baby had just fallen asleep in his lap when Joan and Beth came in the back door. Beth took the bags up the back stairs, and Joan joined the others in the living room. A few seconds later, Beth descended the stairs and saw her husband holding the tiny baby.

"Hi, Luke, Grace, baby!" Beth began as she walked toward Kevin who was smiling up at her. "How you doing there, hun? She's so tiny, don't break her, please."

The baby stirred in Kevin's arms and looked up at her aunt. Beth smiled. Kevin held her out and Beth took the baby into her own arms. Helen vacated the rocking chair so Beth and the infant could sit. Beth took in the scent of powder, lotion, and baby and closed her eyes as she rocked. Kevin quietly approached her and took her hand in his. She opened her eyes and looked at him, not noticing anyone else in the room. Beth gazed down at the sleeping baby with longing. Her eyes traveled back to Kevin's and she nodded her head.

"It's time," is all she said to him.

Luke and Will moved to put together the bassinet so that Beth could lay the sleeping baby in it. Once she did, Helen retreated into the kitchen with Joan to make some coffee. When they returned, Beth was sitting on Kevin's lap leaving the rocking chair open for Helen. Kevin looked at Beth who agreed that he could make their big announcement.

"Ok, well, Beth and I have been talking, and being here with you all has helped make our decision a little easier. I have been offered a job at the Washington Post. I'm going to take it, and we're moving back, um, home, I guess."

Luke, Joan, and Grace expressed their delight in the announcement, and Luke started telling Kevin how they would have to check out his lab, that Kevin would really be interested in what they were working on. Kevin agreed to go with him soon. Joan, Beth, Grace and Helen were trying to decide on which day of the week they wanted to have a standing lunch date while Will went to get the paper to look for houses. They were making so much noise that Grace finally had to remind them of the baby sleeping in the study. This shifted their attention, and Kevin announced that he was hungry. Beth rolled her eyes and said that no one was surprised to hear that. Will suggested that they order Chinese food. Everyone agreed, and Joan grabbed the menu from the kitchen drawer. They all decided on the order, which arrived almost an hour later. The family ate around the dining room table for the first time in years. As they were finishing, the doorbell rang. Waiting on the other side of the door was Adam Rove.

Joan welcomed him in and offered him something to eat. He refused but asked Joan to take a walk with him. She agreed and left the family to wonder. Grace, normally reserved about such matters, was the first to speak after the door closed behind them.

"Rove needs to make up his mind what is going on, and Joan has to decide if she wants to be with him or not. This back and forth stuff has to go."

Luke turned his head and looked at his wife, his mouth gaping. "Come on, Grace, tell us how you really feel," he finally said.

"I can't help it. I'm so tired of this pissing around with their lives. They need to decide to be together or apart. That's all I'm going to say."

No one else said anything, but they all agreed with Grace's estimation of the Joan and Adam situation. Beth walked behind Kevin's chair and put her arms around his neck. She whispered in his ear, causing him to laugh and nod. The others looked at them, and he apologized for their rudeness but explained that the two of them were exhausted and were going to turn in early. Everyone wished them goodnight, and they moved toward the front stairs to go up to Kevin's room.

Beth climbed into bed followed shortly by Kevin. She snuggled close to him, and he placed his arm around her small frame. She loved his touch. It made her feel so secure and warm every night. Still, it was a little weird to be in his bed in his room in his parents' house. He sensed her apprehension, too.

"Uh, Beth, we're married. They aren't going to burn us at the stake or anything. We can sleep in the same bed, even fool around a little if you want, too."

She sat up and hit him with a pillow. He pulled her onto his chest where she remained, listening to his heart beat. He asked her what she was doing, and she explained that she was listening to him live. He shook his head and settled into the bed. He was starting to fall asleep when she said very softly, "I'm so thankful for that sound."

"What?" he asked groggily.

"I'm thankful for your heartbeat."

"So am I. Goodnight," Kevin mumbled before he fell asleep for good.


	22. Chapter 22

Ok, I have been inspired by your reviews to post more chapters. This means that I'll have to write more! I only have up to 26 written so far, I think.

Anyway, this chapter had a very naughty word in it. I'm not going to change the rating because it's only once, but you've been warned.

Chapter 22

It was a little after nine in the morning when Kevin roused from sleeping. He was a little disoriented but quickly remembered where he was. He reached to his left for Beth, finding only a pillow where she had been. A few minutes later, she entered the room, already dressed, with a cup of coffee in her hand.

"Wake up, Sleepyhead. We have a ton of stuff to do today. Are all your presents ready? And when I say 'all' I mean the ones that are for me."

He laughed and took a sip from her mug. "Yes, Mrs. Girardi, your presents are all ready and so are all the other ones."

"Ok, then get up and get ready. We're going to the homeless shelter with Joan to give out presents."

She pulled the chair beside him so that he could get up. He went into his bathroom to shower and shave. She followed him in and sat on the toilet as he showered. She talked constantly about everything that she and Joan and his mother had planned for the day. He basically ignored her until he turned off the water and opened the curtain. She handed him a towel. He thanked her and said he thought he would spend the day with Luke instead. Beth said she was ok with that. She, Helen, Grace, and Joan would go out and do good while they guys played "Three Men And A Baby."

He grabbed her hand as she was standing to leave. "I really want a baby, Beth."

"I know, Kevin. So do I, but I'm scared. I think we should talk to the doctors before we do anything."

"You're still taking your pills?" he asked in an almost accusing way.

"Yes, I am. I want to make sure everything is going to be fine first. I'm not prepared to go through that again. I have a feeling that they'll recommend IVF, and I'm not sure that I want to do that."

"What do you mean you don't want to do that?"

"I think we should consider adoption."

"Beth, that's crazy. Why in the world would we do something like that without even trying on our own?"

"You remember those girls we saw in China playing in the yard?"

"No, I don't."

"Yes you do. On the day of the Opening Ceremonies when we were walking downtown."

"All I know about that is that you were the only one walking."

"Oh, for God's sake Kevin. That's not what this is about, so stop making it about you. I'm so fucking sick of it."

Kevin's eyes got wide at Beth's use of profanity. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean anything, but yeah, I remember what you are talking about."

"Ok, well, that was an orphanage for little girls. In China couples are only allowed to have one child, and for the most part, parents only want boys. The girls are left in orphanages if they are lucky. Most are just left to die. I think we should consider adopting a little Chinese baby girl."

"You've thought this all out?"

"I've been thinking about it since we got back, after Bailey, more than three years."

"Well, why didn't you tell me sooner?"

"I was considering your reaction. Looks like I was right."

"How long does it take?"

"Um, depending on the conditions, probably about a year."

"What do we have to do?"

"We should get a lawyer. We'll have to complete a psychological assessment and home visits and a bunch of other stuff. The paperwork has to be translated into Mandarin, and we'll have to go there and get her, but this is what I want, Kevin. Maybe later we'll try to make a baby, but for now I want one in my arms that I don't have to worry about it getting here."

"Beth, why didn't you tell me that you were afraid?"

"I don't know, Kevin. I just assumed that when you were ready you'd bring it up and then everything would come out. Kind of like it just did."

Kevin finished drying off and motioned for his clothes. She handed them to him and left while he dressed. He met her downstairs a little while later where the entire family was gathered at the table. Beth was burping the baby, Grace and Joan were having a conversation about something girly that Helen was adding to from time to time. Will and Luke were also discussing something. Kevin felt a little left out but also still a bit asleep. Helen placed a mug of coffee in front of him. He reached over his shoulder to grab her hand. She stopped and leaned down to kiss his cheek.

The family left the table and went their separate ways to spread a little Christmas cheer. The girls, minus the baby, went with Joan while the guys worked on finishing up the decorations and alternated taking care of baby. Kevin realized that he wasn't able to push his wheelchair while holding Hadassah, since she was unable to support herself on his lap. This freaked him out a little, knowing that he would have to be able to handle the baby by himself. He hadn't thought about this potential problem, but he knew it was one that would have to be solved quickly.

"Uh, Luke," Kevin began, "Can you take her for a minute. I, um, have a problem here."

Luke turned from helping his dad by holding up the tree to look at his brother. "You can't move while you're holding her, can you?" he asked.

"No. We have to fix that."

The wheels in Luke's head were instantly turning. "It doesn't really help if you hold her in one hand, because then you'd be going in circles. Can you lay her on your lap long enough to get to the carrier?"

"I'm afraid to do that. What if the momentum pushes her forward. That's not smart."

Luke scratched his head. "No, that won't work, you're right. I've got it! We'll use one of those scarf things."

Kevin looked up, confused and not sure he liked where Luke was going. "Excuse me?"

Luke explained. "It's a type of baby carrier. It's like a sash that ties around your shoulder and the baby is inside it, like a pouch. It will leave your hands free while supporting the baby. It might look weird, but it will work."

"Do you have one?"

"No, but we'll make one with a towel and you can try it out using a pillow or stuffed animal as a baby."

"You mean I can't experiment with your daughter?"

"No, you cannot. You've not been approved for human trials."

Luke took the baby and placed her in the bassinet and ran upstairs to work on his invention while Kevin held the tree for Will. A few minutes later, Luke returned with one of Joan's dolls and a bunch of fabric.

"Ok, this is a rough prototype, but I'm fairly certain you can buy them in stores and I know you can online, but we'll try this out to see how it works, if the design is feasible."

He slipped the sling over Kevin's shoulder and handed him the doll. Kevin situated the toy on his lap, facing outward, supported by the material. He moved around the room a little, checking for slippage or movement of the doll. There was none.

"Luke, this is great. We have to get one of these things."

Luke nodded. "I saw a website upstairs that offers all sizes and patterns, and they come with special padded straps for more comfortable carrying. You guys are all set. Now where is your wife so you can go knock her up?"

Kevin chuckled. "She's not here, and I'm not going to 'knock her up' anyway. We're going to talk to our doctors soon. She's worried about the possibility of another ectopic and is fairly certain that her doctor will suggest _in vitro_. She's not cool with doing that right now."

Rubbing his chin, Luke nodded again. "So what are you going to do?"

"She wants to adopt a baby from China."

"So what are you going to do?" Luke asked again, smiling.

"We're going to adopt a baby from China, of course. No, seriously, it makes a lot of sense, and really is the best thing for us to do right now. We want a baby, and the stress of trying to get pregnant is just too overwhelming to go, especially with the move and everything."

"Are you sure you're ready to go through with it? It's a HUGE responsibility and a ton of stress."

"Well, it will take about a year anyway. We'll have a little time to get prepared, but I'm sure we'll second guess everything we do."

Luke agreed. "You try to think that you know what to do, even when you don't, but it's so scary sometimes. There is this little tiny person and you are in charge of how they experience the world and for the most part, who they will become. It's amazingly hard and amazingly rewarding when she looks up at me and smiles. I want to make the world safe for her, but we all know that doesn't necessarily happen."

Kevin nodded silently. "I'm not sure what we're going to do. I want to talk to the doctors, anyway. We can always get the adoption process started in case we can't get pregnant, but I have a feeling that it will happen."

Luke placed his hand on Kevin's shoulder. "It will work out. It always seems to for you, even when it's not the way you planned."

"I just make a lot of lemonade," was Kevin's reply. "Hey, we'd better get back in there so you can help Dad."

Luke glared at him. "This is traditionally your job, you know?"

"Yeah, but I'm letting you take it over from now on."

"Thanks. I'm really looking forward to it," Luke quipped flatly. He turned to leave the room. Kevin called after him.

"Luke."

"Yeah, Kev?"

"Thanks."

"No problem."

Together, the brothers rejoined their father who was about to be over taken by the Christmas tree lights.

The guys were finally finishing the decorations when the girls returned from their afternoon of doing good. Joan was absolutely giddy. They had handed out more toys and food baskets than ever before at the shelter, and all the families who had applied for aid had been helped. Grace had almost been nice to people, while her mother and Beth were as charming and kind as she would have imagined.

Joan loved her new sisters and her mother so much she could barely contain herself as she watched them interact with their husbands in the living room. Grace brought the baby from the study and fed her as the others began to put presents around the tree. Beth ran up the stairs with Joan to retrieve packages from their rooms. They returned, arms loaded with ribboned boxes to add to the growing mound beneath the tree. Kevin had stashed his in the dining room closet. Beth found one addressed to her and began shaking it. Kevin scolded her saying she had no more patience than a four-year-old. She scowled at him and continued her shaking.

Before the family realized it, the time had come to get ready for church. Helen always insisted on Christmas Eve Mass, no matter how much Will and Kevin protested. By now, they had just stopped doing it all together and were resigned to their duty. Helen planned out a shower schedule so that everyone would be ready in time. Grace and Luke went first followed by Beth and Kevin, then Joan and finally the parents.

While they were waiting, Beth pulled their clothes from the suitcase and pressed the wrinkled items. She turned back to the bed to find a small package on top of her outfit. She raised her eyebrows at Kevin who encouraged her to open it. She pulled the ribbon off the box and opened the velvet case inside. Her mouth formed a small o as she gazed at the contents. Beautiful princess-cut diamond earrings set in platinum that perfectly matched her engagement ring stared back at her. The year before he had given her a pendant and the year before that, a diamond bracelet. The earrings were by far the most exquisite, however. She sat on his lap and embraced him.

"I absolutely love them. They are so beautiful."

"No, you are beautiful. There's more. Look again."

She went back to the bed where she found an envelope containing a resort brochure and two plane tickets to the south of France. She screamed out loud. He placed his mouth over hers. He held her in his arms and could barely keep from throwing her on the bed until there was a knock on the door. Beth called for the knocker to come in. Luke opened the door a crack and stuck his head in. He told them they were up for the shower. Beth collected their clothes and followed Kevin into the bathroom.

He wanted to fool around, but she reminded them of the time schedule. They tried to hurry and succeeded in bumping heads a couple of times. Beth shut off the water and grabbed two towels from the rack. She threw one at Kevin and used the other to dry off and then to wrap her hair. She dressed quickly and handed Kevin his clothes. He left the bathroom, and Beth finished her hair and makeup. He came back in to dry his hair after she was done. Her dark hair was dried straight, falling to her shoulders. She was wearing a minimal amount of makeup, eyeshadow and lip gloss. She fastened the clasp on her earrings. The diamond pendant was dangling in the v-neck of her red sweater. Her cream colored wool trousers were crisply pressed. She was radiant. He smiled at her. They went downstairs to join the others.

Grace and Luke were dressed and ready. The baby was wearing a navy blue velvet dress. Beth took her from Grace's arms. In doing so, she shook her hair out of her face revealing the glint of the lights on her new earrings. Grace saw them and gasped.

"You could feed a small African country with those things!" she exclaimed.

Beth laughed and nodded. Kevin came up behind her and addressed Grace.

"I have to do something to get her to stay with me. I'm not nearly as intelligent as Luke."

Beth slapped him as Helen, Will, and Joan come down the steps. The doorbell rang, and once again, Adam was on the other side of the door. Joan asked him to come in. He greeted the family members, shook hands with the guys and kissed Grace on the cheek. She glared at him. Everyone laughed and Adam asked her if she was celebrating both Christmas and Hanukkah from now on. She explained that by marrying her little Gentile friend, she was now entitled to twice as many presents. Adam agreed that she had made the right choice. Beth asked if he wanted to hold Hadassah. He took her until it was time to leave for church.

Father Mallory greeted the Girardis and Adam at the vestibule door. They found seats at the back of the church. They took up and entire pew, which was convenient so that Kevin could be on the end without the possibility of anyone needing to get in. Grace and the baby were on the other side so that they could get out if necessary. Kevin held Beth's hand as they sang songs and listened to Father Mallory read the Christmas story. When it was time to light the candles, the acolytes came down the aisles to begin the trail of light. Kevin passed his flame to Beth and down the row. Finally, everyone rose to sing Silent Night. Beth remained seated beside him. He told her to stand, but she stayed at his side. She sang the words of the Christmas carol in his right ear. Soon, it was time to leave. Father Mallory was back at the door wishing his parishioners well. He stopped the Girardis at the door. Helen introduced the various members of the family, including Beth and the new baby, whom he had never met. He wished them all a very Merry Christmas as they continued to the car.

Back at the house, the family gathered around the living room after the baby had been placed in her crib in Luke and Grace's room. The monitor on the coffee table was their reminder of her presence upstairs. As per family tradition, everyone opened one present given to them by Helen and Will on Christmas Eve. They began with Kevin. Will handed him the package, and Helen kissed him on the cheek. Kevin removed the wrapping and opened the box. He smiled at the contents. There was a collage of photos of him as a baby and then a little boy of no more than five or six years old, a new leather folio for his work, as well as three of his favorite children's picture books. Beth was next. Her package contained baby lotion, baby bath and matching adult varieties for her. At the bottom of the box was a small frame containing a photo of her and her sister on their wedding day. Beth had never seen the photo before, but it was a wonderful black and white candid shot of the two sisters laughing about something in the bride's room right before the ceremony. They skipped Joan and went to Luke and Grace. Their boxes, like Kevin and Beth's, contained small odds and ends with a framed photo or photo collage. Luke's was one of him at the beach at the age of eleven, and Grace's was from her Bat Mitzvah. Adam was next. His photo was one of him and his mother who had passed away two years before the Girardis moved to Arcadia. His gift was art supplies. Finally, it was time for Joan's package. She opened it quickly, a little perturbed that she had been left for last. The photo frame was on top. The photo was of her and Adam at the senior prom. Beneath the frame was a velvet jewelry box. Joan pulled it from the larger box, a perplexed look on her face. She opened it to find her grandmother Brodie's engagement ring. She looked over at her parents and then at Adam who had knelt in front of her. Her eyes were the size of saucers as she realized what was happening.

"Jane," Adam began as he took her hand, "You are the most amazing and life-loving person that I've ever met or could ever imagine. We belong together, and I've been too dense and stubborn to admit it before now. I know you could do so much better, but it would be so great and I would be so surprised if you would agree to marry me."

Joan slid off of the couch and slipped her arms around his neck. She whispered yes in his ear, and the rest of the family mobbed the couple. Adam finally had the chance to slip the ring on her finger. She realized at this point that her parents had been in on the entire thing. She asked her mother how she had been able to keep such an important secret, but Helen just hugged her. Kevin and Luke had cornered Adam and had begun to explain the expected treatment of their sister to him. Beth and Grace had pulled Joan onto the couch and were admiring the antique ring. Grace asked Joan when she wanted to have the wedding, and both girls offered to help in any way possible. Joan hugged them both.

Beth yawned and glanced at the clock on the wall. The hour was getting late, so she looked over at Kevin, who was already looking at her. He motioned toward the stairs. Beth excused herself, hugged Joan and Adam, and moved up to the bedroom. Kevin followed a few minutes later. She had already dressed in a black lace nightgown. His eyes widened but he said nothing as he joined her in the bed.

As they lay back on the pillows, Kevin turned to Beth with a questioning look on his face.

"What is it, Kevin?" she asked placing her head on his chest.

"I was just wondering something, and I hoped you would answer it for me."

"Ok."

"Why did you agree to see me when Joan called you?"

"I'm sure that we've been through this before, Kev."

"I just need to know again."

"All right. I had been away from you for three years. I had made a life with Jake. I loved him. Enough to agree to marry him. Part of that decision was imagining my life with him and what that future would be like and also what it would be like without him. It was a very tempting picture, very privileged. So, I said yes to that. But when it was time to go through with it, I couldn't. He asked me if I loved him. I said yes, and I knew that he loved me. But we weren't meant to be. He is the second best person I've ever met, and it was so amazingly difficult to not go with him. But when I talked to Joan and she asked me about seeing you, I had to do that all over again. I had to look at my life with you and without you and make a decision. My vision of my life with you was different than with Jake, but no less wonderful."

Kevin stopped her, "Then why didn't you go back to him?"

"Because when I tried to imagine my life without you in it, I couldn't."

He stared at her head on his chest and sighed deeply. He didn't say a word but wrapped his arms around her. Finally he whispered into the darkness, "I wouldn't have a life without you."


	23. Chapter 23

Chapter 23

Kevin roused Beth awake as the sun was coming up. "Hey, come on, let's go downstairs!" he whispered in her ear.

She groaned and rolled away from him. She was awake, unfortunately, but she did not feel like getting out of bed. However, she had an idea of how to keep him there with her. She ran to the door and locked it before jumping back in the bed on top of Kevin. She leaned down close to his face and spoke softly, "Merry Christmas to the man I love." She rolled to his side, but his gaze followed her, so did his hands and his mouth. He had no problem remaining in the bed for a little while longer.

A knock on the door interrupted them as Joan called in, "You'd better not be doing anything gross in there. Our parents are like two rooms away, Kevin!"

Beth's eyes were wide as she turned toward the door, but Kevin didn't pay any attention to her embarrassment as he yelled back at Joan, "Oh, lay off Joan. You'll be in our, uh, position soon enough."

There was only a "Hmpf" on the other side of the door as Joan stalked away. Beth stifled a laugh and lay back on Kevin's stomach, her feet hanging off the bed. He moved a strand of hair from her face and leaned down to kiss her again.

"You were so different," she said as he finished.

"I'm sorry?"

"After the accident, or before it. When I met you in Baltimore, you were so different. You looked the same, but you weren't. I was a little afraid at first that you had changed too much. I guess I had changed, too. But you were so confident before, sometimes downright arrogant but that day you were so angry. No, not angry, you were sad. I had wanted to see you so badly for so long. I don't know what I expected, but I guess I just realized that we would have to learn each other all over again. I guess that's why we waited so long to get married."

"Why are you telling me this now?"

"I don't know. I just want to be honest with you. I want us to be able to talk. We only talked about this that first night, but it irreparably changed both of our lives. And if we're going to have children soon, then we need to deal with the real issues here."

"Beth, where is this coming from?"

"Kevin, you never tell me how you feel about your life, about our life. I need some sort of feedback on what's happening here. You're so easy-going and just go about your day and your work, but this job thing is still eating at me. Why couldn't you tell me what was going on? Why won't you talk to me? You'll talk to your parents and Joan and even Rebecca Askew, but not until we got into a huge fight and I walked out the door did you explain you feelings to me. You don't talk to me anymore. That makes me feel as though I am failing you as a wife. Please tell me what I can do to understand you better, to be a person you confide in."

Kevin pushed himself into a sitting position and looked directly into her eyes as she sat before him. He barely knew how to begin, "Oh God, Beth. I am so sorry. I didn't realize. I think I was trying to protect you, but I'm only leaving you out of my life, our life. I want a baby more than you do, I think, but I'm so frightened about how I'll be able to care for it. What if it's a boy? Who is going to teach him how to play ball? How am I going to do that, Beth? You said I was insecure after the accident, well, yeah, I still am. All the time, almost ten years later. I see people looking at me, staring, pitying. I try to not let it bother me, but it does, Beth. I should have told you these things before now. I want to be your strong, proud, capable husband. I'm supposed to be taking care of you, but most days I'm not sure I can take care of myself. I never wanted to have to admit to you that I am afraid, that I question the things that I do, that I'm constantly seeking your approval. I am so very sorry. I love you, and I don't want to do anything to put our relationship in jeopardy. Beth, I'm not good at this, talking about how I feel and about what's going inside. That's why I was such a mess afterward. I'll do better. You have to help me, but I'm asking. I want to be the husband you need and if that means letting you know my weaknesses, then I'll have to do it."

He stopped and dropped his head. She took his head in her hands and gently kissed his lips. "We'll do better. Thank you for telling me all of that. I love you. We'll be ok. We'll figure it out. We just have to keep talking. You can't keep what you're feeling from me or it just won't work."

Joan knocked on the door again. "Kevin, seriously, make your porno somewhere else!"

Beth put her finger over her mouth and ran to open the door before Joan left. She stuck out her head so that no other part of her was visible. She feigned breathlessness as she spoke.

"Oh, Joan, hi there. Um, we'll be, uh, down in a little while. We've been, uh, busy. Ok, now I'm gonna go put on some clothes."

With that she closed the door. Kevin was in his chair sorting through the suitcase. He selected his clothes and wheeled past her into the bathroom. She grabbed her robe and followed him. The two of them got their shower together in order to be quicker. Kevin was dressing in the bathroom while Beth picked out clothes in the bedroom. She came back into the bathroom to finish getting ready. It had only taken them about 20 minutes to get ready. They hurried down the steps to find the rest of the family at the dining room table eating Christmas breakfast.

Helen left her place to greet them. Grace looked up from feeding the baby to call out Merry Christmas. Joan laughed and hugged her friend sitting beside her. Luke took the baby from his wife and finished the feeding. Will motioned Beth and Kevin to their places at the table. Kevin filled his plate with food while Beth selected a bagel and two pieces of bacon. Beth had always been a size 4, but recently had crept up to a six, yet with Kevin's amazing appetite he had maintained a size 33 waist for as long as either of them could remember. He had only been about 5'9", not really tall by anyone's standards, but he was compactly built and had a killer metabolism. Beth envied that, so did the rest of the women.

Everyone waited for Kevin to finish his breakfast before they moved into the living room to begin opening gifts. Joan was already making piles of presents in front of each person's seat. After all of the packages had been properly placed, she joined Adam on the couch. Helen and Will were in the two armchairs while Luke and Grace chose spots on the floor with the baby on a blanket between them. Beth took a seat in the rocker, and Kevin parked himself close to her. Will urged the kids to start opening. The sound of ripping paper and words of excitement and thanks filled the house for the next few minutes. When everyone had finished, they sat back to take in the scene around all of them. They were a happy, loving, growing family. No one spoke, but a look of thankfulness could be found on all their faces.

Luke grabbed a large garbage bag to collect the paper, but Will stopped him.

"No, Son, just wait a minute. Let's just all sit for a little while and not worry with that stuff. It's just so good to have all of you here. Your mom and I, well, we love you kids so much, all of you. And we're proud of the adults you've become. Adam, we're glad to welcome you to the family, as well. Grace, it's a very brave thing you've done, allowing Luke to share your life with you. Now, the two of you have such a lovely child and the beginnings of a wonderful life together. We're thankful everyday that you've become a part of this crew. Beth, it seems like you've been a member of the family forever, but now that you have been officially a Girardi for over three years now, we hope you don't regret your choice. I know that Kevin is terribly hard-headed and that's all his mother's fault, but seeing the two of you together makes me think that the whole is greater than the sum of its parts. I hope you can both see what a strong union you make. We're so happy that you're moving home, and I know Helen looks forward to shopping trips and lunch dates."

Will hugged each of the new family members as Helen turned to her children.

"Luke, you've always been my little inquisitive boy. You were always chasing some bug around or asking how things worked from the time you were old enough to walk and talk. I knew you would do something wonderful with your abilities. Your father and I are so proud of you and Grace. We love you both so much and are so glad that you could be here today. Joan, my baby girl, when I look at you I am so amazed in what a wonderful woman you have become. And now Adam is going to take you away from me. Somehow, I knew that would happen sooner rather than later, but I want you to know that this is always your home and I am always your mother. I love you and know that the two of you will be happy. Kevin, nine years ago all of our lives changed forever. You were here with us, and for that we were thankful, but you were so unsure of the future. I told you that you would feel normal again, and as I sit and watch you interact with your wife, talking about babies and new beginnings and seeing the successful professional you have become, I'm glad that I wasn't lying to you."

Helen walked to each of her children and kissed them on the cheek. She and Will had decided on this exchange with their children some time before. They were both so inexplicably proud of all six of the young adults gathered before them.

Beth yawned and moved from the rocker into Kevin's lap. He had already put on the new watch that she had gotten him. The instant she saw it she knew that he would absolutely love it, and he did. His old watch had a scratched face and the leather band was almost completely ripped. The new watch was sturdy with a silver chain linked band and a black face. It had an entire list of features and fancy knobs. She could tell that he wanted to read the owner's manual. He was like that. He never used any appliance or gadget without first reading how to properly operate it. It was one of his quirks that she had simply come to accept as part of who her husband was.

Joan moved to the floor to play with the baby who was kicking and laughing as her mother tickled her tummy. Beth kissed Kevin and moved to the floor with the other girls. Luke was toying with some sort of gadget that had been among his presents while Will was reading the instructions to a baby gym that he and Helen had given Hadassah. Beth observed the three Girardi men and realized how much alike they really were. Their appearances were not at all the same, but the same sort of methodical functioning seemed to have been ingrained in all of them. Joan and Helen, on the other hand, were much more free spirited. Helen was looking through a coffee table book of pop art that Adam had given her. They laughed about how stubbornly he had refused to participate in a pop art assignment when he had been in her class.

Everyone remained in the living room for a little while longer until Will suggested that they look through the buyer's guide for real estate again. The Post was expecting Kevin at the end of January, so they would have to move quickly in order to get a house ready to move in by that time. Will and Kevin were flipping through the pages when the phone rang. Beth, the least occupied member of the family at the moment, crossed the room to answer it.

"Girardi residence, Merry Christmas," she called into the receiver. She paused for the other party to answer. "Annie! What a great surprise. Where are you?" Beth gasped and ran to the window. The rest of the family watched as she threw open the front door to greet her sister and future brother-in-law.

Annie walked through the door and pulled off her hat and began to speak before Beth could say a word, "Sorry for the intrusion, everyone, but Clark and I were waiting for a flight to Kansas to spend the holidays with his parents, but we were snowed in until tomorrow at least. I hope it was ok that we stopped by."

Beth glanced at the Girardis who were smiling and nodding. Will spoke for them. "Absolutely not a problem. We have enough food for an army, and the den converts nicely into a bedroom. Just ask Aunt Olive."

Annie hugged Beth and ran to thank the family. Beth invited Clark in the house and took his hat, coat, and the overnight bag he was carrying. The family made room for the couple in the living room. Beth and Joan went into the kitchen to make coffee and hot chocolate while Annie introduced Clark to everyone. He had been a high school quarterback who turned down numerous Division I scholarship offers to pursue journalism and possibly acting. He was definitely tall, dark, and handsome. They had met in line to buy textbooks two semesters earlier and had instantly hit it off. Beth was amazed in the similarities between her relationship with Kevin and the one Annie and Clark shared, at first. But the moment she first saw them together she realized that the two couples were not at all alike.

Beth vaguely remembered herself and Kevin before the accident, but it didn't really help to look back. Actually, it hurt. She didn't want to be envious of her sister, but she did envy the ease with which Annie's relationship seemed to progress. She guessed that every marriage had difficult times, but she felt so shut out of Kevin's life these days. Some days she wasn't even sure if it was worth the struggle. And now he wanted kids, too. She didn't know how to talk to him anymore, if she even ever had. And if they did talk, she'd have to tell him about the envelope she received in the mail every week for the past seven years and that the letter's postmark was from Denver.

Beth noticed Joan staring at her and snapped back. Joan asked if Beth was ok. She assured Joan that everything was fine and helped carry the mugs into the living room. The two girls served the others as Annie and Clark were repeating their story and admiring the baby. Beth handed Kevin his mug and he grabbed her hand. She sat on his lap and quietly sipped her drink while glancing at her sister sitting crossed-legged on the floor. Kevin asked her if she wanted to go for a walk. She nodded yes and stood. They excused themselves, pulled on their coats, and left the house.

Two blocks from the house Kevin stopped. Beth turned toward him.

"Why did you stop?"

"We're not done with this are we?"

"No, Kev, we aren't. We have barely even begun. We have real problems. We haven't talked to each other in like three years. I'm not placing blame. I know that it's been hard with both of us being so busy at work, but we aren't ready for kids. They won't fix a relationship. Please tell me that you aren't suggesting this to 'fix' us."

"Beth, where is this coming from? Is this about the move or leaving or. . ."

"No, you aren't listening to me," Beth interrupted. "Can you tell me who my most important client is or what the last spot I wrote was or what floor my office is on?"

Kevin remained silent.

"Exactly. That's what I'm trying to tell you. I'm sure that you know my assistant's name is Nicole, because you talk to her a hell of a lot more than you talk to me."

Kevin nodded but Beth continued, "I'm not saying that I know these things about you, either. I'm not saying it's your fault or that you're alone in this. Even the part about Rebecca. I was so upset because there's something that I haven't told you, too."

Kevin's head jerked upward to glare at his wife. "What?"

"I haven't done anything, but there's something I need to tell you."

He sighed. "Ok."

"Jake sends me plane tickets and game tickets, every week during the season since before you even moved in. I, obviously I never went, but he sends them."

He ran his hand through his hair. "This week, he sent one this week?"

"Every week for nearly seven years, playoffs, whatever."

"Did you ever think to tell him to stop?"

"I didn't want to contact him. I just thought it would make things worse. It was wrong not to tell you before now, and I feel terribly guilty about that, but I never went. I never called him. I haven't seen or talked to him in all this time."

"Isn't he married?"

"Apparently not. He and Sonia were engaged, but they called it off years ago. I didn't know until recently."

"So you think that because you have this secret that I must have one, too? Is that what's going on?"

"No. I don't know. Maybe."

"Beth? Are you serious? God, no. I saw Rebecca at a conference. She offered me a job. She knew all about you, that we were married. She asked about you. It couldn't have been more innocent. I swear to you." Kevin paused a minute before he continued, "You say that I don't talk to you, well, you're the one with the secrets." He turned back toward the house, leaving her standing alone on the sidewalk.

She didn't follow him but continued walking in the opposite direction. She'd had to tell him, hadn't she? Doubt entered her mind. Of course she had to tell him. At first it didn't seemed like a big deal to her, but that was seven years ago and she wasn't married. But now she was realizing that she had made a tremendous mistake.


	24. Chapter 24

Chapter 24

Kevin didn't stop when he reached his parents' house. He could not believe what his wife had just told him. Her former fiancé had been sending her plane tickets to meet with him for more than seven years. She had never asked him to stop, and the look in Beth's eye a moment ago told Kevin that she had seriously considered accepting his invitation. She hadn't even tried to hide her feelings. He couldn't believe that he had been so naive to think that she could have truly been his. He's told himself so many times that they could be happy. He had nearly believed it. Now, he didn't believe anything anymore.

Beth continued around the corner and made the large circle back to the Girardis' street. The wind was biting, but she barely even felt it. She felt only numbness. She wasn't sure how long she had been outside or even what time it was. She thought about going back to the house, it wasn't far now, but her feet wouldn't go in that direction. She assumed Kevin would be back there by this point, and she knew that he didn't want to see her. She thought she remembered a little coffee shop not far from the house. She decided to head in that direction.

Kevin was at the corner of Euclid Avenue when he heard Luke calling his name. He turned but didn't move back toward the house. Luke started toward him.

"What's going on? Where's Beth?"

Kevin just shook his head.

"Kev, what happened?"

"I don't want to talk about it, Luke."

"Kevin, just tell me what is going on here. Where is Beth?"

Kevin paused for a minute. "I don't know where she is."

"Did you fight? Is she hurt? Is she training for a marathon?"

"We had an argument. I left her on the street, and I assumed she'd be back by now."

"Well, it's really pretty cold out here. Don't you think we should try to find her?"

"Luke, I'm not sure that I want to see her right now. I'm not sure that she wants to see me, either."

"Kevin, I saw you guys like twenty minutes ago. You were all over each other. What the hell happened?"

"She doesn't love me. I don't know if she ever did."

Luke sighed at looked at his older brother in disbelief. "Kev, I seriously doubt that is the case. She obviously loves you."

"Ok, well, she obviously loves Jake, too. The marriage has become a little crowded with all three of us in it."

"Did she cheat on you? Has she been seeing him or talking to him?"

"No, but she loves him. Isn't that enough?"

"No, Kevin, it isn't. How does she show her love for him if she hasn't been with him?"

"Apparently he's been sending her plane tickets for SEVEN YEARS. And she never stopped him. His letters still come to my house every week."

Luke sat in the snow on the curb. "Kevin, come on. Does it really matter? She hasn't talked to him, she hasn't been with anyone else, she loves you. If she didn't, she wouldn't have stuck around this long. You are way too depressing!"

Kevin was quiet for a moment before he answered Luke. "If it truly meant nothing, then why did she make such a big production of telling me about it?"

"Are you serious? Dude, secrets kill."

"Did you just call me Dude?"

"Sorry, momentary mental lapse. She felt guilty, which does not necessarily imply actual guilt. The anticipation of such a confrontation or your discovery of what was, in her mind, a 'deep dark secret' obviously created such a stress on her physical and psychological being ..."

"Oh, God, Luke!" Kevin interrupted. "Just say what you're saying."

"She freaked out. Maybe she's crazy. Or pregnant."

"Yeah, I guess," Kevin answered half-heartedly. "Wait, what? Pregnant?"

"Yeah, Grace got even more, uh, unbalanced when she was. Hormones, stress, the lack of caffeine, a baby sitting on her bladder, yeah it was total craziness."

"Good excuse, but it doesn't apply to Beth. She is very much not pregnant."

"You sure?"

"Uh, yeah. She's on the pill, and I'm not exactly ready to populate a state."

"Kevin, you know that's not true. You did it before."

"Not with her on the pill."

Luke looked up at his brother. "That is not fool-proof, and you are a fool, at least you're acting like one." Kevin scoffed but Luke continued. "It's not 100 effective, believe me. If she misses one dose, you could be screwed. Especially if you screwed," he finished with a grin.

Kevin rolled his eyes. "I know you are the science genius of the family, but let me give you a little biology lesson. It takes a mommy and a daddy to make a baby, or some doctor with a needle and a Petri dish. We require the latter."

"Kevin, once again, not necessarily true. You're still using FNS therapy, right?"

Kevin nodded.

"That stimulation could be enough to, well, you know. I mean, that's basically how they would collect your sperm for IVF anyway," Luke explained, his face turning a bright shade of pink.

"Wow, a conversation about sex that makes you blush. Amazing. I didn't know that was still possible."

"Oh, come on Kevin, you know he's forever fifteen."

Both men turned to see Joan coming down the walk to join them. She joined Luke in the snow and asked, "So whose sex are we talking about. Not mine, I hope, because that would be incredibly boring for the two of you, but could theoretically make Luke blush."

Kevin cringed at the thought of his little sister and Adam Rove. "No, we were each giving our opinion on how to make a baby."

Luke slapped Kevin's leg. "Seriously, Kev, do we have to do this again?"

Kevin laughed. "No, no. I don't think that is needed. Hey, Joan, is Beth's sister and company still in there?"

Joan nodded. "Actually, they were wondering where Beth had gone. That's why Luke left, and then he never came back.. So they sent me. If I'm not back in like ten minutes, Dad is calling a squad car. That's what he said."

"Well, Kevin has to find his wife first. He lost her," Luke quipped.

Joan turned to Kevin who was blowing into his hands.

"What?" he asked.

Joan jumped up, moved behind him and wrapped her arms around his neck. She rested her head on top of his. "You'd better go find her. Hard to tell what could happen to such a pretty lady with so many diamonds in this metropolis of crime." Joan kissed his cheek, released him and jumped into the street so that she was facing Luke. "Get up. Your ass is going to freeze. Bye, Kev. See you inside." She pulled Luke up and basically dragged him toward the house, leaving Kevin alone on the sidewalk. Over her shoulder she called to Kevin, "Try her phone!"

Kevin watched his younger siblings walk away from him. He was suddenly cold, no freezing. Joan had made returning to the house an impossible option, and he had no earthly idea where Beth would have gone. She wasn't really familiar with Arcadia. He continued to contemplate his course of action when a dog walker wearing a large hat, suspenders and several colorful buttons on his unfastened overcoat approached him. Kevin moved into the snow to clear the path, but one of the smallest dogs broke from the man's grasp, ran toward Kevin, and before anything could stop him, jumped into Kevin's lap.

"Oh, I'm so sorry about that. Trixie has a mind of her own. I should have held her a little more tightly. Did she hurt you or get you dirty?" the man asked as he took the tiny pup from Kevin's arms.

"No, no. I'm fine. She didn't cause me any permanent damage. But working on Christmas Day? That doesn't seem fair."

"Sometimes life isn't fair, Son, but I'm guessing you probably know that. Besides, I don't really mind it. These guys don't know what day it is, either, but they still need to stretch their legs and do their business."

Kevin nodded. "I guess you have a point."

"Well, I'm gonna be heading on," the man said as the dogs began pulling him down the street, "Have a Merry Christmas, and here, you look like you could use this more than I could. These monsters keep my blood pumping." He placed a card in Kevin's hand as he wrapped Trixie's leash around his hand a second time. He waved and continued down the street.

Kevin glanced at the card the man had left him and saw that it was a coupon for a free hot chocolate from a café about a block away. All at once he remembered how cold he was and started down the street away from the house. He could smell the coffee beans before he actually saw the sign for the shop. A large silver Star of David hanging over the front door explained why this small, seemingly family owned shop was open on Christmas Day. A man exiting held the door for him. He entered the bistro and immediately found himself face-to-face with his wife.


	25. Chapter 25

Thanks for the reviews over the past few chapters. I have a little more written, but there may be a bit of a delay following this chapter. I'm working on my ideas, but sometimes they don't look as good on paper as they were in my head...

Chapter 25

He could tell that she had been crying, but she seemed quite calm by now. He slowly approached her table, hoping that she would want to talk to him. She brushed her hair out of her face and looked at him. She closed her eyes for a moment before she spoke to him.

"Kevin," she began, but he interrupted.

"No, Beth, before you say anything, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have yelled at you like that."

Beth shook her head, "Kevin, this isn't working. We aren't moving forward. I think we should spend some time apart." He started to interrupt again, but she stopped him. "I'm not moving here with you. I'm going to stay in Connecticut, at my job. We can tell your parents that we want to keep the house up there in case things don't work out here. You can get an apartment here or whatever, but I'm not coming with you. At least not now."

Kevin stared silently out the window after she finished. He didn't want to believe what she had just told him. Wasn't it just this morning that she had promised that they would work on these problems that they both openly acknowledged? His entire life was falling apart in front of him, and he had absolutely no idea how to stop it. He was unable to even answer his wife as he sat across the table from her. Objections were screaming in his mind, but he was utterly unable to vocalize them. Finally, he spoke, "Let's not tell anyone today."

His words hit Beth like a slap to her face. She recoiled from the force of the statement. He hadn't argued with her or tried to convince her that she was making a mistake. The possibility that he would simply agree with her had barely even crossed her mind. She had sat in the coffee shop, waiting for him to find her, but also considering their next move. It had been her hope that he would fight her, that he would press for the relationship, but the fact that he hadn't made her realize that maybe they did need to spend some time away from one another to contemplate the next move, the right move.

She stood and he followed her to the door. They covered the distance back to the house without speaking. He looked like he might break down at any moment, but he held himself together as they entered to rejoin the family. Annie jumped up to greet Beth, and Joan handed both Kevin and Beth a cup of coffee. The rest of the family was eating lunch, and Kevin noticed that they had been gone for nearly three hours. Annie told them that the airline had called and would be able to offer them a seat on a plane leaving that evening. She and Clark were only going to be able to stay a little while longer. Everyone was acting extremely normal, so Kevin assumed that Luke and Joan hadn't said anything about his fight with Beth to the rest of the family. Beth sat down beside her sister to eat, but Kevin refused lunch. He was trying to keep himself together, at least until he could go upstairs to his room.

Everyone sat around the table following the meal, and that's when Kevin took his leave. He excused himself, stating that he was feeling a little tired, and moved toward the front stairs. Beth stood and asked if he needed anything. He didn't answer her, but continued up to his room. He went into the bathroom before the bedroom. He looked in the mirror and finally allowed himself to cry. Losing Beth again was something he would not ever be able to face. He'd counted the losses in his life, and he was not prepared to watch her walk out of his life again. He had to find a way to show her that a separation was wrong, but right now he was too emotionally exhausted to do anything. He entered the bedroom and transferred from the chair to the bed.

He took the bottle of Valium off of the night stand and shook the contents into his hand. He stared at the seventeen pills in his hand. He'd been here before, in his room contemplating whether or not it was worth it to go on.

The first days at home had been the worst of his life, even more terrible than finding out the consequences of the accident. At least in the hospital and in rehab there had been so much going on and so much to do. Then he was home, and all he could do was sit there. His mom and dad had worked it out with the board of education so that he could finish up the semester without going back to school. A tutor came by a couple of times a week, but he didn't really care about it anyway. He had kept his grades up to be able to play ball and so that he would be eligible for college scholarships. That didn't matter anymore. He wasn't planning on college as an academic pursuit. It was a place to develop his skills until he could enter the draft as a college junior. His parents were hoping for a college education, but he just wanted to work with a pitching coach and face some better hitters. Luke usually did his homework for him. He had offered, and Kevin hadn't said no, so that was settled. So it wasn't like he even had school to worry about. He just sat there. He didn't want to watch tv. He couldn't even get out of his bed by himself, take a shower, drive. His family tried to be supportive, but he couldn't stand the looks and the hushed tones when he came into a room. He absolutely could not sleep without taking something, and it was just easier for him to keep the prescriptions in his room. More than once he had sat there, before he went to bed or in the morning before his mom came in to check on him, with a handful of assorted capsules and tablets, trying to decide what to do, if his life would ever be good enough to warrant not taking them. His mom walked in one day without knocking. Startled, he dropped the Valium. She bent to pick up what she thought was one dose, and found more than 20 capsules on the floor. She looked up at Kevin with a horrified expression on her face.

"What is this?" she asked him. He tried to cover by saying he hadn't been able to get the bottle open and that she had walked in just as he spilled it on the floor. She shook her head, placed the pills back in the bottle, and set it on the stand beside his bed. He looked up at her. They were both on the verge of tears at this point. She sat beside him, and placed her arms around his neck.

"Kevin," she began, "I know this is hard, but that is not the answer, ever. I love you, and for a moment after the accident, I was terrified that I was going to lose you. I know this isn't the life you imagined, and if I could do anything to change it, I would do so in a second. I would take your place, and I will do anything in my power to make this life as good as it can possibly be for you. Please, we'll find you someone to talk to, someone to help you. But this isn't an option, not one that I want to even think about."

Kevin cried into his mother's arms for the first and only time during the entire ordeal. He apologized and assured his mom that he didn't need to talk to anyone, and that it had just been a difficult day and a fleeting idea that had crossed his mind, that he wasn't really serious. She had believed him but still kept a close eye him for a couple more weeks. By that time, he had started acting a little more social with the family. Then they moved to Arcadia, and the entire family was uprooted and displaced and a little depressed, so he thought he would get a little less notice. Following that, Joan had started acting really strange. They found out that she was sick, and by that time he'd gotten a job, a girlfriend, and was well on his way. It had been years since the feelings of depression had crept back into him, not even after they had lost the baby. But imagining his life without Beth in it brought him all the way back to the beginning of his journey.

And he was still sitting on his bed with a handful of pills. Ten years later, it wasn't any better of an idea than it had been back then. He put sixteen of the capsules back, swallowed one, and laid his head back on the pillow.


	26. Chapter 26

Here's the next installment. The song "Cocoon" by Jack Johnson didn't so much serve as an inspiration as I just felt that the two went together well. Let me know what you think. Yes, I'm working on the rest...

Chapter 26

Beth said goodbye to her sister and Clark as they were leaving for the airport. Annie asked where Kevin had gone so quickly, but Beth didn't want to explain everything to her at that very moment. She covered by saying that he hadn't been feeling well earlier, and she was sure that he had just gone upstairs to rest. Annie wasn't exactly believing Beth's poor cover, but she just hugged her sister and whispered in Beth's ear that she would call her later. They thanked the Girardi family for their hospitality, got into the cab, and waved back at the family as they drove away.

Joan walked Beth into the house and up the stairs into her room while the others cleaned up the downstairs. Beth sat on the bed and Joan took the desk chair, moving it to face Beth.

"Are you ok?" Joan asked her sister-in-law.

Beth didn't answer immediately. She knew that Joan would be able to tell if she lied. Yet, she wanted to honor Kevin's wish to not ruin their time with the family. The longer she waited, the more Joan would suspect, though, so she smiled wearily and spoke.

"I think we just need to get home and talk about some things."

Joan nodded her head but didn't look convinced. "Kevin said that he had to be down here by the end of next month. Will that give you enough time to do what you need to do at work and everything?"

Beth decided to be truthful. "I'm not sure. We've talked a little about me staying up there for a while, to work a little longer until we decide what to do about the house. I don't think we should sell it yet, at least not until Kevin's sure this is what he wants to do."

"That seems reasonable, but I was really looking forward to spending more time with you. Grace is going to be so busy when she starts back to work, the baby and all. She's going to need help, I'm sure, but I'll still miss you!" Joan jumped up and hugged Beth.

She returned Joan's embrace, but Beth asked Joan not to reveal her plans to anyone else until she and Kevin had made final decisions. Joan said that she understood. Beth thanked her for being such a good friend. She realized that she hadn't talked to Kevin since they had been outside earlier, so she told Joan she was going to go check on him. Joan said that a nap sounded good to her, too, and Beth left the room.

Beth walked across the hall and opened the door to find Kevin asleep on the bed. She climbed in beside him. He didn't stir as she snuggled up to his body. It was so warm beside him, and she still loved his touch. The thoughts in her head and feelings in her heart were conflicted. She loved her husband dearly, but she needed more than a body in the bed with her. She wished that there could be some way, something that would change things between them. She didn't want her marriage to end, and she knew she would never stop loving him. Certainly there must be some way. She was still running these thoughts through her head when Kevin woke beside her.

"Wha are you doin here?" He asked, still feeling the effects of the sleeping pill.

"I just came to have a nap with you. Is that ok?" She asked as she smoothed his hair.

"Do whatever you want, Beth. I'm going downstairs." He spat, suddenly feeling very much awake.

"Kevin, no. Please don't do this."

"Why not? Because you don't want me to? God forbid I would do anything that you don't want to happen. You know what? I'm just so tired of it. I'm tired of not being what you want!" He finished angrily and moved toward the edge of the bed, but Beth grabbed and pulled him back down.

"We're not letting this end. I'm not letting you believe that I don't want to be with you. If that were the truth I would not be here now. I love you. I love your family. I love our family, and I look forward to raising children with you. I think that you are going to be an amazing father. I truly want that for us. That's why I think we need to take some time just to see how much we love each other, how much we need and depend on each other. It makes logical sense, too. We have to do something with the house, we can't sell it yet. What if you hate your new job? And I have clients to finish with at work. It's going to take me a couple of months to wrap up things. I know that's not the way I presented it to you earlier. I was upset. I don't want to leave you. I'm not leaving you."

Kevin stared up at the ceiling, "Then what is this all about, Beth? What is the bottom line here? Why are you so unhappy? You've told me things that you feel need to change, but if you never give me a chance to change them, then how can I possibly?"

"I know. I'm sorry. That's why I came up here now. I can't be without you, not forever."

"Why are you unhappy?"

"I'm not 16 anymore! I need you to be an equal partner. I'm past the need for football captain or baseball pitcher in my life. I want you to understand and respect me for who I am and who I am trying to become in my personal life and my profession, too. I want you to be happy for me. I'm so proud of you. I love watching you on tv and at your games, but the issues of trust still exist, too. You go off and make these snap decisions about our lives without even consulting me. That really makes me wonder what the entire situation is. And the fact that I had kept information from you, too, made my imagination even more dangerous. Kevin, I've loved you for half of my life, and I'm not about to stop. I don't know what I want us to do or where I want us to be, but I want to be there with you. I don't want to fight you, oppose you."

"Ok. I can go from there. You have to know how much our relationship, our marriage means to me. I think you are wonderful, and I know that you have helped me through some terrible times. You gave me a vision for my life. I can't imagine not being with you. And I mean that because I love you."

Beth shook her head, "But I wasn't there for you, Kevin. I was half a world away with someone else while you were going through the most horrible time of your life. When you were facing the loss of the future you expected, I was flitting around without a care in the world with my 'big man on campus' boyfriend. How does that not factor into this?"

"I betrayed your trust, and then I hurt you even more with my actions and words. I could never blame you for my stupidity or for not being there. We would have never made it through that. No high school relationship would have. And then we got a second chance. It just makes it all even more amazing."

"The story is only amazing if it works out."

"Beth, it's going to. I'm not letting this marriage fail. If you leave me, I'm coming with you."

Beth smiled at his final remark. She had wanted him to fight for their relationship, and it seemed as though he was ready to do this at last. She kissed him and rolled so that she was lying beside him on the bed. She loved him so much! He grabbed her hand and held it as they lay together for quite some time before they felt they could join the family again.

When they finally decided to go back downstairs, they changed into more comfortable clothes and realized that they needed to hurry, as the family always watched movies on Christmas evening starting promptly at six. Beth glanced at the clock on the table, not knowing where the day had gone. Joan knocked on the door to check on the two. Kevin answered and assured her they were on the way. Five minutes later, they were in the living room with everyone for family movie night. It was Grace's turn to choose, but she had deferred to Joan who was pushing for Bad Santa or Elf, two comedic Christmas favorites. The family voted and decided to go with Will Ferrell over Billy Bob Thornton.

When the movie ended, the children loaded into Kevin's car to go look at Christmas lights while their parents put the baby to bed. Adam had already gone home, so the backseat wasn't too crowded. Grace was a little unsure of why Joan hadn't gone with him, but she later mentioned that she would be going to Adam's house the next day for Sunday dinner. The conversation turned pretty quickly to wedding plans when Beth sidestepped Grace's comment about the big move. Joan didn't really have any answers, but tentatively planned for the following Christmas or New Year. Beth offered her wedding folder, which had been used for Jocelyn and Annika's weddings, as well. Joan seemed excited and relieved to have some sort of a start.

Kevin, in true Girardi male form, interrupted the "female" conversation to point out the lights as they moved from street to street. He pulled into a development of especially nice houses on a hill overlooking the city. Some of these homes offered breathtaking displays of nativity scenes, carolers, elves, and every other sort of winter wonderland in yard. Grace compared the sight to the street from the Home Alone movies.

They drove around a little longer, laughing and talking like a carful of teenagers. Beth suggested that they do some impromptu caroling. Someone suggested Grace's house. Luke reminded them that Grace's father was a rabbi, but Beth said they could sing Hanukkah songs. Grace laughed but agreed with Beth that it would be fun. Kevin shook his head skeptically but drove the others to Grace's parents' house as they planned out their song list. They waited for Kevin to join them before they went to the front door. The lights were on, so Grace rang the bell. About a minute later, her father opened the door.

"Gracie? What's all this?" Rabbi Polanski asked.

Grace didn't answer but started the first song. Three songs (including The Twelve Days Of Christmas) later, Grace's mom made it to the door. They finished one more before Mrs. Polanski invited them in for hot chocolate. They happily accepted and went inside. Grace's parents were disappointed that Luke and Grace didn't have the baby with them even though they were able to spend time with her frequently. Joan introduced Beth, since she wasn't sure when or if she had ever met the Polanskis. Kevin had only met them once before, so he took the opportunity to get to know Grace's parents a little better, too. All in all, the fivesome spent nearly an hour at the Polanski residence. Joan realized the late hour and apologized for keeping them from bed. Sarah Polanski smiled and thanked them for their visit. Grace promised to bring Hadassah by during the next week, and the Girardis left the Polanski home.

Back in the car Grace was really pleased with how the caroling had gone. She thanked everyone for spending time with her parents. She said that she wasn't sure the last time she had seen her mom and dad in such a good mood. Luke told her that they would stop by more often with the baby so that she could spend time with them. Her mom had really made an effort to change for the better. She had sought treatment for her alcoholism when Grace was in college, but the family still had not ever been close. Luke tried not to pry into her business, but when Hadassah had been born, their relationship with her grandparents had become everyone's business. Grace had agreed even though she wasn't sure how to begin mending years of hurt. Luke hoped that this might be the start of something good.

They pulled into the Girardis' driveway a little while later. Everyone went up to the bedrooms, but Kevin stopped his mom before they followed the crowd.

"Hey, Beth wants us to go to church in the morning with you."

"Oh, sure. Mass starts at 10:30. We'll be leaving about 10. I think that Grace and Luke are bringing the baby. It will be great to have you and Beth. Maybe I can convince your dad to come, too."

"No, don't impose on him on my account. Beth just really liked Father Mallory last night, and it doesn't make any difference to me if we go or not, but listen, will Lilly be there?"

"Oh, probably. She's getting married this summer, though. I doubt she'll even notice you."

"I'm anxious to see her, but I've never mentioned her to Beth before. I mean, not as anything more than your Catholicism coach if that, even. And she is not in the mood for me to parade old girlfriends in front of her."

"Well, is that what we consider Lilly? Three dates?"

"It was like six, and why were you counting things like that?"

"I pay attention when my son dates my ex-nun friends, ok?"

"Yeah, well, just don't say anything you your son's wife, ok?"

"Kevin, when will you figure this out?"

"Mom, I really wish that I knew. Goodnight."

Kevin went up the steps to join Beth who was already playing with the alarm clock. She asked him what time he wanted to get up and he chose 8 am. They both laughed at their world record shower and dress time of 20 minutes from that morning but agreed that they should probably allow a little while longer for the next day. Still, they had been able to cut down the necessary time needed from well over an hour to about 45 minutes if they both went into the shower together, and if they kept to the business at hand.

Kevin turned off the overhead light and joined Beth in the bed. He double checked the clock and turned off the light on the side table. They both were wide awake, even though it was almost midnight and they had to get up earlier than they had been all week.

Beth started the conversation, "Grace's parents seemed like they really enjoyed the company, didn't they?"

"Yeah, they sure did. I can't imagine that they would be lonely, with Grace and Luke living fairly close by, but I guess people just get busy. Sometimes they forget about people and things that mean a lot to them even when they don't mean to."

"Imagine that."

"I need to tell you something else."


	27. Chapter 27

I know I've been away too long, but here is the next chapter. It's a bit of a filler (sigh), but it's pages! Ok? I'm working. I really am. I felt quite a bit of inspiration today as I read The Sisterhood of The Traveling Pants and watched about five episodes from season one of JOA. Twenty-eight is almost done, and the rest of the story is outlined. I thought about breaking it into two stories, but I think I can wrap it up neatly enough in one. Happy reading!

Chapter 27

Beth switched on the light the stand on her side of the bed. She turned to face her husband, bracing herself for what could possibly be coming. With Kevin, it could be anything.

"The summer before I came to live with you, when you were in Europe again, I, um, I was seeing someone here. It started off innocently enough. She was a friend of my mom's. I think I've told you about her before. When my mom was confirmed in the church, Lilly was her advisor."

"The nun lady? You went out with a nun? Oh Lord, we may as well call you Caligula."

"What?"

"You know, the Roman Emperor who defiled the vestal virgins."

"Oh come on, Beth, don't be ridiculous. No one defiled anything. We went out a few times. I liked her, and she liked me, but I loved you. So when things started to get complicated, I ended it. It was the end of the summer, I left with you, mom was confirmed, and I haven't seen her since. Mom said she's getting married this summer, but it was a good relationship for both of us, I think. It didn't end badly, and she saw me for who I am. It was different than with Rebecca because I didn't feel that I had anything to prove, and I knew that you and I would be together afterward. There wasn't any pressure for anything to happen, and nothing did. She was a good friend that I needed at that time. I never mentioned it to you because I felt like after spending time with her I was ready to commit to you. I didn't want her to think that our relationship was unimportant, because it was invaluable to me. I just thought that the important part was that I was finally ready to be with you."

Beth continued to look at Kevin as a smile spread across her face. "You know what? I'm gonna let you have this one. I love you, and I don't want to fight with you any more today or tonight or tomorrow. So I'll meet her and be very nice and then we'll go home."

Kevin kissed her and she turned off the light. One thing he had learned was to quit when he was ahead, and he was definitely ahead. She snuggled close to him and closed her eyes. He held her throughout the night until it was time for them to get read for church in the morning.

When the alarm rang, Kevin turned it off quickly, not wanting to wake Beth. He let her sleep while he showered and got ready. After that he went downstairs to put on the coffee. His mom was already downstairs reading when he entered the living room. She looked up from her book as he came toward her. The sun had risen not too long ago, and the morning light was streaming in through the windows. His mom spoke to him after a moment. "I think that God is like this," she said looking around the room. "He is streams of light that come and warm the dark and cold parts of our lives. Like when you're in the woods and you look up as the sun breaks through the clouds and trickles down through the tree branches to illuminate the clearing."

"Why did you tell me that?" Kevin asked.

"I don't know. I guess I just wanted to share it with someone. I know you don't believe in God, but it was just a thought I had."

"I don't not believe. I haven't decided what I believe. I don't need someone or something to blame or credit for the bad and good in my life. I like to believe that I've earned the things I've accomplished. No, let's not do this. It took you a while to make your decision about this, maybe it will take me a while, too."

"I'm sorry. You're absolutely right. This is a very personal matter and I shouldn't have tried to do whatever it is I was doing. Hey, we're the first ones up, let's get breakfast started. Coffee at least." She stood from her place on the couch and led him into the kitchen where she raided the fridge while she instructed Kevin to start on coffee and tea.

Joan, then Will, followed by Luke made their way to the kitchen, and the original Girardi Five had a moment together. It almost felt like a morning so many years ago when they first moved into the house, after they had first come to Arcadia and life held so many questions and mysteries for them. They still had questions, but now they were equipped with experience and companions who were helping solve some of those mysteries. Kevin glanced down the table at his siblings and parents. Other than the gray hair Joan had so conspicuously pointed out a few days earlier, he still felt like he could be twenty again. He hoped that most of who they had been back then was still visible despite the inevitable aging and growing up they had all experienced. His thoughts and the conversation at the end of the table were happily interrupted by Grace and Hadassah who had emerged from Luke's room and were looking for breakfast.

Kevin went back upstairs to wake Beth, who would need to start getting ready soon. She was already awake even though her eyes were closed. He could tell. Crawling back in bed with her was an idea that crossed his mind briefly, but instead he said her name quietly. She stretched, yawned, and opened her eyes. After a moment of staring at the ceiling, she swung her legs over the side of the bed. He reached for her hand and pulled her into a standing position. She picked up her robe as she exited the room, and in a few minutes Kevin heard the water running.

Beth finished her shower and carefully fixed her hair and makeup. She went back into the bedroom where Kevin was at his old desk looking through some papers and books that were sitting on top of it. He watched her sift through the remaining clothes in her suitcase in search of the perfect outfit. She finally decided on a black pencil skirt with a white collared shirt. She pulled on her lingerie and stockings. She stepped into the skirt and buttoned her blouse. She chose a strand of pearls and diamond and pearl earrings from her jewelry case and put them on. She stepped into her heels and glanced at herself in the full-length mirror on Kevin's wall. She fluffed her hair, smoothed her skirt, and adjusted her collar before turning to Kevin.

He smiled and shook his head. She was impeccably put together standing in front of him. He recognized her need to present herself in this way. She often did it when meeting with an important client for the first time. It was her own little defense mechanism, and the fact that she was going through the entire routine tipped him off to her nervousness about something. He wanted to reiterate to her that Lilly was absolutely not a threat to her, but he knew from experience that it was just easier to let her deal with this in her own way. She had to get a feel for the situation for herself, and he hoped she would immediately figure out that she had nothing to fear.

She asked him if he was ready to go downstairs. He said that he was. She asked him to bring her black purse as she turned on her heel and nearly marched out of the room. He hated when she went "Type A" on him, but he grabbed her purse and followed her out of the room, down the stairs and into the kitchen. She had accepted a glass of orange juice and was toasting a bagel when Kevin made it into the room. Looking over, she asked him if he had already eaten. He said that he had, but that he would like another glass of juice. She poured it for him and placed it on the table in front of him. Her bagel popped up and she spread cream cheese on one side and butter on the other. She sat beside him at the table before asking where everyone else was. Kevin told her that all the rest of the family ate earlier and had gone upstairs as she was getting ready. She was finishing her breakfast when she heard them descending the front stairs. She jumped up, glancing at the clock, and took her dishes as well as Kevin's to the sink. He wasn't finished, but he didn't say a word. She brushed a crumb from her front, smoothed Kevin's hair, picked up her purse and joined the family.

They were all ready to go and they worked out the car situation quickly so they could be on their way. Helen had successfully persuaded Will into joining them, so they formed quite a troupe entering the sanctuary once they arrived. They chose their seats right away in the same pew they had utilized two nights before on Christmas Eve. The service started before they had a chance to meet with other members of the congregation, but Kevin spotted Lilly seated at the front of the church. The children presented their Christmas passages and even sang some songs, following which the choir offered a selection. Father Ken praised the efforts of the parishioners before he began his sermon. Kevin enjoyed the message thoroughly. The delivery and the message were both extremely engaging, and Kevin found himself completely drawn into the story. Before he knew it, the service ended and the congregation exited the pews. Kevin was waiting for the way to clear so Beth could bring his chair when heard someone call his name. He turned to see Lilly standing behind his seat with a rather handsome man beside her.

She looked very much like he had remembered, except she looked a little more demure, if that word could possibly describe Lilly. Her hair was all one color, no blonde streaks, but she still had the long bangs. Her shirt was long sleeved, so he couldn't tell the tattoo situation, but somehow he assumed they were all still intact.

"How have you been?" she asked, aware of his gawking. He snapped back pretty quickly and was able to answer her.

"I'm doing really well. How about you? You look great."

She started to introduce her fiancé when Beth returned with his chair. He suggested that they all go into the fellowship hall with the rest of the worshipers since it would be a little more comfortable for everyone and they could make their introductions there. Lilly knew that he wanted to be in the chair and in control. She told him that she would see him in the reception hall and left, giving him some privacy. Beth positioned the chair so he could reach it and transfer. Then, they went in the direction Lilly had just gone.

She had saved them a table in the corner and waved them toward her when they came through the door. She and the man with her stood as Beth and Kevin approached. She reached out her hand to Beth and introduced herself. "Hi, you must be Beth. I'm Lilly Waters and this is my fiancé Josef Singer." Beth shook her hand as Kevin and Josef exchanged pleasantries. They all sat and the conversation began quite easily. Kevin spoke first.

"So, how did the two of you meet? I'm sure that has to be an interesting story."

Lilly laughed. "It's a lot less interesting than it may seem. Josef came to the parish last year, and he pursued me relentlessly until he finally persuaded me to go on a date with him that didn't include the church's singles group. We went to Baltimore to the Aquarium, and this little girl had gotten separated from her parents. Josef took care of her and took her to the information desk and waited until her folks found her. He was so kind and patient with her. I decided he must be at least somewhat of a decent person, so I gave him a chance and he grew on me."

"I really had been asking her out for weeks, and I was so pleased when she finally said yes. I used to teach elementary school, so when I saw that little girl all alone and upset, I guess that instinct just kicked in. Lucky for me that worked out to my benefit. Lilly's pretty great herself, though. I knew right away when I met her that she was different and that I wanted to get to know her. Thankfully, she eventually felt the same way about me," Josef added.

"You said that you used to teach, Josef, what is it that you do now?" Beth asked.

"I still teach, just not the little kids. I'm at the community college. It's different, but still very rewarding. I have a lot of non-traditional students who are working full-time while getting their degrees. They're very hard-working, and it's great to see them succeed."

Lilly addressed Beth next. "Beth, I've heard so many things about you from the various Girardis that I feel like I know you already. It really is great to finally meet you. Helen tells me you work in advertising. I love the long-distance phone commercials. They always make me cry. Do you make those?"

Beth laughed in agreement but was sorry to report that she had never worked on such a spot. She explained a little bit about her job to Lilly and Josef, making it quick in hopes of not boring them too badly.

The foursome continued their conversation for nearly an hour before they noticed that the fellowship hall had almost cleared. Kevin's family was nearly all that remained. Joan was anxious to get to Adam's house, and Beth and Kevin were set to leave after lunch. They realized that they would have to break up their meeting. Kevin reminded Beth of the time, and turned to say goodbye to Lilly. The two couples parted with kind words and waves as Kevin and Beth joined the rest of the family heading to the car.

When they returned to the Girardi house, Kevin and Beth began preparing for their departure and were soon on their way. They covered the miles to their home quietly at first until Beth voiced an observation she had made.

"Kevin, she's beautiful. And smart and funny and so passionate."

"Yeah, she is," Kevin answered, keeping his eyes on the road.

"You never once considered her instead of me?"

"No."

"I find that extremely hard to believe."

Finally Kevin turned toward Beth. "I loved you then, I love you now, and you are who I want to be with. Lilly is great. But I'm more than happy with my choice."

"So am I."


	28. Chapter 28

Chapter 28

The thin cotton gown offered Beth little protection against the chill of the examination room. She watched the nurse prepare the area as she sat still and silent on the table. They had already taken some of her blood and urine for tests, so now she was just waiting for Dr. Selzic to come in and finish the exam. Her mind drifted madly from place to place and the millions of things she felt like she had to do when she was done. Kevin still hadn't found a place to stay, and they were running out of options. He was trying to deal with that today while she was at the doctor's office. Melanie's knock on the door interrupted her thoughts, but it was a welcome interruption.

"Beth, it's so good to see you," Dr. Selzic began, "I hope everything is well with you and with Kevin."

Beth assured her that it was and explained, as she had on the phone and to the nurse that she and Kevin would like to undergo a fertility work-up. Dr. Selzic held Beth's chart in her hand as she took a seat on the stool beside the table where Beth was still perched.

"We've already done your UA, and I went ahead and checked the icon. There were a couple of signs that tipped me off, your weight gain and the date of your last period, anyway long story short, you don't need these tests. You're already pregnant."

Beth nearly fell off the table. "Oh God, is everything ok?"

"Our lab is finishing up on your quantitative levels right now, but we can go ahead and take an ultrasound just to make sure. Lean back here on the bed, and I'll set up everything. Here's the gel. It'll be cold on your stomach."

Dr. Selzic placed the apparatus on Beth's stomach and rubbed it around until she found the spot she was looking for. "Ok, here it is. Exactly where it's supposed to be. Beth, say hello to your baby."

Beth stared in amazement at the screen. Dr. Selzic patted her hand and smiled at her.

"Beth, everything looks fine. I know that you're scared and worried because of how this is happening, but we're going to take good care of you and your baby, and there is no reason why this pregnancy shouldn't be absolutely normal."

Beth wiped her stomach clean as the doctor asked her to get dressed and meet in the office at the end of the hall. She found her clothes on a chair across the room and put them on quickly. She wanted to make sure that the bloodwork checked out. She knew that the doctor had said that everything was fine, but she was finding it hard to believe. Beth made her way down the hall and knocked on the open door. Melanie Selzic was smiling.

"Beth, come in and have a seat. Your bloodwork indicates that you are about eight weeks pregnant, and that matches your timetable, too. This looks really good. All your other levels are perfect. We'll get you started on pre-natal vitamins and schedule your check-ups once a week just to make sure everything stays ok."

Beth nodded and finally smiled a little. "I'm just shocked. I wasn't planning on this happening so soon, like this. Oh my gosh, Kevin is going to be so excited. He really wanted this to happen."

Melanie's brow wrinkled into a frown. "What about you?"

"Oh, I want a baby, too. It's just that I'm scared. I don't want anything to happen. I can't do that again. So, I was hoping to wait a little longer or adopt. I want a healthy baby. I'm just afraid that...I'm just afraid."

"Ok, I can live with that," Dr. Selzic conceded. "I think it would be worth your time if you and Kevin talked to someone about this entire situation. Obviously, you're coming in to it with different feelings, and there's nothing wrong with that, unless you let it tear you apart. You're going to need each other now. Believe me. Here's a business card. This is Gregory Kerry, he's a family psychologist and he's really easy to talk to. I'll let you discuss it with Kevin, but here's all the information you need. The secretary will make your appointment, and call me if anything feels or looks or seems weird. Seriously, I won't get mad."

Beth finally let out a small sigh of relief. She nodded, Melanie stood to give her a reassuring hug, and she went out to the lobby to set up her next appointment. She handed the receptionist her papers, scheduled for next week, and walked out to her car. As she sat behind the wheel, she closed her eyes and pressed Kevin's speed dial button. He answered and seemed a little busy but agreed to meet her for dinner at one of their favorite places in town. She made her way home and helped herself to a very long bath. Her firm was closed until after the New Year, and she was so thankful for that time. She realized that she was really absolutely going to need it.

Kevin had already ordered drinks when Beth arrived at the table. He reached over to kiss her cheek as she sat. She kissed him back and asked about his day. He filled her in on the details of his apartment search and how it was not going. He said that his next option was to check hotels. Rich businessmen did it all the time, he rationalized. Beth told him that she thought that was a pretty good idea especially if he had to start work at the end of the month. There just wouldn't be enough time to make the necessary adjustments, since there didn't seem to be anything suitable available at the time.

The waiter brought the wine, but Beth refused the pour. Kevin didn't really notice. He picked up his glass and took a long sip. There was significantly more on his mind than the apartment search. He had been given his last assignment earlier in the day, and he really wanted to do it, but he was infinitely afraid of what he might find out by doing it. Finally, he tore his thoughts from the day and looked toward his wife. She loved the wine he had chosen. It was her all-time favorite. She could finish a bottle herself, without him, as she had proven on more than one occasion, yet her glass was empty.

"You don't want wine?" he asked a little more abruptly than he had intended.

She faltered, not expecting to have to address the situation so quickly. "Um, I have a little headache. Sulfites won't do that any good."

He nodded in satisfaction and looked down at the menu in front of him. Without looking up, he asked her what she was having. She reached across the table and touched his hand. His raised his head to her.

"What?"

"Are you ready for this?"

"What is it? Are you ok? Beth, come on, tell me what happened."

She closed her eyes. "I had my check up today with Dr. Selzic." She paused.

"Is everything ok?" he asked, almost begging for information.

"Yeah, everything is absolutely fine...with me and the baby."

"Baby? There's a baby?"

She nodded. "And he or she is right where he or she is supposed to be. Everything is fine."

Kevin came around the table and pulled her into his lap. "Oh my God, Beth, that is the best news I've heard in such a long time. We're going to have a baby. I can't believe it's true."

She kissed his mouth right as the waiter appeared from the other side of the room. He apologized for interrupting them, but Kevin told him not to worry. They were celebrating the upcoming birth of their child. The waited congratulated them both and left to give them a few more moments to decide on dinner.

Beth reluctantly returned to her chair and they ordered. It wasn't until after the meals had arrived that Kevin told her about his day and his assignment.

"So, they want me to do one more interview before I go. They said they've been waiting on this one, and that they wanted me to do it all along when the opportunity came. Well, it finally came, and it's the last time I can do it for them. I told them I'd have to check with you first, though."

"Why would you have to check with me? It's your job." Then it hit her what they had asked Kevin to do. "Oh!"

"Yeah, it's Jake. They want me to go there and talk to him. I was a little unsure of how I felt about it until I realized that there are a lot of things that I want to ask him, off the record."

"Are you asking me if you should do it or are you telling me that you're doing it?"

"I guess, technically, I'm asking your opinion and your feelings while telling you that I really want to do the interview. I mean, don't you think it's time I met the guy?"

"I guess so. I'd like to go with you, though. Is that ok?"

"Sure. We'll be meeting with him on Thursday before their home playoff game. That's almost two weeks. Now that we've settled that issue, tell me more about your appointment. Did you see the baby?"

Beth smiled at Kevin and told him every single detail of the appointment earlier in the day. His eyes were fixed to her face and his smile only grew as she continued the recount. As she finished he spoke, almost pleaded with her, "Come with me. Please?"

"Kevin, don't do this now. I have to stay here. For a ton of reasons, but now I have one more, my doctor is here, and she'll get me through the first trimester. Then we'll talk about things as they come. Ok? Let's just be happy about today."

"Yeah. Today. I can't believe how wonderful this is. I love you so much, and I love this baby already because it's part of you, of us."

She glanced down at her half-eaten plate of food. Kevin had barely touched his, either. "Are you finished?"

"Yeah, don't you want any more? You're eating for two now. God, what a cliché!"

"Let's go home," she purred at him. His eyebrows raised and he quickly got their waiter's attention.

"Could we have our check please?"

A moment later they were in the parking lot realizing that they had two cars. "We'll leave mine," he said, "I drank more than I intended to, anyway." They got into Beth's vehicle and drove them back to the house. They made it to the living room where Beth collapsed on the sofa, and Kevin, a little tipsy from Beth's share of the wine, climbed on top of her and pushed her back against the pillows.

Beth noticed the look in his eyes, one she hadn't seen for a long time. "Kevin!" She exclaimed pushing him back so that she was sitting and he was leaning back on his elbows. "Are you drunk?"

"Um, well, very nearly."

"Kevin!"

"I haven't had that much to drink for a really long time. I was drinking for two," he grinned.

"How much did you actually have?"

"I had a bottle before you came, and then the one after you came, too, so that's two and I didn't eat lunch, and I drank my dinner, so yeah, I guess I am drunk. I'm sorry."

"You haven't had more than two glasses of wine or a couple of beers in an evening since..."

"I know. I guess I just wasn't thinking. I had a lot on my mind. I'm feeling quite sober now, though."

"You can take the boy away from the party..."

"Oh come on, I haven't had too much to drink in almost ten years."

"You're right. I'm sorry. Can I blame my freak out on hormones?"

"Sure, but you only get three free passes per week, though."

She pulled him back toward her and began kissing him on the neck.

"I'm still a little pissed at you for killing my buzz," he whispered in her ear.

"I'm so sorry, but I do love you."

"Shut up."

The next morning, Kevin had the worst hangover he could remember. Beth brought him coffee in bed and closed the blinds so that the morning sun didn't shine in his eyes. She handed him the mug and climbed back in the bed. He took a drink, noticed the slight tremor in his hand, and placed the mug on the stand beside him. His head was pounding, and he was pretty sure that he was going to throw up. Man, when had he become such a lightweight? Beth handed him two aspirin and a glass of water, too. He meekly smiled his thanks.

"Are you going to puke?"she asked carefully. He shrugged.

"I don't ever remember feeling like this. It's really unamusing."

She played with his hair a little. "You've never had a wine drunk, Mr. Keg Party. This is something I can definitely help you with. My version of a keg was a box of Franzia."

Kevin laughed and kissed her. She pulled back and he looked over at her.

"Could I offer you a toothbrush?"

He grabbed a pillow from his side and placed it over her head. She pushed back at him and jumped out of bed to start the shower.

"Beth, I need the trash can!" Kevin yelled into the bathroom.

She ran back into the bedroom with the can and threw it at him. He looked very green. She barely made it before he emptied the meager contents of his stomach into the receptacle. He retched about three more times before he looked up at her and grinned weakly.

"I feel a lot better."

She rolled her eyes. "I'll call in for you."

"Thanks."


	29. Chapter 29

Sorry that it's been so long. This is all I have written right now, as I've been physically ill (like doctor's appointments and IV fluids) and terribly uninspired. I've already rewritten this chapter about three times, and I still don't like it but decided that I don't need to go into as much depth with this part of the story as I had originally had planned to. I think the situation is satisfactorily explained here.

Chapter 29

Kevin was feeling much better the next day and was able to make his New Year's Day games. He had such fun with his broadcast partner that he momentarily considered staying. A wave of nostalgia hit him as he went into his office the morning after the National Championship Game to begin working on his interview assignment. He had spent almost three years here, and in that time he had become one of the premiere journalists in the country. Surprising himself and everyone else, he had actually won two Sports Emmy awards. The show he anchored was the top rated in the country. He'd had a really good run, but he knew it was time to move on. He pushed his mind back to Jake. The travel plans were complete, but every time he started to write questions or create a direction for the piece, Beth came into his mind. The only questions he could think of revolved around what she had been like in college and how a relationship with her had changed Jake's life. He wanted to see if she had the same effect on everyone. It was doubtful that this is what his viewers wanted to hear, but it was all he wanted to know.

When he got home that night, Beth had already packed her bag and was working on his. He told her that he would finish himself, but she said that a pizza was on the way, and she didn't have anything else to do. She had changed her work hours and had been going earlier so that the two of them could actually be home at the same time. She found that she had vacation time to burn, so she had taken off the entire week even though they would only be gone for a few days. She sat on the bed and talked to Kevin while he moved around the room gathering things for the suitcase. He asked Beth about her day and half listened as she gave a detailed account of her beauty salon experience. His awareness of the situation returned long enough for him to compliment her hairstyle. These were important things to her and he would be in trouble for not commenting. Her hair really did look good even though he had an eerie feeling that it wasn't all for his benefit. They were both wound pretty tightly in the face of what they were about to do, and that fact really amazed Kevin. Beth had met Lilly without incident, and she had even gone to parties at Rebecca's house before. He tried to think of Jake as just some guy that Beth dated. His mind wouldn't let him.

Christopher Jason "Jake" Plohal, the NFL's Offensive MVP for three years running, was widely considered the best wide receiver, possibly ever, to play the game. All Kevin had were some pipe dreams of a college baseball career that may or may not have panned out. By all rights, Kevin was the one of the best in his business, but he hadn't actually proven himself on the field like many of his colleagues. He had gotten nervous about his first few big time one-on-one pieces, but he'd met basically everyone in every professional and amateur league and didn't get starstruck anymore. Beth was still talking, prattling really. He sensed that she was feeling pretty much the same way. He interrupted her discourse.

"Beth."

"I'm sorry. I'm talking a lot."

"You're nervous. So am I, but we're doing this together."

"I love you for admitting that."

"No, you love me because I'm so handsome and intelligent and funny and..."

"Modest."

"Hey, that's my punch line!"

"I know. I've heard it before."

Kevin decided to change the subject. "Did you get the mail today?" Bath scratched her head and then shook it, indicating that she had forgotten. Kevin turned to go back downstairs. "I'm gonna go get it. You want anything from downstairs?" Beth said no but decided to follow him down anyway. A few minutes later he met her in the kitchen. He threw a heap of junk mail on the table and handed Beth an envelope addressed in beautiful calligraphy.

"What's this?" she asked.

"Look at the return address."

"Seattle? Who do we know in Seattle?"

"Beth, it's from Andy. It's a wedding invitation. Andy's getting married."

"Oh, wow! That's so exciting. I can't wait to meet his fiancée."

"It will be good to see him."

Suddenly Beth had an idea. "Hey, Kev? We're going to Denver tomorrow. Do you think there's anyway we could add Seattle to our travel plans?"

"I don't know. Possibly, but you don't just show up at peoples' houses without telling them."

"I didn't mean that. We can call him and see what's going on, if it will work out."

"Sure, I'll find his number and we can talk to him as soon as were done with Jake, ok?"

"Yeah."

The doorbell rang and Beth paid the pizza guy. Kevin set the table and retrieved the salad Beth had tossed earlier in the evening from the fridge. She sat across the table from him and plopped the cardboard box in between them. "I slaved all day, hope you like it," she grinned. He grabbed a slice and took a bite.

"Yes, you've really outdone yourself this time," he joked back. Their trip would be fine. Awkwardness was a given, but they would get through it together, and the more he thought about it, the prospect of seeing Andy cheered him up a good bit, too.

He ate half of the pizza before excusing himself to his study to finish up he prep work and question list. Beth told him not to be up too late as she moved to clear the table. When she finished she pulled some work from her briefcase and sat at the table with her papers spread in front of her. She worked until past 11 when she could no longer keep her eyes open. She stopped to check on Kevin on her way up to bed. He was still working, and she asked him to come to bed with her. He said that he really had more to do and that he would be up as soon as he could. She was fast asleep long before he joined her under the covers.

In the morning, Selene drove Kevin and Beth to the airport. She dropped them at the terminal and wished them a safe trip. They made their way to the gate and were seated in the first class section. Gretchen, their section's flight attendant had introduced herself to the passengers who would be flying to Denver and on to Los Angeles. Kevin worked on his notes while Beth watched one of the in-flight movies. The trip passed quickly, and before either of them could get too settled in, the captain announced the imminent landing. A driver from the team met them at the arrival gate and collected their luggage before leading them to the waiting car. He dropped them at the hotel and made sure to tell them that he was at their disposal for the duration of their stay. Kevin thanked him as Beth checked into the room. She met him in the lobby as he waited for the bellhop to obtain all the luggage from the car. Finally, they were on the way to the room.

Kevin checked the time, finding that it was not quite noon. They had planned to meet Jake for dinner that evening before the formal interview and taping process was to take place over the next two days. The team was to have had a home playoff game at the end of the week, but had unexpectedly suffered a loss to a lower seeded team and had been eliminated. This was good news and bad news for Kevin. There would be more time, as well as a new direction for the interview, but Jake was sure to be in a less than talkative mood. Beth claimed the shower first, so Kevin waited, still sifting through his endless pile of notes. He still had no idea what he was going to ask. He knew that he only needed a couple of really good questions to get the whole thing going, but at least it wouldn't be live, and they would have a chance to clean up any messes that might be made.

Beth came out of the bathroom and kissed the top of his head. She could see the worry around his eyes even though he tried to smile at her. He didn't move, and she motioned toward the bathroom. He rummaged through his bag and found the things he needed before leaving her in the bedroom to finish getting ready. Perhaps a shower would clear his head, and he would be able to think about anything other than what was about to happen to him. But it wasn't just him, it was them.

When it was finally time for the couple to leave for their reservation, Beth was dressed in a skirt and sweater, not too dressy or fancy, but incredibly sharp looking. Kevin noticed her beauty tonight, even though everything else so far had been a blur. Thankfully, the car and driver were waiting at the front entrance. Beth held his hand during the ride. She had ceased to be nervous and was now only exhibiting excitement, which she was unsuccessfully trying to conceal.

"Maybe you should meet with him first, for old times' sake or something."

Beth turned to look at his face. The alternating shadows and street light streaming in through the windows of the moving car made it impossible for her to discern his expression.

"Kevin, come on, it's not going to be that bad. He's a really great person, and a really fun date. I'm sure everything will go swimmingly."

"Swimmingly?"

"It'll be fine. I promise. Trust me?"

"What else can I do at this point?"

They arrived downtown a few minutes late for the seven o'clock reservation. The maître'd

confirmed that Mr. Plohal was waiting for them at the bar and offered to seat them while another waiter showed Jake to the table. They thanked him and moved through the main dining room to a table, nicely secluded in the back of the room where they would have privacy. Kevin's place was positioned so that his back was to the bar area, but Beth was facing out into the expanse of the dining room. They had given drink orders when, just a few seconds later, Beth stood. Without warning or thought, she walked toward the man who was now approaching the table.

They met about ten paces behind Kevin, who was turning to see. Jake Plohal embraced Beth and kissed her lightly on the cheek. She wrapped her arms around his neck and hugged him a little too tightly for Kevin's liking. Jake quickly released her and covered the distance to introduce himself to a visibly uncomfortable Kevin.

"Hi, you must be Kevin? I'm Jake," he managed, hand extended.

"Yeah, I'm Kevin, and we all know Beth." Kevin shook. Both men laughed.

Beth blushed, realizing that she had made a bit of a scene. It mattered little to her. Kevin had made a joke, and even though it was at her expense, she was very glad that the introductions had been finished. Beth took her seat opposite Kevin, and Jake sat between them at the table designed for four. Jake winked quickly at her. She smiled and took a sip of her water. Kevin turned to Jake.

"Is this the awkward silence?"

"I think so. But hey, I'm just the dumb football player. You're the reporter. Aren't you supposed to be the one who breaks the ice and asks all the life changing and soul-probing questions?"

Kevin chuckled. "I guess that I am, only, if we're being truly honest here, I have no idea where this thing is going to go. I haven't decided on a direction. I was hoping that you might have some insight into what would be interesting. Beth had a few suggestions, but I thought we'd talk about what you do with your pants are on, if that's ok?"

This time Jake laughed. "That's funny, but Beth doesn't kiss and tell. At least she never did to me. Believe me, I asked plenty of times, but all I got were closed doors."

At this point in the conversation, Beth broke in. "Ok, we're not in the locker room. We're at a very nice, very expensive restaurant, and we're going to talk about adult topics like the weather and real estate and maybe even some politics. We're going to keep the conversation out of the bedroom and the gutter, ok?"

Both men nodded. Kevin looked a little flushed, and Jake noticed that neither of them was drinking anything stronger than iced tea. He had already taken the liberty of ordering a bottle of Pinot Noir, and like Kevin in the preceding days, was a little put out when Beth declined to try it. He knew that she preferred white wines, yet he expected her to at least taste his choice. He wished they would just get on with it. She smiled. Oh, man, that smile still did it for him. He forgot about everything that had been on his mind just moments before.

She began asking him questions about the past few years. Somewhere in the middle, they ordered dinner, but before the meals had arrived, Kevin was called away from the restaurant by a problem in the studio. She started to leave with him, but Kevin insisted that she stay and Jake was more than happy to see that she got back to the hotel. She kissed him goodbye and turned to Jake.

"Stop sending them, ok? Kevin got really upset when he found out."

"I know that I shouldn't have, but I just kept hoping that you would show up. I just wanted to see you."

"Didn't you catch the hint when I didn't even go to Pete's funeral? Brandy was one of my best friends in the world. She was going to be my maid of honor, for goodness sake. It killed me to not be here with her, but I didn't want to make it about us. You know that the media would have had a field day. The day was about Pete and his life and his family. I couldn't do that to them."

Pete Tisdale had been Jake's best friend in both high school and college. Together, they had won football scholarships to Arizona State and had anchored the team, leading them to the National Championship their senior year. Pete had carefully weighed his options following college. He was a questionable NFL prospect and ultimately decided to become a policeman in his and Jake's hometown of Chicago. He served five years on the force before being killed in the line of duty. The close-knit college community, as well as their friends and family from home, banded together to support Pete's widow, his college sweetheart Brandy, who was a very close friend of Beth's. It had been an agonizing decision for Beth to not attend the funeral services. She had regretted the act ever since she had not performed it. She had contacted Brandy afterward, but she still felt that she had let down her friend in her greatest time of need.

Jake answered her now. "I thought maybe you just didn't care anymore. I guess all the things I remembered about you have changed."

"What are you talking about?"

"You don't drink wine anymore? Or does he just prefer that you don't drink at all?"

Beth was livid. "I'm pregnant, asshole."

Jake's cheeks flamed. He had meant to make her angry, but this wasn't the response he was expecting. He saw his dreams of a life with her fade away again. It had been a tremendous long shot, but one had to respect his persistence. Seven years was the longest he had ever done anything in his life, but he had steadily pursued her and kept in close contact with her life, even if he wasn't in contact with her.

Beth wasn't done with him, though. "I loved you once, Jake, but it was at a very up in the air time in my life. When I settled the issues that I was dealing with, I realized that we could not be happy together. We never wanted the same things no matter how hard we tried to make them work. The idea of the two of us together was a lot nicer than the reality of the relationship. You can be an amazingly caring person, but you rarely showed that side of yourself to me. I needed more. The whole Kevin thing just kind of happened after I left you. It was an unbelievable task to sort through our history, and to be honest with you, we're still sorting. But Jake, he is my better half. I know that sounds stupid, but he completes the parts of me that are empty. He makes me a better person, and I hope that I do the same for him. We didn't go into this marriage lightly. We waited almost five years before we were married. Then I got pregnant right away. The baby was in my Fallopian tube, and the pregnancy had to be terminated. I felt like such a failure. How could I be a good wife, a mother to his children if I couldn't even keep them alive long enough to be born? In time I came to realize that the situation wasn't my fault, but I was still very fearful of trying for a baby. Kevin wanted one so badly. I finally talked him into at least thinking about adoption while we sought the opinions of our physicians. Well, in the meantime, I got pregnant anyway. I guess it's supposed to be, because we shouldn't have been able to conceive like that once, much less twice, and this time I was taking birth control, too. Kevin got a new job in D.C. This is his last assignment with ESPN, and I asked to come with him to close what remained between you and me. Jake, you are a wonderful memory from my past, and that's where you have to stay."

He hung his head, not really able to look up at her. He knew that she was right. Suddenly, his actions seemed so foolish and even more futile than they had ever been in his mind. He had loved her, too but knew that the two of them could have never been happy together in the long run. Their entire belief systems were so incongruent. They fought constantly in the latter days of the relationship, and he had always felt that she had accepted his marriage proposal out of fear of the unknown aspects of her future as well as unresolved issues in her past. There was no way in hell a good, lasting marriage would have come from that situation. Still, she had believed in him for as long as she had known him. In college, Jake had played quarterback, but NFL scouts said that he had almost no chance of making the league in that position. They encouraged him to try out at Combine as a wide receiver to sweeten his stock, so to speak. He had been insolent, not wanting to put the extra time into the preparation in fear that he would embarrass himself if he tried the new role. Beth was right there whispering encouragement in his ear, reminding him of how good his hands were and how well he could run and cut. "An NFL quarterback wouldn't necessarily need those skills depending on the offense he would be required to run," she'd always say. He gave in to her encouraging words and now found himself on the absolute top of the game in a position he had played for so few years. He always wanted to credit her with his career success, but it had seemed inappropriate to mention her name to reporters. He valued her privacy and respected her choice of Kevin. Of course, he hoped that she would decide on her own to leave, but Jake didn't want to be the cause of any strife. The tickets were simply a gesture of goodwill, he rationalized. But deep in his mind and in his heart he knew that his motives and actions were not altruistic.

Beth found that she had lost her appetite and asked to return to her hotel in hopes that Kevin would already be back. Jake didn't protest but signaled the waiter to bring their check. She clutched the bag containing Kevin's meal tightly as she rode in the front seat of Jake's very nice car through the same streets she had just traveled a few hours earlier. He pulled into the hotel's drive and started to get out of the car. She stopped him. The doorman opened her car door instead.

"Do you know what time you're to meet Kevin in the morning?"

He said that he did and she got out of the car. She did not look back, and the doorman closed the car door. Jake watched her hips sway slightly as she walked away from him. He touched his forehead to the steering wheel in a sign of disgust with himself before he put the vehicle in gear and drove home.

Beth was alone in the room. She undressed and showered before Kevin made it back to settle in for the night. He ate his dinner as she sat on the bed painting her toenails. She asked if everything was ready for tomorrow. He admitted that all seemed to be in order with the exception of his line of questioning. She turned to speak and stopped. He asked her what she was going to say. She shook her head and turned back to her toes. After she finished, she kissed Kevin and climbed under the covers. A few minutes later, he joined her.

He was gone when Beth woke up. She hoped that all went well. The evening before had been tense enough with the three of them there. Beth expected that it would go more smoothly with just the two of them talking about mostly sports. She hoped that they would talk mostly about sports, but she just wasn't sure. She glanced over at the desk where he had been working. He'd left her a note containing Andy's number in Seattle. She picked up the phone and made the call.

A little after noon, Kevin arrived back at the hotel and declared that the interview was over. The day's session had gone so well that he would not require another day of taping. Beth said that was great, since Andy and his fiancée would be meeting them the next day for dinner in Seattle. Kevin looked a little surprised at Beth's initiative, but he just started packing. Beth was intrigued by his silence.

"So? How did it go?"

"It went ok. We talked about a lot of stuff. Pete, high school, college, positions, the NFL, the trade to Denver, all sorts of things."

"Me?"

"Briefly, but just for my benefit. You won't see yourself on TV."

"Oh darn, I was hoping to become a star."

Kevin laughed and continued packing his things into his suitcase.


	30. Chapter 30

This is a short one, but much more is on the way soon. I know I said I could wrap it all up in one, but it's gonna be a long one...It's been a while since I updated, you may need to go back and read 29 again :-)

Chapter 30

Andy met Beth and Kevin in the lobby of their hotel in Seattle. They all hugged before heading off to meet Andy's fiancée for lunch and a concert in a park a few blocks away. Thankfully, it was unreasonably warm with temperatures in the 60's, and they had plenty of coats and blankets in case the weather suddenly turned cold. They rounded the corner and found a very pretty girl with auburn hair and freckles waiting for them with a picnic basket. She sat it on the sidewalk briefly as Andy made the introductions. Alyse McLean smiled and shook hands with Kevin and Beth, while exclaiming that she was so excited to finally meet them. Andy picked up the basket and directed the foursome across the street to the park where she had already set up a table and chairs in view of the bandstand where the local band would be playing in just a little while.

They settled into their area, and Alyse began unpacking the basket. Beth set the table and poured drinks while Alyse served the meal she had prepared. Andy and Kevin were catching up since the last time they had talked at length, and the girls quickly fell into deep conversation. They were just getting around to discussing the wedding when the music started. Beth moved onto Kevin's lap and snuggled close to him. They sat under the stars and listened to the music, occasionally talking back and forth with Andy and Alyse. As the sun went down, the temperature began to drop as well. Beth shivered under her blanket, and Kevin suggested that they all go back to the hotel where they could hang out a while longer. Alyse agreed through blue lips. They all grabbed some gear and headed back down the block to the hotel.

When they got into the room, Beth suggested that she brew some coffee, but Andy said he would get some from the coffee shop in the hotel's lobby. Kevin offered to go with him. Meanwhile, Beth and Alyse were able to talk a bit more. Alyse repeated how excited she was to meet both Kevin and Beth, anyone from Andy's childhood. She explained how they had met in a computer class they were both taking and how, over time, Andy had told her his story. Beth closed her eyes briefly.

"We all had some rough times. Kids shouldn't have to go through what we did, and we all did it alone, which was stupid, but that's how the entire situation occurred. I kept in touch with Andy more so than with Kevin right afterward, but still I didn't know how bad things were for him. Then the Girardis moved and by the time I caught back up with Kevin I had lost touch with Andy. A few years later, he found us. Right before we were married, actually. He was still a mess. Kevin was getting ready to start his job and our lives were really taking off. He had wanted to see Andy before, but he just didn't know how to go about it. Andy kind of felt the same way. After they talked and worked things out, I think that they were both able to get on with life without constantly worrying about each other. Andy told us at the wedding that he was going west to try to make a new start for himself. Kevin's been so busy lately, I barely even see him, but he and Andy made time for each other. Kevin would get tickets to some game or concert or something and they would spend the weekend together. They haven't done it for over a year, but I guess Andy's been pretty busy, too," Beth smiled.

Alyse laughed. "Andy and I have known each other since he moved here, but we were completely platonic until last summer. After that, it was silly to not get married. I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with him. We're both pretty excited about it, and Andy's really hoping that Kevin can be there."

"He'll do whatever he can to make it. It's only a few more weeks. Are you ready?"

With that, the subject changed back to wedding plans. Alyse and Beth were still discussing details and horror stories when the guys returned with the coffee. They drank the beverages and watched some tv until it was time for Andy and Alyse to head back to their place. Kevin and Beth had planned some sightseeing for the next day but planned to meet up with the other two for a basketball game.

Once they were settled in bed, Kevin turned to Beth before they fell asleep. "Andy asked me to be his best man."

Beth looked over at him with a smile. "Wow, I guess we've come full circle. I'm so glad that we're all back together again."

"Yeah, I was still shocked, though."

"I'm sure you were, but I think that says a lot about Andy and how important your friendship is to him, even now."

"Yeah, I guess so. You're right. I'm tired. Let's go to bed."

The next day, Beth and Kevin did some sightseeing before they met Andy and Alyse for the basketball game. They all really did enjoy themselves, and when it was time to go back to the hotel, all four of them felt a little regret that their time together had been so brief. Kevin told Andy that he would be happy to stand up with him at the wedding, and the two couples parted with hugs and promises to see each other very soon.


	31. Chapter 31

Chapter 31 - Six Months Later

Joan and Beth were going over never-ending wedding plans at Helen's house. The late July heat was unbearable for Beth, who felt that every inch of her was swollen beyond recognition. She had finally broken down and moved to DC with Kevin about a month earlier, but the apartment he had finally found had intermittent air conditioning, at best. She had basically moved in with Helen, Will, and Joan to survive the summer swelter. The house in Connecticut was on the market, and since they hadn't really had time to look for a place of their own, they weren't in a huge hurry for it to sell. They still needed a place to store most of their stuff. Kevin enjoyed his job thoroughly, and Beth was spending her days helping Joan and keeping her feet up. The baby was due any day, but Beth wasn't sure that it would ever come out of her.

"So, do you think there is any way we can cut down this guest list? I don't think we need to invite everyone we've ever known. Will people really come this far for my wedding? Adam has family in Eastern Europe somewhere, too. Mom's list is over 300! That's crazy. I just want family and some close friends. I know that's what Adam wants, too. Maybe we should just run away!"

They both collapsed on the bed laughing when Beth gasped. "Oh!"

Joan sat up quickly and helped Beth into a seated position. "Are you ok?"

Beth grabbed her side. She'd been feeling pretty irritable all day, but this was pain, not just passing discomfort. "I don't know. That didn't feel good at all, but it's gone now." They turned back to the guest lists, but a few minutes later Beth doubled over again. "Joan, these are contractions, and they're really strong and close together all of a sudden." Joan asked if Beth wanted her to call Kevin. She said yes, so Joan went to find the phone. However, before she even got down the stairs she heard Beth cry out again. Joan ran back to the room to see what had happened. Beth was still sitting on the bed with a terrible look on her face.

"Joan, I'm so sorry. My water just broke on your bed."

Joan helped Beth off of the bed and grabbed her bag from Kevin's bedroom as they headed down the steps. In the kitchen, Helen was cleaning up breakfast when she saw the two girls coming into the room.

"Is it time? Did you call Kevin? He's probably already at work by now."

Beth nodded and said they would call Kevin on the way. They climbed into Joan's car and drove toward Arcadia General. Luckily, Beth's OBGYN group had privileges and offices at several area hospitals. She had planned to give birth at a hospital closer to Kevin's apartment, but that was almost an hour away from the Girardi house. Beth wanted to try to make it, but Helen insisted that she at least be checked by the doctors in Arcadia. Kevin was about half an hour away from either hospital. Beth experienced another contraction and Joan pressed down harder on the accelerator. They arrived at the hospital a few minutes later. They tried the doctor's office first, and found that the doctor could see them right away. He checked Beth and declared that she didn't have time to go anywhere. Joan rushed outside to call Kevin and tell him to get to Arcadia General right away. Beth was admitted, and the family waited for Kevin to arrive. He made it in plenty of time, and seven hours later Beth and Kevin left for the delivery room while the rest of the family waited in the lobby.

Beth was barley holding her curses in when the doctor yelled for her to push one more time. Kevin was holding her hand and encouraging her, but she felt like hitting him. Sweat was dripping from her face, and a nurse rushed around wiping her with a cool cloth, but it wasn't really helping. She swore that if Kevin ever tricked her into having another baby, she was having it in December. Certainly it couldn't be this hot then!

The doctor's voice broke into her thoughts. "Ok, Beth, the baby is almost here. One more time, absolutely last one if you make it big. Ready? Go!" He counted backwards from ten, but she wasn't sure that she could go all the way. She bared down, willing herself to get the baby out.

Suddenly, the doctor spoke again and she could hear the smile under his surgical mask. "Stop, Beth. You don't have to push anymore. Your baby is finally here." Then he turned toward Kevin, "Dad, you wanna come down here and take a look at your son?"

Kevin reached over and kissed her as he smoothed her damp hair out of her face. She motioned for him to go see the baby. Kevin moved to the other end of the table where he was given an instrument to cut the umbilical cord. He only got a glimpse of the baby before they moved him to an incubator to clean him and place the name tag on him. Kevin surveyed the situation for a moment as the nurse read off the measurements.

"Ok, mom and dad, we've got a big boy here. Eight pounds ten ounces, twenty-four inches long. Ten fingers, ten toes, good color, a beautiful baby." She handed him to Kevin. "Do we have a name yet?"

Beth looked at Kevin. They had been arguing forever about this, and since the prenatal tests hadn't been able to reveal the baby's gender, they'd had to fight over two sets of names rather than just one. In the end they had narrowed the decision down to two boys' names and two girls' names. They had both conceded that they would know which name fit the baby when he or she came.

Kevin smiled at the nurse and over at Beth. "His name is William Lane Girardi."

The nurse took the baby from Kevin and finally handed him to Beth. She looked at his little pink face and mound of thick black hair. He was so funny looking, but she loved him instantly. She nodded her head in agreement with Kevin.

"Yes, that's his name. Kev, go tell your family. We'll call mine in a minute."

He kissed her one more time before leaving the room. He was pulling the little blue hat off of his head when Luke spotted him and the family swarmed around. He had them all sit down and pay attention so that he didn't have to repeat everything more than once. He explained that he was tired and he wanted to spend some time with his wife and his son. The family erupted in cheers at the announcement of the baby's sex. He revealed how big the baby had been and that he and Beth were both doing fine, just both sleepy. Joan asked about the name. Kevin told them the name they had chosen and added that William was too much of a name for a little baby, and since Will was already in use, they had decided to call him Liam for short. Kevin said that was all he could tell them for the moment and that he was going to see his wife. He informed them that the baby would be in the nursery soon, and they could see him there. His mom kissed the top of his head while Luke and his dad were shaking his hand. Joan and Grace each gave him a congratulatory kiss on the cheek before he left them.

Helen was so excited that she could barely contain herself on the walk to the nursery window. She loved being a grandmother, and she was so glad to see how excited Kevin had been at the announcement of the baby boy. She knew that the thought of raising a boy had made him nervous, but she was sure that he and Beth would do a wonderful job. Will slipped his arm around her waist as they stood with the rest of the family in front of the window. The nurse picked up baby Liam and held him in front of the window so that everyone could see him. The Girardis oohed and aahed the newest member of their family.

Kevin made his way back to where Beth had been, only to find that she had been moved to her room for the night. He wheeled down the corridor and into the room where Beth was pleading with the nurse for a shower. The nurse was reluctant to agree, saying she would have to ask the doctor if it would be ok. Beth said that would be fine. She would wait to hear the doctor's answer. The nurse turned to find Kevin blocking the doorway with a big grin on his face.

"Don't worry, miss. She doesn't take no as an answer from me, either."

The nurse smiled slightly and excused herself to find the doctor on duty. Kevin went into the bathroom. Beth was in her nightgown sitting on the shower bench. Dark circles were ringing her eyes and her hair was limp with now dried sweat. He knew that she would feel better if she had the chance to clean up. Still, he tried to persuade her to come back to the bed and rest. She refused, stating that she was waiting to hear from the doctor. About that time, the nurse came in with the ok for Beth to shower. Kevin thanked her and grabbed Beth's bag from on the dresser by the bed. His own things were there, too, and he asked the nurse when they would be bringing the baby in. She said there would be at least an hour of observation in the nursery before they would bring him to the room. He thanked her and flipped the latch on the bathroom door. Beth was already undressing.

She felt totally refreshed when she finished in the shower, and so did Kevin. There was a sign posted beside the bed that prohibited anyone other than the patient from lying in the bed. They ignored it as Kevin got in first and Beth settled beside him. The nurse brought baby Liam into the room and handed him to his mother. It was almost 8 pm, but she wanted Beth to try nursing before she fell asleep. Liam began sucking fairly quickly, while Beth was completely creeped out by the entire experience. When the nurse thought sufficient time had passed, she took Liam back to the nursery and instructed Beth to get a good night's sleep. It would be that last she would have for a while.

In the morning the baby arrived again, and Beth fed him while Kevin was in the bathroom. Suddenly a thought crossed his mind and he burst out of the bedroom to ask Beth a question.

"Did you call your parents last night?" he asked.

A look of absolute mortification appeared on her face. "I absolutely forgot about it. Oh God, how could I have forgotten to tell my mother that I had a baby?"

Kevin couldn't believe it either, but he wasn't about to let her know that. "They will understand. I'll call them right now. You can blame it on me, tell them I was supposed to call but I forgot, not you, ok?"

Beth was starting to agree when Helen knocked on the open door. Beth invited her in and Kevin cleared off the seat beside the bed. Helen took it. She asked Beth how she was feeling, and the younger woman said she was doing fine. Kevin wanted to know where his father was. Helen said he would be at the house later when they all came home. Beth handed the baby to her mother-in-law. Helen burped him before she cradled him in her arms and began talking to him. Kevin was about to excuse himself for the phone when Helen addressed him, too.

"Oh, last night when we left, Joan called Beth's sister and parents to let them know about the baby. We knew that you both were pretty tired, but I hope we didn't overstep our bounds there."

Kevin laughed. "We were just freaking out because we forgot to call them. What did they say?"

"The Rinehearts will be in town next weekend for a visit, and Annie will be here whenever you need her. Apparently Clark is going away on an extended business trip next month, and she's sure that she's going to be bored to death. Besides, you'll eventually need some help moving."

Beth put her head back on the pillow. "Oh, I completely forgot about that! We can't stay in Kevin's old room forever."

"Beth, sweetie, that's not at all what I mean. You are more than welcome to stay with us as long as you need to, but I think Kevin will miss you. You two need a place of your own where you can really start your family."

Kevin nodded his head. "We really should go ahead an accept an offer on the house in Connecticut and actively start looking for something here. I'm sure we'll be able to find a suitable place. We may need to make some adjustments, but we can keep the apartment as long as we need it. The air has been working this week, and I don't want my wife and child living in my old bedroom nearly an hour away from me. We'll find something close to the city that still isn't too far from the family."

Beth was still worried about the living situation. They didn't even have a crib put together yet. She was about to send Kevin back to his apartment to get everything ready when Will and Luke arrived. Luke said that Grace and Joan were at the Girardi house preparing Kevin's room for the addition of the new baby and that he and his dad had finished fixing up the second bedroom in Kevin's apartment. He assured Beth and Kevin that everything would be ready by the time they got home. Beth thanked him profusely for everything they had accomplished. She realized that she was exhausted, even though she had slept pretty well the night before. Liam was sleeping in Helen's arms. Helen placed him back in the bassinet, kissed Beth on the forehead and shooed all the others out of the room to give Beth some time to sleep.

Kevin lingered behind in the hall, and Will hung back with him. Kevin noticed that he had a brown paper bag in his hands and looked up questioningly at his dad. From the bag Will produced a beautiful baseball glove. Kevin's eyes widened as his dad began to speak.

"Kevin, I've had this for a long time. I got it for you when you signed with Arizona, but after everything that happened, I couldn't give it to you. I didn't want to upset you, but I couldn't take it back to the store. It would mean that I had given up. I had almost forgotten that it was still in the closet until your mom found it a while back. By that time, Beth was expecting, and I decided to give it to your son, assuming it was a boy. Anyway, I thought you might want to start breaking it in for him so that it's ready when he's old enough for you to teach him the game."

Kevin was speechless. He carefully examined the glove and his emotions before he looked up again. He tried to thank his dad, but the words choked in his throat. A single tear escaped his eye, but he quickly wiped it away with the back of his hand before extending it to his father. Will shook, but Kevin pulled him into an embrace.

"Thanks, dad. This means so much. I can't even explain."

Will wiped his own eyes as he released his son. The two of them hurried to catch up with Luke and Helen. They piled into the car and drove back to the Girardi house. Kevin was almost asleep when they arrived. Luke nudged him awake in the back seat and told Kevin to head up to his old room to check out the work Joan and Grace had done. He smiled as he entered. The basinet was beside Beth's side of the bed, but the changing table was low enough that he would be able to do plenty of diaper duty. Several other changes had been made to make the room more baby-friendly. Kevin wanted to explore everything, but he was simply too tired. He moved onto the bed and feel asleep as soon as his head rested on the pillow.

When he woke, he called Beth from the phone beside the bed. She assured him that she and the baby were find. Joan, Grace, and Hadassah were visiting, and they were all having a wonderful time. He told her that he would be over as soon as he could. She told him not to hurry, she'd be fine. He mentioned that he would like to see his son. This made Beth laugh as she agreed that it would probably be a good idea for the two of them to spend some time together. Kevin promised that he would be there soon. Beth asked him to please bring her a milkshake. He laughed as he hung up the phone.

A little while later he arrived with Beth's milkshake. She was so excited to see him and had been growing increasingly hungry. She handed him the baby. Kevin held him so gently. He guessed that earlier he had been to tired and excited to take in the fact that this baby was actually theirs and that he and Beth were responsible for taking care of him. He glanced up at Beth, who was watching him carefully amid the laughter and conversation of the family members. She smiled. Helen moved around and snapped about the millionth photo she had taken since the baby had been born.

The entire family had gathered in Beth's hospital room, and they were quite loud and boisterous, but nobody minded. Beth continued to watch Kevin with the baby the entire time. Kevin was staring at him so carefully and every now and then spoke softly to his son. Liam poked his tiny hands through a break in the blanket bundle. Kevin ran his finger across Liam's tiny ones, and Liam grabbed it. Kevin looked up again and saw Beth smiling back at him. No one else was watching them, as they were making sure that Hadassah didn't fall on the hard floor now that she had discovered the concept of running. Kevin smiled back at his wife and surveyed the rest of the people in the room. He and Beth were ultimately responsible for the welfare of this little boy, but they had quite a village to help them along the way.


	32. Chapter 32

I know it's been a while since I've posted, and I've actually had most of this chapter written for a little bit now. School is in full swing, sigh, and I have a lot less time than I thought I would. So read this one, listen to Breathe by Anna Nalick while you're reading, and send a review my way if you want.

Chapter 32

After a few months, Kevin and Beth were getting the hang of parenthood. They had worked out their schedules and were now getting a passable amount of sleep at night. Kevin's job was working out well, and he had been asked to reprise his Paralympics broadcasting role. He'd declined at first, but Beth encouraged him to go to London. She and Liam would be fine without him for two weeks, she assured. So he had gone in mid-September and had been back home for an eventful few weeks. The house in Connecticut sold, and they were now actively looking for a house of their own. Kevin was pretty sure that he had found it. It was a brick Colonial-style house on a corner lot. He'd been sure that Beth would love it. The realtor said it had five bedrooms, three bathrooms, hardwood floors. It wasn't perfect, but it was close. Of course, there would need to be modifications and additions, but he thought it would work out well. He couldn't wait to show Beth. As he had imagined, she loved it. They set the process in motion and finally were on the way to their own house for their new family.

Joan's wedding was rapidly approaching, and Joan was rapidly breaking down. Details and plans were piling up. She had originally thought it would take place in October, but the date had been pushed back to Thanksgiving, and then Christmas. Joan was hoping that she could put it all together in time, although she was having conflicting thoughts and needed someone to help her sort them. It was the middle of the night with just over six weeks to go until the big day, and she needed to talk to Beth. She walked across the hall and knocked softly on Kevin's bedroom door.

Beth cracked the door and shielded her eyes from the light. "Joan, what's wrong?"

Joan was sorry that she had woken her sister-in-law, who probably didn't get enough sleep anyway, but Beth was the only person she knew who could tell her what she needed to know.

"I'm sorry to wake you Beth, but I need to talk to you. If this is not a good time, we can do it later."

Beth's smile turned into a yawn. "No, it's ok. I'm already up and Liam will be hungry in a little while. Let's go in your room so we don't wake anyone else, ok?"

They were situated on the bed amidst all of the wedding stuff. Beth leaned back against the headboard, supported by a few pillows and tried to stay awake. Joan faced her from the foot of the bed. There were so many fears swirling in her head. She had to vocalize them, and while she had been ready to do it earlier, she was finding it hard to do so now.

Beth broke into her thoughts, "Joan, what is it? I want to help you, but it's 2 am. I get another hour of sleep before the baby wakes up, and Kevin gets to sleep through this one. It's my turn."

"Sorry, Beth. I thought I was ready to do this, but it's harder than I thought. I need to ask you something, and it's personal, and you don't have to answer, and I'll totally understand, but I just thought that you..."

"Joan! Just ask me the question!"

"Ok. I need to know how you knew that you could trust Kevin enough to marry him, even after he had cheated on you."

Beth sat up and crossed her legs under her. "Well, I didn't think that I could… why are you asking me this? Adam? When?"

"It was junior year of high school. There was this girl, and he said it didn't mean anything, but he slept with her when I wouldn't. We broke up and it was after college before we even were anything close to serious again. Kevin didn't tell you this?"

"He's pretty self-centered. That's mean. I don't think he even knew. If he had, I doubt he would have agreed to go to, much less be in, the wedding."

"Oh, yeah. Luke knows about it because of Grace and all, and I guess I just assumed that Kevin knew, too."

"He's never said anything to me about it, but anyway, your question. How did I know that I could trust Kevin? I asked myself that one about a billion times. That's kind of why I left, why I stayed away for so long. I loved him, but we obviously weren't ready to be serious, and then the accident happened. I saw that as a sign that I needed to stay out of his life. A million other things happened, and we ended up back together. He had changed, but he hadn't. Rebecca broke up with him because he kissed another girl. When you called, I was a mess. Jake had left because I told him to go. I wanted to see Kevin. I knew that feelings were still there on my end, and then when they were with him, too, there was a lot to deal with. I hoped that he would be the same but different. Like I said, he was. He dated Lilly while I was out of the country. He was very much the same Kevin in that respect. He came to live with me while he was in school. That was an important time for us. We had the time to sort out what had happened and where we were to go from that. I guess that was when I knew I could trust him. I won't say that there aren't times when I get insecure or accuse, but he understands that it takes time. He's patient and he's been faithful. There wasn't any specific thing. It was just a feeling that he loved me and that he wouldn't do it again."

"I don't know if I trust Adam."

"Has he done anything else to make you doubt him?"

"No, but what he did was enough. I don't know if I can marry him."

"Well, that's the decision you have to make. It's forever, and it's the most wonderful thing, sharing your life with the person you love. And babies, Joan, having babies is indescribable. If that's what you want, you want to make sure you have the right guy. I can't begin to tell you what to do, but I'll stand behind whatever you decide."

"Thanks, Beth. I appreciate everything you've done to help me out with all of this. I'm so glad that you and Kevin made it work. It makes me think that I should try, but Adam and I aren't you two. I have to make myself remember that and not push too hard for something that isn't right for me."

Beth hugged Joan as she stood from the bed. "You'll make the right choice. I'm sure that you will. Get some sleep, Joan."

"Good night, Beth."

Beth went back into the room where Kevin and Liam were sleeping. She checked on her son before crawling back into bed with her husband. Kevin turned to her as she snuggled close to him.

"Where were you? I woke up and you were gone."

She kissed him and pressed her body against his. "Joan needed to talk. She has some stuff to work out about Adam. I hope I helped, but I'm not sure. Did the baby wake up?"

"No, he's been asleep, but he'll probably be up soon."

"I'm going to try to sleep while he is."

"I'll take him this time, if you want."

"No, I'll nurse him and you can give him a bottle when you get up for work."

"Ok. Go to sleep. He might be out for a while."

"If he's any relation to you, he just might sleep through the night one of these days."

"I love you, Beth."

"I know you do, Kevin."

Liam slept until almost five. Beth was fairly happy with this development as she brought him into the bed with her to nurse. He was taking a bottle most of the time now, except at night, and Beth had enjoyed the special bond with her son up until that point. However, she was looking forward to when he would take a bottle all the time and Kevin could get up with him, or better yet, that he would sleep through the night.

He fell back asleep after he had eaten, and Beth kept him with her until Kevin woke up about three hours later. Kevin took the baby, changed him, dressed him and made his bottle. Liam stayed with his daddy until 8:30 when Kevin had to leave. Beth had gotten ready in the time that Kevin had spent with the baby, so by the time he was ready, Beth was too. Kevin handed off to her and left for his work day. The rest of the Girardi family was up and around and off to work between 7 and 9. Beth had some errands to run for Joan, but other than that, she and Liam had the day to themselves. She thought that she would begin to do some work on the new house. It needed to be cleaned thoroughly and painted, too. She couldn't paint with Liam around, but she could clean. Mother and son spent most of the morning and afternoon at their new home. Beth cleaned the windows and bathrooms while Liam amused himself with toys in his seat. As she was cleaning, Beth happily surveyed all the work that the contractors had done, and noted that only the minor details remained on the house's modifications. They could begin moving in very soon.

In fact, it was a little over a week later, during Thanksgiving break, that the big move took place. The entire family offered assistance as much as they could, and the movers took care of all the big stuff. Helen was fortunate to have the entire week off, so she worked with Beth on setting up the rooms and getting everything ready. They had finished most of the living room, dining room, and kitchen, so they decided to have Thanksgiving dinner at Kevin and Beth's house. They called a local supermarket and were overjoyed to find that there was still time to have the affair catered. That would give Beth and Helen even more time to prepare the house. Kevin was more help in the evenings, as he didn't have as far of a commute to the new house from work. He and Liam explored the neighborhood and even took in a few football and soccer games at local parks while Beth, Helen, and occasionally Joan worked on the move.

By Thursday morning, everything was perfect. Beth's parents, as well as Annie and Clark had accepted invitations. Beth had also invited Grace's parents, making the total count 16. They were planning on using the dining room table as a sort of buffet line and had placed chairs and smaller end tables around the front room, dining room and kitchen. Kevin was working on last minute decorative details assigned to him by his wife when the phone rang. He hurriedly left his task to answer it. The caller was Joan. She said quite simply and succinctly that Adam would not be coming to the meal. Kevin didn't ask any more questions and got back to his decorating. A few moments later, Beth breezed through the room and Kevin thought to tell her about Joan's phone call.

"Did she say anything else?" Beth asked.

"Nope, just that Adam wasn't going to be able to make it. I hope everything is ok."

"I seriously doubt that it is," Beth finished.

Kevin looked questioningly at his wife. "What aren't you telling me?" he asked.

"Well, let's just say that it's a good thing you're sitting down for this," answered Beth.


	33. Chapter 33

Here's a little more, not much, but I unexplicably had a little extra time this week. Thanks for your reviews and encouragement. It's all happening...

Chapter 33

"What the hell does that mean?" Kevin shot at her.

"I mean Joan told me something that I'm pretty sure you don't know about and that you're not going to be very happy to hear," Beth countered. "The other night, when I was in her room, she told me that she was having second thoughts about marrying Adam."

"What? Since when? All she's been talking about for her entire life is marrying him."

"Oh, you can be so dense! Even I know that when they broke up in high school it was a huge deal and the relationship that they've had since has been tenuous at best."

"Ok, Dr. Phil, so are you gonna explain it in simple terms so my thick head can grasp the concept?"

"Sure. It's actually quite simple. Adam cheated on her and she isn't sure she can trust him. Sound familiar?"

"What? Are you serious? When?" Kevin nearly yelled, his face turning red.

"Kev, calm down. Joan is ok. It happened a long time ago and nothing else has gone on since then, but she's just not sure that a marriage between them is the best thing. That's all."

"That little punk! I'll kick his ass! Why did I not know about this?"

Beth placed her hands on his shoulders to try to calm him. "I'm guessing Joan wanted to avoid this scene. She was angry with Adam, sure, but she didn't want you to kick his ass or anything else."

"It's kinda part of the job. I'm a little sorry I missed out on it, but I could rectify that now!" Beth glared at him. "I'm just kidding. I won't beat up the little pissant, but that's what he is. Why would he do that to Joan?"

Beth gave him a confused stare. "You did it to me, you little pissant."

"That was different."

"Because it's ok to cheat on me but not Joan?"

"No, because...Oh well, I'm a bastard and you never should have married me. Call Joan and tell her she's doing the right thing."

"Wow, you gave that up pretty easily."

"There's no way I'm ever going to win that one. Luckily, you gave me another chance. Thank you for that."

"Kevin, wow. You're welcome. I'm glad we both took this chance, but you're sounding a little like a woman."

"I swear, I try to be nice and you make fun of me. Forget it. You'll have to take it on assumption that I love you from now on. God forbid I become the woman."

Beth laughed out loud as she bent to kiss him. "You're more than enough man for me, my love."

"I'm glad you realize it, but anyway, back to Joan. She didn't say why Adam wasn't coming, so what if it's just totally a coincidence. I think you should let her make explanations and do not tell my mother anything. I'm serious about that."

"I'm not going to say anything to anyone. I just thought you should be in the know in case things come out. I wanted to mediate your response a little, ok?"

"Yeah, that's fine, but do not say anything and don't go on like you know something that everyone else doesn't."

"I've got enough to deal with today without adding to that situation. Would you finish with that stuff so you can blow the leaves off of the front lawn?"

"It's Thanksgiving. There are supposed to be leaves on the lawn."

"Could you please clean the front walk at the very least?"

"Yeah, I can do that. I don't think I'm a very good decorator. Why don't you finish this and add something else to my list?"

"Ok, you can give Liam a bottle and a bath so he's happy and clean when everyone gets here. We're eating at 4, so watch the time!"

"It's 10:30, I have plenty of time." Kevin called over his shoulder as he went to find the leaf blower.

"That's what I'm afraid of," Beth sighed to the empty house.

She picked up the decorations that Kevin had left on the dining room floor and completed the set up before the doorbell rang. Helen's smiling face met her on the other side.

"Happy Thanksgiving!" Helen grinned as she hugged Beth. "Will is helping Kevin with the leaves, although I don't think they're doing too much work."

"I sent him out there to get out of my way. He was impeding progress in the house, as usual."

Helen nodded knowingly. "They're all like that, I think. Will is practically a gourmet chef, but he thinks I'm the busboy! I'd rather eat cereal and only have to wash one bowl."

The two women laughed together and set out to accomplish the remained of Beth's to-do list before the other guests began to arrive. After an appropriate period of time, Will and Kevin came back in the house and half-heartedly offered to help. Beth waved them off, sending Kevin to get his own shower and give the baby a bath while Helen allowed Will to watch football in the den.

They were still laughing about their men when Grace and Luke arrived. Grace took over for Beth, who decided to take care of the baby herself, after she sent Luke and her daughter in the other room with Will.

Beth thanked her in-laws for helping out as she jogged up the stairs to get Liam ready for the day. She was pleasantly surprised to find Kevin feeding him a bottle. Beth kissed Kevin on the top of the head as she tickled Liam's foot. She got all of the bath things ready and laid out the outfit her mother had sent especially for today.

"Kev, I'll give him a bath when he's done. That way you can get ready. Your family is already here, so I'm thinking mine will be here in just a little while. I'd like you to try to be down there when they arrive, please."

He agreed that he would do so. Liam had only eaten about half of his bottle, so it would still be a little bit before he'd be able to go. Beth left the nursery to get Kevin's things ready as well, knowing it would take a day and a half if he picked out his own clothes. She selected dark jeans and a rust-colored sweater over a blue, white and orange striped shirt with brown shoes. He reminded her a little of high school Kevin in that outfit, and he was devilishly attractive in it. She hadn't changed her clothes yet but had placed them on the chair beside the bed for a quick change once the preparations were all ready. She was wearing a denim skirt and a dark purple sweater over a floral printed button up blouse. The house was still a little drafty, so she thought that layers would be wise. She finished in the bedroom and headed back to check on Kevin, but he met her in the hall.

"Where's the baby?"

"Mom has him. She's going to feed and bathe him so we can get ready."

"Wonderful. I'm going to run down and check on Grace. I feel badly about leaving her alone to do my work."

"Ok, I'm going to get ready."

Beth didn't really answer him but ran back down the steps to the kitchen. Grace, now joined by Joan, was organizing the catered food, which had just been delivered, while looking through Beth's cabinets for serving dishes. Beth helped her find everything and placed the items in the oven that needed to be kept warm. As she did so, Beth glanced at the clock. It was almost 2:30. Joan prepared the buffet line, setting out the dishes, flatware and linens while Grace made sure that there were enough chairs for everyone in the living room and den. The three girls were fairly satisfied with their progress by 3pm. Grace and Joan shooed Beth back upstairs to change.

On her way up, she met Helen and Liam coming down. The baby looked alert and happy, and Beth hoped that he would stay awake at least long enough for her mother to spend some time with him. In the bedroom, Kevin was putting on his shoes. She looked him over, and it was really all she could do to not jump on top of him, but she didn't really have time for that. Instead, she stripped off her clothes, ran into the bathroom to touch up her hair and makeup and redressed in the outfit she had picked out earlier. She went back into the bathroom, and Kevin called out that he was going downstairs to greet guests. At this, she came out of the bathroom and wrapped her arms around him. She drunk in his scent, and he had to disentangle her from him.

"Later," he breathed in her ear before she finally let go. She turned back to what she had been doing, and a few minutes later, she heard the doorbell ring. Her father's voice drifted upstairs as she put the finishing touches on her look. She checked herself in the mirror and went to meet her parents.

She was very pleased to see that Kevin had played the part of host very well. Her parents were sitting with the rest of the Girardi family. She entered the room and found her mother holding the baby while her father leaned over her shoulder to play with Liam, too. It was her father who first noticed her appearance. He grabbed her into a hug.

"Hi, Beth! This little guy is getting so big. I can't believe how much he's changed since the last time we saw you."

Mrs. Reinhart looked up, too. She smiled and held out her hand to her daughter. "He's just beautiful and happy, Beth. You and Kevin are doing a wonderful job."

"Thanks, mom. It's not a bad job to have. We're really enjoying it," she smiled. "Did Kevin offer you something to drink when you came in?" Dr. Reinhart nodded. "I'm going to go make sure everything's ready in the kitchen," Beth continued.

She walked out of the living room and into the kitchen. Kevin still hadn't returned with her parents' drinks, and Beth wasn't sure why. What she found was Joan, Grace and Kevin deep in conversation.

"What are you three doing in here? I'm trying to host a party."

Grace grinned. "Joan was just giving us the scoop for today."

"Oh yeah? And what would that be."

Joan took over this time. "Adam drove to New Jersey with his dad this morning to visit his uncle."

"So that's why he isn't coming?" Beth asked cautiously.

"That's part of the reason. I told him I wasn't sure we should get married, and he said that if I didn't trust him, then he wasn't sure we should either."

"Joan, I'm sorry."

"Well, I'm not. If there are all of the questions, then this can't be right. I just don't want to ruin anyone's holiday, so I'll tell them all later."

Graced again entered the conversation again. "Rove has been my best friend since I was three, and now you are. Obviously the romantic answer would be for the two of you to get married, but that's not necessarily practical. I mean, the last thing we want is a big mess between us all."

"Grace, but if I break it off with Adam now, there's not much chance that we're still going to be friends."

"I think there's a much bigger chance that you will if you don't go through with this than if you have a bad marriage and a couple of kids to fight over. It will take time, of course, but it's probably the best option for salvaging the friendship."

Joan looked at Kevin with an uncertain glance. "Do you think she's right? I mean, do you think there's any way that we can get out of this without hating each other, or him hating me, at least?"

"I don't know, Joan. That's hard to say. If Beth and I had never dealt with our issues, I doubt that we'd have ever been friends. But then again, I couldn't have blamed her for not wanting to give me another chance."

Beth added her own observation at this point. "I think Kevin's right about that, Joan. There were no guarantees about anything. So, maybe we're the exception. Maybe we're not a good guide to go by."

"Well, you're not normal, that's for sure," Grace quipped. "You're way too happy. Where are you hiding the good drugs?"

"Come on, Grace. We're fairly normal, aren't we?" Kevin asked Beth. She ruffled his hair, and then smoothed it back before grabbing her parents' drinks on her way out of the kitchen.

"Don't stay in there all day. The rest of the guests will be here soon."

As if on cue, the doorbell rang. Grace's parents as well as Beth sister Annie and her husband Clark were on the other side of it. Beth welcomed them all in, and soon it was time for dinner to begin. Grace and Joan helped to set out the meal as the rest of the guests played with the babies and watched football. Finally, Beth called everyone to the table, where Rabbi Polanski offered the blessing on the food and the family. They all filled their plates and then found seats throughout the house.

Later, as the guests were leaving, Grace's mother thanked both Kevin and Beth for having invited them. Annie and Clark had agreed to hang around for a little while, so did Joan, but Grace and Luke decided that they needed to go. Helen and Will walked out with them so that Beth's family and Joan was left. After a short time, Joan said her goodbyes, as well.

Beth and Annie took the baby upstairs to feed and change him. Their mother joined them. Kevin was left with his father-in-law and his new brother-in-law. He didn't know Clark very well, but he thought that they must have a few things in common. Their backgrounds and careers were both similar. Clark worked as an investigative reporter. He had previously worked for an outdoor magazine but had decided to do freelance work over the past eighteen months or so. Kevin was surprised to find that Clark enjoyed sailing, a favorite of Kevin and Beth's as well. The boat that Kevin and his father had built several years ago was in the back shed. Clark expressed interest in seeing it, so the three men headed outside.

Meanwhile, Beth and Annie were having a wonderful time with the baby. Mrs. Reinhart was trying out variations of "Grandma" as the girls laughed. Annie prepared the bottle as Beth changed her son. Mrs. Reinhart took the baby once her girls were done, and sat with her grandson in the rocker. Beth and Annie left her to find the boys. They were a little surprised to find the downstairs empty, but Beth correctly guessed that they were in the shed looking at Kevin's "toys."

Clark was asking Kevin about his experiences with various news organizations and all three men were sharing stories of international travel fiascos. The two sisters stood in the doorway for a second, just watching their guys before they interrupted. Kevin suggested that they all go back in the house to catch the end of the game or find a DVD to watch. Beth persuaded Annie and Clark to spend the night, and by the time they got back inside, the baby was asleep in his bed. Beth's mom handed her the monitor as she and Dr. Reinhart gathered their things to leave. Beth was sad to see her parents leave and tried to persuade them to stay as well. Unfortunately, Beth's father had a series of meetings the next day and thought it best to return to their hotel. The family members embraced, and the Reinharts left.

Clark unloaded their bags from the car while Annie cancelled their reservations downtown. Kevin showed him to the downstairs guest bed and bathroom. After they had taken care of these things, they gathered in front of the television. Clarke and Kevin selected a DVD and the girls snuggled up with their husbands on each side of the room. They both jumped up in horror when they realized what the guys had chosen was a collection of home movies, school events and other completely embarrassing moments in the lives of Beth and Annie Reinhart.

"Clark, you swore that you would not take that thing out of the house!" Annie almost screeched as a photo of her with braces and a very unfortunate haircut crossed the screen. He swore that he hadn't taken his copy anywhere. He simply had made one for Kevin, as well. Kevin laughed and raised the remote and switched to a more appropriate movie. Beth and Kevin watched Annie and Clark almost as carefully as they watched the screen. Beth was satisfied that her sister and her husband were both happy and in love. Following the movie, they all headed to their rooms.

Beth checked on the baby while Kevin got ready for bed. When she crawled into bed beside him, Kevin pulled her close to him. "You were a great host today. I think Grace's parents had a nice time. That was a good idea to invite them."

"Thanks."

"So what are we going to do about Joan?"

"Kevin! I don't think we can do anything at all about Joan. She and Adam have to work out this stuff. We can't tell them what's best for them."

"I just don't want her to go through any unnecessary shit, you know. Stuff like that sits really hard with her."

"I know, but she knows how to deal with things a lot better now, and we're all here for her. It will be ok."

"I hope you're right. Can you believe this is our life?" he asked. "Our home, our jobs, our baby, everything, it just amazes me sometimes. Ten years ago I wouldn't have, I couldn't, I…"

"How could you have? That was a long time ago, and dare I say that we were both different people."

"I love you so much. I'm so glad it was you."

"So am I, Kev. And I love you."

"Goodnight."


	34. Chapter 34

I think this might be the next to last chapter, possibly two more to come. I really should have been studying when I wrote this, but oh well. Send a review and tell me to hurry up and finish!

Chapter 34

"We just have a few more things to take care of before we head back to the house." Beth spoke into the headset of her wireless phone. She and Liam were driving through downtown D.C., running more errands for Joan, who had definitively decided to cancel the wedding a few days after Thanksgiving. Adam had taken the news with more dignity than most people would have expected and told Joan that he would be accepting a position in New York after the first of the year. They both thought that being apart for this time would be the best move in trying to preserve their friendship.

"It's supposed to snow later this afternoon, and as the temperature drops the roads will be icy and I don't want you two out in that mess." Kevin directed back to her. "Hurry, I mean, don't hurry, but do get your stuff done and then we can sit in front of the fireplace when the baby's asleep. Maybe there will be enough snow for a snowman in the morning, too. Liam can see his first snow!"

"Kevin, you sound like a six-year-old. But also like a worrying old man. We'll be fine. It's still raining, so it's obviously not cold enough for the snow to start yet. Probably not until after dark, and that's not for hours. We'll be home before you. What do you want for dinner? I could pick up something or I'll cook if you can think of what you want."

Kevin thought about this for a minute. "I don't know right now, but I'll call you before I leave here and I can pick up whatever you want on the way home."

"Sounds good to me. Oh, we're at the florist. I'll talk to you later. Liam says that he loves you and so do I."

"I love both of you, too. See you tonight. Drive carefully." Kevin said before he severed the connection with his wife. He glanced at his watch, only 1:30. The day was dragging on so slowly. Normally, Fridays were a madhouse, but for some reason, he had everything finished for the week and was looking forward to spending the weekend with Beth and Liam. He needed to finish up his Christmas shopping, since Christmas was only 11 days away. Beth was finished, of course. He'd found the most amazing diamond and sapphire ring for her. He knew that she would absolutely love it. There were a few other things that he had added throughout the year to her stash of presents, but he was having a harder time deciding on what to get for Liam. He had the glove that his dad had given him right after Liam had been born, but he wanted a gift like that from him to his son. He jotted down some ideas until a colleague knocked on his door at 2:15 for the Friday afternoon meeting. Normally, he was so busy that the meeting was a nuisance, but today it would help him pass the time until he could leave. He'd put in a good bit of extra work over the past two weeks, so he thought he could reasonably leave around 4 without drawing any unwanted attention.

The meeting was as dull as ever, and Kevin was incredibly glad to be out of it. He glanced at the clock as he left the room 3:30. Only half an hour to go. He made his way back to his desk to start to get things ready to leave. When he got there, Rebecca was waiting for him. He smiled up at her.

"What's up, boss?"

"Kevin," she whispered. At this point he realized that something was very wrong. She continued. "There's been an accident, and there are two troopers here to take you to Arcadia General."

"My dad?" he asked.

Rebecca closed her eyes and paused before opening them again and speaking, "No. Beth and Liam."

"Oh God, no!" He was unable to breathe or think or move for a moment. "Are they...?" He couldn't say the word.

"All I know is that they're both at the hospital. Your dad sent someone to take you there. We'll take care of everything. Just go now." She reached down and hugged him. She held him for a moment as he tried to compose himself. He let go of her but he was not at all composed. He moved to unlock the chair's brakes, but wasn't able to push himself forward. He collapsed into sobs right in the newsroom. Rebecca placed her hand on his shoulder. "Kev, can I help you?" He nodded yes and she pushed him out of the room where the two Maryland State Troopers were waiting for him. She handed Kevin his jacket and gave him another quick hug and watched as him leave the building.

Once they got into the car, Kevin's head began spinning. He had a million questions for the officers who were escorting him. All they could tell him was that they had been called on behalf of Will Girardi, who had been made aware of the accident when the officer at the scene had run the plates and recognized Kevin and Beth's names. He notified Will who had asked that someone retrieve Kevin, whom he knew would be unable to drive himself. They had no information on the condition of Beth or of their son. The ride was unbearable for Kevin, and for the first time that he could remember, he prayed.

They arrived at the hospital, Kevin didn't even know how much later. He nearly jumped out of the car and went in the front door of the hospital. He didn't know which way to turn until he heard his name. Luke was waiting for him in the lobby. Kevin tried to read his face.

"Where are they?"

"They took Liam upstairs. They're admitting him for overnight observation, but he's ok. Just bumps and bruises, maybe a concussion, but he'll be fine."

"Where's Beth?"

"I'm not sure. Mom and Dad are with her. They were still working on her when I came out here to get you. She was stable, but they were worried about internal injuries. She should be in surgery by now." He saw the confused look on Kevin's face. "They just want to make sure."

"I need to see her."

"Ok."

Kevin had never loved his little brother more for understanding how much he absolutely needed to see his wife, touch her hand and let her know that he was here. Luke led him into the Emergency Department to the trauma room where his family had been just moments before. The nurse passing by informed them that Beth had been taken to surgery while Luke had been gone. Luke told the nurse that Kevin was Beth's husband as well as Liam's father. She found Liam's room number and the name of the surgeon who was currently operating on Beth. Then, she offered to take them upstairs with the rest of the family. On the elevator, the nurse glanced over at Kevin. He was pale and breathing shallowly. His hands were tightly gripping the wheels of the chair so that his knuckles were white. When they reached the appropriate floor, the nurse led them to the surgical waiting room. Will was waiting there for them.

He came across the room and embraced Kevin. "Your mom is with the baby. Beth told me to tell you that she loves you and she's sorry for making your worry."

"Is she going to be ok?"

"There was some bleeding, they weren't sure if it was her liver or her spleen, so they wanted to check both. Also, she had a collapsed lung and some broken ribs. The surgeon said that she's healthy, and while there's some risk with any surgery, she should be fine."

"Oh, thank God." Kevin sighed with relief. "The baby, I need to see the baby before she's out of surgery."

"Do you know where he is?" Will asked.

"Yeah, the nurse told us downstairs." Kevin answered. Luke offered to go with him and Will said he would stay to hear word on Beth. The two brothers then proceeded to the pediatric ward. Kevin stopped in front of the door, apprehensive about what might be behind the door. Luke realized this and went in the door first. Kevin followed tentatively. The first thing he saw was his mom. She grabbed his neck and pulled him close to her. She led him over to the bed where Liam was lying awake and content.

"Can I hold him? Is that ok, I mean, I don't want to hurt him."

"No, sweetie, you can hold him, that's fine. Here, let me get him." She handed Kevin his son. Kevin took Liam into his arms and held him. Helen told Kevin that she and Luke were going to go find some coffee. He asked her to bring him a cup, too. Kevin was still holding Liam, stroking his tiny hand when an older nurse came into the room. Kevin looked up.

"Do you need me to put him back in the bed?" he asked her.

She patted his shoulder and smiled genuinely. "No, Kevin, you can hold him as long as you'd like. It's been a scary day for you, and somehow holding a baby always makes people calm. I bet you never thought you could be more afraid for your wife and child than you were when it was you in that bed."

Kevin turned to face her. "I'm sorry?"

"I mean after the accident. You were terrified, but that didn't even compare to when Rebecca met you at your desk today."

"How do you. . .who are you?"

"You won't believe me. Although, you did ask for my help earlier today."

"I don't understand what you're saying. Are you my son's nurse? Are you even supposed to be in here?"

"I'm supposed to be right here with you Kevin."

"How did you know about Rebecca and my accident?"

"I know everything about you. I know that when you were 12 you decided that you wanted to be a professional baseball player but after a game when you were 15, you were waiting to talk to your coach when you overheard him talking to a college scout. The scout said that while you were good, you were too small to even, how did he put it, 'make a blip on the radar screen of college baseball.' That was the night you decided you'd just have to be a 'big ole jet airliner.' You really do have great comedic timing and an amazing way with words."

"No one knows that. I never told anyone that. Ever. Who are you?"

"Kevin, I'm God."

"Right, I mean, Mohammed and the Dali Lama were downstairs. I feel like such an ass. I didn't even stop to chat."

"I also know that after your accident, when the doctor laid it all out for you, there was a moment of relief. You realized that the expectations for your life had suddenly dropped dramatically and that made you happy for just a moment before you felt guilty."

Kevin felt the blood drain from his face. "How is this possible? How could you possibly know that?"

"Kevin, I'm God." she repeated.

"Like the Tower of Babel, Burning Bush, Ten Commandments, God?"

"Didn't anyone in your family read past the Pentateuch?"

"The what?"

"Never mind."

"Well, if you are, in fact, God, then, I'm really angry with you."

"I know."

"Of course. Omniscience."

"Yes, but I understand. You don't want to blame someone else for what happened that night, or give credit for what's gone right for you since."

"That's part of it, but I also didn't want to believe that there was some being or power out there who could have made me better or that could have stopped the whole situation from ever even happening but didn't. That's not the kind of thing I want to be associated with."

"Fair enough. That's a good point, but you have Free Will, Kevin. Those choices were yours to make. Y ou had all the tools you needed."

"AndGod plays the Free Will card. So that's it? One shitty decision and my life is over? Andy's too?"

"What happened that night wasn't a punishment for being a dumb kid, nor did it mean that I wasn't watching over you. But choices have consequences. Just because bad things happen, it doesn't mean that I'm not loving and caring. I have nothing but love for you, Kevin, and all people. You've talked to Beth about miracles before. Life is a miracle, a gift. So is healing. But healing isn't only physical. You are an entire being, and your purpose in life didn't end the day you lost the ability to walk. I believe that a very wise woman already told you that. The healing had to begin in your soul. You may not believe it, but you were a sick kid. Your soul was at a crossroads. It's not easy to watch people make bad decisions. Sometimes, they learn from their mistakes and sometimes they don't. If they don't learn the first time, then they continue making bad and more dangerous decisions. Sometimes the consequences of bad decisions have to be the eye-opener. I didn't make you get in that car and I didn't make Andy wreck it. Those were things that the two of you set in motion that night. And once you've changed the course of your life, it's my job to make that the best life possible. I've been doing that for you ever since. You've made a life that others envy and you've put yourself in a position to make a difference in your world."

"You've been making my life the best possible?"

"Of course I have. How do you think that Beth came back into your life? Or you got the job at ESPN? Or that you and Beth made up on Christmas last year? Or Liam was conceived? I've been working on you for a very long time, and I'm not done yet."

"You made all of that happen?"

"Well, Joan helped. And I really just set up the scenarios; you made things happen. You can take credit for that."

"Joan knows about you?"

"Yes. Joan and I have been working together since your family moved to Arcadia. You all needed a little, uh, divine intervention, for lack of a better term."

"So all of that stuff with Judith and Adam and everything, you were part of that." God nodded and Kevin continued. "But Joan was sick."

"She was, but she also was talking to me. She was so worried about you for such a long time. They all were."

"Wait, I have more questions about all of this."

"I don't have to answer them, but I will."

"Great." Kevin said rather unenthusiastically. "You said that this is my best possible life. What about the other one?"

"I thought that you were happy with the one you have now."

"I know, but I still think it would have been interesting to try it."

"Might have been, but it might not have been, either. You may not have made it to the majors, and Beth most likely would have not stood by you. She can deal with your current situation because she loves and trusts you, but if you had betrayed her trust again, and you would have, she would have been gone. And let's face it, she's the best thing that's happened to you since me."

Kevin smirked a little. "You don't know that I would have cheated on her."

"Don't I? Well, even if that's not the case, your relationship with Luke would have never developed like it has. He would have never turned his research interests to neuron regeneration and the entire world wouldn't be on the threshold of changing the way they think about the brain and the nervous system. Your family is closer than it's ever been. You have a wonderful career that you do very well. You've won numerous awards and accolades that professionals twice your age only dream of. You've traveled the world. You have a beautiful son who is so much like you it will amaze you, and there will be more babies to hold and love."

"All that?"

"Yes. All of that happened when you got in that car. No, actually,it happened when you decided to live your life."

"Does Beth know about all of this?"

"She has an idea."

"You've talked to her, too?"

"No, I don't need to talk to Beth. She believes it without seeing. That's called faith. Your wife had a ton of it."

"Yeah, she does. She always believes in me. That's why today I couldn't even imagine what would happen if she were gone."

"It's a terrifying thought, to be helpless when someone you love is in peril."

"You wouldn't know about that, though."

"Wouldn't I? Maybe not that exact scenario, but it's terrifying to watch people ignore me and turn their backs on me in favor of what's popular or what feels right, even when they know it's wrong."

"I guess so."

"Beth and Liam are going to be fine, Kevin. It's still you that I'm worried about."

"Me?"

"You're still angry. Not with other people and not with yourself, but with me. I don't think that you'll ever truly have peace or be able to trust until you trust that I only ever want what's best for you. I'd say that I'm worried because you don't believe in me, but I think we've covered that one."

"Yeah. But why the old lady nurse getup?"

"It's supposed to be soothing. Do you feel soothed?"

"Uh, yeah, actually."

"See, omniscience."

Kevin laughed. "No one will ever believe this."

"You don't ever have to tell anyone, but Joan and your mother and Beth would probably understand. You'd better get going, though. Beth will be coming out of surgery very soon. I'll stay with the baby until Helen and Luke get back."

Kevin handed her the baby. "Thanks." He started out of the room and looked back over his shoulder. "I mean for everything."

Old lady nurse God sat in the rocker with tiny Liam in her arms. "I knew your daddy would come around eventually."


	35. Chapter 35

Chapter 35

Kevin made his way back to the surgical waiting room where Joan had now joined his dad in the waiting game. She saw him approaching and ran toward him. He stopped and allowed her to hug him. While she was doing so, he whispered in her ear, "I know your secret."

Joan pulled back and gave Kevin a skeptical sideways glance. "What are you talking about?"

"I just had a conversation with a friend of yours. We'll discuss it later. I need to check on Beth."

Joan shook her head in disbelief. Certainly he couldn't be referring to what she though he was. Could he? She watched Kevin take a place beside her dad who confirmed that they hadn't yet heard from the doctor regarding Beth's condition. However, as they were engaged in this exchange, the door of the waiting room opened and a tall surgeon still dressed in scrubs approached the Girardi men. Joan silently took a seat beside her dad.

"Kevin?" he asked, and Kevin replied with a nod. "I'm Dr. Guyton, Beth's surgeon. Beth's out of surgery now and the nurses are just moving her to recovery. We checked everything over really well. She did have some bleeding from a small laceration of her liver, but we were able to repair that. Everything else looks intact. We're going to probably need to watch her for a few days to make sure no other vessels or organs are bleeding. She has some broken ribs, which will be painful, but all in all, Beth is a very luck lady. She should make a full recovery."

"Thank you so much," Kevin expressed his gratitude to the doctor. "Can I see her?"

"Sure. She's not awake yet, but I think she would like for you to be there when she does wake up. She knew how worried you would be about her."

"I just talked to her on the phone. I told her that the roads would be icy and that she and the baby should go home."

"How's your son?" Dr. Guyton asked.

"He's going to be fine. Thank God."

"Yeah. I guess this is your family's Christmas Miracle."

Kevin looked into the doctor's eyes. "I guess it is."

Dr. Guyton showed Kevin to the recovery room and shook his hand in parting. Kevin thanked him again for all he had done. The doctor modestly waved off Kevin's praise and told him to have a good holiday with his family. Kevin said goodbye and followed the nurse to a place beside Beth's bed where he could wait for her to wake.

Even from his angle, he could tell that she had been banged up quite a bit in the accident. There was a repaired gash on her forehead and bruised added a purple tinge to the already pale skin of her face and arms. He sat by the bed and carefully placed his hand through the railing to find hers. He was careful not to move or disturb her as he placed his hand under hers. He slowly caressed her fingers as he waited and prayed.

Kevin began to doze off until her felt Beth's hand move on top of his. He quickly turned toward her just in time to see her open her eyes. She blinked a couple of times before she looked over at Kevin and smiled. "Oh, man. I feel like I've been hit by a truck."

"That's not funny, Beth. I was scared to death."

"I'm sorry. You're right. Where's Liam?"

"They're going to keep him overnight. Mom and Luke are with him now."

"Is he ok?"

"Yeah, he's fine. You're going to be fine."

"Thankfully."

"Yeah. It's pretty much a miracle," he whispered. "What happened?"

"We were on our way home, but I forgot that I needed to pick up some dry cleaning at the cleaners on the way to Arcadia. I don't know why I decided to go that way. That stuff has been there since we were staying at your parents' house. It's not like being there another day would hurt it, but I wanted to go get it while we were out. I should have listened to you."

"It's ok."

"No, it isn't. We could have died. I looked up and this truck was coming toward us. I just closed my eyes. It hit us and we spun back into the lane we had been traveling in. Liam started crying, and I tried to get back to him. As I turned I saw that the car behind us was going to hit us, too. I think that's when I got hurt, when I was trying to get in the backseat. That car knocked us out of the road and into the side ditch. I couldn't get to Liam, so I just asked him to please stop crying. I told him that we would be all right. I told him that you would come and find us and take care of us. And he stopped. He was just babbling happily when the rescue squad came. They all were so surprised that he wasn't crying. After they got me out, then I realized how much I was hurting. I guess I was too worried about him to notice anything else. They took him away from me in the emergency room, but there was a nurse who kept going back and forth. She told me when Luke got there to stay with him."

Kevin interrupted her here. "Luke was the first person here?"

"Yeah. He came in for just a second and asked me what I wanted him to do. I asked him to please stay with Liam. That's what he did until your mom and dad got here."

"He was waiting for me in the lobby."

"I was so glad he was here. Someone needed to be with Liam so that he wasn't scared. You have to stay with him tonight. He won't know where he is."

"I know, but I don't want to leave you. Maybe they can let you both be in the same room. I'll see what we can do about that later."

Around this time, a nurse came to check on Beth. She declared that she could be moved to her room. Kevin took this opportunity to ask if she could be put in the same room as her son. The nurse wasn't sure but said that she would check for them. After about 15 minutes, she returned and said that she had secured permission for Beth to be moved into Liam's room. Kevin thanked her as they began the transfer.

Kevin told Beth that he needed to find his dad and Joan and that he would meet her in the room in just a moment. She told him that she would see him soon. Kevin returned to the waiting room where, amazingly enough, his dad and Joan were still waiting. They explained that they hadn't want to leave that area so that Kevin could find them later. Kevin told them that Beth was being moved to Liam's room and the threesome started off in that direction.

Helen and Luke, who were waiting in the hall, stated that they were giving the staff some room to get Beth settled. It was at this point that Kevin was able to pull Joan aside. She was pretty sure what was coming.

Kevin didn't mince any words. "I talked to God this afternoon."

"I thought that's what you meant. Which one?"

"What do you mean which one? Capital G God. Monotheism. You're supposed to know about this stuff."

"Right, but what was He dressed as?"

"An old lady, but she was in a nurse's uniform. Why? Does She or He or It dress differently?"

"Well, yeah, I mean sometimes He's a man and sometimes a woman. And even little kids sometimes."

"Well, who was the first one you saw?"

"A cute guy in corduroy jacket about my age when I was a sophomore in high school."

"You've kept this to yourself for all that time?"

"I told Adam once, but he didn't believe me at first because I was sick. Then later he said he did believe me, but I didn't talk to him about it again. What did He say to you?"

"Um, just that He was real and I told him I was mad at Him about my accident. So, He just told me things about that."

"He answered your questions?"

"Yeah, and He told me that Liam and Beth would be ok."

"He never answers my questions. I always have to figure out stuff on my own."

"Oh, He didn't say anything about it, just that you helped a lot."

"So what are you going to do about it?"

"About what?"

"Your new knowledge. I know you didn't believe in God."

"Well, what am I supposed to do? He said I didn't have to tell anyone about it but that you would understand."

"Oh, yeah, I guess so. Are you going to tell Beth?"

"I don't know yet. Maybe later. He said that she would understand, too."

"She probably would. I've almost told her a couple of times."

"So all of those weird things that you did and stuff, that was all…"

"Assignments, sort of. I mean, He always said that I didn't have to do anything, but really, who is going to ignore what God says to them? Well, not me. I guess He knew that when He picked me."

"Does He still talk to you?"

"Not as often as he used to, actually, recently it's been about you."

"Yeah, He mentioned that. That's kind of weird. God is worried about me? Talk about an ego trip!"

"I guess it is."

"He said that He didn't want me to be mad at Him."

"Well, are you?"

"I guess I was. I didn't really think that what happened was His fault, but I didn't understand why He let this all happen. He sort of explained that to me."

"Unbelievable. I wish He would explain some stuff to me."

"If I'd have known, I would have asked for you," Kevin smiled at his sister. "It's kind of hard to not believe when He's right there in front of you."

"Yeah, when He tells you things that no one could possibly know."

"Exactly!"

Helen poked her head into the hall, "Are you two coming in here?" she asked. Joan and Kevin hadn't noticed that the rest of the family was already inside the room. They both turned to go inside.

"Kev, if you need guidance in sorting this out, I can try to help. I'm not saying that I know more about this than you, but I have had quite a bit of experience with it."

"Yeah, thanks. I'll let you know."

"It's not a bad thing, you know. It's really kinda cool."

Kevin followed her into the room as he tried to digest what she had just told him. He wasn't so sure how 'cool' this was, but he was just thankful that he was on his way to talk to his wife. Beth was lying in her bed looking very tired, but someone had already handed Liam to her. Helen checked with Kevin to make sure that they were all set before she shooed the rest of the family out of the room, but Luke hung back.

"Uh, Kev, are you sure you're ok tonight? I mean, do you need me to stay?"

"No, Luke. You've done so much already. Thanks for being here with them."

"Hey, no problem, man. I know that you would have done the same for me."

"Thanks again."

"Kevin, I need to talk to you about something, but now's probably not a good time. We can do it later, but soon."

Kevin grabbed Luke's arm. "Wait. That doesn't sound good at all. I don't think I can take any more surprises today. Let me get the baby from Beth and you and I can talk. She's about to fall asleep anyway."

"Ok, yeah. Here, I'll take Liam." Luke placed the baby back in his bed as Kevin told Beth that he and Luke were going to go down to the cafeteria to find some coffee. Beth assured him that she and the baby would be fine until he got back. He kissed her hand and brushed her hair out of her face before he left. Then, Luke led him down the hall to a sitting area that had been vacated due to the late hour. Luke chose a chair and Kevin stopped to face him.

"What's going on Luke?"

"I found out something today, which is actually how I ended up here. I was hoping to catch you at home this evening and when Dad called, I was driving through Arcadia. He and Mom were both still at work, so I told them to get here as soon as they could, but that I was already here. But that's not why I was coming to see you."

"Ok."

"We received FDA approval today for our long-term injury treatment study. Our study patients who were injured longer than ten years ago are now eligible for trials of a variation of the procedure that we've been doing on newly injured patients for the past two years. Your name is the first one on our list. We can do the surgery whenever you want, and I can't give you a timeframe because you'd be the first long-term injury we've tried it on, but your compensatory glial cells will become functioning motor and sensory neurons. You will walk."

Kevin was speechless for several minutes before he looked at Luke and spoke. "How can you be sure? That's not what you've been doing up until now. I'm way past the time point that the treatment you've been using will work."

Luke shook his head. "This is something else. It's not your run of the mill stem cell transplant. It involves reprogramming the cells within your body, as well. The new cells tell the damaged ones that repaired themselves incorrectly how to function again. It's a brand new technology, and I discovered it. It was pretty controversial work, even in my own lab, because no one thought what I was proposing would be possible, changing cell types after differentiation, but it was all a matter of finding the specific genes that made the mRNA that coded for the specific proteins I needed to produce. That's really what I'd been trying to do. Turns out, it's all receptor mediated. It was like penicillin killing the bread mold. I was mapping receptors for something completely different and the modifications of the receptor proteins on the two types of neuron tissue were right there in front of me. We had already done the protein mapping for the receptor complexes, so finding the one little guy that screwed up everything was amazingly simple. It was simple enzyme kinetics to change the modifications being made in the mRNA to give a faulty protein plus three erroneous post-translational modifications. All those biochemists and molecular biologists were bowing before me! And I'm just your average neurobiophysicist."

Kevin laughed at this. "Luke, I don't think anyone ever considered you an average anything, and that sounds way more complicated than penicillin killing bread mold."

"Thanks, Kev. I appreciate that. But I'm dead serious. I don't know how long it will take, but the procedure is minimally invasive, a lot like an epidural or a spinal tap and it's done below your injury level, so you won't even feel it. Then we monitor you and you stick to your approved physical therapy schedule set forth by our rehab people and it will happen."

"Why me?"

"Are you kidding me? You're the whole reason I've been doing this. After we knew that your peripheral nerves were intact, I knew that all I had to do was find a way to reroute the CNS and you were good to go. You've kept your neuromuscular junctions active with the electric stim. therapy, and you've maintained flexibility and strength. You're the perfect candidate for this trial."

"Won't it look a little biased if I'm your brother?"

"Maybe, but it's not like I injured you to prove that my research works. By the time we write it up, we'll have lots of results. We're planning to do the first round on thirty patients."

"Do some of them get placebo?"

"No. It's an all or nothing thing. We know what happens if they get nothing. We don't have to test that. Don't worry; I'm not giving you an unfair advantage. I'm just trying to give you a chance to be you again."

"But we really didn't get along back then. You want me to be an asshole again?"

"Believe me Kev, you can still be an asshole if you want to. Besides, I'm banking on the fact that you've matured."

"Right. I'll try to remember that."

"Kevin, this is the 'sci-fi crap that they come up with' that we talked about when I was still in high school. I want to give you this. I developed the treatment plan. This is what I've done for the past seven years of my life. It _will_ work. I know that it will."

"What have your animal trials shown?"

"Kevin! You know that we wouldn't have gotten approval to test on humans if we hadn't had very favorable trials on the chimps. They're all walking around and jumping and swinging on things. You can come by and look at them if you want."

"I can't do it before the first of the year. I have to make sure that Beth is ok."

"Sure. That works best for us, too. Tell you what, why don't you stop by the lab sometime in the next few weeks so we can start the process of working you up. We have to do some diagnostics just to establish your baselines and make sure everything is all set."

"Yeah, sure. Just tell me which day is best."

"Ok, I'll let you know."

"Luke, you're trembling."

"I'm so excited Kevin. Dad and I were planning a fly fishing trip next summer. I don't know if you'll be ready that soon, but maybe by the next summer, you'll be able to go, too."

"That doesn't sound very scientific."

"No, it sounds like a guy who wants his big brother to be able to go fly fishing with him and his dad, not to mention teach his kids how to play sports."

"I'm sure that Hadassah will be very athletic, she does have some of my genes, you know, and Grace is sporty."

"I'm sure she will, but I was talking about her little brother."

"Her what?"

"Grace is expecting again."

"Congratulations! Luke, that's great. When is she due?"

"Not until the end of June. I know we should have told you all sooner, but Grace is only twelve weeks along, but the baby was in a perfect position and the technician said that the prediction at that gestational age is only 75 percent accurate, but she said it looks to her like a boy."

"You guys must be so excited."

"We were a little surprised, I mean, Hadassah is only 15 months old. It's going to be hard on Grace for a while, but hopefully by then my work will slow down a little."

Kevin looked questioningly at him.

"Ok, probably not."

"Hey, we'll all be here to help. My schedule is a lot more flexible than I ever imagined that it would be and Beth still isn't really sure what she's going to do about work. She'd like to do some part-time stuff from home, but even then, we'll definitely be able to pitch in when things get crazy, or better yet, before they do."

"Did you ever imagine that we'd be sitting here talking about our kids?"

"Honestly, no. Even if I ever could imagine myself as a father, which wasn't something that I ever really did, I never once thought about you being one, too."

"Gee, thanks, Kev."

"No, you're a great father. It just never crossed my mind that having a family would be a priority for you."

"I guess I can understand why you would think that, but it always was. I was always jealous of your relationship with Dad, you know, so I told myself that when I had kids I would do better."

"Luke."

"No, that's what I always thought, and then when that first baby comes you can't imagine loving anyone else more, until you find out about the second one."

"Dad always loved us all the same, Luke. I just happened to have more in common with him for a certain period of our lives."

"Yeah, my formative years!"

Kevin sobered. "Was it really that bad?"

"I don't know. Maybe. I felt left out a lot."

Kevin looked down. "What goes around…"

Luke snapped his head up to look directly into Kevin's face. "That's not what I mean. I didn't mean that."

"Even if you didn't, it's true though. You two are close now, and I can't always be a part of what you're doing."

"That's going to change, Kevin. I promise you that it will."

Kevin toyed with a button on his shirt before he answered Luke. "I'll go through with the procedure, Luke. I made myself available to your research a long time ago, and I won't go back on that commitment, but if it doesn't work, that's ok."

"It will work. I know it will."

"But if it doesn't, and I have to be prepared for that, I still have a very good life. I still have a beautiful wife and son and a career that I love. I want to get out of bed when I wake up in the morning. Do you know how long it took for me to actually feel that way about myself? Years and years. I can't put all my hopes into this and be disappointed again. I can't do that again. I want to believe your treatment will work Luke. You're the most intelligent and dedicated person that I've ever met in my entire life, but I cannot go into this thing thinking that it's a definite cure."

"That's fine with me, Kevin. But we'll be fly fishing before you know it."

"I hope you're right. Luke, thanks again for everything. I have to get back to Beth. I know she's probably asleep, but I just want to be near her, you know?"

"I do know. I'm going home to my wife, too. She called me earlier and said to let us know if you all need anything at all, ok?"

"Yeah, definitely. Goodnight."

"Goodnight, Kev."


	36. Chapter 36

Chapter 36

Kevin didn't go straight back to Beth and Liam's room. He wandered around the hospital for a while, his head swimming with information, possibilities and uncertainty. In front of the nursery, he stopped. He remembered what God had said about babies having a calming effect on people. As the nurses scurried around with a newly-born baby, he smiled at how the arrival of that baby changes everything for everyone involved. Every free moment he now stole to spend with his son. He told Luke that he was happy with his life, and he knew that the arrival of that little boy had been much of the reason. Suddenly, he realized how very tired he was, not only physically but emotionally, and decided to make his way back to the room.

He opened the door quietly and was surprised to see Beth awake feeding the baby a bottle. He closed the door and came closer to her.

"Hi. I can do that. You can go back to sleep."

"No, it's fine. I just wanted him close to me. I was a little worried about you, though. You've been gone for hours."

"I wanted to let you rest."

"Is Luke ok?"

Kevin smiled. "Yeah, he's fine."

"He seemed nervous."

"You're pretty perceptive for someone still hopped up on narcotics."

"Maybe I'm just paranoid."

"You look really tired, hun. Let me take him. I don't want you to hurt yourself."

"The nurse said it would be fine for me to feed him. But you may finish if you like. I am a little tired." He took the baby from her arms, and she smiled at him as she closed her eyes. "You don't look so hot yourself," she said as she settled back on the pillow.

He held both Liam and the bottle in his left hand while he took Beth's in his right. Before she could fall completely asleep, the nurse returned to check on them. She gave Beth another dose of Morphine and checked the baby's vital signs before leaving. Beth turned her head toward Kevin as she felt herself starting to fall under.

"You never told me how wonderful this feels," she smiled sleepily.

"I didn't know you were interested, besides, I'm allergic."

"Whatever they gave you must have been pretty good, though."

"We sound like a bunch of addicts, Beth."

"Oh, well, don't tell anyone."

Before he could answer her, she was asleep. Liam finished his bottle and lay in his father's arms, looking up at him intently. Kevin didn't want to put him back in the bed just yet. Instead, he started to talk to him.

"Hi bud. How are you feeling? You and Mommy scared me half to death today. Did you know that? I was so worried about you two. You're going to have to keep Mommy out of trouble while I'm working. She told me what a good boy you were, how you didn't even cry." He stopped and sighed before going on. "Did you know that I was in a car accident once, too? Mommy and I had a fight and I was drunk. I got in a car with my friend, who had also been drinking, and we crashed into a tree. I was hurt really bad and your grandma and grandpa were afraid that I might die. When I woke up a couple of days later, they told me how bad it had been and how badly I had been hurt. The doctor said that I wouldn't ever walk again. So that was that. I worked really hard in therapy and did all the things that I was supposed to do, but there was no way to fix what had been broken, not the bones, but the nerves. That's just the way it is. I spent a lot of years dealing with that, realizing that I'd have to be a different person. Everything changed, so eventually I had to change with it. It was the hardest thing I'd ever imagined I'd have to do, accepting what had happened and moving on with my life. Eventually, Mommy and I decided to get married and then you came along. Things were really going well. But today, I wasn't sure what to do. There was no way that I could protect you or your mom, there's no way that I could have. It's so scary." Kevin's words caught in his throat, but he continued. "And then just now, Uncle Luke told me something that could change everything again. He said he found a way to make me all better. But is that really better? I finally know who I am and now it's all up in the air again. I told Uncle Luke that I would do it, but I don't know if that's what I want. Everything to change, I mean. What if it doesn't work the way Luke says it will? This shouldn't be a difficult decision, I mean, who wouldn't want the chance to walk again, and I do. I'm just afraid. So there you have it, Liam. You're daddy is afraid almost all the time, but you won't tell on me, will you?"

The baby blinked back at him and kicked his feet as Kevin tickled his stomach.

"No? It'll be our little secret, then. Tell you what, whenever you need to, you can tell me anything, ok? I may not know how to fix it, but I'll find out what we need to do. I'll do anything in my power to make sure that you are safe and happy. I just don't want you to make the mistakes that I did." Kevin laughed. "Now I sound like Grandpa Girardi, but I guess there are worse things than that."

Kevin lifted the baby to his shoulder and kissed him on the top of the head. He placed Liam back in his bed before going into the bathroom. He ran his hand through his hair, which really did show signs of graying under this light. Beth was right, though. He looked horrible. Dark circles were ringing his eyes and he was very pale. He used the bathroom and brushed his teeth before settling into the recliner beside Beth's bed. The fatigue hit him again as he lay back. Beth would be out for hours, and Liam was developing into a very good sleeper. He estimated that if he was able to fall asleep, he'd be able to rest until morning. Before he knew it, light was streaming in through the window and Beth was whispering his name.

"Kevin, would you please wake up?" He turned to face her. "Liam is crying and I called for the nurse, but can you go get him and see what's wrong. He's probably hungry again, and I'm sure he needs to be changed."

Kevin rubbed his eyes and nodded at her. By this time, he was aware of his son's cries. Amazed that he hadn't heard them before, he situated himself to go retrieve his son. He lowered the railing and checked Liam's diaper before picking him up.

"Do they need to record when he goes to the bathroom?"

"I'm not sure, why?"

"Well, I mean, that's something that they sometimes do, so I don't want to change him if they need to mark it on the chart. I had to do that."

"Oh. Maybe you should check with the nurse."

"Yeah, ok." Kevin yawned. He replaced the bed rail and went into the hall to find the nurses' station. Since they were on the pediatric floor, the walls were colorfully painted with characters and scenes. The bright purple right outside the door made him squint. It really was time to be awake, but he felt like he needed more sleep. After minimal exploring, he found the nurses' station at the end of the hallway. Two nurses were standing there and one turned when she heard him approach.

"Can I help you?"

"Yes, actually. My son and wife are patients on this floor, and he's awake and needs to be changed. I just wanted to make sure that it's ok for me to go ahead and do that, or do you need to keep record or anything."

The nurse smiled. "Let me check his chart to make sure. It's Liam, right?"

"Yes."

She flipped open the chart to check the doctor's orders. "Um, no, nothing written here about needing to do that. Thanks for asking, though. How's everybody doing?"

Kevin rubbed his eyes again. "Well, Beth woke me because he was crying. I didn't ever really get up with him in the night because she breast fed him until recently, so I am feeling kind of bad about not hearing him. I guess they're both doing as well as can be expected. I'm worried about Beth, though. She'll try to do to much too soon."

The second nurse joined the conversation. "You'll just have to take care of things so that she doesn't feel the need to get out of bed for a while, at least."

"I know. She's a very impatient patient, though."

"Dr. Joshua is planning to release your son today, but I think we're going to keep Beth for a few more days, until Monday, I believe."

"That's what the surgeon said earlier." He turned to go. "Thanks for your help, but I'd better get back soon."

"We'll bring some cereal and a bottle in just a little while, ok?"

"Thanks, that would be great. I'm sure he's hungry."

Kevin returned and changed the diaper before Liam's breakfast was brought in. Beth was given some jell-O after the surgeons finished rounds, but she really wasn't hungry. She did manage to drink some water, though. A few hours later, Dr. Joshua came in with her resident to examine Liam once again to process his discharge. When she was finished, she smiled and handed him back to Kevin.

"Mr. Girardi, you have a very healthy little boy here. I don't have in problem with letting him go home today."

"That sounds like a wonderful idea. Thanks so much for everything."

"That's not a problem at all. We're happy to see him ready to go. We like it when kids are well."

"So do we."

"You all take care," she concluded as she left the room.

It took about half an hour for the discharge to be processed, so in the meantime, Kevin called his parents. Will informed Kevin that his vehicle had been delivered to the hospital the night before and Joan had offered to stay with Beth until Liam was settled into the Girardi house in Arcadia. Kevin thanked them and waited for Joan to arrive while he packed Liam's things.

When Joan came into the room she was carrying an overnight bag filled with Beth's things. Beth smiled as she sat up in the bed. The nurses had arrived to have her walk down the hallway and back. She was waiting to follow Kevin and Liam to the elevator. Joan followed the odd processional down the hall and watched as Beth kissed her husband and son goodbye. She winced as she bent over and stood back up. Kevin grabbed her hand. She waved him off and told him to get some rest, that she and Joan would be fine.

He reluctantly left her behind and took his son into the elevator. He carefully strapped Liam into the car seat and placed the diaper bag on the seat. Kevin transferred into the driver's seat and backed out of the space. Cautiously, he maneuvered through the snow that had fallen throughout the night. Fortunately, the roads had been cleared and they had an uneventful trip to his parents' house. Will and Helen were waiting on the porch for them to arrive. Helen unbuckled the baby and handed him to Will as she waited for Kevin to get out of the car. Once he had, she took his hand and he pulled her onto his lap. She wrapped her arms around his neck and smoothed his hair.

"Come in and get cleaned up. We'll take care of the baby while you get some rest. You look absolutely exhausted." She kissed the top of his head and stood. All he could do was nod and follow her.

Three hours later, he awoke refreshed and revived. He looked around his old room and thought again about Luke's news. It made his head hurt to think about all of the possible scenarios. Instead, he got out of bed and went to find his son. Helen was feeding Liam when he found them in the kitchen. Helen jumped up and asked if he wanted anything. It was only then that he realized that he hadn't eaten since lunchtime the day before. She placed a sandwich in front of him before he could answer. As he ate it silently, his dad slipped into the seat beside of him and clapped him on the shoulder.

"How's Beth?"

Kevin bit his lip and started to nod. "Her doctor said that she's doing well."

"But," Will prodded, noting Kevin's tone.

"I don't know if I can do everything without her. I mean, with the baby and the house and everything. Actually, I'm less afraid that I can't do it than I am that she'll worry about me doing it and won't take time to get well."

"She does like to keep an eye on you," Will smiled.

"I'm gonna go back now, I think. Can I leave Liam here with you for a while?"

Helen took the baby out of the high chair. "Of course, sweetheart. We were expecting to keep him for a couple of days at least, but he can stay as long as it takes for Beth to get settled."

"Thank you, Mom and Dad. I really appreciate this."

Helen hugged Kevin again. "We're your parents, Liam's grandparents, this kind of stuff is what we live for these days."

Kevin smiled. "I'll call you and let you know what's going on." He turned to go but his mother called after him.

"Someone needs to call Rebecca. She left a message last night on our machine. I didn't call her back because I wanted to check with you first."

"Ok, I'll call her later."

Kevin spent most of the next two days in Beth's room. She was making very good progress, and her doctors were pleased with her recovery. On Monday morning, Dr. Guyton declared that she could be discharged. He began with a list of things he didn't want her to do until she came back to see him in a little over a week. She told him that her sister-in-law had volunteered to stay with them for as long as was necessary to help take care of things. He shook her hand, as well as Kevin's before turning to leave the room.

"Oh, Beth, one more thing. Going up stairs..."

"Won't be a problem," Kevin interrupted.

Dr. Guyton smiled sheepishly. "I guess not. You two be safe, and I'll see you, Beth, at your appointment."

Kevin helped Beth into the car and found himself stealing glances at her as they drove back to their house. When the arrived, he made her sit on his lap as they went up the porch stairs, but he allowed her to ride the lift to the bedroom by herself. Joan and Liam were waiting in the nursery. Beth carefully walked down the hall and into the room. Tears welled in her eyes when she saw her son.

"Oh, baby. I've missed you. Come here and let me hold you a little."

"Beth, are you sure?"

She took him and sat in the rocker. "Yes, Joan. I'm very sure that I'm going to hold my son."

Kevin joined them. He took his place beside Beth and she laid her head on his shoulder. He wrapped his arm around her and stroked her hair. Joan took her cue to slip out the door to start preparing dinner for Kevin's family. Kevin felt Beth's face slide into a smile.

"Why are you so happy?"

"I'm here with you and Liam. We're all safe and relatively healthy."

"That sounds a little pathetic."

"What aren't you telling me, Kev?"

"Wwwhat?" he stammered. "I'm telling you everything."

"Kevin, I know you better than that. At first I thought you were just worried about me and about taking care of everything, but I'm fine and Joan's here until I'm up and around, but you're still not acting normally."

Lying to her crossed his mind, but he decided to tell her everything that Luke had said. He sighed and told her the entire story as he watched her eyes grow larger all the time.

"Kevin! That's amazing news," she proclaimed when he was done. "Luke actually did it? He solved the problem?"

"He seems to think that he's found something really wonderful and special."

"Why am I way more excited about this than you?"

"What if he's wrong?"

Beth scowled at him. "When has Luke ever been wrong about anything?"

"I just don't know if it's the best thing for me to do right now. I mean, you can't deal with that stress now."

"Kevin, you don't want to do it?" she asked quietly. "Why not?"

"Beth, I'm finally, I don't know, myself. I don't like who I was back then. I hurt you and a lot of other people in the process."

"Kevin, you were 17. Now, you're 28. You're an adult, you've matured, and you have a completely different outlook on life. It's irrational to tie that with the accident. If you remember correctly, you were still pretty terrible afterwards, too."

"I guess so."

"Are you worried about the procedure? Luke said that it wouldn't be invasive. You're still on a pretty rigorous therapy schedule, and now he's giving you a chance to get something out of it. Let's face it Kevin, you're not going to regain any more sensation or movement on your own, and that's fine with me if it's fine with you. However, I don't think that it fine with you."

He shrugged his shoulders. "I don't know."

"You're freaked out right now for some reason. Totally understandable, but you've been waiting for this chance for years. The entire medical community has been, too. Luke came to you because you're the reason he's doing this. He wants you to benefit from his research. That's pretty great of him."

"I know."

"I'm not going to tell you what to do. This is your decision. It's your body. I think you're perfect right now, and I will love you and stand by you no matter what you choose."

"It means so much to hear you say that."

"I just want you to be happy," she finished and then looked down. "Liam's asleep, and I almost am, too."

"Here, I'll put him in his bed, and then I'll give you a ride to the bedroom."

"That sounds wonderful," she yawned.

He placed the baby in the bassinet and Beth sat in his lap. He took her into the bedroom and she climbed into bed. He decided to join her. Joan found them some time later, intertwined in each other's arms.

On the afternoon of Christmas day, the entire Girardi family gathered in Helen and Will's living room. Luke had been dying to talk with Kevin but had felt it best to stay away while he made his decision. But he was getting anxious to hear what Kevin had chosen. Luke hoped that they would get a chance to discuss things later, but first he was looking forward to time with the family.

Hadassah was enamored by Liam, who was rolling all around on his blanket on the floor. She took a break from removing all the tree's ornaments and handing them to her parents, aunts, uncles and grandparents to squat beside him, point and say "Baby?" Beth snuggled close to Kevin on the couch while Grace was leaning back against Luke who was lying back against the armchair. Joan busied herself by playing with the babies, and Helen and Luke watched from matching rockers, the second of which was a present from their children and grandchildren.

As they were gathering up wrapping paper and getting ready for lunch, Luke could wait no longer. He asked Kevin to help him take the trash bags out to the curb. Beth squeezed Kevin's shoulder and watched as Luke walked out the door. Kevin grabbed a bag and followed him. Luke was halfway across the lawn by the time Kevin hit the porch.

"Hey, Luke, if you're going to drag me out into the cold, the least you can do is to wait for me."

Luke placed his bag in the large plastic can and held out his arms for Kevin to throw his. Kevin gave it a toss and made his way onto the lawn as Luke disposed of the other bag.

"Sorry. I'm just a little edgy."

"I know, I should have talked to you sooner. But even with Joan helping out, I've been really busy. I was trying to clear up my projects at work so that if I need to take off some time, I'll be able to do it with very little difficulty."

"You're going to have the procedure?"

"You knew I had second thoughts?"

"I knew that you were a little freaked out."

"I got a chance to talk to Beth, and she said that whatever I decided she would stand beside."

"But she wants you to do it?"

"I really don't think that it matters to her as long as I'm satisfied with my choice, but she knew that I'd never be satisfied unless I give it the best shot that I can."

"We'll take good care of you, Kev."

"I know that you will, Luke."

"Do you mind if I tell everyone? I've been ready to burst, but I wanted you to be a part of the news, too."

"Knock yourself out."

"It's cold out here, let's go in."

The two brothers entered the house to find their wives putting babies in high chairs. Kevin came up behind Beth and took her hand. She turned and he patted his legs for her to take a seat.

"I almost grabbed you from behind."

"You do that and I'll break your ribs."

"Hey, mine have been broken before, twice."

"Well, the first time was your own dumbness. Your dad told you to wear a flak jacket if you were going to be throwing the ball. Come to think of it, so was the second time."

"Traveling 100 ft through the air wasn't one of my better moments, but enough about me. Take a seat, darling. I'll feed the baby."

"He's rather fussy. I think that he'll fall asleep soon."

"Ok, well, get your plate. We'll be fine."

Beth kissed him before taking her seat at the table. Once the rest of the family took their seats Luke got everyone's attention. Beth saw Grace squeeze his hand before he started speaking. Over the next ten minutes, he explained to the family what he had already told Kevin. By the time he was done, Helen's face was streaked with tears and Will was barely holding his back. Luke was almost floating but Kevin kept his eyes low and continued feeding Liam. Finally, Joan broke the silence that had ensued when Luke stopped talking.

"Guys, that's great! I think I speak for our parents, who are clearly unable to do so for themselves, when I say that we are extremely excited for both of you."

Helen composed herself and seconded Joan's sentiments. Will stood from his seat and crossed the room. He hugged his sons, first Luke and then Kevin. The entire family erupted in conversation and laughter until the doorbell interrupted them. They all looked around questioningly at each other. No one was expecting a visitor. Joan left her seat to answer the door.

"Hi Joan." they all heard the visitor say, but they couldn't see who it was. After a little more indistinct conversation, they heard the door close and Joan reentered the dining room, a tall blonde man roughly her age followed. She smiled as she met her family's stares.

"Um, everybody, this is Paul Quinn. He's the guidance counselor at Arcadia High, and we've consulted on a few cases. He mentioned last week that his family is in Wyoming and he didn't have any plans today. I invited him to join us. He said that he didn't want to impose and made some other plans, but those fell through. He was hoping that it wasn't too late to take me up on my offer. I told him that we had plenty to eat."

Kevin, who had the now sleeping baby in his arms, introduced himself before taking Liam into the other room. Helen grabbed another plate while Will found another chair. The family scooted around to make a place for Paul. Introductions were completed as Kevin returned to the room. Beth got up to make him a plate. He grabbed her hand and shook his head.

"Keep your seat, Beth. I'll take care of it."

He followed Joan and Paul into the kitchen where the food was spread out on the table and counter, his plate situated in his lap. Joan left him to fend for himself, and Paul finished filling his plate and looked around the kitchen.

"Can I help you find something?" Kevin asked.

"Ah, yeah, I wanted to get something to drink, but I don't want to go rummaging through your mom's cupboards."

"Sure, actually I need one, too. What do you want?"

"Soda, water, anything," he answered as Kevin found two cups and opened the refrigerator. "How about you handle the drinks and I'll get these." He motioned to the plates.

"Sounds good. I'll be there in a minute." Kevin filled the glasses with ice and grabbed two cans from the fridge. He joined the rest of the family and Paul in the dining room. He laughed to see that Hadassah had already begun "checking out" the stranger. As he took his place beside Beth, he saw that Paul had deposited the plate there. He handed Paul his drink and glass and the two men began eating. Grace tried to extract Hadassah from Paul's lap, but he stopped her.

"She's not bothering me. I have four nieces from 6 months to 6 years. I'm used to it by now," he smiled. Grace shrugged and sat back down.

"Ok."

After dinner the women retreated to the living room while the men cleaned up the kitchen. Luke explained to Paul that it was a new family tradition that his mother had implemented. Whoever made the dinner no longer has to clean it up. Paul agreed that he liked the idea but suggested that the next time the guys do the cooking so that they could catch the game. As he grabbed a dish towel from the drawer, Kevin said that he was in agreement with Paul. The men made short work of cleaning and were soon able to join the girls who were watching "It's A Wonderful Life" on TV. Kevin, Luke and Paul all exchanged pained looks. Paul produced a small package from his coat and handed it to Joan.

"It's really nothing much, but I knew you really liked this but didn't have it, and now that I see what you've chosen to watch this afternoon, I have to insist that you open this."

Joan took the package and pulled back the paper. It was a copy of the movie "Zoolander."

Kevin suggested that they put it straight into use. Lukenodded his head in agreement, too. Helen and Beth shrugged and made room for the rest of them to sit. Joan loaded the movie and the family sat down to watch. Hadassah fell asleep on the floor between Paul and Joan about half way through. Grace got up to take her into the other room with Liam, but Joan stopped her.

"She's fine, Grace. Really." Grace mumbled something about her child no longer wanting to spend time with her and not expecting that for at least 12 more years. Joan turned back at her and smiled.

"What Girardi?"she accused, using her old nickname for Joan.

"Wow, Grace is going old school on us. Look out for the leather jacket!" Joan barely got the statement out of her mouth before a pillow hit her on the side of the head. Grace gave her a wicked, raised eyebrow smirk.

Paul stayed for the end of the movie and then stood to leave. He shook hands with everyone and said goodbye before Joan walked him out. As soon as the door closed the raised eyebrows and excited whispers began.

"Well, I really like him," Kevin said amid the questions and uncertainty of his family. "Joan could do, and has done, a lot worse."

This time Grace threw a pillow at him.

"What did I say?"

"Rove is still our friend."

"I'm not specifically talking about Adam. Remember that guy who stole dad's badge?"

Luke laughed out loud. "Kevin, that's asinine." Kevin just shrugged and they all turned as Joan came back in the room. They all turned to Grace to begin the questioning. It seemed most natural since she was, after all, Joan's best friend.

"Ok, Joan, what's the deal?"

"There really isn't any deal. He's nice and cute and I like him, but he knows about the whole Adam situation."

"There is no Adam situation anymore, is there?" Kevin asked. This time, pillows came from all angles. "No, seriously, I thought that we were all moving on from our Adam Rove infatuation."

"We are," Joan confirmed. "But that doesn't mean that I'm ready for anything new."

"Well I like him. He fits in well," Kevin shot back.

"I'm glad that you approve." Joan kissed him on the top of the head. "Hey, it's getting dark. Are we going to look at the lights?" she asked.

"You should have asked Paul to stay. He would have been fun on the lights tour," Kevin continued.

"Good Lord, Kevin. Do you want to date him?" Beth asked.

"I just think we could be friends, that's all. That would have never happened between Adam and me. He seems like the type of guy that Joan could have a lot of fun with."

"Or that you could have a lot of fun with?" Beth inquired.

"Both of us."

Joan laughed out loud. "Kevin, I'm not sure that I'm up to sharing a boyfriend with my brother. Ok, that sounded really weird, but you know what I mean."

"Whatever, Joan. Get your stuff together. I'll be in the car."

She came over and wrapped her arms around his neck from behind. "I'm sorry Kev. I didn't mean to hurt your feelings. Your opinion means a lot to me. I do like Paul, and I'm glad to know that you do, too." He decided not to be angry with her or any of them.

Luke spoke up at this point. "Well, I for one, am glad that Paul isn't going with us because if he did, we'd have to break out that hideous station wagon." This made them all laugh.

"Don't worry about that Luke. It doesn't even run anymore. Dad's been bugging me to get rid of it, but it has so much sentimental value," Kevin explained through his smile.

Beth stood from the couch. "I'm going to check on Liam before we go. Grace, I'll look in on Hadassah, too."

"Thanks, she should be out for a little while." She turned to Luke. "She'll be up all night, you know."

"I'll stay up with her."

"Ok, you all heard that."

They assured Grace that they were all witnesses to Luke's promise. Helen and Will wished them a good trip and the kids made their way to Kevin's car. Luke unbuckled the baby seat and put it in the trunk. Grace took the middle between Luke and Joan as Beth slid into the front seat beside Kevin. They drove through the neighborhood and then throughout the town looking at the Christmas light displays. They hadn't really been talking so Joan broke the silence.

"What do you really think about me seeing him? He said that he won't ask me out until I'm sure that I'm ready."

Beth turned in her seat. "So he's waiting for you to be ready to date him?"

"That's the thing. I don't know. It seems like it. He just makes me feel really good about myself and Kevin's right. I do have so much fun with him."

Kevin caught Grace's scowl in the rearview mirror. "So how long have you been seeing him?"she asked.

"No, I just mean when we work together. Today is the first time that we've ever done anything outside of work."

"It better be."

"Grace, I didn't plan for this to happen, but Adam and I hadn't been happy for a long time. We were just at the point where we needed to get married or break up. We tried to get married, but it was pretty obvious that we should break up."

"I know. Is he ok?"

"I really think that he is. He took that job that I know he's been lusting over forever. He just needed a new start, and so do I."

"We've all been friends for longer than I can remember. It's just weird to not have him around."

"I know, Grace. I miss him too, but I don't love him enough."

"I'm aware of it, Joan, and I'm glad that you figured it out, too."

"Are you all even looking at these lights?" Kevin asked.

Beth slapped his arm. "Since when has this trip actually been about looking at lights?" She turned the other way in her seat. "Luke, you've been pretty quiet back there. Saving up words for your Nobel acceptance speech?"

She could hear him smile. "I actually don't have anything to say."

Kevin stopped the car in the middle of the street. "Someone check to see if he has a fever. Quick, he may be dying!" Beth slapped his arm again. "Ow!"

"Stop being so stupid. It's Luke's big day. If he doesn't have anything to say, then that's up to him."

"Thanks, Beth."

"No problem Luke."

Kevin looped the car around the block and stopped back in front of the Girardi home. They piled out of the car and went into the house to get ready for bed, but Kevin lingered out in the cold. It was an incredibly clear night and millions of stars were visible. After he'd been on the porch for a few minutes, just taking in the night, he heard the door open behind him. He turned to see his mother behind him.

"I was wondering where you got to," she said as she handed him a thermos of hot chocolate. "How was the lights trip?"

"Pretty common, I guess."

She sat in the chair beside him. "How was your Christmas?"

He smiled. "Possibly the best ever."

"I thought you might say that. A lot happened in the past two weeks, though. You ok with everything?"

"Beth is doing really well. Her last check up was good. Liam is right on track for his age. Work is great, and then Luke's news."

"Yeah, I know all that. That's not what I'm asking."

"I'm fine mom. Beth is wonderful to me. I can't believe that we almost missed out on being together. She knew that I was worried about the surgery. She basically told me that she loves me just the way I am and as long as I do what I feel is the right thing, she'll be right there."

"I'm so happy for you, Kevin. This is all a mother wants for her children."

"Thank you."

"For what, honey?"

"Everything, mom. I never would have gotten here without you. I probably would have never left my room." Kevin paused. "Do you think I should do this?"

Helen didn't speak right away. "Kevin, since the moment that doctor sat us down in his office, I vowed that I would do anything in my power to make your life as normal and easy as possible. I would have climbed Mt. Everest to give you this chance. But now, it's not my decision. I think it's a wonderful opportunity but only if you want to take it."

"I do want to take it, but..."

"But it's scary. When people look at you they have their own ideas and expectations and more often than not, you get to exceed them because most people are clueless. You're afraid that if that changes, you'll let people down."

"Yeah."

"The only expectations you have to meet are your own, Kevin."

"Sometimes I'm not so sure of that, Mom."

"It's not going to be easy, Kevin. Nothing worth having is ever easy. You know that."

"I just hoped that for once it would be. Sometimes I just need a break from all of it."

"Oh, Kevin. We don't often get breaks."

"But you pray or meditate or something, right? Does that help you see things more clearly?"

"Yes. I think that prayer does help me see things more clearly. Are you interested in that?"

"Yeah, I think I am. Do you think that Father Mallory would have time to meet with me?"

Helen nodded her head. "I'm sure that he would. I'll give you his number before you leave." She examined his face closely. "Kevin, the last time we touched on this subject you weren't very open. Can I ask you what's changed?"

"Some things have happened. My perspectives have changed over the last year."

"That does happen, especially when kids come along."

Kevin smiled at the mention of his son. "I want to be able to do things with him, you know, regular dad things."

"I know. You will, even if for some reason this doesn't work out the way you've planned, you'll figure it out."

"Mom, I love you. I probably don't say that enough, but I do."

"I love you too, honey." She stood and hugged him. "But I'm cold now, and I'm going inside. Will you be much longer?"

"No. I'll be in. Just a little while longer."

"Ok, but don't be too long. I don't want you to freeze."

"Ok."

Kevin sat on the porch for a little while longer before he came into the house. He heard Luke and Hadassah playing in the den. He smiled as he popped his head in the door.

"Hey, Kev. You headed up?"

"Yeah, I think Beth and Liam are waiting for me."

"I'm going to try to wear this one out." He pointed to Hadassah.

"Good luck."

"Thanks. Merry Christmas."

"You too."

Kevin rode the lift up the stairs to the bedroom. Beth and Liam were both waiting for him in the bed. He grabbed his overnight bag and headed for the bathroom. Beth begged him to hurry. He smiled. He did take his time, though, but found himself back in the room within a short time. Beth's hair was flowing around her shoulders. He hadn't noticed how much it had grown since she had cut it during the summer. She smiled as he got into bed with her. Liam way lying between them, but she still moved close to him.

"Do you know how much I love you, Kevin?"

"Yes."

"I don't think you do," she said. "I don't know if I can ever express to you how important you are to me. I don't ever want to be anywhere but beside you."

Kevin wiped a tear from his eye. "Beth, I'm not ever going anywhere. You know that I had days when I wasn't sure if it was worth it to try to have a life, to even imagine a future, but now with you, I honestly believe that I can do anything. I can't ever repay you for that."

"Kevin, you do every day. When you look at me the way you are right now, when you touch my face or kiss my lips, you give me all the thanks I could ever want. And this little guy here. You gave me him, too. We are so lucky."

"I think it's more than that."

"Oh, like what?"

"I think that we're blessed."

Beth smiled as she placed Liam in his bassinet and then her head onKevin's chest. "I think you're absolutely right about that."

End :-)

* * *

Final Author's Note: 

Thank you all so much for your encouraging reviews. Contrary to what I believed when I began writing this story, more than 18 months ago (I had 11 chapters written before I ever posted), they came to mean so much to me. While I did have a specific direction in which I knew this story would always go, I did read each one of them and took the suggestions into consideration.

In my mind, there will never be another girl for Kevin, nor another man for Beth. Their dynamic was so strong, and I feel like a slightly more mature Beth would have made a different decision on the show regarding their relationship. I read other pairings, but I don't like them. Also, there is absolutely no doubt in my mind that a sober Kevin would have NEVER gotten in that car. The only time a person of Kevin's character would have gotten into a car with someone who had been drinking or who was drunk would be if he himself were too impaired to know or care. I strongly stand by this. Peer pressure is tough, but it's not that tough, and Kevin absolutely knew better. It's not meant to be an "out" it's just they way that I feel the story most accurately represents teenagers.

Concerning the plot line of the last three or four chapters, I knew all along that Kevin needed some answers. Who else could provide them other than God him/herself? I do believe that he wanted to believe in God, but faith was not his strong point. Considering him the "Doubting Thomas" of this story. Earlier, I tried to factor Will into that a little, but the point was that Kevin had to come to a place, as we all do, where we make our own decisions about our own faith and beliefs. It wouldn't be possible for him to simply adopt the beliefs of his mother, his father, Beth or Joan.

Some people may think that my portrait of Grace is somewhat out of character. There are two reasons for that. First, she's extremely hard for me to write. Secondly, I thought it was important for her to really grow up in this story. In my opinion, her relationship and subsequent marriage to Luke added tremendous stability to her life, so did her daughter. I love the stories about Luke and Grace as adults where they are very much like they were as teenagers, but this worked for my purposes, I think.

Of course, the sibling relationships are pivotal. Joan and Kevin's relationship was a little more difficult for me to write because, as I have stated before, I don't have a brother. It's really difficult for me to feel that this dynamic is truly authentic, but I tried. I think writing Luke and Kevin's relationship was a little bit easier. Also, I knew all along that the premise of this story was going to be an entire revitalization of their roles.

Finally, many of you commented on Luke's "discovery" of a treatment plan for Kevin's paralysis. I must first say that as a biochemist with an emphasis in molecular biology, I honestly believe that we are so very close to a treatment, if not a cure for many neurological diseases. In keeping with what Barbara Hall said in regard to Kevin walking, nothing that I mentioned in this story is a viable technology that would be a possible treatment. Two of my undergrad professors have their research interests in the physics of neuron regeneration and membrane receptors, and I borrowed heavily from their research with a healthy dose of molecular biology. None of it is real. While two types of neural cells do exist, impulse carrying neurons and structurally supportive glial cells, they can't switch back and forth between types. It's been suggested that when neurons are damaged, they can be induced to "regenerate" themselves as glials, but that doesn't help too much with conduction of nerve impulses and muscular stimulation. It's the conversion in the other direction that is described here. Stem cell research is absolutely the key. Unfortunately, due to some overly conservative legislation set forth by the Bush administrations, the United States is falling behind world leaders in this field such as Great Britain, Singapore, China and the Koreas. The issue remains a controversial one, but many Americans are simply uninformed and afraid of what they don't understand. I would urge all of you to research the topic of stem cells and write your congressmen to voice your opinion in the matter, no matter which opinion that is. They will listen and they want to hear from you. Thanks so much for reading. There may be more to come in the future, but for now, you can decide for yourself how this story ends.

Keep writing!

BP


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